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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Quackers - are you there ?

59 replies

Tillysmummy · 04/08/2003 16:43

Quackers, TM here, so sorry haven't been on for a while. I felt so sad reading your post. How are you doing today ? I too have had some brown blood spotting and some tissue type discharge. Have a scan on Thursday booked. So nervous too. You poor thing. When is your next scan? What did the consultant say ?
Such a big hug to you xxxxxxx and lots of love.

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Tillysmummy · 15/08/2003 13:45

Quackers I miss our chats too. I am glad you're back now though.
Good news that dh just emailed you, I hope you can talk it out tonight. I know men are crap at these things as many of you have said but I always find it helps to tell dh how im feeling anyway and if he hasn't got a positive contribution I just tell him to shup up and listen so at least I can get it off my chest and share my thoughts, fears and tears with him.
It must be v hard to still have all the hormones whizzing around Quackers. Big hug to you xxxx And big glass of Sauvignon Blanc, or Chardonnay or whatever is your fav. x

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quackers · 15/08/2003 14:04

Thanks TM, you're lovely. Yes I agree I usually just tell him anyway! I will be having an 'unusually' large glass, oh I mean bottle of rose tonight. He just mailed me and said we'll just chill in the garden tonight. It does really knock your relationship and I want to preserve that first and foremost, a baby can come later if we are ready. I have to think of my little DD, who is asking me what's happened all the time, because she catches me crying. ( I try very hard not to let her see, but it's uimpossible). We've got to go shopping for her birthday! She'll be 3 in a couple of weeks - gosh doesn't it fly!!!! TM how are you keeping though, still feel icky?

Tillysmummy · 15/08/2003 16:37

Hi Quackers

Yes still feeling very sick. Some days more than others. Today is a bad day.
Glad you are going to have a nice night in and some quality time and wine (!) tonight. You are right you need to work at keeping your relationship good always.
Are you doing something nice for dd's birthday ?
It must very hard when your dd asks you things about the baby. Maybe you can tell her that the baby had to go and join all the good babies in a special place ? Or something like that ?

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jodee · 16/08/2003 20:48

Quackers - been away and catching up - was so very sorry to read your news. Take care of yourself. xxx

sibble · 17/08/2003 01:29

Quackers, DH was useless as well, not talking about it and brushing it under the carpet really quickly. I also found it's hard to get back to where you were before the m/c happened. It has certainly taken us some time. I hope you managed to talk over some wine the other night. The hardest thing for me too was DS asking where had the baby gone and seeing me crying all the time. I have no good suggestions about what to tell DD but I told DS that the baby was born too early and is now with Grandad Ernie and the angels. A word of warning though, I thought that would be the end of the matter but DS (3.5 years) now talks with great authority about his baby being with the angels which can throw some people who don't know what he is talking about.
Take care

Katherine · 18/08/2003 10:13

Oh Quackers I do feel for you. Because my two were alone with me when my last MC happened and had to go in the ambulance and everything they saw far more than I would have liked. However it was helpful in that I never had to try to decide what to tell them. When I started to bleed I told them the baby was poorly and we were going for a ride in an ambulance. Afterwards when they asked I just told them the baby had been very poorly and died. They both (3 & 4.5) seemed to find that easy to understand and they knew why mummy was sad and would cuddle me.

Children do take things in their stride though and this can make them a bit blunt. My SIL found it very uncomfortable when DS chatted calmly and openly about the baby dying but my feeling is that is a reflection of her own hang ups. He was coping with it which was the important thing.

I'm glad you are giving yourself time with your DH. Mine is hopeless on the support side and I often feel let down but I know he really does care - so sometimes you've just got to forgive them for it. Big hugs.

quackers · 18/08/2003 10:55

Thanks Sibble and Katherine. Any day now Katherine xxxxx Thinking of you! Yes he's not as supportive as last time and my mum was there this time so he stayed at work. Obviously he would have been there if I said, I need u, but there was nothing he could have done. WE had a lovely weekend though, just had a nice time, didn't really talk about it but that was ok. He;s not as cuddly as he was last time, but it's frustration I think. I did post a message earlier down katherine asking for your advice as you've had 2 m/c's. I was a while back but if u get chance b4 your new baby comes, I'd really appreciate your thoguhts!!! LOLXXX

Katherine · 18/08/2003 12:27

Quackers sorry I missed your other message - you have so many on here When I had my first mc I was devastated and just wanted to move on. We agreed to wait the 3 months we were advised but it felt so wrong using contraception when we wanted a baby and I discovered I was pg again before I had my next period. It was a shock but I felt lightening never strikes twice etc so was very happy. But about a week later I had a bleed followed by another at 7 weeks and they confirmed there was no baby again. I remember lying in that bed convinced I would never ever be a mum and blaming myself for not waiting as thats what all the Drs and nurses seemed to imply.

However being a researcher by training once I was out of hospital I began to look into the waiting period. I could actually find very little evidence that waiting helped. It seemed to be recommended more for the emotional recovery than anything physical. Nonetheless I wasn't prepared to take any risks so waited my full 3 months. Luckily for me I have no problem concieving (just staying pg) so month 4 I got the magic blue line. Pregnancy was never the same though - weeks of stress, nervousness and getting through the days one day at a time. But I made it and have a beautiful son to show for it, closely followed by a gorgeous daughter.

You know my more recent history when we went for no. 3. That was a really gruesome mc at 12 weeks with the complication of a clot afterwards. As before we were determined to wait and to be honest I still can't work out how this baby was concieved! But as you know I am about to pop and I never had a period after my last loss.

So although I blamed myself for not waiting the first time, it has made no difference phycially this time, although it has been a much tougher pg and I bled for the first 12 weeks which made it even worse.

I think it is good to give yourself time to heal emotionally but at the end of the day the next pg will be hard however long you wait. If you feel you can't wait then there is no reason to beleive this will lead to another mc. They told me it was just really bad luck that I had two together. At the time I wanted to scream that loosing a baby was far more than bad luck and convinced there was something wrong with me. But then I had two children so I guess not.

Pregnancy is a mystery to me still. Sometimes it has a happy ending - sometimes not. I just try to reassure myself that those babies I lost were lost for a reason - something was wrong and this was natures way of sparing them and me. I was convinced I would never be a mum - but I am and soon will be again. So hang on in there. Its a hard and painful road but there is no reason to beleive that you will have to go through this again. Nothing anyone says is really going to convince you of that though until you have your baby. You've just got to grit your teeth and take all the support you can. Hope this helps. All my love.

quackers · 18/08/2003 13:53

Oh Katherine, thankyou, that must have taken u ages to type - unless of course you can do 80 per minute! Thankyou for sharing all that with me and whoever else is going through this too. I'm really sorry for your losses and I'm SO happy that you finally have your reward imminently! I am much better than last week, funny how the support you get at home reflects your outlook at the time! We both, like you want another immediatley but I can;t handle another loss so will wait maybe the 3 months. My periods were so bad after the first. I didn't let them get back to normal. I would have extra bleeds and this has never happened before. However, my body actually feels better after this one as if the last of the first m/c has gone as there are no weird twinges!! Like you, I'm fortunate ( sofar)!! not to have any trouble conceiving, so am optimistic that one day I'll walk into that scan room and see that heartbeat and them tell me it's looking good! For now I have a little hol at cebter parcs to look forward to in 4 weeks and then a trip to Edinburgh for me and my DH in October, which coincidentally is about the time we could start tryig again !! Yeha!!
Katherine, all the very best of luck to you and your lovely family. Give it some welly and I hope u get the birth you want!!
Lots of love and hugs
Quacks xxxxx

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