Quackers - are you there ?

[Tillysmummy]

Quackers, TM here, so sorry haven't been on for a while. I felt so sad reading your post. How are you doing today ? I too have had some brown blood spotting and some tissue type discharge. Have a scan on Thursday booked. So nervous too. You poor thing. When is your next scan? What did the consultant say ?
Such a big hug to you xxxxxxx and lots of love.

Hi Quackers, hope you feeling better x
Scan was fine thanks. 8 weeks now and 2 days, not that im counting. Really ill this weekend.

Tillysmummy, glad to hear all was well - sorry you've not been feeling it though
How did it go on Friday, quackers?

Quackers? Hope you are ok.

Quackers just wanted to let you know I'm still thinking of you. I really hope that this loss is "straightforward" for you IYKWIM - its bad enough going thorugh such horrible things without it dragging on forever, epsecially when you just want to move forward. Thinking of you and sending you hugs.

Quackers, have also been following your threads and now wondering if you are OK. My thoughts are still with you and whenever you want to post again you know that everybody is here for you.

Thankyou so much all. I have not wanted to post. I'm just gutted. Katherine, I started writing to you yesterday and then logged off. I was reading your posts when I had my first miscarriage and you were so good and an inspiration and here you are just about to pop! I really need your help to reassure me. I am just stopping bleeding just a very light brown bit. One Doc says try again after 1 period, other say say 3-6 months because I've had 2 so close. My periods were abnormal after the first. Had spotting 2/3 days after my period, so maybe I shouldn't have tried again. I have convinced myself that I will m/c again and will have to go to St Mary's for tests etc.. My Doc is testing my hormones in my next cycle just to rule out anything there. The process of having a baby has gone from being a wonderful first experience to an absolute trauma. I want to try again soon but can't cope with another loss. I can;t believe I've had 2. The first should never have happened but the second - well, I'm really upset. Any words of encouragement would be so appreciated as I know my chances are getting less and less each time I lose one. Love to allxxxxx

Dear Quackers
I was at the hairdresser's recently, who as well as having 3 children has also had at least 2 or maybe 3 (I can't remember) miscarriages. I have heard of lots of instances of people having both children and miscarriages, so I absolutely do not think that the fact that you have had 2 miscarriages means that you will never have another child. Please allow yourself time to grieve and feel well after this last one. I wish you the best of luck.

Good to hear from you quackers. I kept tuning into this thread hoping to see a msg from you and like everyone on here was worried. After my m/c I was hell bent on trying again straight away but was told to wait a couple of months by one doctor. Seeing another doctor he told me to try as soon as I liked. I listened to the first and wished I hadn't as I found out that I wasn't ovulating anymore. It has taken me 3 years to get pregnant again and I had really given up all hope. It is my understanding that after a complete m/c your bits are all shiny & new (pardon expression) and you are therefore likely to get pg quite quick. Also don't be scared that time is running out as when I found out I was pg again this time, I nearly lost the canopy with shock. I hope this helps.

Sorry just wanted to add a bit more. You are right you will convince yourself that it will happen again. I would not let myself believe that I was having a healthy baby up to 18 weeks (time I m/c last time). Even now at 33, I am convinced something will go wrong. But a tiny part of me believes that one day I will have a baby and that keeps me going.

hi quackers, just in case u don't read the 'anyone trying to.....' thread for a while - I just wanted to say I was on hols and missed all your news and only found out today and I am sooooo sorry. Am thinking of u.

Quackers - I'm new here, i was sorry to read your story. I had a miscarriage after four years of trying for a baby - convinced myself it was never going to happen - but 14 months later I gave birth to twins - don't ever give up hope!

Thankyou for all your support! Wiltshire, thanks for your input, really appreciate it. What on earth happened with your ovulating? How did you overcome it? Sorry, but I just am frightened this will happen!!

I'm not surprised your scared - I've been thinking about you loads and I so want ot help in any way I can. OK first I think you need some success stories! My cousin had a lot of miscarriages, but now has a beautiful baby girl aged 3.5 months. A close friend had a successful first pregnancy but went on to suffer 5 mc before successfully having another little boy who is now 4.

After 3 mcs there are avenues out there that will help you to discover what is going wrong. As you know during this pregnancy I've had many bleeds and so there were many times when I thought it was all over and that this would be number 2 mc. My doctor was extremely blunt in telling me that 2 mc even on the trot was normal (although it didn't feel like it to me!). If I had lost this one then I wouldn't have waited for my gp to help me I would have gone directly to the support networks out there and started investigating what I could do/could be done. I always feel better when I'm doing something actively. There's a hospital in London that specialises (on the NHS) in helping women who have suffered many mcs to concieve. Do you want me to find out where it is? Would London be of any use to you? Other links that I can find are:

miscarriage association
baby world baby loss chat forum As with most things I always find it helps to talk to others also experiencing your pain at the moment.

The fear is awful I understand. Hope that I've helped.

Quackers, Right hope this isn't TMI. Years ago I had an ectopic pregnancy. Through this I contracted pelvic inflammatory disease (pid). This scarred up my tubes and I was told I would never conceive normally. I lost 1 tube. When I met DH, I had given up on idea of having kids and he didn't want any. 4 years later I found myself pg. I had never used contraception so was shocked. Unfortunately m/c at 17 wks. By then I had realised that I could actully conceive naturally. So tried. After about 1 year I went to Dr's. My Dr tested me and found that I didn't ovulate. Who knows the pregnancy could have been the only time I had ovulated in years. Anyway I had the option of medical intervention to conceive. DH wouldn't have any of it. So my choice was him or kids really. As we got together on the premise that we weren't going to have any, I decided to forgo kids and stick with him. Then in January had a sore boob and thought I had breast cancer. Not!!! I was delighted to find out I was pg. DH couldn't say bugger all as we hadn't used anything and he didn't have to do his stuff in a test tube. Once again this may have only been the 2nd time i ovulated in about 9 years. Who knows. But I will say don't give up hope. Having m/c doesn't ruin your chances of having a healthy baby. How old are you if you don't mind me asking.

Wow wiltshire, what a story... does this mean you are 7/8 months pregnant now? Quackers - I'm so sorry you have been feeling low. When you didn't post I couldn't decide if you'd gone for a spontaneous trip away, or if your computer had broken, or if - as in fact seems to have been the case - you were feeling too down to post. You have every right to be feeling like you are, but Wills is right, it's not unusual to have 2 (or more) miscarriages, it's just bad luck (and please understand I don't mean to trivialise your experience by saying that). Has the doctor/consultant given you any reason to think that you might not conceive again? I'm assuming not. Didn't your last miscarriage involve the loss of quite a lot of old stuff - hasn't that got to be good? Sorry if it sounds like I'm hectoring, but I really want to help you feel more positive again. Of course, you have to grieve, but please don't lose hope. As to trying again - doctors, family and friends will all have an opinion. The only person to listen to is yourself. Try again when you're ready.

Like everybody am glad you are posting again and fully understand how you were too upset to post. It is normal to feel so down. Like HD said, only you will know when to ttc again. As you know I am taking a break after my m/c and ttc partly because it was not happening and partly because I didn't feel ready. Listen to your body not the dr's and everybody else. I also know 2 people who have had 3 m/c and gone on to have healthy babies and it is that thought that keeps me going. you will feel more positive over time, but it will take time. Is DH supportive? and are you able to take enough time off work to work through this? Am thinking of you.

Thankyou so much for all your kind words. Sibble, unfortunatley that is why I am not getting over this as quickly as I would like. My DH is in his own world and I was so upset last night, I feel alone on this and like he's not with me. It is really putting our relationship under some strain and I hope we work it like we always have done over the last 13 years. I had a good chat and cry with my friend - porr thing she's getting married in 3 weeks but she is so lovely and let me have a good cry, then I did her hair and makeup as a trial run for the wedding and had a bottle, so I felt better then. You just want to click your fingers don't you and have it all over with and be pg and know it's ok. All your thought sare such a comfort, I really missed you all for that week and couldn't help looking and seeing what was happening. I know though that I need to come on Mumsnet, I feel such warmth and comfort from you all and I know you probably want to slap me and say come on you will have another but at the moment I'm just so sad. Good job it's sunny at the moment!!! Wiltshire, I'm 29. Had my first at 26 so I suppose I have a little time. My DD really needs a sibling!! She always asks, where's baby gone! They don't forget at 2.3 do they!! I'm really happy for you Wiltshire, I look forward to your announcement soon!!!!

Oh gosh, Wills, I meant to add a note for you!I'm sorry. Yes I know about your bleeding and it must have been so worrying for you. You must be so happy to be at that final furlong! I'm really pleased for you. I have had a look at St Mary's - their website is fab. Lesley Reagan, who wrote that book is the head there. I know my GP will refer me there if I have another so their is something that will be done but it must be a strain having tests done. I think the outlook is sometimes better for those they don't find a problem for as their m/c were probably all bad luck. It's like rolling a dice, you could get a 1 3/4 times on the trot. Thanks for the links too. I'm really grateful for your help, you must be so caring to do this and not even know me. I hope it doesn't come to 3 m/c and hope my DH and I get through this torturous time that unfortunately so many of you are all too familiar with. It's good to hear success stories and Wiltshire I'm amazed that having had PCO you have got your dream. Somepne is looking after you!!! Anyway I'll have to do some work!!! LOL xxxx

Sorry Wiltshire, I meant PID not PCO!!!

Hi Quackers, so sorry to hear you are feeling so sad. Haven't been on properly for a while myself but i have been looking for you. Re the miscarriage thing my doc said when i was bleeding with dd and they thought I was miscarrying that 1 in 3 pregnancies miscarry so if a woman has four children she may well have had at least 1 or more miscarriages to get there. I know it's not uncommon but it's v common. He said that also women are often v early stages pregnancy and don't even realise they have been pregnant when they miscarry.
I am sure that you will not have another miscarriage. As for time to wait, im not the expert on this and don't really know. What does dh think or is he still not talking to you about it. I think you should sit down with him and tell him you need to talk to and with him about it and need his support etc.

Thanks TM, lovely to hear from you. Glad things are going with you! I really miss our chats!! Yes he emailed me to say he;s brushing it under the carpet and loves me etcc. Hope fully we'll have a glass tonight and chat about it properly now that I've told hime I'm not happy. It doesn;t help when I'm still bleeding. I have just had brown now for a bout 4 days, tiny bits and today got a little more red - not bright red though. My P would have been due today had i carried on and I know my hormones are still pg as my boobs are still pg. It could be that. Doc says it could take up to 6 weeks for the hormones to go. Still not as bad as last time though, the bleeding then was awful - 3 months of it!

Hi Quackers,
Just wanted to say on the age thing, I'm 36 and having my first. You've plenty of time.....

Wishing you happy thoughts.

BR

Hi all. Quacks I am 34 & yes 8 months pg. Re your DH, I think this must be a man thing. Mine wouldn't talk about it either. Every now & then he assured me that he loved me, but getting him to talk about it was impossible. I think because at the early pg stage it is a very personal thing to your body, you obviously feel very attached. Men can't see it, hear it or feel it so they sort of wonder what exactly it is that they are supposed to be upset over. This is the only way I can understand why my DH seemed a bit uncaring at the time. I think you should stay on mumsnet as I found that as time went on I needed to talk about this alot more than in the beginning. I drove my mates crazy I expect. But on here everyone understands and is genuinely interested. So don't be wandering off as we are all here for you on your own special "Quackers where are you thread".

Dear quackers, I just want to say that noone wants to slap you (!) - miscarriage is not an easy thing to get over and as sibble said, it will take time. When I said I wanted to help you feel more positive, I just meant about having a baby in the future, as you seemed to be worried about that, as well as feeling sad about what has just happened to you. Take care, hope you and DH work things out. LOL xxx

Oh yes, I do feel a bit of a prima donna having my own thread!!! I'll wind it up when we all feel appropriate and move on. Sorry for being a tomato too.I know lots of you have been here and come out the other side. Ok I won't go wandering off. I just felt like I was getting a bit ott on the internet, looking at things and worrying. I actually have no question to ask the internet at the mo!!! I don't mean mumsnet of course. LOL for now my friends!! xxxx