Gender disappointment, no judging, just sharing

[Ladyopheliastar]

Did you really want one specific gender? How did you feel before and after knowing? How did it work out?

Wasn't bothered. Had 2 of one then one of the other. Am contemplating another but am still utterly unbothered what it might be (if it even comes into existence!)

My friend is desperate for one but has 3 of the other. I would question having a baby at all if you are seriously desperate for a particular 'flavour'.

As in if 'one was desperate...' I have no idea whether you are or whether you are just asking the question!

Fingers crossed for a girl then

When I was pregnant, I so wanted a girl that I was actually seriously worried in case it was a boy, because I was sure I wouldn't bond with him. When DS came along, those feelings were comprehensively swept away in less than a second, leaving only that fierce maternal love behind. Now I adore my son so much, I just feel silly for thinking I might not!

i have not been shy in admitting i would of prefered a boy this time.

i always imagined i would have a boy first, and i did. when i got pregnant a second time i really didn't mind what flavour. was happy to have dd.

as this will probably be the last one for me i would of loved another ds, but it's a dd. i was disappointed at the 20 wk scan. fast forward a few a hours and a few pink outfits later, and i'm over it. i'm having a (hopefully) healthy baby after 4 miscarriages, thats what matters.

df i would be pissed off too. i'm sure your mil will be thrilled either way but it's those comments that stick in the mind isn't it

I really wanted 2 boys - #1 was a boy but #2 was a girl and I was a little disappointed when I found out (as was DH) @ 12 weeks (CVS so was def right) Got used to the idea before she was born and now shes here couldn'ti magine it any other way. She is the loveliest smiliest baby and her big brther, daddy and me adore her!

I always wanted a girl - to the extend that I actually postponed motherhood because I was worried I couldn't be a good mother to a boy. I felt very, very guilty about this. My lightbulb moment came when I realised that it didn't matter what my preference was, I could prefer all I liked without any harm to anybody, because I had no control over it and would just have to get on with it and love whatever child came along. I also remembered that almost every small child who I really, really loved at that point was a boy - my godsons and nephews. And once I forgave myself for having a preference, I instantly felt fine about the prospect of having a boy. When I got pregnant, everyone assured me I was having a boy, and I got rather excited, worked out the boy's name first etc.

I now have two girls, and it's great. Slightly sad I won't get to have my boy, though

I really wanted a girl. I was brought up without a father or brothers and could not imagine having a son. When I got pregnant I told myself it was a boy in order to prepare myself. By 20 weeks I was utterly convinced it was a boy and was fine with that, though still really hoped I'd have a girl someday. When the scan said girl I was quite shocked but pleased.

With DC2 I was more relaxed about gender although I had enjoyed DD1 so much I quite liked the idea of two girls. That was what I got.

I hope to have a DC3 one day. I see three sisters as a powerful formation and would love to have another DD but equally I would love a little boy now too.

It seems, in general, that women don't really have a preference, just a healthy baby please, but deep down the dads all want a son.

When I was told that I was having a girl, I was surprised to recognise that I felt relief. But two days later I was told that it was a mistake and that it was definitely a boy. My partner was visibly much more excited by that news than when we were told it was a girl, but I know that I felt disappointed.

A month later, and I am so so so happy it's going to be a boy. I'm finding myself much more drawn towards the little boys I see with friends or out with their mums in town, I'm loving looking at little boys clothes, and it's true what people say, boys and their mums are often inseperable.

Buttonmoon - A lot of women say they have no gender preference, but this view often changes once they have reached their pictured maximum number of children, with still none of a particular gender. Then they say they want a child of a different gender to balance the family out. I wonder whether it is because they actually always wanted a child of that gender at some point and figured the odds on it coming along were ok if they gave it enough goes.

Similarly, if you know you're unlikely to have more than one child because of your age or medical history you may well feel any preference more strongly. You're not going to have another one. But a mother's love is unconditional and not based on preconceptions, as the above emails show. So why should anybody question anybody else's desire to be a mother just because that woman's image of motherhood is associated with a particular kind of bond?

Sorry to bang on about it, but at the moment it is annoying me that there seems to be this silly taboo about suggesting you might have dreamed of having one gender more than the other - all my pals seemed to have a preference when we were younger, and yet by the time of one's 20-week scan this preference is supposed to have mysteriously disappeared! (Yes, I'm coming up to my 20-week scan...)

I had a slight preference for a DS first, but then when DD was born I was totally, completely delighted.

DS came next - I genuinely had no preference there.

Next was DD2 - I had a slight preference for a girl (because the first two - DD1 and DS, are very close friends, and I thought another DS close ish in age to DS would disrupt DD1 and DS's close friendship), and I felt very sure she was a girl even days after conception. I found out the sex at the scan so that I'd have time to readjust expectation if I was wrong, but I wasn;t.

Now we are planning DC4, and I do hope for a boy, so we'll have girl,boy,girl,boy. If I was guaranteed a girl though, we'd still go ahead and have another, so I feel confident that my preference is slight enough not be a problem.

First time round, 11 years ago, I was perhaps slightly hoping for a girl, but when DS came along, fell completely in love. Now when expecting DC2, very much wanted a girl, and found out, because I wanted time to prepare if wasn't. However, at each scan it became more definite that it was a girl, and when she arrived and it was confirmed, I was, and still am, absolutely delighted.

I had a very slight preference for a girl - and according to the scan that is what we are having...

It was more of a case that I never wanted children at all until I got together with my husband, who already had a daughter. I love going shopping with her and have really enjoyed getting close to her. She has a strong preference for a sister... she before we knew, she would put her hands on my tummy, and say 'I will love you whatever and hope you are healthy but PLEASE be a girl'... coupled with the fact that we couldn't decide on boys names, I just thought it would be lovely if it was a girl and we could go shopping for cute outfits together!

Funnily enough I know my husband also had a very slight preference for girls, as he had this fear that if we had a boy she may be a real lad and into football. He is a softie and isn't sure he could have mustered up the excitement for footie! I have warned them both that I was a tom boy, she could be and that she could still be into football. Personally I hope she loves lego!!

god sounds like my mil!! iam having dc in 2 weeks- she has just given me a blue cardi that she has knitted! (i already have dd) and said u make sure u ring as soon as uve had him,
cos iam going to buy blue this, blue that- he will prob be like this, he will prob do that, i have to admit its driving me mad!
i keep saying or she! and she says no its 100 % a boy, well what a dumb ass thing to say, its 50-50 div.

dp and i really dont mind of course, but iam finding myself edging toward a girl just so i can put two fingers up at her!! haha

p.s iam sure not ment to b mean, but it makes me feel as tho she will just be dissapointed with another girl. aaaggghhhh mils!

I think I unconsciously wanted - expected, even - my first child to be a girl, so it was a bit of a shock to the system when I delivered an enormous and bouncing baby boy .

I had a complicated pregnancy with my second child, and had suffered a miscarriage right before the pregnancy, so I was genuinely just wanting a live and healthy baby. Was very chuffed that I got a girl, though

My preference was a girl. I was convinced until I had a 28 week scan (abroad, so none done earlier) that I had a baby with a penis. DH couldn't come with me to the scan so I worked it out on my own. when I told him I was 99% certain he disclosed that he would really prefer a girl over a boy. We were lucky that we got what we wanted, we would have loved a son as much though.

I didn't think I had a preference but when ds was born had a momentary flash of disappointment he wasn't a girl (I actually thought something like I'd never really really know him). Second time again I thought I didn't have a preference but at the scan where I found out the baby was a girl I felt pretty elated. Now pg with number 3, I think I secretly want a girl but more than ever a healthy baby

I have 2 dds and am pg now. I love 3 girls but equally I'd love a boy.

My dh is the 3rd (and youngest) son of his family. His parents still tell him that they were disapointed he was a boy, we know that he'd have been called elizabeth had he been a girl. He's always had a complex about this. So, if we have another girl then we'll always tell her we wanted her and were happy that she was a girl.

I think deep down i would love a boy though. But am gearing myself up for a girl.

I have a friend with 2 boys and she cried when her 2nd was born as she so wanted a girl. She had 2 miscarrages between babies and is still thinks about them all the time as she's sure they were girls. I think it's very unhealthy.

I wanted to have at least one girl and DD was a girl, so this time around I genuinely didn't mind what I was having. However when we found out we were having a girl (probably - will find out for definite in a week or two!) I must admit I felt a little bit sad. We will probably only have two children and I realised I would never have a son, there was definitely a little bit of grief, even though I was convinced I had no preference.

I am very happy though, I just don't think I would find out the sex again if I were to have another baby.

I always wanted a girl. At 20 week scan found out I was having DS. DH asked me if I was disappointed and I really wasn't. It wasn't and 'it' anymore, he was a baby boy. I adore my son and I am so glad I have him. I am pregnant again and I have said that I really don't mind and would quite like another boy, however me and DH have had our girls name picked out for about 7 years and as its likely to be our last DC, I will feel a bit sad if I don't get to use it.

My scan is on Monday so I am hoping to find out as it makes it seem more real for me and I can get used to whatever it is. TBH as long as it is healthy then I don't mind.

If I could choose a nice 'easyish' boy like DS was or a nightmare girl (like I always wanted, the girl not a nightmare baby), I would definitely go for a boy!

I honestly don't have a preference. So much so we aren't going to find out at our scan. we will wait for the "surprise". Many people think this is funny as I can't even leave christmas presents under the tree without trying to work out what they are :o

My friend who is due the week before me already has a DS and really wants another. She thinks a DD would be a nightmare. So much so she isn't even thinking of girls names.

I personally think if it's a girl she will love it just as much. I can't imagine anyone after giving birth would say they didn't want DD/DS because it was the wrong "flavour".

I have 2 daughters and my OH has one, just found out we're expecting out first together and I think I'd like it to be a boy - just for the change really But we'd both be equally happy with a girl. We're not going to find out until the birth though.

I have two daughters and this is my first DC with dp. It is also the first I haven't found out the sex at the scan. Lots of people have said oh you must want a boy after two girls, but I can honestly say I'm not bothered either way. Yes, it would be nice to experience having a son, but equally I am used to girls and know what I am doing.

Dp calls the baby he and I think he does have a slight preference for a boy. DD1 wants a sister and DD2 wants a brother.

Honestly, I just want to give birth to a healthy baby (and quite soon please!)

when i was pregnant with 3rd, after 2 boys, we did have a slight preference for a girl. but when i found out at 20 weeks scan she was indeed a girl i was totally shocked as had been completely expecting another boy.... took me about 3 months to adjust my mind's eye picture of my family!