Gender disappointment, no judging, just sharing

[Ladyopheliastar]

Did you really want one specific gender? How did you feel before and after knowing? How did it work out?

Boognish - just to come back to you...

I'm not talking about those people who have a sneaking preference, or those that simply shrug their shoulders and accept a new baby smiling. And I'm not prescribing to anyone what they should do, simply that I would question it. But there are other people for whom it is a big deal - proper mind messing stuff.

Having witnessed my friend in floods of tears and in the depths of antenatal depression for 21 wks post 20 wk scan (twice) and lengthy bouts of postnatal depression afterwards I think to put yourself in this position is foolish (and have told her so). She failed to bond with ds2 for months and I was desperately worried that the same would happen with ds3.

Also having witnessed my Punjabi friend being told by her in laws that it would be better to find out then she can abort if it is a girl I think the whole sex thing is a real minefield.

I appreciate that most people will fall into the first camp and genuinely not mind in the end, but there are people who can't ever come to terms with what they get. One day I would like dc4 and I am terrified that having another dd would be heartbreaking for my friend. She came home in floods of tears the other day because a mum at school had a baby girl over the holidays.

Being one of 3 girls and from a very matriarchal family, I was sure I'd have a girl. So much so that I had her name, could visualise her, and was obviously bonding with a girl early into the pregnancy.

At the 12 week scan, they said they knew 80% what we were having. We decided to find out and sure enough, I'm having a DS!

it threw me, there was a day of sadness - not for having a son, but because this will be my only child and so the sadness is for the girl I'll never have.

3 months on now all I think about is HIM.

Islandbaby - not sure I agree all men want boys. My DP was also sad. He was convinced (by me) that he was a she, and he was also worried that he'd bring his issues with his dad into the frame with a boy

Desperately wanted a boy. Been blessed with 2 DDs Planning number 3 in a few years time so never say never

I had a boy and a girl then with my 3rd I thought I really wanted another girl.
Dd was desperate to have a baby sister 'Rosie' I could imagine my 2 Dds playing together etc, keeping my Ds as my only boy.

I had my 20 week scan and was told the baby was a boy, my reaction was 'oh, your joking'

A few hours later I was imagining another scrummy Ds, and once he was born I fell completely and utterly head over heels for him Ds1 is 16 years older than Ds2 and its been so lovely having a baby boy again!

I'm happy with what I have now, for me I have my big boy, my little boy and my one girl. Perfect.

To the person who suggested woman don't have a preference and men do. This is completely ridiculous.

My OH is only desperate for a healthy baby. Really isn't bothered if its a girl or a boy and tbh was a little bit disappointed with me when he found out I really wanted a girl. I actually want a girl and then a boy so its not about preferring on gender. I want a girl first because in my family growing up, my mothers family and my dad's family boys were all first born. As my mothers first daughter but third child I personally found I held a lot of resentfulness towards my older brother because of the apparent double standards we both lived under. My thinking is "if you wouldn't let your daughter do it at that age why should your son be able to". So to make sure my children (first pregnancy and already have family in mind) don't feel like there are double standards then it would be easier to judge if the daughter was the older one. That logic might be flawed somewhere.

each time around (DC3 still cooking) I have wanted a girl. First time around I found out at 20wk scan it was a boy (I wanted to find out in advance of the birth to avoid any moment of possible disappointment). I got over it very quickly and by the time he was born was really looking forward to him. 2nd time around, I most def wanted a girl and that's what I got. This time around I again wanted a girl - and as far as sonographer could tell, that is what we shall have :)

Realistically though, you love your child whatever the gender - once they arrive you couldn't love them any more whatever 'flavour' they are :)

My dh assumed we'd have a son. We had dd1.

Then he assumed since we already had a girl the next one was bound to be a boy. We had dd2.

She hadn't been out about a minute when he sort of jokingly said 'never mind, perhaps the next one will be a boy'.

I have secretly felt a little bit sorry for dd2 ever since. He's a good dad to both of them but I do worry that he's a little disappointed that he hasn't got a son. He's really close to his dad and brother and I suppose he thought he'd have that with his own son.

He does occasionally remind me that I always said I'd like three dc's (as I'm one of three and we're all very close). I don't think I dare in case he gets his hopes up and it turns out to be another girl, I don't think I could stand it for the poor little mite.

Unfortunately I have a bit of a preference for a girl - There are very few men in my family including the Aunts/cousins and (lack of) Uncles so haven't grown up with a lot of men around and we're a ver female orientated family.

I have two teenage step-sons and quite often feel totally out-numbered by the boys in the household! I also have a 3 year old neice who I absolutely adore so I am very biased!

I was really worrying about this as I would feel so guilty to be disappointed to find out I was having a DS - but my sister sold me a really nice picture of having sons.. (a bit like the Oxo add) and I'll be hanging on to this thought if that is the case!

with my first pregnancy I HAD to have a girl and wold have been so disappointed if she was a boy , with my second I had no prefrence. Im pregnant with No.3 and honestly want a boy.

With DD I wanted a boy. I was so convinced I was having a boy, I started knitting a blue blanket. I wanted a boy because in my head, I'd always dreamed of having a boy first. I don't know why really. My mum used to say, "I wanted a boy first because he'd look out for the girl". But truth be told, I don't think my brother would have looked after me if he was older than me, anymore than he already did.

When I found out at the 20 week scan it was going to be a girl, I felt like I'd been smacked across the face. I was SO shocked, and part of me was disappointed. It took a couple of weeks until I got excited about having a daughter. In fact, I freaked out a lot and thought the scan was wrong because I was just so convinced.

I guess I always had the big dream of having my own son who adored me. You know when you see on TV, those big hard biker dudes with mum tattoos? "All boys love their mums!" I thought. I also looked at me and my brother and knew that my brother had been the well-behaved child throughout life, and I'd always been the black sheep, the one who "went off the rails".

Guess it just took realising that it wasn't going to be that way. I looked at other families and realised sometimes it was the girls who were well behaved and loved their mums, and the boys who gave their mums panic attacks by not calling to say they'd be late home.

I'm just SO glad I had the scan and came to realise how it didn't matter BEFORE she came, because I'd hate to have gone through the shock and adjustment at that point.

My aunty said she had it when my cousin was born, she "grieved the son she'd lost" because she'd been so convinced it was going to be a boy, she'd formed an idea of "him" in her head, and instead she had this girl who she hadn't bonded with yet.

For DC1 both my husband and i hoped for a girl. I didn't really have much chance to think about how I would have felt if it had been a boy, because at 20 weeks they told us it was a girl (and I got them to check at every scan after that).

This time round, I wasn't sure. I kind of wanted a girl again because our DD is so wonderful, and honestly, I know it is totally stupid, but I was/am a bit worried about dealing with a boy growing up. I know it is really stupid, but I just have this idea that I know girls better and I also have this little idea that most other people's little boys I'm not quite so keen on.

But I'm not too too worried because a lot of my friends (who have had boys) have said the same thing, and love their little boys. A friend of mine relates better to her little boy than her daughter. So I'm just trying to ignore my concerns because when it happens.

And mainly, we have had some scares with our DS and what i want more than anything is for him to be okay. And for my daughter to be okay with her baby brother.

When I was PG with DD I wanted a girl, in fact I really wanted a girl.
I found out at the 20 week scan she was a girl, and was ecstatic.
I didn't know then that she would be my only child, so of course I am glad now that I got my girl, but saying that, if she'd been a boy I'd probably be sitting here now wondering why I ever wanted a girl, as I love my son so much (I think that makes sense?).

I think most people who have a preference get over it instantly their child is born.

babylann - that is exactly the reason I'd like to find out before the baby is born! Both are fab, but sometimes one takes a bit more getting used to than the other and so much the better if that can be done before they're born!

I never liked boy babies - I wouldn't even babysit for them as a teenager! When pregnant with what turned out to be DS I was sure I was having a boy and really worried as to whether I would be able to I love him properly if I was right. The minute he was put in my arms (having been whisked off after an emergency c-section and in Special Care overnight) it was just instant love. I have never been so surprised in my life at how I felt. When pregnant with DD (again we didn't know what she was) I was sure she was a girl - but would have been completely happy to have another boy as DS had been such a wonderful baby and toddler.

I have always desperately wanted a girl, especially with babies 1 and 2. By 3 I still wanted a girl, but didn't really mind if it was a boy either. Finally number 4 was a girl.

I've since had 2 more boys, so a total of 5 boys and a girl and can honestly say I'd have probably had a dozen children until I got my girl. All my boys are amazing and I love them unconditionally, but there is something a little bit special about my girl.

I'm 10 weeks pregnant and I do have a preference for a girl! When younger, I always pictured myself with a little girl. I have 4 brothers and they were rowdy and often mean to me as a kid. For the longest time, that was my only impression of young boys (went to an all girl school). I now have 2 gorgeous nephews though and I love them very much.

Despite my preference for a girl, I know I'd be just as happy and excited if I had a boy. It'll be our baby and it will be loved wholeheartedly and without the slightest regret regardless!

Well first off DH wanted always wanted a boy- but we had DD1 first and I was so so delighted. When I was expecting her I nearly made myself believe it was a boy as I did not want to be disappointed.

Then we had dd2 and again I was over the moon as I really wanted her to have a sister. Now we are having a DS and we can't believe how lucky we are. I am a bit unsure of what I will do with a boy but mainly thrilled to bits to get to experience having a son ( 1 am one of 4 girls so a bit clueless).

Funny of all the three it was second one that I was happiest about- more than anything I wanted DD1 to have a sister.

i'm 11 weeks and am going to try my best NOT to find out what i am expecting as i really have no preference and would like the surprise at the birth (but given that i go hunting for my christmas present each year, even when they are wrapped, i'm sure i'm going to break!). My mum also doesn't want to know either, but every time she talks about baby being a boy her nose inadvertently scrunches up - she's totally unaware of it and is mortified lol!