Not eating for two when pregnant - warning RANT

[berrycravings]

So I'm now 22+4 weeks, and doing my best. My morning sickness ended at 20 weeks only to be replaced by heartburn, ezcema and an 'unpregnancy related' back problem. I am still at work plodding along. HOWEVER there is a women at work who has repeatedly told me how I shouldn't be eating for two in pregnancy (i'm surely not looking that big?!) and that in fact I shouldn't eat anything extra at all. At first I just brushed it off but it is now really winding me up. she likes to mention it as I tuck into a slice of cake (a fairly rare treat) or when i have more than one piece of fruit as a snack. Surely I deserve to be eating my 'extra' snacks in peace? I think the media are partly to blame for this too.

I am extra sensitive about my weight but have spent years putting this behind me and didn't really have an issue anymore however I hate being made to feel like I am doing something wrong by eating food...? Its not like she is slimmer than me usually. Why is everyone a pregnancy expert suddenly?

She is also telling me how her daughter is sailing through her pregnancy (well great for her)

Rant over, thank you I feel so much better now....(and breathe)

zazen I think you've missed the point. We all know you don't need to eat more when you're pregnant, we just want to. Don't be a killjoy

How awful for you! What a be-atch!

I'm not eating for two. I'm eating for five - only one baby though. I can't help it as I'm so tired and miserable if I don't eat. I think I've always had a really inefficient digestive system and during pregnancy I need the calories.

I remember being devastated when my doctor told me that I should go on a diet during my last pregnancy as I had put on 3 kg in one month. This was in France so they insist you should only put on 10kg. She insisted on this despite my glucose levels being fine. It was just the fact that it would be 'hard to lose' afterward and 'my husband wouldn't like it'. Yes, French doctors are charming.

I agree that all pregnant women should watch out for gestational diabetes, but a reasonable weight gain is important in pregnancy. All this 'helpful advice' does is drive up your blood pressure and put you at risk of pre-eclampsia. (and yes, after my doctor had completely stressed me out with respect to my weight, she decided I had high blood pressure - I'm thinking the two were connected).

People, even medical professionals, can be so brainless about the 'helpful advice' they give. She probably does have a low self esteem linked to her weight, while you are going to have a lovely healthy baby. I think that trumps her hands down.

IGNORE her!

My colleagues just chortle at me every day as I set out my 'picnic hamper' of food on my desk and proceed to munch my way through it pretty much non-stop. If it's mainly healthy stuff like extra fruit, why shouldn't you eat it if you're hungry?

And if you can't have a big slice of cake when you're pregnant, or sit in front of the telly in the evening demolishing the Ben & Jerry's when can you?

I'm 34 weeks now and I've put on a stone and a half - I have not stopped eating! anyone?

It sounds like she's being a bit smug/jealous, but there really is something in the not eating extra.

I have an old book from the 70s that I was reading towards the end of my pregnancy, and it said eat what you like, EXCEPT whatever you do, avoid food with sugar in it.

I wish I'd read this earlier, as my Haribo habit pushed me into gestational diabetes and I had a 10 lb 1 oz baby who had blood sugar problems when he was born - the only massive baby in SCUBU. And I'd only put on about 2 stones in the pregnancy and was slim to start with, but sugar was my craving throughout, so it's definitely a sugar thing.

I have an old pg book too - it says to have an extra 500 calories a day throughout pregnancy, rather than the extra 200 calories in the last trimester that seems to be today's advice. Frankly, at 21 weeks, I need to eat every 3 hours, at least. I'm closing my eyes and sticking my fingers in my ears and singing "la la la I can't hear you" to the modern advice, and to anyone who looks askance at my at-desk chain-eating.

Sounds like your colleague has some real problems around food, and is inflicting them on you. I'm not sure that basically taunting her, as some have suggested, would be kind or helpful (although it might be kind of fun...) - but I reckon anyone on a meal replacement/liquid diet has some seriously issues going on, and while it's obviously unfair, ridiculous and angry-making for her to sit in judgment on you, it must be far more a reflection of her own difficulties. My view is that you should be as kind and gracious towards her as you can. (Although, in your position, I would, if I'm honest almost certainly have told her to eff off by now!)

Surely, given that pregnant women famously eat like horses, this is something we should be honouring and accepting while pregnant? I am constantly grazing because I have the URGE to. It's as powerful as the nesting urge. I had my glucose monitored the other day and it was fine. I know it's not a good idea to pile on the stones when you're pregnant, but eating a bit more than you normally do is perfectly fine if your body is telling you to.

Of course, the correct disclaimer here is: eat sensible snacks, choose low-fat and protein rather than carbs and fatty foods, look for slow-release foods. Yeah yeah. I personally have a jam doughnut fetish when pregnant. Haven't had one in two weeks now, though!

Your workmate is clearly a bit twisted about food at the moment if she's on some odd diet, but it's totally inappropriate for her to transfer that onto you. I'd try the vomit line on her, and if that doesn't work, freeze her out. Beyatch.

Just ignore! Half the people I have contact with try to make me eat MORE, half of them worry about my weight!

She sounds like she has her own issues, and is projecting onto you, and that's horrid. It's probably unconscious.

Everyone seems to have different food needs. I've had very few cravings and have been able to manage them, but at 18+3 now getting hungrier and hungrier.

Next time she comments:
Give her a long, cold incredulous stare.

Then say (quietly) 'I really don't think it's any of your business.'

Then stare some more (saying nothing) as she blathers more idiot comments.

Keep staring until she shuts up and goes away.

Repeat, as necessary

Tell her you're on Majorie Dawes' 'half the calorie' diet. So you can eat twice as much.

Someone at my work was a bit like this, an after a few weeks I'd just HAD ENOUGH when she refused to pass over the biscuit tin.

I looked her in the eye and said 'So let me get this straight, my GP and midwife are perfectly happy with my weight and food intake, but you, who have no medical or nutritional qualifications whatsoever are giving me health advice.'

Looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong silence

'Well, I was only trying to help. No need to be shirty.'

'If I want your help or advice on my pregnancy, I will ask for it. Now pass the biscuits.'

I'd been preparing the 'statement' on the tube on the way in, having been properly wound up the day before. I'd never have managed to come up with it on the spot, and was damn pleased with myself for remembering it.

Just say "Yes, you said that yesterday."

Then repeat it every day until she gets the point!

I have a colleague who (and this is before I was pregnant) picks up the wrapper of what I'm eating so she can tell me how many calories are in it. Well, until I said 'Stop doing that, you're ruining my fun' and smiled sweetly as I popped another Malteser in my mouth...

ooh Antidote I am not sure I would have had the front to say that! But good for you.

I agree with Diamondback that you should just say 'you've said that before' before stuffing the cake in your mouth and smiling sweetly.

lol it's true a lot is down to the media, and so called NICE experts. They're the ones saying no need to eat for two. Which i think is rubbish, because most midwives will tell you to up your energy intake. How will that be done by reducing intake?

If you have severe nausea or vomitting issues, i've noticed the less you eat the more sick you can feel. And it's true you need to go with bodily instincts. If your stomach is rumbling ferociously it doesn't take einsteins brain to know you need to top up.

Yes ignore that colleague, in fact put her in her place in a nice sort of way, sarcasm usually works. Failing that be brutally blunt, because frankly it's none of her concern what you consume pregnant or otherwise.

I like the "you said that yesterday" repeatedly..

I've had the scenario before and in the end I complained loudly to another colleague just before lunchtime that everyone seemed to have an opinion on what I was eating which was nobodys business but my own and that there was only room for 1 on my diet. the person involved actually had the decency to blush and didnt comment anymore.

honestly, what a cow, hope you manage to put a stop to her gallop!

Tell her to mind her own business, that you would rather not discuss it with her and, in the event you do require advise, you will seek if from someone qualified to give it.

It has really pissed me off that during pregnancy everyone seems to think it's acceptable to offer unsolicited advice on what you should/shouldn't be eating and to comment inappropriately on your size. REALLY pissed me off.

Pregnancy can be tough enough without needless interference!

I am lucky so far that no one had felt the need to comment too much but I only told the office last week so I am wondering when and if it might start.

I'd be inclined to tell her to piss off too or start lecturing her on the poor nutritional value of the rabbit food she is eating and state that at least you can be assured that your baby will be well nourished.

Maybe she is desperate to be motherly to you if she is going to be a grannie and her daughter has told her to sod off too?

Jo

Ask her if shes delivering her daughters baby and when she says no tell her you wondered because she seems to have suddenly become a qualified midwife

Just bring loads of treats in and line them up on your desk while chanting in a sickly sweet voice-

'Ooooh a slice of cake for mummy a slice of cake for baby, a lovely plum for mummy a lovely plum for baby, a delicious Hob Nob for mummy, a delicious Hob Nob for baby, a banana for mummy a banana for baby, a Magnum for mummy a Magnum for baby......

Then gorge yourself and laugh like a drain.

I hate people who do this, it's none of their business.

UGH! I work with someone who polices every single thing I eat (fruit, crackers, low-fat spread, avocados ) I haven't put on a great deal of weight, and am eating little and often to avoid heartburn. What is her problem!!! No advice - but it isn't just you.

Sorry to hear that you and your babe ended up with GA from eating too much sugar porcupine11. My sister got GA and she will have to watch her sugar her whole life.

"Killjoy" or not AnyFuleKno, sugar is really bad news for you and your babe, and also for your arteries. Sugar damages your arteries' linings: they become rough and that attracts plaques - increasing your chance of getting a stroke or cardiac arrest.

Getting gestational diabetes can be very bad news for your entire life - surely not worth gorging yourself on cake just for a few months?

You don't need to eat for two, and unless you want to have a sugar tax to pay for all those extra diabetes / stroke / heart disease beds in hospital, it is kindof everyones problem - as much as smoking is everyones' problem in that we all pay for the treatment of people with lung and heart disease and cancer brought on by smoking...

Being pregnant is really no excuse to pig out. A balanced diet, with treats in moderation (and sugary fruit such as grapes/ melon is included in that definition of treat) is what you and your baby need.

Weight gain in pregnancy is closely monitored in other countries.
Other countries have guidelines for healthy weight gain pregnant women, maybe it's time to stop resisting the experts in the UK?

why are other people so worried about another persons weight....we have bigger problems in this world than a few extra pounds during pregnancy!

tell her to sod off!

Sugar does NOT cause gestational diabetes! It is almost certainly due to hormones in pregnancy affecting insulin production in some women. Overweight women are more likely to develop gestational diabetes, yes, and you will need to control the amount of sugar and simply carbs you eat if you develop it, but it is not caused by eating sugar. Sugar doesn't fur up arteries either - cholesterol does that.
As for the OP, I'd say, 'Look, I won't comment on your diet and you don't comment on mine, OK?' but then I found that being pregnant made me extremely bolshy and assertive!

Im also pregnant and just over the "eating everything that looks vaguely edible stage" however, i have a workmate who is obsessed about calories and fat grams, so when i offer her a biscuit or a piece of chocolate and she says no "im being good" i simply say, well i`ll have your piece too, thanks!

Ok so as official advice currently goes (as lieinqueen said) you are recommended to have an extra 200 calories per day in your third trimester. I am one of those people who believe knowledge is power so I started reading baby books when I was ttc and as the best book I've read says ("YOU... Having a baby") it is more like eating for 1.1 than eating for 2.

That said... I'm just coming to the end of my first trimester and know I'm eating more already. Despite being slightly overweight before becoming pregnant I know I do not over eat and I do not comfort eat. This tells me that the fact I am more hungry is my body telling me I need to eat. My point of course being that you should do exactly as your body is telling you to do. You're not an idiot, if your body starts telling you to eat 12 doughnut then maybe you have issues to sort but an extra slice of cake every now and again or an extra biscuit isn't going to harm you or the baby.

Most importantly however, Why is it any of her business? How about telling her to mind her own business and worry about her own daughter instead of you, or, you could go all hormonal on her and start crying. I'm sure she'd get the message.

Just comment on how 'interesting' it is how when you get pregnant everyone seems to think its okay to comment on everything you do.

I just got my bfp today with my second (yey!) and that is one part of being pregnant I am not looking forward to.

I am going to spend 9 months telling people to go stuff themselves :o