Should I take my older children to 12 wk scan?

[expectingno3]

Just wondering what others have done. I'd love to take them (8 and 6), but am fully aware a scan can not always go to plan. Am I best waiting till the 20 wk one? Thanks.

You'd want to check your hospital's policy - ours very much discourages children at any scan.

Have you checked with the hospital? You can't take them at ours and even if you can, some sonographers might not be happy with the scenario.

I know our hospital does not encourage children during scans as it is ?a medical proceedure?.

Personally, I wouldn't take children to any scans. They are there to check the baby is ok, and possibly to spot any problems.
If there was anything wrong at either scan, it wouldn't be appropriate for dc to be there.
Sorry, probably not the answer you were wanting :)

God no. I was told my baby had died at my 12 week scan - it's when a lot of missed miscarriages are picked up. If you want your children to attend a scan, pay for a private one.

I lost a baby very late in pregnancy (discovered at a scan) and the whole experience was just horrific with doctors running in and out etc. I wouldn't take a child to any scan (unless perhaps it was a private one and you knew the baby was OK) as you just don't know when something could be discovered... and if that happens you need to be able to concentrate on the information you are being given/what is happening and I think that would be very difficult if you had children there with you (especially if you were as upset as I was). The 20 week scan is essentially an anomaly scan too...

I took my 3 year old to my 12 week scan where it was discovered the baby had anencephaly. Was awful as she was expecting to see a "nice picture of the new baby". Can't believe how stupid we were to take her. I am sure your baby will be fine but don't take the other children.

I took mine to 20 week scan, and it was fine. I wouldn't do 12 weeks, as I don't tell people I'm pregnant until 16 weeks.

I had a missed m/c which was picked up at my 12 week scan. It was hideous for DH and I - I can't imagine putting the DCs through that as well

Please don't take them - just in case.

Going against the grain here - I took mine to my 12 week scan (aged 4 and 5) and they loved it. Thankfully everything was okay but I had prewarned them that things might not be so they were prepared. It was really out of necessity as no one else could have them and DH wanted to be there.

My youngest will be at the 20 week scan too as again DH will be there. The hospital know this and are happy for her to be there. The dc know about the pregnancy and if something was or is wrong they will know about it one way or another.

Its up to you but I can't see a problem as long as you prepare them that there is no guarantee everything will be fine ( which I am sure it will be!) Good luck.

i nearly took ds1&2 to 'fun' 28 week 3d/gender scan - really glad i didn't as came out in tears and huge panic to get to hospital as sonographer thought there were major problems. luckily all turned out fine - but glad didn't have the other kids with me to go through that.

No, not if you can possibly avoid it. It's a medical procedure, normally in a small room, the sonographer needs to be able to concentrate, and there could be bad news that you would have to digest, and potentially take on board some reasonably complex medical information, while trying to look after your other two DCs.

Out of curiosity, have those who say that there's no problem having them at the scan as long as they are prepared that there could be a problem ever actually had a scan where they were told that the foetus had died or had a significant problem? I'm genuinely not trying to get at you, just wondering -- I have and I was devastated, could barely deal with myself for some time afterwards and nearly crashed the car attempting to drive myself home (was a scan where DH hadn't been able to make it). I can't imagine throwing other children into that mix. But I'm aware that others have different experiences.

Pretty sure my hospital wouldn't allow it - it's one person with you only because of space and because the scan is for the sonographer to check everything is okay not for you and yours to see the baby.

I also can't imagine having to deal with kids there (even waiting in the waiting room!) if you got bad news.

I agree ProfLayton. I had been given a Bounty bag which I realised I was still clutching, couldn't focus, couldn't breathe, blinded by tears and crushing grief. Not something I think a 6 year old needs to experience from their mother if it can be avoided.

I have avoided taking DD to scans, but I am having one on monday (32 wk), and my sitter is on holiday. So DH is keeping her with him in the waiting room, and I am going in alone. If there is a problem, then I will get them to explain to me, but if it is complicated will ask them to eaplain to DH too, and I can sit with DD when they chat to him.

Professor - I would not have taken them if I had been on my own - DH would have had them. He wanted to be there too. So I wouldn't have had to drive home alone. I like to think I am mature enough to hold myself together if the children were there and I had bad news. LIke I say if there was bad news I would have to tell them anyway as they know about the baby. They enjoyed being included and part of the process. That's just my opinion.

I have been very lucky and not had bad news at a scan. The chances of there being a problem are small, but I do appreciate there was a risk that is might not have ended happily, but I was happy to take that risk. The poor OP must be in a spin now feeling there is a high risk of a problem. If I had any indications like bleeding or loss of symptoms I would not have taken them with me. But everything felt okay to me.

The OP wanted to know what people had done. I don't have childcare on tap so I take my children with me to dr and mw appts etc I feel honesty is important and I like that are involved.

Madasa - mature enough??? Excuse me - did I read you correctly there???

It's the OP's third baby; I suspect she knows by now what the odds of a problem are. And the OP didn't ask what other people had done; she asked what she should do and whether she was best waiting (which implied that childcare wasn't a particular issue).

Am not even going to touch on "mature enough" comment.

I took 2 of our kids to my 20wk scan recently, they are 9 & 4. I couldn't find anyone to have them & they were on holiday from school. However my husband was there so he could take them out if need be. My husband wanted to be there as although i've had loads of scans a lot of them have been internal scans & i didn't want him with me whilst i was having internal scans.

With my 2nd baby i went to the labour suite due to feeling no movement. We had our son with us at the time, he was 23 months. We were told then (at 35wks) that our daughter had died. I kept it together & didn't cry infront of him. I waited til we were in the car going home & then i cried quietly in the back.

I would avoid taking kids to the early scans but i think its ok at later scans so long as you have another adult there to take them out of the room for any reason.

I really wouldn't. The space is tiny, and there is the risk that something could go wrong.

Also, it could take a while. My 12 week scan took an hour, because the baby just would not get in the right position. In the end they had to do an internal. I'm sure the kids would end up bored silly.

That 'mature enough' comment is horrible. Am I immature because when I had a scan that didn't go right I cried? Ok, you may be able to hold it together in front of the kids. And fair enough they know about the pregnancy so you would tell them if something went wrong. But there is a WORLD of difference between telling them in your own home, with carefully chosen words and lots of cuddles, and them finding out in a hospital, from a stranger, and possibly seeing the baby on the screen.

You never know what is going to happen at a scan. I've known women with plenty of symptoms, who had successful 8 week scans, have bad news at 12 weeks. It may be rare, but I'd never risk putting a child through that.

At 20 weeks our sonographer (private) did the scan with just me in the room. Got all of the measurements and "stuff". Then invited DS's and DH who were in the waiting room in for a few minutes to have a look at the baby, hear the heartbeat and announce the sex - a girl - we were all thrilled.

The 12 week scan was just DH and I. For no other reason than we wanted to share the occasion without the interruptions of a toddler and pre-schooler in tow.

Well said, Muser. I'm still reeling from that 'mature enough' comment tbh, and it's been 7 years since dh and I had the scan that brought us so much heartache.

I do despair sometimes at the level of ignorance that some women display with when discussing the subject of miscarriage

My close friend was told she'd had a mmc at her 12 week scan, so when I took my dd (then 18 months) and this time around dd(3) and ds(12 months) I was well aware that there might be difficult news to digest. As my children were quite young, I figured that they wouldn't take too much on board about the scan itself, I don't think they even understood that it was a baby they were looking at on the screen. For us it was a practical issue - there just wasn't anyone else to leave them with if dh was going to be with me. The sonographer certainly didn't mind, even though the room was small etc. Dh kept the children with him and made sure they were as quiet as possible. We fully understood it was a medical procedure, and were very mindful of letting the sonographer get on with her job without too much distraction. This is obviously a difficult issue, as people have obviously received very distressing news in scan situations and understandably wouldn't want to have young children with them if they were in a similar situation again. Only you know how much the children would understand, how much they might be upset, and how you might react under the circumstances. For me I have to admit I was more focused on not wanting to frighten the children if there was any difficult news rather than how I would react myself, it was something I didn't think very carefully about. If you've thought carefully about it, I'm sure that you'll make the right decision.

I think there is a huge difference in taking small children because you can't find childcare and older children for a fun family outing which is what the OP seems to be suggesting (apologies if I've misunderstood)

I would take them to the scan if you are allowed, OP.

For me personally I would take my DCs in and if the news is bad then I would explain to them why mummy is so sad and is crying. It is news that affects the whole family and I wouldn't lock them out to 'protect' them. This is MY family and how we would do things and I'm in no way saying others ways are wrong.

I remember being kept in the dark when bad things happened when I was a little girl and I still remember the horrible feelings of not understanding why everyone was crying and why was I not allowed to know.

I know people would most likely explain to their DCs later on when they felt calmer etc.

And I have had a 36 week loss and a 14 week loss which my child/ren were at. I feel it has helped us all be open with our feelings.