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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

who DID bond with baby from birth

30 replies

onastar · 19/08/2010 22:57

I posted a slightly different thread - who DIDN't bond with baby from birth - until it was rightly pointed out I'll get some skewed responses. Sorry. Am a novice.

What I'm really interested in is bonding or non bonding experiences in general - so this is for you if you DID bond!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

mjinhiding · 19/08/2010 23:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

NoahAndTheWhale · 19/08/2010 23:03

Could post on both threads

Bonded with DD the second she was born. She was taken away straight away as she needed some oxygen and I needed her back so much.

With DS (first born) I really didn't bond with him for a while. Difficult pregnancy at the end, difficult delivery and also I think undiagnosed depression (probably from pre-pregnancy). Probably didn't bond with him properly until it was treated during pregnancy with DD.

They are 6 and 4 now and I love them both very very much

hellymelly · 19/08/2010 23:05

I bonded with both mine,in spite of two c-sections.I think I bonded with them before they were born actually,but as soon as I heard DD1 cry I felt a very strong "give me my baby NOW" response,even though I was imobile due to the section.It took longer to get to know them,obviously,but the bonding was immediate for me.

Honeydragon · 19/08/2010 23:08

Bonded straight away with both of mine

Ds was a rather traumatic emergency section (forgot to breathe for a wee bit) although forunately I was awake for it due to epidural. Soons as I saw him, I was gone.

DD water birth, grabbed her and never want to let her go.

bibbitybobbityhat · 19/08/2010 23:09

I honestly and truly don't know what is meant by "bonding".

I did love my babies very much as soon as they were born. I suffered no pnd whatsoever and feel extremely lucky and grateful for this.

BunnyLebowski · 19/08/2010 23:09

Me. I had the sickening kind of reaction you read about in fiction and see in movies .

DD was born and I lifted her onto my naked chest and she looked up at me with a look that said 'So you're my mum'. I fell completely in love and burst into tears!

I had a very easy pregnancy and a straightforward natural birth so I'm sure that influenced it.

paisleyleaf · 19/08/2010 23:10

Instantly. It was an elective c-section and I'd previously heard of problems with bonding after a csection being common - but not at all for me.

DirtyMartini · 19/08/2010 23:11

I did -- with both, but slightly more so with ds (1st) than younger dd. Both c-secs, emergency for ds. Intense primal adoration, lots of head-sniffing and teary emotion.

ButterpieBride · 19/08/2010 23:11

Another person for both threads here :)

DD1- I remember thinking she was like a little kitten- I didn't wish her any harm, i just didn't feel that overwhelming love straight away. It came in stages, but was definitely there by the time I had DD2. I think the trauma of her birth had a lot to do with it- I was holding back, not wanting to get too attached, in case something else bad happened :(

DD2- planned section, and as soon as they lifted her up, I felt the strongest rush of love ever. I cried and laughed and wanted to be close to her always. She is probably a harder baby, tbh, but I'm coping much, much better.

I think that, with DD2's birth, the trauma from DD1s birth was sorted out in my head, so I could bond properly with them both.

sungirltan · 19/08/2010 23:14

bonded straight away - against the odds as dd was crash c section. dd started sucking my collar bone the first time i held her and latched on effortlessly

withorwithoutyou · 19/08/2010 23:15

What bibbity said - what is bonding anyway?

I mean, I remember when I held my first DC for the first time thinking "oh my god, what have I done, how will I ever cope if anything happens to her? I will have to kill myself"

Which was weird. A totally overwhelming feeling of knowing I could never live without her. But I think it took me a while to get to know her and love her for who she was.

So I still don't really understand the question, I guess.

PurplePillow · 19/08/2010 23:22

I had an ecs but the minute they lifted dd out of me I had tears of joy running down my face

It was a wee while before I got to hold and feed her and then they took her away over night as she was an ounce under their guidelines but I was up at 6 the next morning trying to get to her as I needed to see and hold her

mollycuddles · 19/08/2010 23:26

With ds I just felt very proud of myself and him. With dd1 I loved her immediately. Very overwhelming. With dd2 I just knew I loved her. Not as intense but just a calm sense of meeting someone amazing. All three were very different. With ds I was off my head on pethidine so didn't feel much of anything. Horrid stuff.

mamatomany · 19/08/2010 23:33

All very different experiences, DD1 felt protective but not love immediately, DD2 took a good year to fall for her, DD3 and DS1 instant, head over heels with them both.
No right or wrong answer/emotion

BrittanyBeers · 19/08/2010 23:40

Love at first sight with my first child. Wow-ee.Incredible. Went on to get PMT though.

It took a while with the next two-maybe I had my hands too full.
I'm glad I knew this was normal, I'd read it can happen, so I didn't tie myself in knots about it.

Love the bejebus outof them now!

MissWormwood · 19/08/2010 23:42

It's obviously a very personal thing, withorwithoutyou, but I believe that the "totally overwhelming feeling of knowing I could never live without her" is a form of bonding. I felt very similar when I saw my DS for the first time. Obviously I didn't know him, apart from how prone to hiccups he was; all the same, when we first looked at each other and our gazes locked, it was a moment where everything changed forever.

For me, the world now contained a person for whom I would die, without question or hesitation.

That's how it felt for me.

(I had a very good birth experience, but don't feel in any way superior to those who didn't. Luck of the draw.)

Athrawes · 19/08/2010 23:58

Six weeks and still waiting. He's very cute, smiles and has learnt to sleep five hours at night, so all normal. But I still love his Dad more than him. I am waiting for the "I can't live without you" feeling that I had when I fell in love with DH. But I am told it can take a while.

foxypar4 · 19/08/2010 23:58

I've had two very different experiences. First time round everything was difficult. I had antenatal depression, GD & pre-eclampsia & many hospital admissions. I was in for 5 days before induction & 5 days after, had a nasty forceps birth. I honestly thought we'd made an awful mistake for the first few days after DS1 was born. It took a good few weeks to bond, I found it difficult to pick him up and let DH do a lot for the first while.

Second time round I fully expected the same. We'd had a really difficult few months before the birth (My Dad was diagnosed with incurable cancer just a few weeks before EDD) and so I wasn't in the best frame of mind but I had the most amazing birth and bonded straight away, just like in the movies. It felt so strange compared to the first time.

A year down the line (DS2 turned 1 today!) and I'm just as close to both of them. I do wish I didn't find DS1 so hard to bond with at first but it wasn't his fault & it hasn't had any lasting effect.

SpeedyGonzalez · 20/08/2010 00:11

I bonded with both my babies immediately and still love them to bits, aged 3 and 3 months. Similar labours and births (though less physically traumatic 2nd time), and after DS I was over the moon, singing while being stitched up. With DD I cried - well, it was a combination of being utterly overwhelmed with inexpressible emotions, and it came out as tears. But I was so bloody happy . They are wonderful children.

Also I think my love for DS grew more and more with time, but with DD it was all there, ready to go - it was as if the first time around I was learning how to love as a mother, and 2nd time around all the 'love cells' were established and so they knew what to do. Not sure if that sounds weird, or sappy.

ln1981 · 20/08/2010 00:32

I had a section under general anaesthetic with ds1, so whilst it took a while to come round from that, i can honestly say that once i remembered why i was ther in the first place i bonded with him straight awat, i couldnt take my eyes of him at all.
Whereas with dd, there was nothing. i remember making all the right noises when she was placed on my chest but i actually felt so empty. it definately took me a few days to really feel that she was all mine. i think i might have been in shock after her birth, as even though it wasnt overly difficult, she did tear me badly on her way out, and the shock of seeing her with the cord around her neck (it took what seemed an age for her to breath) really got me.
i bonded well with ds2 also-he was/still is the 'baby' of the bunch and so i feel very, very protective of him, perhaps overly so sometimes

Ineedsomesleep · 20/08/2010 08:40

Bonded with both of mine straightaway. DC1 was born at teatime and I don't think I slept more than an hour all night. Combination of a noisy ward but mainly because I was holding him, crying and sobbing to MWs "I can't believe that we've made something so beautiful"

With DC2 just fell absolutely head over heels for her in a very calm way.

I think that bonding has two sides, the love and the protectiveness. I was lucky in that I had both instantly but I've heard of lots of Mums who have the protectiveness without the love, for a while anyway.

BreastmilkDoesAFabLatte · 20/08/2010 08:42

Yes, instantly.

I hope you're finding this thread more encouraging...

PANCHEY · 20/08/2010 08:52

I have two answers and my experience is similar to Foxypar4

DD1 - did not bond with her tough birth, delivered by ventouse, she had a very sore head and think that it hurt her when I tried to get her to breastfeed. Could not breastfeed as she arched her back away and screamed hysterically. Bonding really started for me when she was 6 months. I think I may have had PND. Felt worthless and not able to cope.

DD2 - great birth in birthing centre, breastfed immediately. I had an instant rush of love which never really died down. The brilliant thing is that pretty much simultaneously had a similar (rather late) rush of love for DD1. DD2 looked very similar to DD1 at birth, so it was a double whammy of bonding. I just felt really happy.

BikeRunSki · 20/08/2010 08:55

Yes, I fell in love with my son straightaway.

Hyperemisis throught pg, undiagnosed footling breech leading to much unwanted em CS and he was whisked away (oxygen) and cleaned up before I saw him. I adored him on sight. We had a traumatic first week (he - a bit poorly, me - produced no milk) and we did not go home until he was a week old but I would have done anything for him and loved him like I have loved nothing or no-one before.

ArseHolio · 20/08/2010 08:56

With Dd I felt immediate love and as if I would walk to the ends to the earth to protect her. She spent the first 4 weeks in NICU as was prem.

with DS my pregnancy was hell he was much more prem and much sicker and wasn't expected to survive for long and to be honest I could have walked away and left him in NICU for a couple of weeks after his birth. I felt completly detatched which was, I think, a protection mencanism.

Now they are 5.9 and 1.9 and I adore them both equally but while DD and I are close it's DS and I who have the strongest 'bond' but I think the 'Daddys Girl/Mummys Boy' cliche has something to do with that. I also think that breastfeeding plays a huge HUGE part 'bonding'

Immediate after birth bonding isn't important at all.. it doesnt mater a jot in the long term.

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