Why won't some people accept that sometimes pregnancy is harder than having a newborn?

[peppapighastakenovermylife]

I am being driven mad. Am 39+5 and for the last few weeks (just as in my other two pregnancies) I keep getting told by friends / family / random strangers that if I think things are bad now then just wait til the baby gets here...

Firstly - why people feel the need to make a heavily pregnant woman feel worse I don't know.

However my main point is that for some people pregnancy is the hardest part. I am lucky in a lot of ways but do not cope with the hormones well - they make me feel ill for the whole pregnancy. Each time I have had hyperemesis for the first 24 weeks which tails off gradually into morning sickness by the end. Even now I am still sick 3+ times a day and have to watch what I eat. I get anemic, blood pressure goes down, then up. Generally I feel exhausted and cry most days at the thought of it carrying on.

In comparison having a newborn has been a breeze as I feel well again. Tired yes but not in the bone shattering way of pregnancy. I don't understand why people cannot understand this when I try and explain it to them - they give me a patronising just you wait type look which I now know to ignore but as a first time mum it must be really hard.

Anyway, rant over, but why is it so acceptable to say negative things to pregnant women?!

I'm with you on that one... and I had absolutely no problems in pregnancy, barely any morning sickness, and I found the last few weeks a killer. I've just spent the day with my friend who's 31 weeks with her second and she's so tired and God I remember that feeling so well. I was trying to reassure her that it's so much easier when you can move, aren't bloated and fat and just so much more mobile. Dealing with a toddler is hard enough, without having a giant bumb in the way!

I am glad I am not alone - I already have DS (4) and DD (nearly 2) so its not as if life is simple now anyway! I just want to be able to walk more than a few steps without groaning!

No, I agree with you too, and I had two very straightforward pregnancies. But by the end you are tired, heavy, unable to sleep properly/comfortably, plus the psychological effects of waiting for something to happen. As well as when you have an older child especailly, stressing about arrangements, what time of day will I go into labour, when do I call for backup etc.
When you have the baby, all that's over. You're all loved up, and (for me anyway) you and DH are on holiday. I had a baby who woke to feed then slept in between, no cluster feeding, no crying (2nd time round) it was bliss. There was no way it was comparable to the last few weeks of pregnancy.

Hope it's soon, quick and straightforward :) Bet your two will love being older brother & sister!

I totally agree! I also find having a newborn is MUCH easier than being pregnant - particularly if you have other lo's. I can't wait to have this baby so I can feel a bit more 'normal'!

it was bliss when newborn ds2 arrived....having a 21 month old and a newborn was infinitely better than being pregnant with a 21month old. Second baby was EASY!!

I am just looking forward to not spending 20 minutes being sick each morning

And somehow the tiredness is different - neither of mine slept much and fed very frequently but sleep deprivation just seems easier than the exhaustion that comes with pregnancy

Oh...and to lie on my stomach again!

Stealth - you are right, the psychological side is hard as well...if I knew when, what would happen to the DC's, how the birth would go, when I would be home etc it would be so much simpler.

I definately agree, a baby is a cinch after the butt-clenching nausea and overwhelming tiredness of pregnancy, especially when working/commmuting/no doubt looking after toddlers etc.

I found it pretty annoying when people said 'you wait til the baby's here'. They obviously didn't have a bad pregnancy!

Agree! it's bloody hard for everyone at the end and some have a rotten, rotten time from start to finish. Once bubba is here you can at least usually get an hour without needing a bloody wee.

Pregnancy seems to bring out the absolute idiot in some people, especially blokes!!!

YANBU. I had an awful time with DS and although the first 6 weeks after he was born were hard (struggled with BFing, slow-healing c-section scar) they were nothing like as awful as pregnancy had been.

God, yes. I would love another child, but there is no way I am doing all that SHITE again. I've done it twice and that is enough.

I think the worst thing is the idiots who say "ooh, I worked right up to going into labour, you're not ill, you're pregnant"

I WAS ILL AND PREGNANT YOU UTTER TWAT!!!!!!

Sorry, still a sore point :)

I'm 16 wks with DC2 and I can't WAIT to have a baby instead of being pregnant. I had a horrible pg and birth with dd1 and even with the hideous first two weeks after I had her, it was way better than pregnancy.

I am not enjoying this pregnancy either so far and I'm looking forward to after the baby is born!

ButterpieBride, would love it if you said this out loud one time! Women who've had good pregnancies can be the worst. A sample size of 2 or 3 and they think they know all about everyone's experiences! Same league as the breast feeding police who say mad things which actually just demonstrate that they had good milk supply and babies who knew how to suck! peppapighastakenovermylife,I hope this is the type you get. Sounds like you could use a break!

Hi to all! I've only just joined mumsnet and could'nt resist reading the msgs.

I'm 33 wks with my 4th and not enjoying any of it. My first 3 were a breeze. This time round I've had nosebleeds (in my sleep, gone through god knows how many pillows!), leg cramps, hearburn to the point of being sick, morning, lunch and dinner sickness and have lost 1 tooth!

I have never felt so tired either. I am praying that this baby is 2 weeks early so that I can get back to normal.

And.... to top it all, I'm really looking forward to that "have you thought about contraception" conversation that they insist on having on the post natal ward the minute you arrive! Can't wait to tell them that my darling hubby is off to the vets in November!!

Butterpie - I couldn't agree more. I simply detest those idiots who insist that we can and should carry on as normal to the bitter end. No we are not just pregnant - we are growing and nourishing another human being and suffering huge disruption of our internal organs as a result. I did happen to work up to a week before having the baby (this time) but I'm intelligent enough to realise that I was damned lucky to have a good pregnancy this time. Also thar in hindsight it was a mistake as I wasn't mentally prepared for the baby when she arrived.

As for OP - I would have another baby to look after in a shot, notwithstanding all the feeding problems I've had both times. But be pregnant and give birth again I will NOT! It's by far the worst part!

Yes I want to be free to look after my other two, I feel they are missing out because I can't do anything much for them. Atleast when the baby is out it will sleep now and then leaving me free to be a Mum again.

Oh OnEdge, I wish mine would! Poor DS hardly sees me these days without a small person attached to my boob. It's still better than being pg though. Not least because I can at least pick him up again (not for much longer though - he's grown a lot in nine months!)

It made me feel normal when I read this thread instead of some strange freak who hates being pregnant.

I'm on number 2 and I hate not having my own body, being restricted in what I do, being so constantly exhausted, sickness, acid reflux, SPD etc. it's rubbish. My DD was a difficult baby for about 6 months with various issues but it was still much easier and enjoyable than pregnancy.

Roll on my newborn.

Hallelujah! Im not alone. I said this with DS1 and still think it now 38 weeks into pregnancy no 2! Pregnancy for me is utterly miserable, 9months of feeling and being very poorly. And yes the sleep you get in between feeds in the night is far more superior to ANYTHING i've had whilst been pregnant.
Counting down the days til I get my body back and others can hold the baby for a while.
Good luck all!!

You're so right! I had DC2 3 months ago and life is so much easier with both of them than when I was pregnant, even with a CS. I couldn't believe how much better I felt even straight after having DS. It was the same first time round with DD as well.

This fits right in with the thread I started earlier in the week about hating being pg. I am 15 weeks and have been on count down for weeks! I'm shattered, grumpy, spotty, fat (obviously) and generally a miserable cow. Depriving dh of sexual contact because I'm so tired and feel disgusting all the time!

I want my body back and cannot wait untill feb!!

Oh my gosh, I could have written your post OP. I hate this, I have SPD which seriously limits what I can do. I feel tired, achey and pretty much cranky all the time at the moment.

I can't wait to have a newborn, yes I may have a screamy baby but at least I'll be able to go running and eat stuff without worrying about the inevitable heartburn and nausea.

Plus the fact of the matter is, if you didn't know you were pregnant and you suddenly developed all those werid and wonderful symptons you'd think you were on the verge of a serious illness.

Definitely agree with Butterpie, other friends who are also pg with their first have breezed through, I've had a shit time so far on every level (and I'm only 20 weeks).

What's worse is that my (never been pg) best friend said the other day when I was struggling for breath again: "for god's sake, you're only pregnant you know!" Yeah, cheers.

Good to hear it gets easier once the pregnancy is over!

peppapig, this is a prime example of 'just wait til' syndrome, as I've come to think of it -

As in, whatever you are currently experiencing [pregnancy, having new baby, having 1 DC, or 2, or 3, looking after toddler, etc] - there is ALWAYS someone who says, 'ah, just wait til...you have a baby/they are bigger/older/you've got more of them/they start walking/talking etc etc etc.'

I can't bloody stand it. At best it sounds unsympathetic, as it obviously does for you being uncomfily pregnant - at worst it's a way of constantly putting mums/expectant mums down and undermining their experience. ('You think you're suffering now?? You don't know anything...')

In late pregnancy (and I had a very easy pregnancy overall) I would occasionally mention I felt tired. You know, when you get to the stage of being too big to sleep properly, and having to pee every hour at night. Oh, dearie me. 'You think you're tired now?? Just you wait til...'(and for the record, I now have a newborn, and yes it is pretty tiring, but I'm SO much comfier than I was the last few weeks of being pregnant. And I had a 'good' pregnancy).

I prefer not to think of parenthood as a series of escalating awful experiences, or as an arena of one-upmumship martyrdom, so the 'just you wait...' school of comment winds me up no end.

This post makes me feel so much better about having my first baby.

I've found pregnancy really tough so far. Roll on feeling better!

And so many people keep harping on about how tough it is once the baby arrives.

I can't wait to not need to pee all the time.