Why won't some people accept that sometimes pregnancy is harder than having a newborn?

[peppapighastakenovermylife]

I am being driven mad. Am 39+5 and for the last few weeks (just as in my other two pregnancies) I keep getting told by friends / family / random strangers that if I think things are bad now then just wait til the baby gets here...

Firstly - why people feel the need to make a heavily pregnant woman feel worse I don't know.

However my main point is that for some people pregnancy is the hardest part. I am lucky in a lot of ways but do not cope with the hormones well - they make me feel ill for the whole pregnancy. Each time I have had hyperemesis for the first 24 weeks which tails off gradually into morning sickness by the end. Even now I am still sick 3+ times a day and have to watch what I eat. I get anemic, blood pressure goes down, then up. Generally I feel exhausted and cry most days at the thought of it carrying on.

In comparison having a newborn has been a breeze as I feel well again. Tired yes but not in the bone shattering way of pregnancy. I don't understand why people cannot understand this when I try and explain it to them - they give me a patronising just you wait type look which I now know to ignore but as a first time mum it must be really hard.

Anyway, rant over, but why is it so acceptable to say negative things to pregnant women?!

I'd like to think in some ways people are trying to cheer you up. But in an arse about face way. It's v hard to know what to say. Can't mention the bump, can't mention labour, no platitudes. It's blardy annoying I know but sometimes trying to put a positive spin on people's comments was the only way to stop my teeth itching.

And I LOVED being pregnant. We should set up some kind of system. I'll do pregnancy for you, you do the newborn bit for me.

barkfox - I totally agree. It really upset me when I was pregnant and postnatal with my first as whenever I tried to express that I was struggling (I had PND but didnt tell anyone) it was met with 'you just wait'. I took them literally and used to dread the future because of it. Strangely enough though when I met that next dreaded stage it was usually fine...but then they moved onto the next.

The best bit though is when they then tell you how much you will miss it all when they are older and to enjoy it now...so its all going to be dreadful but enjoy it

In reality I found that as things progressed they got easier. I don't think I find two preschoolers and late pregnancy that much harder than late pregnancy the first time round if that makes sense - you adapt. Also having a newborn the second time round was soooo much easier (despite what people told me).

I hated my last two pregnancies. I was exhausted. I remember when I was pregnant with DD2 and feeling so knackered running round after a toddler, a friend (who already had two dc) looked at me and said: 'you know you will feel so much better when the baby is out, don't you.' and I was so relieved and grateful. And it was true.

This thread has made me feel so much better!

I'm 25 weeks and have got SPD and painful adhesions. It's so miserable! I can't wait for the little one to appear and for my body to get back to normal. I'm exhausted, can't walk and have had similar comments as others, such as "You wait..this is the easy bit...you're never going to sleep again" etc... grrrr

I actually feel like I'm putting a brave face on it all, when inside I feel like bursting into tears!

Oh god being pregnant is awful, I just remember feeling 100% better the day after both my children were born even though I'd not had a wink of sleep. I loathe being pregnant, I cannot cope with the exhaustion, it's like the life force has been sucked out of you. As for the last 5 weeks. Hideous. I would love a 3rd DC but just cannot face being pregnant again.

yay!! everyone feels as awful as i do!!! :)

that makes me feel so much better!!

Reading this has been really reassuring for me... I am sorry that everyone else feels crap too, but glad I am not alone.

Whilst not being really sick, I have felt nauseous continually, even with tablets, had low blood pressure so feeling faint and had sciatica, oh and heart burn and reflux, and just now at 25 weeks feel so uncomfortable - and starting to feel breathless too. As much as I am scared of labour (this is my first, and probably only child) I can't help but just want the day to come round so this part is just over!

Being pregnant is horrible, and the next person who tells me how wonderful the whole thing is and how much they loved it will be lucky if I manage to stop myself smacking them in the face!!

This has been wonderful to read! I just mentioned it to my dh and he said "yes, I remember the day after you gave birth, you just gave a sigh of relief and said how much better you felt. It was like you were a different person."

Even after a difficult birth and with a non-sleeping newborn, I felt so much healthier not being pregnant. Tiredness is one thing, but tiredness and nausea, constant loo trips, anxiety, breathlessness and faintness is much worse! Glad I'm not alone in feeling like this.

"The best bit though is when they then tell you how much you will miss it all when they are older and to enjoy it now...so its all going to be dreadful but enjoy it "

yes, peppapig, exactly! It's that sort of thing that's made me an 'Advice-phobe'. You're either being told that your current miserable experience is about to be eclipsed by one even more awful - or that you should be actively enjoying your current miserable experience. Sigh.

You know the first thing I said to DH after giving birth to DC2 - "I never have to do this again ).

well done op, although I hope your misery is over?
I hated both my pregnancies as I was sick from week 6 up until delivery, even had to excuse myself from leaving lunch at work to puke and the whole resterant heard me

Have to admit the best bit of being pregnant was when dh dug 3 holes in the sand on holiday for my boobs and bump total bliss.
Oh the joy of knowing my family is complete

Nope am still pregnant - and now battling the have you had it phone calls.

I plan to dance round the delivery room once he is out (c section or not ).

I just feel ill - like I need to detox or something - that generally groggy, yucky, hungover feeling. I remember when DD was born it was literally about 10 minutes and I felt completely different - ate loads of toast which I couldnt contemplate the whole pregnancy, was bouncing about all the next day even with no sleep and having just given birth.

Come on baby, get out

This thread has been very comforting for me, I'm 34+1 with our first ds and the last 8 months have been pure hell. I could list everything I've had to deal with symptom-wise but it would be as long as the yellow pages. I can't wait to have my body back and feel normal again, and I'm really pleased to hear everyone saying that its easier when the baby is out rather than in!!

I have just got through (and that was how it felt!) my 4th pregnancy (DS3 now 3 weeks old) and from almost as soon as I found out I was pregnant wondered why the hell I did it!

I did not have any medical problems luckily but the sickness, bloatedness, ankles like tree trunks, breathlessness, sciatia, SPD, sour taste in mouth, raging hormones so I was like a madwoman, and inability to even climb the stairs or stand and prepare dinner for the other DCs made me so depressed. Not to mention the terrible anxiety that there would be something wrong with the baby or me cos I'm so old now and the worry about how the birth would go (was a VBAC).

Well the birth was amazing, all over within 5 hours with G&A, no stitches needed and at then end a gorgeous, hairy 9lb 7oz healthy and calm (except when needs feeding!) baby boy so well worth all the rubbish bits (i.e. the pregnancy). Even though he needs feeding every two hours, I (and the DC) are loving it!

Wishing the rest of you a similar experience .

YAsoooooNBU, despite having three DCs under 4 (DD2 is 13 weeks old) every single day I find it easier than being pg, even the first time. Yes DD2 is an easy baby, yes I am more experienced and neglectful laid back, but OMG I hated being pg with a passion. Found the third time slightly easier just because I knew I was never doing it again, but not much - several times I think I was close to pre-natal depression, v nearly went to GP for prescription for ADs.

When I was pg with DD1 I was at a hen do at a friend's house and was just hauling my giant spd arse off the sofa for the nth time to go pee, when one of the other hens said 'Don't you just LOVE being pg?!' I think the appropriate phrase is 'If looks could kill'!!

On a positive note, I was told that if you hate pregnancy you're less likely to get PND as you're just so damn glad it's over...

Sorry just noticed this isn't in AIBU!!

I'm glad to read this thread. I'm 34+2 and I feel exhausted and am in constant pain with extra sharp pains just to remind me that the usual pains weren't as bad as these intermittent pains. Then have also developed sickness despite not having it early on.
work in a family business with DP and his parents. Yesterday his parents confirmed they're going on holiday and I physically can't go on mat leave or even into labour until 38 weeks or the business will have to shut for over a week (which we can't afford to do). I felt like breaking down in floods of tears when I found this out. I want this baby out and want to not have to work all day with the only sitting I get to do is on the loo!

Totally agree.

DD2 is almost 7 weeks now and as soon as she was born the exhaustion and immobility lifted.

I had a c-section and it was still easier recovering from that than it was looking after a 22month old when heavily pregnant.

Would love a third but the pregnancy really really puts me off. Not sure I could do it again, it was so depressing.

And first time round I was one of those annoying people who worked up to the week the baby was born.

soairse that's really rough. have your pils considered what will happen if you have the baby early? in those timescales it would not be uncommon.

I could actually cry reading this. it feels so good to know that there are other people who feel like this! it's almost frowned upon to say that you're not enjoying pregnancy!

im now 26 weeks, still sick every single morning without fail. exhausted constantly, feel so tired i could cry at work and usually nap when i get in! Cant wait to have the baby and finally stop being pregnant!

ive got quite fed up with people saying 'youre just pregnant' and giving me all thier- im sure well meaning but none the less patronising advice' some people just dont seem to get the fact that i'm having an utter crap pregnancy!

also fed up with people saying 'that will be you soon- whenever someone is on with a baby', try a giniger biscuit for morning sickness- sorry but when youve had hyperemesis and ended up in the hospital for three days giinger biscuits don't quite cut it!, 'oh your getting big- ya freekin think! im growing a whole new human being in my stomach, dont really need that pointed out to me!' and sooooo many others....

I get fed up reading interviews where women say "pregnancy was an amazing, magical time when I embraced my body and didn't want it to end as i felt so womanly".

That's just bo*cks.

Pregnancy is uncomfortable. You throw up and feel nauseaous. You have dreadful heartburn. Your ribs constantly hurt because things are digging into them. You get excrutiating back pain that makes you cry. You can't get comfortable in bed and you can't sleep so you are exhausted all of the time. You look like a whale and no clothes fit you.

What is magical about that?

Daisy I personally think those women are probably on drugs.

Hermya they must be it's the only way they could possibly think it's magical. It's a bodily invasion is the only way I can describe it.

It's a good job that the hormones and time afterwards helps to dull the memory of how rubbish it is otherwise I think the human race would be struggling certainly in our household anyway.