Anyone due in April 2004?!

[dot1]

Hello!

I found out last week I was pregnant, and although I've not been to my GP yet, various websites and Miriam Stoppard have told me I'm due on March 31st/April 1st! (poor little april fools baby - let's hope it's late...).

I know it's early days, but wanted to start this thread as I've already got lots of questions - like, is anyone else having quite bad pains? I've been getting bad period-type pains, which have been worrying me, but I understand people do get (this is my first pregnancy by the way!).

Right, that's it - hope I get some company soon..!

Yes I can finish earlier if I need to but I'm hoping I'll be fine. I'd rather have the extra time after the baby is born. I haven't really had that 'exhausted pregnant feeling' and am still at the gym 3 days a week at the mo.
I suppose that is the reason that we are trying to be so organised. Maybe first time around you try to plan everything to anticipate for the unknown.
If dh and I can't sleep due to noisy baby sleeping we are just going to have to put in earplugs as there won't be anywhere else for it to sleep for the first 6 months. We have family visiting from NZ on and off for the summer. We are also in a rented flat (1 floor no stairs) so don't have to worry about decorating at all.
dot1 have you exchanged yet? It is certainly a stress you could do without I'm sure.
The wrist guards should help a bit - if nothing else it forces your wrists to rest, and should prevent any further nerve compression.

But the SIDs guidance tells you to keep your baby in your room with you for the first 6 months doesn't it? I did this with dd (but she wasn't any trouble). However I can't find a 'scientific' explanation about why they have this 6 month 'rule'

I think it's cos the risk of cot death goes down dramatically after about 6 months. and cot death is less likely if the baby is in your room. I'm sure all that recent research on sids mentions it.

DD1 was in our room for 11 months as she was such a good sleeper she didn't disturb us or us her. DD2 only for 5 months as a restless sleeper with noisy dreams and wailing in her sleep.

I am not bonded much with my bump either but didn't bond with the other 2 til after the birth. we have no need to buy any baby stuff it's all there already but I still like sorting it out again.

I'm due 12 april and may work til that date if still feel fine, partly cos I hate sitting around waiting for the birth and was a week late with dd1, sitting around the house feeling very miserable. I can't stand that waiting. I guess I'm expecting this one to be late too, even though dd2 was 2 days early.

I know - I worried and felt incredibly guilty about the cot death stats re: keeping baby in your room... but in the end, 6 weeks of no sleep won out... I think you do what you have to do to keep sane with a newborn! Although I was saying to dp last night that this bit of the thread had made me wonder if it might be different with this baby - we might want it in our room for months! I'd just assumed we'd be throwing it out after a few weeks..!

Not good news on the house front - extra complications I only found out about yesterday pm means we probably won't be able to move in until the first week of March - I'll be 36 - 37 weeks pregnant... my worst nightmare. I cried all last night - horrible thinking that all our baby stuff's in storage so I can't get stuff ready, and that we really wanted a nice length of time for ds to settle in the house before baby came along. I know I'll probably go overdue and we should have 4 - 5 weeks in the house before baby arrives, but it's not ideal really, and incredibly stressful when the date keeps being put back...

I guess keeping the baby in your room is like breastfeeding and so much else, you can aim to try it but have to see how it works out.

I am a bit overwhelmed by the recent WHO guidelines which now suggest exclusive breastfeeding (no food) for up to 6 months, it was 4 months til recently. not sure I can manage that.

bad news about your house Dot, it must be very stressful not to be able to get organised in advance.

after several weeks of feeling really good, even a late "blooming", am knackered now. Went to bed at 7.30pm yesterday. Today just want to cry. no real reason just stressed out by little things.

know how you feel Fennel - I just feel on edge all the time - v. close to snapping at people and trying to hold my temper (and tears) most of the time...

Re: weaning - I remember ds being more than ready at 4 months - it was a struggle to get him to 16 weeks - he was 9lbs at birth and carried on being v. big and really (we felt) needed to start on baby rice at 4 months. It's all v. tricky - I suppose we'll just see how it goes, but as I'll be back at work when baby's 5 months I'm assuming it'll weaned and on formula by then!

Don't we all do (or will attempt to do) the best we can in all situations. What if you don't have enough milk - surely some food is better than insufficient. All recommendations are just that and we shouldn't feel guilty (OK my rant is over).

Agree Dot it must be just awful having to go through these house problems. It really is the last thing you need. Thing positive thing is that you will be off on maternity leave then so will have some time to get everything organised compared to if you were still at work. Should also keep your mind off the 'waiting for labour to start' stuff as well which is what I'm not looking forward to - hence working as long as I can.

that's true! Will be so busy unpacking/painting/bossing dp around to move furniture I won't notice I've gone into labour!

Formula milk is supposed to be much better than solid foods if you don't or can't breastfeed.
would never criticise anyone for not breastfeeding I don't like it much mainly because I found it excruciatingly painful the first time.

dot1 - I don't blame you for the way you are feeling. You must have been really looking forward to the house move. What a blow. It must be so frustrating. House moving is stressful at the best of times but to be pg as well must be doubly worse.

I had no idea about the recent WHO guidelines. I know some countries follow no weaning until 6 months. What about babies who have to be weaned earlier than 4 months then ? Will that advice no be withdrawn??

Dot1 - so sorry to hear about the delayed house move. I would be crying all night as well. I think its instinctive - you just want to feel settled before the baby comes.

Re baby sleeping with you and cot death - unless you are likely to be sleeping 16 hours a day ( if only) then the baby will be sleeping on its own for part of the time anyway. Someone close to me lost a baby at 6 weeks - he was sleeping in crib in parents room but it was the early evening. Sorry to be blunt, but you have to accept that you cant watch your baby 24 hours a day. Well not if you want to remain sane.......

re BF - I plan to try it and see how I get on. I don't expect it to be easy but I won't torture myself with guilt I cant go for 6 months. Even a few days or weeks is much better than nothing. And no, its not that I'm not aware of all the benefits for mother and baby. Its just that I've seen too many mothers become very distressed and feel like complete failures because it didn't work out. Lets face it, none of us are or will ever be perfect parents. If you don't accept that now you will become very unhappy & frustrated.

I agree with Fennel and Udar - we all just do the best we can. Otherwise what will our kids have to talk about in therapy when they are adults?

Well judging by my experience today, DD1 will be able to tell the therapist how she had no friends at pre-school aged 3 cos the others bring crisps and sweets to share and her mean parents won't let her take junk food to share in school hours. Now I feel very guilty that she will be unpopular. (not really a topic for a pregnancy thread here though)

Not having a good day. went to see midwife and she was running about an hour late so had to leave to go to pick dd up from school. so missed my appointment. it's all so inflexible. feel there are just too many pregnant women around here and too few midwives.

Fennel - neither will this mean mother!!! At DD2 s nursery this is not alllowed. Maybe you could speak to the staff at the pre school - its not a very health promoting practice. Besides, what about kids who have food allergies - another child could give them something which could make them very ill. ( This line will probably scare pre school into addressing the issue!)

Lesley, the school has a healthy eating policy and asks for no sweets or crisps but teachers not enforcing it. they are good teachers but busy I guess. Feel strongly about healthy eating but also very anxious for shy dd1 to make friends.

Lots to feel guilty about in parenting isn't there? even if you do breastfeed!

Fennel - I know what you mean about midwives and inflexible hours. Ours only work Tuesday mornings in the surgery btw 11am - 1pm so I have to go to work for a couple of hours, go to midwife, then go back to work. My appointment always seems to be at 12.45pm right in the middle of lunch hours which doesn't make me popular!

Lesley 76,

The SIDS guidelines are evidence based from extensive research. I'm quite aware (being a mum already) that I won't be sleeping alongside my son 16 hours a day, but nevertheless I'll still be following the guidelines

Lesley, I thought this was your first child? or do you already have others?

my midwives give appointments 2-3 on tuesdays, and are also fully booked most weeks. dd has to be picked up from school at 3pm exactly. So yesterday I manage to miss work, miss the midwife AND be late for dd at school! I think I will just give up and stop trying to see midwife, as long as the baby keeps kicking it's probably ok isn't it?

I don't really understand why baby sleeping in the same room with you cuts down the risk of SIDS - unless you instintively listen out for them breathing and get more of a warning if they stop - but this is what kept me awake last time! And I just couldn't continue to function after nights and nights of no sleep... Like everything it's trying to find the balance between practicalities/guilt/the 'right thing'. I'm also not worrying too much about the breastfeeding thing - hope I can do it and looking forward to having a go, but not going to tie myself up in knots if I can't - whereas dp felt v. guilty when she stopped at 5 months - ds actually weaned himself off of his own accord - prefered bottles and just stopped. dp was going back to work anyway but still felt incredibly guilty, which was a real shame 'cos she'd done so well.

Ho hum - we'll all drive ourselves mad at this rate..! (am I wittering - could be because I'm up every 2 hours weeing - going slightly insane through lack of sleep..!!)

Fennel - can you get checks at your GP instead ?? I must admit I do personally think MW checks are important as they will check that the baby is growing according to your dates, and other stuff like blood pressure and urine etc.

Dot,

I hope I didn't make you feel uncomfortable / or make you feel that you have to justify your decision at all...(and I do understand where you are coming from)...I just felt that my decision was being belittled (admittedly perhaps not intentionally) and I am probably being oversensitive - not by you I hasten to add!(Phew, that was a dickensian sentence)

Sorry to hear about your house situation - its not for nothing that they rate it as one of the most stressful life events that you can experience! I hope the new move date holds firm

I don't think they know WHY the sleeping in a same room lessens the risk of SIDS, they have just found there's a correlation. maybe partly to do with room temperature, as well as listening to them breathing.

I have mine sleeping in bed with me, 4 years ago this was officially a way to reduce SIDS (depending which research you read). and now there's an argument it may increase it. will still probably be doing it as I believe the research which agrees with with what I want to do.

HMC - no, not at all! I think the SIDS thing is one of the most stressful things we have to worry about in the first year - I still worry when our 2 year old ds sleeps in past 7.15am! My first thought is always the worst - can't help it. It's such an emotional subject that we all can't help mulling it over (and over!). I agree Fennel that it's interesting that advice has now changed re: not having your baby in bed with you for the first 8 weeks - whereas before the advice was the opposite...

But what I love about Mumsnet is that we're all so conscientious and trying to do the right thing - I find it v. supportive no matter what small differences we do in practice - there's probably none of us sticking our babies on their tummies with duvets over their heads, smoking as we do it..!!

(oh no - I sound sooooo middle class...!)

Fennel - yes , have four children already. Its a long and complicated story.............!!

HMC - not trying to belittle your decision - on the contrary, just saying that we ALL have to do what seems best to us, taking account of our own needs, & partner & other kids if we have them. Its never easy to know what is for the best.

My comment on SID is based on our family's experience, not any kind of research. Sorry if this upsets anyone. I know I would like to believe that if I do the "correct" thing, then everything will be Ok. But sadly that isn't always the case. And, as Dot1 & Fennel point out, the advice on what is "correct" changes.

Well, this thread has been busy since I last looked! Dot - sorry about the house news, hope it'll all work out ok. I'm a bit worried that my ds is going to have a lot of upheaval in April - he starts school on the 19th (due date is 22nd). Re bonding, I don't think I've bonded so much with this one as I did with ds but that's maybe just because I've been distracted by other things (maybe it's the same for you dot?). I start maternity leave at the end of March. Won't be taking raspberry leaf tea as had it last time and had a scarily quick birth - don't think my uterus needs strengthening!).

What exactly is raspberry leaf tea supposed to do, I've never been clear?
give stronger contractions? lessen risk of tearing?

I took it first time and whatever it was supposed to do it clearly didn't but may try again I liked the taste of it - are we supposed to start with it already then?

Been practising labour moves on my birthing ball in yoga class. It's quite comfy to sit on. am trying to be positive that these will actually help this time around.