How many people REALLY don't mind what gender?

[eth37]

I am newly pg with DC2 and am already sick of people saying 'Ooo you'll be hoping for a girl this time then'. I have the most wonderful little boy, and take this personally for him! I'm also annoyed as if I am having another boy, I feel like everyone will go 'aaww. She must be disappointed' whereas actually, I really don't care!! It is a new child who I will love regardless! Loads of my friends paid for private gender scans with their first babies, all were desperate for girls. Am I abnormal, or does anyone else actually not mind at all?!

WinkyWinkola, it's so true that you can't project onto boys or girls... already my sons are so different and I think DS1 is always going to enjoy shopping, drawing and doing more creative things than his brother. He's a bit more boisterous and likes charging around with balls, cars and making noise. I love that they are so different

I really don't mind, but then I have a boy and a girl already so apparently I am officially allowed to not mind .

I was a little disappointed briefly when we found that DD was a girl - not because I particularly wanted a boy rather than a girl but because I'd had mental images of DS running around with a little brother and it was like I'd lost that imaginary boy in a way.

DS wants a little brother but none of the rest of us are bothered either way.

I really don't mind. I imagine that having a boy or girl would have both brilliant points and slighlty ... less manageable points.

DP however wants a boy. He'd love either of course, but he knows how he'd act with a boy (footbally would be the main topic of conversation) and isn't sure how to bond with a girl.

No worries though, neither will be a disappointment. It's our first baby - it's a big yay!

I don't mind at all. In fact, the obsession with finding out a child's gender really urks me! People start making assumptions about the child before it is even born - assuming that a girl will be 'little princess' or a boy will be a 'handful'.

As a feminist, I'd like to think that kids could be free from all this stereotyping - especially before the poor little things are even born!

But I know that some people like to know the sex as it makes it more 'real'. Fair enough - each to their own

these comments have always driven me insane, esp with my last pregnancy, where we found out the sex and so knew we were having our fourth boy, everyone was so 'disappointed' for us, we didnt care at all, i love having my little gang of boys.

now 24wks preg with no 5 and at the 20wk scan they said girl! it was a good job i was lying down or i would have fallen over, i was so convinced i would be having another boy, tbh i still dont really believe that this baby is a girl and if it comes out and is a boy then thats fine by me and dp, we are not bothered at all.

bizarrely everyone else is HUGELY excited by the fact that we are 'finally' having a girl, which freaks me out slightly that other people are more excited by my pregnancy than i am, not that i am not excited, but the sex of the baby doesnt matter to me, but seems to matter to everyone else, which feels a bit odd?

and despite finding out the sex and having bought a few girly bits in the sale (girls clothes are really cute) most stuff i have been buying is unisex and i will also re-use the bits i have from the boys as well.

and re finding out the sex, we didnt with our first three, but i wanted to with no 4, not sure why tho and this time the elder boys who are 10 and 8 wanted to know if the baby was a boy or a girl, so it was nice to find out for the, tho we have told them that tho the sonographer was positive it was a girl, they can still be wrong!

I really, really don't care. I personally think that those who do care passionately either way, probably have a few psychological issues to deal with.

But then, I'm facing probable infertility due to stupid things I did in my youth, so I'm not the most understanding person when it comes to baby moans!

My head goes...

I want a girl, I want a boy, I want a girl, I want a boy, I want a girl, I want a boy....

SO indecisive.

With this one I don't mind at all, but I would like to end up with at least one from either gender. But in the grand scheme of things it doesn't really matter, if they're healthy and happy and loved and everything.

Really don't mind. I have nephews and they're all lovely, so boys are great. Friend has a daughter and she's lovely too, so girls would be as good.

Mahraih your DP could talk football with a girl as well. I have masses of football nuts female friends, whose dads always took them to games growing up. Most of them still play football as well. It's a really lovely bond they have.

I guess that's why I don't really mind, I'd do similar things with either sex. Not that fussed about endless shopping, much more interested in going exploring and making things.

secretly wanted a girl first time cos I didnt know what to do with boys. second timw I wanted a girl as it was easier and they could be friends. 3rd I quite fancied a boy - a bit different, and 4th a boy would have been nice for room sharing purposes and to be friends. It all happened, and now I wonder if I just think I wanted this looking back as I often do that.

In reality I would have been happy with a rabbit if it was healthy after long pregnancy and labour!!

I really, truly didn't mind - didn't find out when PG with DS1, but found out with this baby (am 30 weeks pregnant) as wanted to know if I needed to keep clothes or buy new.

I have had 3 miscarriages though, the most recent of which involved a blood transfusion and a spell in hospital, so people generally believe me when I say I just want a live baby at the end of it!

Told myself and everyone else that I ha. No preference for the sex of DC. Secretly I did really want a girl. Reason for this is, DH and I have planned to stop at 2 children if we're lucky enough to have a second. I have always wanted a girl (am 1 of 3 sisters and have 4 neices and only 1 nephew, poor boy!) as girls was what I knew, so for DC1 felt like I wanted my girl so that for any subsequent pregnancy, the pressere would be off for me, as I woul be delighted with 1 of each, or 2 girls.
But I do realise that if DD was a boy, I wouldn't have been disappointed and would have loved a boy every bit as much.

I've always wanted a boy -- partly because I'm terrified that my mother's curse of "someday you'll have a daughter who treats you just like you treat me" will come true if it's a girl. OTOH, I know that my relationship with my child will be very different from what ours was, regardless of the child's sex.

My husband's side of the family is almost all boys, so I've been joking for years that there's no way we'd ever have a girl. But maybe we will.

The bottom line is that I know I'm going to love the little thing to pieces, whatever it is.

I do definitely detect a girl-bias among my female colleagues, though, and it drives me nuts. "There's just something magical about little girls," my boss says, as if boys are somehow inferior. Then again, she complains about her husband all the time, so maybe that has something to do with it.

I know what you mean about the girl bias... It appears everywhere!

When I had DC1 I have to say I really wanted a boy - not sure why exactly but I just did. He was a boy... DC2 was a also a boy but died at birth. I was just so pleased that DC3 (BOY!) was healthy that I didn't give gender a second thought... Now 22 weeks pregnant with DS4! . And I'm thrilled, would be equally as thrilled with a girl but in a different way.

To be honest the bias towards girls - its quite pronounced on MN as well - has made me wonder if I should be slightly disappointed I'll never have a girl? (This baby definately the last). But then I wonder what a girl would give me that my fourth son can't.

• Clothes - yes girls clothes are prettier but I dont buy girly clothes for myself so why would I suddenly want to buy dresses?

• Shopping - I rarely go on long clothes shopping trips and didn't even when single and living in London - so again why would I suddenly want to do that?

• The girly chats - I've got friends I do this with and have some great conversations with my sons.

So I figure that I just must be someone that really doesn't mind. Am sure girls are fab but so are boys!

Having said that we're not telling people we know the sex of this baby as I KNOW we'll get some negative comments / sympathetic looks.

The one thing I do know is that even if this baby were a girl I'd never put them in a 'little princess' t-shirt or something equally as sickly - just as I dont put my boys in anything that says 'noisy' or 'here comes trouble'. I think all these things contribute to the feeling that boys are naughty and hard work where as girls are pretty and easy

I dont thin it's a co-incidence that most people who say they dont mind/it doesn't matter are parents of very young children.

When they get older the experience of parenting the different genders is very different eg clothes, hair, schools, attitude to relationships/sex, what clubs/classes they go to, what sports they compete in, what muscial instruments they play, what hobbies they have, what books they read, what subjects they choose, how much protecting they need from sexual predators or themselves, and what chance you will have of having a relationship with your grandkids.

Well no, it won't be a coincidence that most people who say they don't mind are parents of very young children. Because women who are pregnant and in a position to be minding or not minding are more likely to be either first-timers or the parents of young children than they are to be parents of teenagers.

Plenty of parents of older children find that their experience of parenting different children is very different, whether they are of different genders or not. I know my parents found me and the elder of my brothers fairly similar and then had a bit of a shock when (very different) brother 2 came along. And when I think about my SILs they differ hugely in almost all those respects you mention.

Those experiences have to be different for different children, not just genders. My sister and I were very different growing up. And surely the relationship you have with your grandkids is as much about you as whether you have a boy or a girl? I had equally close relationships with both sets of grandparents, and my mum and MIL will have the relationships they choose to have with their grandkids.

Saying that children are different because of their individuality shows a naivity about how gender segregated our society is.

How many boys do you know who wear their hair in plaits/play netball every week/get pregnant?

How many girls shave thier heads/aim to be professional footballers when they grow up/get involved in gang violence?

There are lots of grandparents who cant see their grandchildren as much as they would like after relationship breakdown, these are almost always paternal grandparents.

There are soooooo many things that come higher up my list of preferences for a DC than gender, from serious stuff like us both surviving pregnancy and birth, the child not having life-limiting health issues or behavioral problems, general preferences like having a personality that fits well with the rest of the family, being laid-back, clever, athletic, through to really shallow stuff like being good looking.

Before DS, I thought I wanted a girl. Now I realise it doesn't matter at all.

I appear to be pregnant again after 3 years of infertility and a miscarriage... I think after that, you don't really care as long as the lil bugger stays put where it's supposed to for the next 9 months!

Seriously - I'm too busy praying I make it through the first trimester, have no bombshells at the scans to even think about if it's pink or blue.

Well, my SIL1 had a trial for the England rugby team.

And yes, so far I've had more miscarriages than live births. I'm not going to get all "oooh, I hope it's a girl because if it's a boy then he might grow up and get married and then he might split up with his wife and then he might be one of the divorced parents who lose touch with children post-divorce" . I'm happy with a live baby at the end of the process.

I'm not naive enough to think that it will make no difference to the path the child takes (although I'd like to minimise that), but I absolutely think that it doesn't matter, in the grand scheme of things, and that I don't mind whether an individual live baby is male or female.

Always thought that I wanted a boy second time round. But my ds has been so adamant that it be a sister that I think that's part of the reason that I was looking forward to a girl. I had a scan today and she accidentally said 'he' and I must admit I'm a little sad, as if my little girl is gone.

DD was an amazing and beautiful surprise. My DH is an eldest brother and I have an older brother so I think it seemed the most natural family structure. However, we didn't really have a good boys name chosen, so it was fortunate that a girl arrived!

DC2 not due for 7 months but I don't care what we have. Like Rockbird it would be good to reuse the mountains of clothes we have but hey, I'll enjoy shopping for more whether it's a girl or boy :-)

What about genetic conditions which only affect one gender?

Male neonates/infants/children/teenagers all have a higher rate of mortality/morbidity than females, so everyone who says "as long as it's healthy" should be crossing their fingers for a girl.

I didn't mind at all. I ended up with dd and then ds. The thing that got me was everyone assumng that dh 'wanted a boy' when I was pg with dc2. Actually he said he wanted a girl!!