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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Do I find out the sex tmw? Arguments for or against!

31 replies

TheFruitWhisperer · 19/07/2010 10:50

Im totally in two minds...

I can see that a lovely surprise would come at the end of all that hard work, but Ive also heard that 'it could be an animal at that point, you wont even care'!

I also think finding out might make the pregnancy feel more 'real', but at the same time, I want a good old fashioned pregnancy where its a mystery with people taking bets and stuff.

Help!

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eclectech · 19/07/2010 11:09

I only have a two-minded response I'm afraid. We'd decided that if we were given the option we would find out. It turned out we weren't given the option and it was policy to not tell anyone. Later in the pregnancy I was really pleased I didn't know.

Sorry, no help whatsoever really.

MrsGangly · 19/07/2010 11:10

We don't know and it is good fun listening to people trying to work it out based on all the old wives tales. We've picked out full names for both sexes but are excited to find out what it is and if the name is right for them.

OgreRebel · 19/07/2010 11:12

It's your decision. Some people will tell you they could only do it one way, others only do it the other way. People from one camp don't understand people from the other camp.

One thing you could do if your hospital allows it, is ask them to write it down and stick it in a sealed envelope. Then decide later if you want to know.

Bear in mind that some babies are shy too. We wanted to know but dd was refusing to open her legs.

slimyak · 19/07/2010 11:12

I'm with you on the two minds thing.

I didn't find out with DD, but I was sure she was a girl and that she would be blond and blue eyed like her dad. And she is.

This time I have no idea and I swing from the practicalities that if I know I can be more prepared, we have loads of girl stuff and if it's a boy I would rather not have the hassle of getting rid of all the stuff once number 2 arrives. Also, I've had 3 miscarriages and having that one step closer to my baby, being able to give it a name maybe (although I wouldn't give that info out) and know that little bit more I think I would find reassuring at this moment.

At the same time, the surprize was lovely last time, and if it really doesn't matter to you either way, do you need to know? It is funny how people get so involved in the is it a girl or boy debate, my brother ran a sweep stake on sex, weight and date. Maybe I could test them before I tell them that I already know.

I think our desicion will be left right up to being in the 20wk scan, then it's who cracks first. I think DH wants to know.

I've had friends who have found out, not regretted it and said it makes it more real.

CoinOperatedGirl · 19/07/2010 11:15

Ooh I don't know,I didn't have the option with any of my 3 so made it easy. Can you get them to write it down? That way you could keep it in case you were desperate to know.

Is it your first? I was so shocked when dd was born, pregnancy had seemed like an academic exercise, could never describe the feeling of seeing my real life actual baby for the first time. Birth will be brilliant wether you know the sex or not.

DuelingFanjo · 19/07/2010 11:17

I'm not because I don't want to be buying for a particular sex and making assumptions about my baby based upon how they are supposed to be because of their sex. I also want a surprise.

DH on the other hand really wants to know.

I think it's only something you can decide really.

zipzap456 · 19/07/2010 11:19

I was determined not to find out as I didnt with my last 3. As the scan came to an end, my other 3 came in to see the baby on the screen. My daughter looked at the screen & said "I'm having a brother, I can see his willy" so now i KNOW!!!

It has made things a lot easier but feels weird knowing and it not being a surprise.

Hope your scan goes well :0)

Rafwife · 19/07/2010 11:22

I know, as I am impatient I had a scan before with all mine, PAid privately to specifically find out as I just NEEDED to know that is me though.

Good job really as we have all boys stuff and this time it's pink stuff so the family are glad to know as well as they have been out going OTT!

PrettyCandles · 19/07/2010 11:27

I was mildly curious, dh didn't want to know. So we agreed not to find out (I couldn't have kept it a secret!)

And I'm glad we didn't.

Cuddling your naked newborn, not knowing yet whether it's a boy or a girl, examining the baby and finding out for yourself...it is utter magic.

With dc2 we both clearly saw a penis on the scan. Neither of us said anything, in case the other hadn't seen it. It took me several weeks to get over the fact that I wouldn't be having a girl, wouldn't be teaching her about periods, wouldn't be doing girlie things with her, etc. Eventually I came round to the idea that having a houseful of boys would be fantastic and exciting.

Of course dc2 turned out to be a girl.

Much much nicer not knowing, and being open to whatever comes. By the time that baby is in your arms, you won't be disappointed!

OgreRebel · 19/07/2010 11:30

"Much much nicer not knowing, and being open to whatever comes"

Do you see what I mean? People have very fixed ideas about the better way to do things. And of course it is the better way. For them.

Only you know which way you want to do it.

Original poster

TheFruitWhisperer · 19/07/2010 11:33

Another aspect is that we have no boy names. And Im totally adamant Im having a girl, so havent pushed myself to think of boys names.

And I feel quite pressured knowing that this is my last chance to find out unless I want a private scan (which I dont!)

Ogre, having a sealed envelople is a WONDERFUL idea! Thankyou!

OP posts:

Threelittleducks · 19/07/2010 11:34

I needed to know both times - just so I could get used to the idea and mentally prepare.
It really helped me as I felt I 'knew' my son a little better when he came out.
It's nice having a new baby, but reality is often that you are landed with a little stranger who needs to get to know you and who you need to get to know. Knowing what I was getting just helped me a bit better.

I found out this time that I'm having another boy. I really wanted a girl, but knowing now that I am having a boy has let me feel happy for his brother, my husband and our family dynamic. A girl would have been completely different for us, so knowing that its a boy is really helping me get to grips with how things are going to change this time around. It's exciting

If I hadn't found out I prob would have bought shed loads of girly stuff, just cuz I was convinced it was a girl, ha ha ha!! (Definite wishful thinking!)

It's an individual thing of course. That's just how we worked it.

KnitterNotTwitter · 19/07/2010 11:35

I found out with DS because I was convinved he was going to be a girl but DH was being an arse and refusing to discuss girls names because he was sure it was a boy. So we found out. I was genuinely in shock for the rest of the day. DH was hideously smug for about a week.

I'm very glad we found out because I was SO convinced and wouldn't have wanted the shock on the big day - and DH being smug while I was trying to establish BFing would have been supremely irritating.

My mum and sister came to the sexing scan and loved that we all found out together. My MIL and SIL are going to come to the scan for DC2... It made it a nice family event IMO.

It also turned out to be a good thing because a few people asked us if we knew what we were having and when we said boy they gave us loads of clothes - we basically didn't have to buy anything for the first 3 years!! People who didn't find out didn't seem to get offered stuff in the same way for some reason.

PrettyCandles · 19/07/2010 11:42

OK Ogre, would you prefer it if I said

"It was much much nicer for me not knowing, and being open to whatever comes."

After all, I'm talking from my experience of doing it both ways.

fiestabelle · 19/07/2010 11:45

Didnt find out with DS, had long difficult birth and as others have said they could have said "its a cat" and I wouldnt really have cared!! Having a baby is a huge thing, enough of a surprise in itself, that tbh the sex didnt really seem important. With dd, we found out, but have never told anyone that we knew, and never will, and it was lovely, made the day of the scan really memorable, and we then had loads of conversations about what it would be like when our daughter was born. I also had real difficulty imagining a baby that wasnt exactly like DS, so for me, it helped that I had a bit of advance warning that she was a girl. On the flip side, I did have a bit of anxiety that I wouldnt love a girl like I love DS, but obviously now that she is here, I adore her and cant imagine how I ever thought that would be the case. It is YOUR decision, but having had one of each scenario, if we were having a third, I would find out. HTH!!

OgreRebel · 19/07/2010 12:19

PrettyCandles, I wasn't being critical. I was reiterating the fact that for most people, they have a way that is better for them and your statement highlighted that.

I was advising the OP that there are 'pros' and 'cons' to both but ultimately, you make the decision based on what feels right.

I'm sorry if you thought it was some kind of criticism of what you wrote. If I ever had another baby I would wait, for the reasons that you described. I picked your statement as it was a glowing endorsement for waiting. A few posts later, there were glowing endorsements for finding out. I equally might have picked those had they posted earlier.

LittleSilver · 19/07/2010 12:33

No guarantee they sonographer will be right, and I remember reading some research about women "mourning" the boy/girl they were expecting which turned out to be the other gender. That decided any wonderings I ever had.

LolaKnickers · 19/07/2010 13:59

I'm in the have to know camp. And would pay privatley if the NHS wouldn't / couldn't tell me. Then again, I get horrified looks from people asking "do you not want a surprise?" Frankly, no, I don't much like surprises. Plus, it was just much of a surprise to find out at 20 weeks, for me. Christmas is no less exciting for being in December not January.

As a practical point in favour, you can make some preparations (though always ont he basis that sexing can be wrong).

Palace39 · 19/07/2010 15:54

I was in two minds as well, and after all grandparents insisting that we should not find out, we decided to find out. And then refused to tell them when they changed their minds.

I was very sick for the first 17 weeks, and because i'd been so ill i hadn't found myself getting at all excited about being pregnant. In my mind, i thought that knowing what we were having might benefit me in 'bonding', which i think it has (Obviously i can't tell to what extent i would have bonded had i not known). I know we're expecting a boy, his room is all decorated and i've bought loads of cool stuff. I can't wait to meet him, and although we haven't picked a definate name, we've got a shortlist. It remains a surprise for the rest of the family though....

Original poster

TheFruitWhisperer · 21/07/2010 11:34

Just an update! The first image we saw on screen during the scan was a full frontal shot of our little boy! There was no denying the penis before our eyes!

Looks like he made the decision for us!

OP posts:

5DollarShake · 21/07/2010 13:10

Congratulations on your little boy!!

We didn't find out with DS1 and it was such a nice surprise when he was born.

This time around, we didn't intend to find out either (and assumed our hospital didn't tell you), but the sonographer offered, and in the heat of the moment, we decided to find out.

Supposedly we're having a little girl, and it is lovely to know, but part of me does wish we'd waited and found out on her birthday.

Palace39 · 21/07/2010 13:14

Congratulations!!!

(btw marks and spencers do cracking boys outfits- i have most of them i think...!!)

KnitterNotTwitter · 21/07/2010 16:18

Congratulations - the only bit of 'boy' specific advice that was ever any use was to keep the willy pointing downwards - very important!!!

vmcd28 · 21/07/2010 19:55

similar to slimyak, after 2 MCs, I am going to find out this time.
Also my DS is 5, and we're about to redecorate his room, so it would be a help to know whether we should keep any boys things or not - altho we wouldnt find out just for this reason.

At my last scan, it wouldnt show us what it was, so we may not actually find out at all...

MassiveBumperlicious · 21/07/2010 20:12

I have done both, and TBH wished I hadn't found out this time. Just felt a little disappointed, not at what it was, but at knowing. Plus, having previously thought I didn't mind what I was having either way I actually felt a little bit sad when I found out it was another girl, it really surprised me then I felt bad.

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