NCT class full - am I resigned to a lonely start to motherhood?

[confusedcat]

Hope someone can help!

I have just found out that the Oxford NCT classes in Oxford are full for my EDD (due end November). Have tried other local areas but still waiting to hear back.

I just wondered if anyone knew any alternative group classes/good ways to make friends antenatally? I have joined a yoga class but it's not the friendliest place and I don't think it will lead to any support! I am just anxious that living in an area where I don't know any other new mums I will end up lonely - or am I just being irrational and they're not that important anyway?

Thanks!

the NHS classes were good for me
also you can still go to NCT coffee mornings etc, antenatally and postnatally - are there any around you?

My NCT class was horrible - dreadfully competitive and no help at all because no-one would admit they were finding things hard. BUT the post-natal class my HV got together was fab -we are still in close contact 10 years on. NCT usually run bumps-n-babes or similar, so you can probably meet NCT mums there if you are determined to! Good luck, hope all goes well and you make lots of fab new friends.

NCT isn't the law! You might find that the whole middle class Baby Gang thing is something you're quite happy to do without...to be honest it makes my jaw ache just thinking about it

I'd go to the NHS classes then go to some baby groups. That's what I did and I have no friends was fine

Don't panic

I didn't do NCT and initially felt as if I missed out a bit on that ready group of 'mum friends' but I made an effort to get to as many local mum and baby things as I could and have met a couple of people who I now class as friends. I should add that I'm not great at meeting new people and making small talk but you'll find that once you have a baby you always have things to talk about to other mums. A good tip is to contact the organiser beforehand and let them know you're coming - the lady who ran one of the groups I went to was really fab at introducing new people to regulars so you weren't left on your own. Also look up whether there is a local Sure Start centre as there are often lots of free things to go to which can lead to meeting new mates.

The absolute best thing I did though was a new parents group that was run in our village by the local HV team. I'd definitely recommend doing anything like that that is offered in your area - the sessions were a bit pants (the weaning talk was hilariously awful) but I did meet four lovely ladies with babies around the same age as DD. We get on brilliantly and have all commented at various points that we have valued the support we have been able to give each other and I think we probably get on because we have more in common than just babies the same age.

Two of my friends from that group also did NCT together and I actually asked them if they felt that the group had been good (thinking about dc2 so was wondering whether to do one of their refreshers). They both said that the NCT session were ok and the group provided fairly good support for the first few months but they've mostly gone separate ways now as they felt that they didn't really share much except for having done NCT together and have babies the same age.

A friend of mine likened the experience of finding mum friends to starting university or a new school - you hang out with lots of people until you find the ones you really want to be friends with! I think she was right

sure start have lots of sessions for pregnant woman and very young babies.

I didn't do group antenatal classes either and met a wonderful group of Mum friends through my postnatal group at the local health centre.

There are loads of places to meet other mums once you've had your baby. All will be well Good luck!

Don't be afraid to go to baby and toddler groups with a newborn. Lot's of people do and I have made two very good friends through toddler group. You will quickly become part of the mummy community.

I have lost touch with all but one of our NCT group within the last 4 years.

I didn't do NCT (I'd never heard of it!). Did do a postnatal group with the HV (20p per session) and made some good friends.

nct do postnatal groups too, and the HV organised postnatal groups are often great.

Don't panic - have you tried the Eynsham or Witney groups?

My NCT group was pretty typical I think - half of them were uber competitive and judgemental, and half of them were lovely and normal and didn't expect their kids to be able to read by 18mo.

Guess who I'm still in touch with 18mo on.

There will be a post-natal group that your HV will put you in touch with too, so another group of people to meet up with

I didn't go NCT or NHS, met my local mums through mumsnet - someone posted a thread about antenatal classes in my area, tons of us replied we didn't know of anyone but did any fancy coffee.

2years on the group is 7ish of us, which was the core lot who originally met, others have come and gone but we all still meet regularly, particularly 4 of us.

SO put up a thread on mumsnet (we met through the antenatal clubs section)

firstly, do they have earlier classes you could join? Ok - so your baby will be younger than the others, but that's not a big problem. Also see if there's a waiting list you can join as sadly, not all couples who sign up early on in pregnancy get to that stage. And if they have enough people on a waiting list they might put on a second class.

DS is 6 months now and I mainly see our NCT group at other groups that we've joined rather than planned meetings with them.

Check your local churches, a lot will have baby groups. The money you would've used for the NCT classes can be used for things like baby sensory, baby swimming etc so you can get to know other mums that way.

I didn;t go to antenatal classes at all and made loads of mum friends with new babies DD1's age. We went to baby massage classes and baby swimming (purely for socialisation) and then I started going to mother and baby groups, I went to 3 or 4 befoe I found a brilliant one and am still good friends with some of the motherS I met there.

Even if you don't join NCT or do classes you can still join in any of thi local activities. I would look at the NCT web and find your local branch & contact the event organiser - you will probably find their are all sorts of activities you could join in with.

Other Mum & baby groups are a good place too - your midwife/health visitor should be able to tell you about some of the ones in your area. And your local library is also a good place to find info.

NCT didn't work for me. The group just didn't gel. Nice enough people and I can't think of the reason why.

However, I joined a great post-natal group arranged by my local surgery. It was much better than NCT because it had Mums on their second and third child, who were much more laid back and offered really sensibile 'with the benefit' of hindsight type advice, than those of us on our first children. I now have 2 children and most of the socialising I do is with the Mums from the nursery I use, as their children are my children's friends (and their Mums are great too).

Don't know about in your area, but in our area you can join the NCT and not do an ante-natal class, but still join post-natal NCT coffee/ tea groups. See here

My surestart did a great group for the under ones when I had DD1. There were some token toys, but we were there for the coffee

Oxfordshire seems to be pretty good with post-birth NHS groups (though my useless HV never refered me to one). You can certainly go to NCT coffee mornings and Bumps to Babies - can you start going while still a Bump? They love getting Bumps in the groups, and you'll get to know some faces before you have your baby.

Alternatively, you could see if there's going to be a local NCT PostNatal group. I didn't go to one myself, but lots of people who didn't get into the antenatal classes find it's a good way to meet local mothers. There'll be loads of non-NCT baby groups in Oxford too, NHS and independent. Most local churches run baby groups (not necessarily religious). Surestart and Children's Centres are also great places to meet people at drop-ins, and many offer breastfeeding support too. I think it's a matter of putting in a bit of work initially, when you don't really feel that you know anyone, and then finding you have a circle of local friends.

(disclaimer - I'm rubbish at socialising at groups where I know nobody, and fortunately got into NCT classes and am still in touch with all of them, on a more than weekly basis, two years later. But I'm presuming you don't have my rubbish social skills!)

We couldn't justify the expense of NCT classes, but in my area they run ante- and postnatal get togethers for people with babies due in particular months, so I'm hoping to meet people that way. We're doing antenatal classes at our local children's centre (£10 admin fee rather than £250 for NCT) and in fact one of the other people on the course is on my antenatal board here on Mumsnet - that's weird!

off topic, but just wanted to say that nct classes aren't just for those with £250 to spare, they gave us an ENORMOUS discount due to being low earners, and they were incredibly trusting, we didn't have to provide any proof.

Some NCT classes bond and others do not. Don't necessarily think you are missing out.

Find your local Children's Centre here.

There are loads around Oxford and they will all off a variety of support, activities, groups and information for you.

I went to a very friendly toddler group with my newborn at St Aldates church. (We moved to Oxford when I was 8 months pregnant, so hadn't been able to connect with anyone before that.) Which part of Oxford are you in, and would be able to suggest more. (I'm in Abingdon now)

If you're planning on bfing you could join la leche league and go to their monthly evening meeting, I met friends through that too.

The NCT has been brilent for me. But not the classes we did, our gourp stayed in touch for about the first year and we slowly driffted appart.

The best bit for me was bumps and babies and our local coffe morning group, we meet in each others houses once a week and I couldn't be without them. Three years on we still go every week and I've made some good friends. I don't think I'd have missted much by not doing the classes.

Like some else said our group from the classes only really stayed together as we had babies at similar ages. I didn't really bond with any of them and as DD was a bad sleeper felt quit judged by them really. Like it was my fault.

The coffe morning group was much better as there was a mix of mum's with different age children all under 3 years though. But they would sit there lision to my concerns and then tell me it was normal and made me feel much more confidant.

Classes like Baby College are quite fun and easy to chat to other mums/arrange to meet for coffee before or after. It just takes one person to suggest coffee and everyone will say 'yes please' so make that person you!

Local NCT coffee mornings have been fantastic for me since leaving Oxford to a new area, though I didn't actually go while in Oxford. You don't have to be a member to do most NCT stuff.