NCT class full - am I resigned to a lonely start to motherhood?

[confusedcat]

Hope someone can help!

I have just found out that the Oxford NCT classes in Oxford are full for my EDD (due end November). Have tried other local areas but still waiting to hear back.

I just wondered if anyone knew any alternative group classes/good ways to make friends antenatally? I have joined a yoga class but it's not the friendliest place and I don't think it will lead to any support! I am just anxious that living in an area where I don't know any other new mums I will end up lonely - or am I just being irrational and they're not that important anyway?

Thanks!

ask if you can join anyway and go to some of the meetings, bumps and babes etc

FFS I can hardly see how one extra Mum will hurt

find local baby groups (council list, churches)

join netmums local

baby massage

YOU WILL BE FINE

We've just started the Oxford NCT classes for August with Virgil - confusingly there was something offered directly by the NCT and something offered by her. Have you tried contacting her directly? I don't have a phone number for her but the NCT would give you it I'm sure.

There is a lot of other stuff on offer locally apart from the NCT classes themselves, as others have said. I'm going to be a new mum myself so don't know all the details but depending on how much you're into that end of things there seems to be a lot of places to meet up for information about breastfeeding, sling-wearing, and stuff.

NHS classes? Mine are holding a reunion the month after we're all due. I decided against NCT classes for various reasons and don't regret it.

porcamiseria - because one extra couple (not just mum!) will hurt. NCT antenatal classes are run in small groups (I think full capacity is 9 or 10 couples, that's 20 people plus teacher) because larger groups won't gel as well, won't learn as well (they are classes) and often, because some venues have strict fire restrictions for the rooms they rent out. The instructors often feel they can teach and communicate with a smaller group far better than with a larger group. And if the group's oversubscribed, it won't just be the OP wanting to join, it'll be lots of couples who missed out.

But as you say, of course she can go to Bumps and Babies coffee mornings, Cheeky Monkey tea parties and other NCT events (some areas have music groups, for instance). Most of these are free, if not all, and you don't have to be an NCT member to come along. At all. I want to stress this because I didn't realise what a common misconception it is. NCT activities aren't restricted to members - even the classes aren't, it just means you get a bit of a discount on class fees if you join!

I would say that if you possibly can get on a slightly earlier or later course, or one in a nearby area, then do. Of course that is based on my personal experience, which was that the NCT group provided a lovely cosy base of people I'd met when pregnant (it's great to know people pre-baby), and you can always branch off from that. I've just moved to a new place and I've found it hard to really get to know people in a baby/toddler group (but a postnatal group might be different- didn't have one of these). The thing is that it takes time, and sometimes you just want someone you already know quite well, who you can text with your feeding and sleeping woes when your baby is 2 weeks old
If you can't get on an NCT course, then all is not lost, of course. The comments above show there are many ways to make friends with other new Mums... I would definitely second the recommendations for Sure Start Bumps and Babies and NCT coffee mornings/open houses.

My NCT group have hardly kept in touch, but my NHS group have been fab and I met lots of great and nice mummies and babies through it.

I have also just made new friends at my Waterbabies sessions, so don't despair, just find out what's on, get out there and don't be afraid to say you don't know anyone and you're a new mum: we've 'adopted' some new mums into the NHS group who've recently moved to the area with young kids. All very friendly.

I didn't go to NCT for the same reasons as you OP and I do feel I've missed out.

I have met other mums since but they're all in the NCT and so I don't get ivited to any of their gatherings as I wasn't friends with them beforehand (when they were pregnant.)

Maybe that says more about me.

Good luck by the way.

I did do NCT classes mainly to meet new mums and we had a very nice small group and get on fairly well. We have met up since we had our babie and will prob continue to do so. But we don;t meet up each week as I first hoped

But, since DS was born and I started to go to my local children's centre I've met lots of other new mums who live much closer to me and we now meet up at least once a week (still on mat leave at the mo . I also met people at baby massage classes.

The NCT did a coffee morning for mums due around the same date in my area and I met some people there. I think you just need to join to get involved in that (about 30quid).

The SureStart childrens centre are excellent. Once you get past the initial shock of the first few weeks you can check out the different groups and I'm sure you'll meet some lovely people. Good luck!

Re:Tweeze post, the experience here has been a bit mixed. One friend hardly sees her NCT group at all, they just didn't gel. Other mums have introduced their NCT friends to our childrens centre (where maybe they would have gone to a different one) and we've all become friends. We also have mums who moved here post baby so left their NCT group behind.

I am going to classes but don't really see myself being good friends with any of the mums, but there is also a NCT group in my area and they organise formal/informal events. I recently went to lunch with some of the mums to be on the NCT group and had a really good time, they seemed much more down to earth than the people on my course. Obviously it's early days, but I would definitely try to get on the mailing list for one of these groups (if there is one in your area) and see how you get along there.

We did 1 out of 3 NHS classes more due to lack of notice and work pressure than anything else. DH did so want to feel useful and included so we went to the middle class but it wasnt really that great, more i think due to us having to rush to get there so we were in the wrong frame of mind. Most people there just upped and went at the end with very few staying to chat, have to admit we were following them out the door, so a bit of a non-starter TBH. Tried NCT but classes for sept babies were booked up in april so have pretty much given up that route. I'm just feeling my way along at the moment really til babe's born and thank my stars I have a couple of great friends with children and a nearish family to call on.

I know that Liz Nightingale of Purple Walnut Midwifery runs antenatal classes.
She is great.

Good luck,

Anja

My 'mummy friends' that I have made since DS came along are people I met at the local council run baby massage classes, the local children's centres, local mumsnet meetups and people I've met at local playgroups.

I did NCT classes and stayed in touch with everyone for a couple of months after DS was born but didn't really have that much in common with any of them so let it drift.

You'll be fine - there are plenty of ways to meet new mum/dad friends without doing NCT classes.

I've decided to go for the free NHS classes (4 sessions in our area). I was worried at first about this descion but we just do not have the 200 odd pounds(and we earn over the threshold for help but still do not have that sort of cash spare).

I'm planning to go to groups in the area and to the NCT bumps to babies and just get chatting to people. I think if you want to meet people and are keen then there is the opportunity out there (thats what I am telling myself). I've started searching what groups are in my area and there seem quite a few to try so hopefully will get luckily with one.

Good luck with it all and I'm sure you'll meet some mums even if it takes a little longer.