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Potty training

Is your child ready for potty training at nursery? Here's the place for all your toilet training questions.

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Original poster

Give up? Even though he's 3 and 4 months? (long rant - sorry!)

41 replies

Lovage · 01/12/2009 19:54

We've been having our first go at potty training DS who is 3 and 4 months. We went cold turkey straight into pants, and it's been nearly a month now.

If you can get him to sit on the potty/loo every couple of hours, he will usually do a pee. Nursery manage this fine (2 days a week) and he'll have maybe one accident a day (usually only pee). We, however, cannot get him to sit on the potty unless we make it an ultimatum for something else he wants to do, or apply serious pressure/bribing. This ends up with a horrible constant nag/battle, and he's started waking at nights very distressed, which I'm sure is connected (he's usually a very good sleeper, nowadays).

Today I tried just gently suggesting every now and then, result - he peed his pants 4 times + one absolutely disgusting poo (trousers, feet, between toes, floor, etc.) (sorry, TMI, I'm wound up!)

We have tried the following things, none of which work, or work sometimes, but not after a bit:

special treats while he's sitting on potty (playing on Daddy's iPod Touch mostly)
bribing (stickers and sticker chart useless, toy cars worked for a bit. Don't want to bribe with food/chocolate)
saying we're going to pee, does he want to?
putting cornflake in loo, Daddy showing how to pee standing up, try to hit the cornflake (wouldn't try)
getting soluble Vit C tablet to put in potty (so it fizzes when you pee on it) - wouldn't try
loads and loads of praise, talk about what big boys do, mention of children he knows who are potty trained

I don't think I can bear this anymore. Also, we're going away for Christmas and he can't pee all over relations houses (we have hard floors mostly, so not too bad). I'm wondering whether to put him back in nappies (which he probably will resist, because he likes his pants, and had got to really disliking nappy changes) or try pull-ups. But I can see he'd just pee in them (also, we use cloth nappies and I don't want to have to buy a load of disposables/lay out a load of money on washable pull-ups).

I think he's good at nursery because of the peer pressure that they all troupe to the loo every couple of hours. Also I think he's more obedient there than at home. But I can't send him to nursery all the time (I wish!).

What would you do? Persevere (need to short term as DP is going away for 3 days, so making any change seems like a bad plan. Not that it's good at the moment, especially with the night waking)? Try pull-ups? Put him back in nappies? Do a mixture? Give him up for adoption?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Original poster

Lovage · 01/12/2009 19:56

Meant to say, when you talk to him about it - ask 'why don't you want to sit on the potty?' he says he doesn't want to stop playing. Even when the game he's playing could perfectly well be done while he's on the potty.

OP posts:

JackBauer · 01/12/2009 20:05

Where is your potty?
I had this problem with DD, she was totally resistant until I got a potty/seat thing and brought it downstairs.
Now she is older she has said she doens't like being in the bathroom as it's cold and makes weird noises (the fan) so I let her use the potty downstairs until she was old enough to understand what the noise was.

Other than that I have no advice, sorry, sounds utterly exhausting for you.

Cadelaide · 01/12/2009 20:10

No advice, but you are not alone. DS is 3.5 and will not, will not use the potty.

I think it scares him. We've tried everything, every kind of seat imaginable, incentives, bribes.

We've given up.

Washersaurus · 01/12/2009 20:23

It is hell, and just having come out the other side of potty training DS1 (4.4yo!) I can offer no real advice, sadly. It took DS starting Reception to sort him out - after 2 weeks at school he was dry and we have only had a couple of accidents since.

MinkyBorage · 01/12/2009 20:27

Keep at it. If there's no improvement by Christmas, and you really don't think there will be any, then I personally would give up. It will be too wearing and rubbish cleaning up his accidents on someone elses floor.
If you actually MAKE him leave his playing every two hours or so for 10 mins to sit with you in the bathroom, then his refusal to actually do a wee will waste a lot more of his playing time. Have set times for him to go to the toilet/potty and stick to them, when he gets up, immediately after breakfast, lunch etc. It doesn't matter if he won't even sit on the potty, just that he is taken away from playing!

Also, when he does have an accident, make him help you clear up (unless he enjoys it!) and make it a really boring time consuming effort for him, mention that he is missing out on playing etc and how much quicker it would have been if he'd used the potty. Maybe even put his toys away so the game he is playing is finished.

No treats at all unless he actually does a wee on the potty. I know you said that you don't want to bribe with food or chocolate, but ime it's the only thing which really has an effect.

I dunno, best of luck, it's a real pain, and I really feel for you.

SantasKinkyKnickers0nMaHead · 01/12/2009 20:27

I would put him back in nappies until he is ready.

Original poster

Lovage · 01/12/2009 20:29

JackBauer - potty is downstairs in main room (his choice). For a while looked like Thomas the Tank Engine loo seat would help, but no longer... Thanks for sympathy!

Cadelaide - immensely reassuring to hear he's not the only one! I've got stupidly panicked by the fact he has to be PTd by the time he goes to school next Sept - that's 10 months, which I know rationally is ages, but I'm feeling the pressure. I'm sure that's not helping.

When I was reading up on potty training before we started I read all the things saying how important it is to stay calm and relaxed and positive, and thought 'yes, yes, of course, how could anyone get annoyed with their darling cherub when they're just having difficulty learning a new skill?'. Now I know why they all go on about that. I get so annoyed, even though I know it's counter productive. I don't really know why - I mean obviously clearing up accidents isn't much fun, but I'm used to dealing with poo and pee (cloth nappies). I think it's the constant nagging/persuading which is so annoying, especially when I lose and then he pees 2 minutes later.

OP posts:

Cadelaide · 01/12/2009 20:29

So I suppose I'm saying that in your position I'd forget it for a while, as I have. In our case it wasn't a decision as such, we just ran out of ideas and are ignoring the issue!

Washersaurus · 01/12/2009 20:33

Try not to stress about it; many boys aren't fully potty trained when they start school - there are several in DS1's class, despite me being convinced he would be the only one!

If it is going to ruin Christmas for both of you, take the easy option and stick him back in nappies. It really won't do any harm to forget about it for a bit (despite what some may say).

Original poster

Lovage · 01/12/2009 20:36

MinkyBorage - thanks for sympathy and ideas. Having set times might help - he does go along with rules usually. The thing I don't get is how anyone makes a child leave their playing. I can issue ultimatums for something else he wants to do - sometimes he'll decide he'd rather go without the other thing, sometimes he'll go along, but it creates a horrible atmosphere, and I'm sure that's why his sleep has gone bad again. I can physically lift him, but I'm not supposed to (pelvic floor bad), but he'll kick and scream and arch his back. And how can I make him help me clear up? It's a battle to get him to pull his own pants and trousers back up if he has sat on the potty.

OP posts:

midnightexpress · 01/12/2009 20:41

If it's any consolation, we've been trying to get ds2 trained since JULY and yesterday had 4 peeing 'accidents'. I read somewhere (probably here) that unless the child is 'emotinally engaged' in the process, you're on a hiding to nothing, and that definitely seems to be the case with ds2; he's simply not interested. He will have weeks that are fine (for example we went from Glasgow to London and back without a single accident), and then weeks where he just can't be bothered to tell anyone that he needs a pee and just goes in his pants. It also suggests why starting reception maybe works for some - peer pressure and so on. It's infuriating and I'm afraid I have pulled the "Santa's wanting to know how it's going" card from my sleeve to see if that might crack it.

You may gain further consolation from the fact that I remember washersaurus's ds from when I was potty training ds1!

midnightexpress · 01/12/2009 20:42

Also, you might find that putting him back in nappies for a couple of weeks will be enough to crack it.

Washersaurus · 01/12/2009 20:43

I tell you, I am soooo putting off potty training DS2 (2.4yo). I just need a break from it!

midnightexpress · 01/12/2009 20:46

I bet! I was lulled into a false sense of security by ds1, who got it in about 10 minutes. So who knows, maybe you'll get lucky 2nd time round

MinkyBorage · 01/12/2009 23:32

DD2 has currently regressed massively, and has started having regular soiling incidents, so my ideas are proving crap anyway, but I read a good book which made those suggestions, and they make sense. She is also clingy and difficult in the night at the moment, so I really sympathise.

Could you try turning the heating up and leaving him with a bare bottom at home?

I really would consider changing your mind re bribing him with chocolate though!!

colditz · 01/12/2009 23:38

Bribing with achocolate button foraweeand a chocolatebiscuit for a poo really works, as does leaving them with a bare bum.

Ds2 is 3.8, still has at least 1 accident a day, can have as many as four, and I've been trying to train him for 3 months

colditz · 01/12/2009 23:39

I've just realised how completely useless and contradictory my message was.... "Here's what I did that really works - except it clearly isn't working ..."

linglette · 02/12/2009 09:11

We tried at 3.0(no luck) then got wees at 3.7 and poos at 3.10. It was rather late, but now he's 4.3 and we haven't had to think about it since his birthday.

Sweets worked for us at 3.7. Like you I don't believe in using food as a bribe - so breaking the rule was pretty dramatic for DS2 and a major major incentive to perform!

The most important thing is that you call a truce. So if you can't deal with the messy floors, you might need to go to pull-ups?

GrumpyYoungFogey · 02/12/2009 22:34

Let's get this straight.

You are proposing to put a three year old - who is evidently in control of his functions - back into nappies, because you are so weak at disciplining him that you cannot get him to sit on the lav when he needs to go.

I am lost for words.

His behaviour would be understandable had he just turned two. At that age I'd give a stern telling off and if necessary hold a child down until they blimmin' well went. Your son is a bit older, but this may be your best bet. You shouldn't have to do it too many times.

Quattrocento · 02/12/2009 22:38

Blimey

ShowOfHands · 02/12/2009 22:38

GrumpyYoungFogey, what on earth is the matter with you?

I too am lost for words.

MinkyBorage · 02/12/2009 23:56

jivebabe · 03/12/2009 00:05

I remember being told (when my ds was not as quick as my dd) by a midwife, there are very few men in their 20's still wearing nappies!! The thing is the more wound up you get about it the more likely they will too!

linglette · 03/12/2009 09:42

That wins my "being rude and wrong at the same time" award for the week.

silly lady.

linglette · 03/12/2009 09:42

in case it's not bleeding obvious, I'm referring to GrumpyYoungFogey

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