Should I pause potty training for my 29-month-old daughter even though the book’s say not to?

[VillageFete]

Do I give up?! At my wits end.

DD is 2 years 5 months. Communication is her strength, she can talk in proper sentences and her understanding is spot on; she’s a switched on kid.

Been trying the Oh Crap! Method for about 2 weeks.

She will sit on the potty with a bribe but does nothing, ever.

She can hold wee in like a camel, strong willed isn’t in it. In 2 weeks she’s done 1 wee on nurseries toilet and non at home. She’s now refusing fluids because she associates it with needing a wee.

She will pee on the floor and say “Oh no, I peed”

If I sit her on the potty, mid pee, she goes hysterical and says “No, I don’t like the potty!”

The Oh Crap! Book says DO NOT quit! But I cannot keep staying home constantly and living in this misery.

Ideally i’d love to continue and just be positive she’ll crack it. I’m just stumped on what to do 🥴

with DS3 we thought he was ready but it caused all sorts of issues so we stopped, went back into nappies til we were sure he was ready and tried again. This wee mishap notwithstanding, all three of mine got it really quickly because we waited til they were ready. No books. Misread the signs with DS3!

@RemoteControlledChaos Thank you for replying. She literally says to me “No thank you, I don’t like the toilet and the potty” 😵‍💫

What is likely to change in a month or two? Surely she’ll still be this stubborn little madam 😂

I’d take a two month break then try again with bribes

She will sit on the potty with a bribe but does nothing, ever.

The bribe is for the pee!!!
Sitting got nothing in our house 😅

It's a nightmare i know.... do bare bum and put a potty in every room if you havent already.
Im abiut to do it again in 2-3 months

Honestly bloody horrendous, she is testing my
patience beyond belief 😂

Can’t work out how to reply to your message to mine but everything changes! This is the best thing about terrible toddler phases - they pass. This will be a distant memory in a year or so. Don’t worry too much if she’s later than some others - they’re all different.

@RemoteControlledChaos I’m actually worried i’ve missed the boat. If i’d have started earlier when she was less strong willed, maybe she’d have taken to it?

I know she’ll eventually potty train, but it’s the verbal “No thank you, don’t want to” That I can’t bare! 😵‍💫

Peer pressure might help - apparently I potty trained my 3-year old pal back in the day - your DD sounds lovely and polite! Haha small mercies.

Give her some salty snacks (within reason as it’s not very healthy)? Then offer her favourite drink.
Let her choose her own new potty? There are some fun ones on the market. Tell her she can only keep it if she (sometimes) does something in it?
Tell her she’s very polite, which is great, but this isn't something she can choose not to do, e.g. it's like brushing teeth/hair or getting dressed - once you’re not a baby any more you just have to do it. (This is assuming you think she’s got the physical capacity to use the toilet/potty if she chooses to.)

Throw the book away.

All parenting books should be taken with a pinch of salt, but that one in particular is so dictatorial, and so dismissive about other approaches that work perfectly well.

Stop for a bit, look up other things that might work for you, and approach it afresh.

I think Oh Crap is awful. I took a break and only needed about a week. She just needed a reset.

I quit. Completely quit. Not a big deal at all. A few months later mine started doing it themselves when it was less of a thing.

Yeah, i’m done.

It’s not the right time, and I don’t know why I’m allowing a book to dictate what I should do? She’s clearly not emotionally ready, even if her communication is there.

Don’t pause if you’re making progress but allow yourself calmer days. Put on pull ups to go out to the park or soft play, for example.

but if you’re not making progress just stop

You don’t need to be all or nothing like those books say - the fast method didn’t work for either of mine. It’s a process.

Same, for some kids (my eldest!) oh crap is actually traumatic

Your DD sounds a lot like mine... Strong willed and TALKS. She's 2y3m and was potty trained at just gone 2. We had a week off and initially tried timed potty visits. That did not go well. Day 2 was an absolute disaster. On day 3 we gave up on the timed potty visits and told her the potty was there when she needed it etc. She got it really quickly after that.

We hadn't used any potty training books as such but we did get her the Potty Superstar book and started reading it with her a couple of weeks beforehand. She loved it and loves being a potty superstar.

I see you're taking a break but just for when you come back to it, the timed visits that work for a lot of kids didn't work for ours. I don't really know what the Oh Crap method is but it sounds awful!

I tried Oh Crap! And found myself so wound up.

I didn’t want to stay chained to the house neither did my daughter. On the second attempt we stayed home the 1st day then we resumed usual life but she was wearing the EBay version of Upairy pants. Brilliant for absorbing most of an accident but also made my DD feel uncomfortable enough to realise she was wet. The nappies / pull up don’t make them feel uncomfortable when wet.

After a couple of weeks she switched to normal knickers.

@VillageFete My DD was about thst age when we started. She had not shown much interest but could talk really well and was very alert, so I thought she must be ready as other DDs we knew were trained. 2 months later and it just wasn’t happening! Her interest in books and general engagement with life continued at pace and then DD2 was born. I gave up for a bit longer and then had another go. Still poor results.

This was a while ago when GPs did health checks so I mentioned the abject failures to him. I clearly remember his advice. Not all dc develop at the same speed. DD1 had very many ticks in the development box and she’s busy doing that. There’s one thing she’s not doing. Early potty training is not a sign of intelligence. So I was advised to forget all about it for another 2 months. I was advised to change her and not mention anything about wee or poo as I did it. No potty training conversation - in fact be silent on the subject. Take away pressure.

We had nursery starting in Sept and she would be 3 in mid August. We started again on 1 August. I remember the date as we had had a short holiday in a chic house and I was terrified of wee everywhere!

It took around 10 days to be perfect. Another 3 weeks and she was dry at night. Nursery started and not a single accident. I didn’t read any books but I was guilty of thinking a bright dc would be early (ish) as she was with other development markers.

It’s really best to go back to nappies for 8 or even 10 weeks. My dd didn’t care about a wet nappy or wet knickers! She just carried on with playing! So I’d advocate what my GP said. Don’t get stressed and 2.5 yrs is not late. My DD got a place at Oxford - who the hell cared that she was 3 before she was potty trained? No one.

I would. She’s still young so there’s plenty of time. Both mine were trained in a few days and it wasn’t stressful at all, because they were happy about it, having big girl knickers etc. I really don’t see the point making it such a stress and distressing your child over it. As long as she’s trained before starting school it’s fine and there is a long time until then

My youngest was a strong willed
toddler too, if you wait a bit it could work in your favour. With her one day she was insisting on nappies and literally overnight she wanted to wear her knickers and use the toilet because she wasn’t a baby anymore (training took one long weekend and I’m not exaggerating)

@user2848502016 Yes DD was very quick in the end. I kept thinking she would not be so didn’t totally trust my eyes! It really was much easier when we were not stressed! We seem to see early potty training as a platinum star of motherhood. Heaven knows why?!

Oh I could have written this with my DS2! He’s amazing at communicating but so so stubborn, I’ve tried the upairy pants and he gets uncomfortable but still doesn’t care enough to go on the potty or toilet! My DS1 was so easy to train before he was 2.5 I thought it would be the same situation again 😅 I’m heavily pregnant and hoped to get potty training out the way before the baby is here but it’s looking less and less likely each month!

Please do update with any tips if things change 😅

Can you start using old style cloth nappies? They allow the kid to feel the wetness / etc., which isn’t as pleasant for them.

She’s so little! There’s no hurry.

Use the ERIC website for real balanced advice.

I don’t think she’s quite ready. I’d leave it a bit longer then try again. Both of mine were 2 yrs 10 months and had it cracked within a week. I know they were ‘old’ by some standards, but it was pretty pain free because they were definitely ready. I don’t regret waiting at all.