Should I pause potty training for my 29-month-old daughter even though the book’s say not to?

[VillageFete]

Do I give up?! At my wits end.

DD is 2 years 5 months. Communication is her strength, she can talk in proper sentences and her understanding is spot on; she’s a switched on kid.

Been trying the Oh Crap! Method for about 2 weeks.

She will sit on the potty with a bribe but does nothing, ever.

She can hold wee in like a camel, strong willed isn’t in it. In 2 weeks she’s done 1 wee on nurseries toilet and non at home. She’s now refusing fluids because she associates it with needing a wee.

She will pee on the floor and say “Oh no, I peed”

If I sit her on the potty, mid pee, she goes hysterical and says “No, I don’t like the potty!”

The Oh Crap! Book says DO NOT quit! But I cannot keep staying home constantly and living in this misery.

Ideally i’d love to continue and just be positive she’ll crack it. I’m just stumped on what to do 🥴

We were at our wits’ end with potty training and what worked in the end was this daft book - Pirate Pete’s Potty. It was like a miracle! 🤷🏼‍♀️
amzn.eu/d/0gtXOokY

They do a Princess Polly one too, same shtick.
https://amzn.eu/d/0iK2IfoE

I would probably pause for a bit with your daughter. It’s frustrating but there’s a fair bit of data to suggest it is really not a good idea to force or rush it.

You’re all bloody brilliant. Thank you! I feel so much better about taking a break.

I erroneously thought that because communication is her strong point, we’d breeze potty training. She’s clearly not ready, and I also have have another daughter- there’s a big gap between them and she starts her GCSE’s this week and I can’t have this stress in the house. My eldest needs me right now and I really need to focus on her.

Coincidentally, she was 24 months old and started to tell me she needed a wee and a poop and took to the potty straight away. So this resistance is new territory to me!

This is brilliant. Thank you!

So when you tried again, how did it work with her using the potty, was she just happy to do so?

This is the best thing about terrible toddler phases - they pass.

Hmm, yes. DD2 (17) is certainly not peeing on the floor. But she is very stubborn and knows her own mind still!

@VillageFete My DD just asked to go to the big toilet and I helped her. She could just recognise what she needed to go and we made it happen so no accidents. This can be a quick process.

Leave it for a while. It takes days, not weeks, when they're ready.

Just leave it for a while, she's so young. Don't see any rush, it'll happen eventually, it's not worth any stress. I've heard from friends it's been far easier when they've waited til theirs were closer to 3 years old. Someone I know is getting so stressed about their 19 month old not using the potty, I think it's madness - mine is the same age and we don't even own a potty.

Yes stop. We had to with dd2 and she was almost 3

Not much advice here, but a few things that I did learn with mine are as follows:

a. You won't be able to pinpoint the motivation trigger sometimes. My DS was a late bedwetter (genetic for both DH and I) and at 7yrs, read the night time nappies label which said 2-7 years. He said that he was almost 8 so couldn't use them any more. Stopped that night.
b. DD1 was out of nappies at 21 months and then went back in them at 2 yrs old when DD2 was born as a big fat protest. We delayed even trying again until 3 yrs and it was fine then.
c. DD2 decided she didn't like nappies at 2 1/2 and stopped them day and night. Determined little bugger. It was successful and she must have had about 3 accidents before being completely dry.
d. If you're really stressed about it, it won't work....chill and stop worrying. If you have to delay, then delay.
I hated potty training; by a long way my least favourite part of parenting and with hindsight, I would have just ignored it until they were running up with a desire to use the puffy seat on the loo.

@Peonies12 19 months! This is sheer competitive madness! Poor child.

Your little one sounds exactly like my boy! He’s 2y 5m and we tried it a month or so ago. I also get “no thank you mommy” and “I want to do a wee in my pull ups”. There was one time that I knew he was on the verge of pooing, he was sat on it enjoying some chocolate and then when he felt it coming he starting crying and said he wanted to come off. I knew he was so close so I sat next to him and said “it’s ok you can do your poo here”, and as it was happening he screamed and started crying 😢 I really regret it and decided at that point to take a break and come back to it because I was so worried I’d make him scared of it. I still feel absolutely awful so I’m just waiting now until he feels a bit more ready.

Sorry to be super annoying but I agree you have missed the boat a little, I prefer the window of 20-23 months for potty training. I actually think 18-20 months is better than over 2 years, especially with a good communicator. She’s already so switched on and so used to going in a nappy that the potty being introduced at 2.5 is probably so daunting for her.

I would maybe go to the shop, let her pick out a new potty herself, and do the no pants method where you stay home for 2-3 days with no pants or underwear. With younger kids, you don’t need bribes, but you could always bribe her with a chart that if she gets enough stickers on she can go buy a new toy or something and read lots of books about potty training, fun ones. We had a book called ‘poo, poo, bum, bum, wee, wee’ which I thought was gross but he loved 😂

we introduced the potty alongside nappies from around 18 months and sat him on it 4 times per day, celebrated if something happened by singing a potty song, but was neutral if nothing happened, 0 pressure. At 21 months, we did the no pants method and in 48 hours he never needed a nappy again. If you ever find yourself doing this again, start early and ignore whatever ‘signs of readiness’ are. My son had 0 signs, he never cared about a wet or even pooed in nappy 😂

I think before 2 really isn’t on for most dc. They don’t need to be trained at the age and it confers no advantage. People need to stop seeing this as a competitive process. Penelope Leach wrote that potty training is usual between the ages of 2-3 due to cognitive ability and parents should help dc when they are ready. It should be child led and not be a forced milestone - before 2 it is. From 2 to 3 or a bit beyond is totally normal and absolutely not missing any opportunity!

Why we now think it’s a huge failure to not get dc trained at 2.5 or even 2.10 years is beyond me. 3 is fine if dc isn’t ready. 50 years ago people just didn’t think 2 or before 2 was normal for training. What’s now happening? Is it competitive parenting gone mad?

What a load of rubbish. Kids will train when they're ready, under 2 is very unrealistic.

My DH has it in his head that 3 is late for potty training, when I’ve spoken to MIL and he wasn’t out of nappies til 3.5 (in the late 80s). All the parenting advice books create a raft of unnecessary anxiety.

@FebruaryClouds I just had Penelope Leach back in the day and she seemed sensible to me with a wide age range for potty training. It’s no marker of intelligence to be 3 as my DD proved! It’s no marker of great intelligence to be early either! Parents running about for months and getting nowhere, making dc anxious and being competitive is, frankly, stupid. It’s not difficult to potty train most dc when they are ready! It should always be child led and you assist.

In response to various negative comments about training "young". ERIC recommend kids are potty trained between 18-30 months. A lot of research underpins this. It's better for their health to not prolong the process and keep them in nappies unnecessarily, and most kids are plenty capable at this age. If they can sit, they can sit on a potty. If they can walk or crawl, they can walk or crawl to a potty. It's only a big deal if you make it one.

Not to mention it's so much cheaper when they're trained - either to not be buying disposable nappies or washing the reusable nappies.

@ElectricEyelashes Who is keeping dc in nappies unnecessarily? Great if early training works but if it doesn’t, then stop and try later. No one recognises the misery of failure and the sheer hard work of cleaning up all
the time. How many dc were harmed by waiting until 2.9 years for example ? I doubt anyone really knows!