DS 4yo will only poo in a nappy – tried ERIC and "cold turkey" with no luck!

[Suzisushka]

Hi everyone, I’m looking for some wisdom from anyone who has been through this.

My DS is 4. He’s been fully pee-trained since last summer and is brilliant with it. However, he absolutely refuses to poo in the toilet. He will only do it standing and with a nappy on.

He’s quite independent with the habit now—we keep the nappies in the toilet, and when he needs to go (usually every 1–2 days), he goes in, puts the nappy on himself, poos, and then we change him. He isn’t constipated, but in the last year, he’s only used the toilet for a poo 3 times.

Here is what we tried:

• We tried "cold turkey": We attempted this several months ago, but he just started withholding till the next day. We decided not to force.

• We tried the ERIC approach: Before he learned to put the nappies on himself, we tried the recommended step of having him sit on the toilet while wearing the nappy. He flat-out refused to poo while sitting on the loo, even with the nappy on. He seems to need to be standing to feel comfortable.

I’m stuck! He’s 4 now and I’d love to move past this stage. Has anyone had a "nappy pooper" who refused the ERIC/gradual steps? How did you finally get them to make the leap? Maybe I should try a version of the cold turkey again?

Could you try something that helps his squat over the toilet instead maybe. Or when he needs it get him to blow bubbles as that helps the muscles to release

My DS was the same. Until we went on holiday, and he had a choice between staying by the pool and using the loo and going up to our room and using a nappy.

Untill my one wanted to there was nothing that would help or encourage him in that direction. To him he had a system and it worked why would he change it? We took all pressure off. We did build into his day sitting on the toilet before bed but no pressure to poo. ...... I will continue

My eldest struggled with this. She would avoid going at all once nappies were off. We used an iPad as a bribe. She was allowed to play CBeebies games on the iPad while she sat on the toilet so she has something to distract her from the feeling of what was happening. It worked over time. She was done by 4.5.

The app wont let me post long messages 🤷🏼‍♀️
The idea of bot being able to go on a sleepover or be as active as he wanted to(day witholder)
I think it started to get uncomfortable and sore by morning time. Unfortunately real consequences were the only way he decided to change. This was at 6 nearly 7yrs old. Audhd so that contributed.

Ipad on the loo also helped us distract from the poo sensation. He had a lot of anxiety from being constipated/prolapse. We also just chatted on the loo and made it over time more of a connecting time rather than the stress it was before.

Thanks so much for sharing this! It’s really encouraging to hear a success story. I’d love to know a bit more about how you managed it:

How long did the transition actually take from the first 'iPad poo' to her being fully confident?

Was she already a fan of CBeebies games before this, or was the iPad a brand-new 'special' treat just for the toilet?

How easy was it to phase out the iPad once she’d got the hang of it? :)

Oh god this brought all the stress back. We had this with my DD, she was potty trained for wees by 2.5 but flat out refused to poo. The Poo goes to Pooland app amused her but didn't convince her. A surprisingly simple thing worked for us in the end, on a friend's advice. We told her three year olds HAVE to poo on potties. They don't make nappies for them anymore. She fell for it and the day she turned three she just did it. But she is quite black and white and rule driven, it might not work for anyone else in the world but her 😅I don't know if you have a similar milestone coming up it's worth a try for? I think some chocolate button bribery may have also been involved.

I'd let him figure it out on his own. He won't be pooing in a pull up at 18! At some point he will solve it himself.

Honeslty if there were ever a time for bribes its now.

Something like:
One gold coin for the jar and a chocolate button per poo.
5 or 10 poos = toy he wants / water bottle / football / whatever.
Or some screen time while on the toilet.

We use bribes sparingly but We let our dd watch a short yt video to let us brush her teeth (so 2mins) it changed everything now even without a video we can brush her teeth no hassle.

Bribes all day long one he gets use to it he wont care.

My son really struggled with this. We cracked it at 3.5 using the Eric method you described combined with big rewards. Other people will say give a chocolate button! That wasn’t enough for my son. As ridiculous as it sounds we probably spent about 50£ over a week on toys tht he had really wanted - and it worked.

He’s since been diagnosed as autistic with PDA profile. He happily takes himself off to the toilet now for a poo (age 4.5) , but I thought the day would never come

Oh, literally just read someone else offered chocolate buttons. I wish that was enough to persuade my son 🫣 My son doesn’t need any bribes at all now as he’s gotten over whatever fear/anxiety he had around it all.

Sorry to triple post (!), but I should add my son was also on Movicol and senna when we he did his first poos on the toilet, as he had had a hospital admission for constipation. I think being on laxatives really helped as pooing was effortless and quick! And went several times a day so it was normalised quickly

We had the same problem. We basically gave him lots of fruit/smoothies etc then when he needed the toilet, sat him down on the loo (on the plastic toddler seat thing and with a step) with party blowers to blow on, also balloons to ‘try and blow up’ it all looked very ridiculous but it worked!

Is there a book or a video on You tube aimed at children that explains why we poop ? This is what worked for my son . He was afraid that bits of his body was falling off when he pooped .

Hi @Suzisushka, following with interest as we are going through the same, please do update when you can!

Sheer bribery worked for dd, she understood money and was obsessed with books so she got a coin for every success and one taken off for accidents or using a pull up - may sound harsh but she was already 4 and I’d tried all the normal methods

@NuffSaidSam Like at school? He’s 4. He’s solved it for him. Nappies available so he uses them! Take them away maybe?

They tried taking the nappies away and he withheld. It's in the OP. Withholding is a nightmare to deal with with and much worse than the current situation thy're in.

I'd bet good money he doesn't poo at school. If he can withhold for days at a time he isn't going to struggle waiting until he gets home for a poo.

I tried to ditch the nappies again last week without mentioning it to DS. He went to the loo fine, but had a total meltdown when he realized they weren't there. I apologized immediately and put them back in the loo! Thankfully, he’s back to pooing in his nappy as usual and has forgotten the 'incident'. We’re leaving him to it for now, but the next attempt will definitely involve bribery as many people suggest here.

@NuffSaidSam Withheld for how long? Help can be swallowed for that!

A day according to the OP. The information is all there in the OP.

I'll take your word for it that the OP can swallow your help.

Of course, nobody is especially happy to say that their child still prefers to use a nappy when they are otherwise able to communicate that they need to use the toilet. This is one of those parenting situations that you simply cannot comprehend unless you have experienced it. But as we all know, children have a way of humbling us!

Bribes. Currently going through this. Great with pees but always wants to poo in his nappy before he gets out of bed in the morning. He'll then shout he's done a poo once he's finished rather than shout before. We've been giving small prizes for each poo in the toilet and just this week we're offering one big prize for poos all week. He's getting excited about it but it's just so difficult to break the habit.

I'd probably withdraw for longer, by giving them back I feel you've sort of shown it to be optional. You definitely shouldn't be apologising for parenting, which is all you are doing. He will very quickly get over a melt down if you are consistent, but not if he knows you'll give him what he wants if he tantrums.

Bribery is probably the way forward, though I definitely wouldn't use a screen for this. Maybe get him to choose a toy he really wants and create a chart for it, or smaller toys and for the first poo on the loo he gets to choose one.