Childminder requesting pull ups

[ShyLion]

My daughter (2years, 8months) has just recently potty trained. We started this a while ago but she took some time getting it but is now potty trained and hasn’t worn pull ups for the last 3 weeks with very minimal accidents (2 in 3 weeks). She returned to childminders yesterday following Christmas and had a poo accident in her pants and they have requested she goes back into pulls up while there. Am I overreacting thinking this is dramatic after one accident the first day back and that doing this will just be confusing for my child? She picks her pants every morning and is very aware that those are what she wears now and I worry this will upset her and send her backwards on her toileting journey.
Thank you

How have you been handling toileting at home? Do you take your dd at regular intervals; check her often; does she tell you when she needs to go; a combo of these?
Did you give any instructions to your childminder?
The poo accident could be for a variety of reasons and doesn't necessitate a return to pull-ups, agreed. I would push back, No, we're not doing that; and be clearer with the CM and what you expect for your dd.

Per Google AI:

Children are typically fully daytime toilet trained between ages 2 and 4, with the process often taking
3 to 6 months, though it varies greatly by child, with some methods taking weeks and others longer

(goes on to say consistency is approach is key)

Don't use AI to get information! It's totally untrustworthy, it's sole purpose is to make billionaires richer, steals data from you and everyone else and is destroying the planet. And the OP could have used AI herself. She came here to talk to humans, not to AI.

You say shes aware that she wears pants now, but is she actually aware of when she needs to go? In that she's reliably telling you when she needs to go, even when playing/engaged with something else?

Re the AI response - I'm very surprised that it says 3-6 months is normal. I don't know any child who took 3 months (barring additional needs) let alone 6, once they were ready. I wonder where that data comes from. 🤔

Thank you for replying! She’s at the point now when she tells us whenever she needs to go - she’s been going this for well over 6 weeks with wees - just took a bit longer with poos which I know can be normal. They have been supportive thus far and are aware of her cues etc so this request took me by surprise.

Thank you for replying. Yes she is consistently telling me she needs to go - even when playing will walk away from the toys and shout me/start pulling her own trousers/pants down at the side of the potty.

In that case, I'd push back gently and ask the childminder what level of support they are able to offer to keep up the good work in pants with maybe an agreement to revert to pullups if she has x number of accidents to reassure the childminder that you are open to the idea if absolutely necessary.

I imagine it was just the combination of being back in routine, distracted, and needing a bit more practice in different environments, so hopefully just a blip🤞🤞!

I’d just explain what you’ve said here.
it would be confusing for her to go back to pull ups as she’s doing so well. How experienced is this childminder? This isn’t an unusual scenario for a newly potty trained child.
Monitor the situation with the poo situation and let the CM know at drop off if she’s not done a poo for a while, in case she needs to keep an extra eye.
It sounds like she’s just trying to make life easier for herself.

Thank you - that’s what I was thinking but wanted others perspective to check I wasn’t being unreasonable. Fingers crossed it is a blip!

Thank you for replying. She’s a fairly experienced CM (and has multiple kids herself) so I would imagine she’s come across similar before.

Christ on a bike the sanctimony. 🤦‍♀️🙄

Most sites I scanned said 3-6 months for daytime.

I work in childcare and have done for 18 years. When a child is toilet training and doing well we just tell our parents to put in plenty of spares. If they have 10 accidents a day, we'll change them 10 times.... It kinda comes with the job

Childminder sounds lazy tbh

I’d not put her back in pull ups, explain to the childminder that the potty training process is going well, there are bound to be accidents but this is no time to abandon the progress made so far.

I wouldn’t want to go backwards to pull ups in this scenario, that’s not the solution to one accident! I would definitely expect a childminder to be able to deal with a few accidents.

Yanbu. Sending her to the childminders in pull ups will completely set her back. You need to tell her what you are doing at home to support potty training and she should be doing the same. It doesn’t matter if it’s inconvenient for her- she chose this role and must have known a good portion of her charges would be potty training or just consolidating their training. What’s her approach with younger toddlers who are actually going through the process- just do nothing, keep them in nappies while there are leave it all to the parents (which won’t work if she is undoing their hard work).
When my LG was in the 2-3 room at nursery almost all the children were potty training at various stages and they were right on top of it, with regular taking to the toilet/reminding. Even those who are pretty much trained like your LG will need reminding sometimes, and accidents are part of the process. So she needs to be consistent with what you are doing or find a different childminder.
Just a thought - does your childminder do a lot of driving with the kids? This was one of my concerns with one particular childminder I looked in to before we opted for nursery. She seemed to spend a lot of time collecting and dropping kids- from parents, to parents, taking those who had a half day nursery to and from nursery, and also doing some school pick ups and drop offs. Perhaps that’s why she wants pull ups? Anyway I wouldn’t be happy.

Very normal in childcare settings to request pull-ups over underwear if they are having accidents as it’s a hygiene risk to others in the setting.
Being at a busy exciting setting is very different to being at home with parents asking the child all the time if they need the toilet.
Most settings will want 2 weeks clean and dry at home before removing pull-ups from on top of underwear.

I think this will confuse and upset your daughter.
A good child minder wouldn't suggest this unless your child was having several accidents a day.
A nursery would not do this either.

Pull ups now will leave her with issues, absolutely not, I would refuse this!

That is totally unprofessional. Too confusing for your child and could cause more problems. As a childminder this come with the role!

No, I wouldnt let her put her in pull ups! Surely she must expect little ones to have accidents every now and again?? And your little one will be getting used to being in a different environment for doing potty. Don’t risk going completely backwards by using pull ups! That’s my opinion anyway x

@Mumtobabyhavoc yet true…. I have no idea why posters copy and paste from AI onto here - it’s exceptionally basic of the poster, and boring for others to read.

When dd2 was newly toilet trained there was a lot of disruption in her life so I used to put pull ups over her knickers. I don't think it confused her.

We trained our DD at 2 & 4 months, but as soon as she went to nursery she had a few accidents for a few weeks - it was the change of environment, distraction etc. Nursery weren't great at asking her either.
We gave them pull ups for if she had an accident rather than sending her in them.
She also went through a poo regression - DH and I agreed to bin the pants and told Nursery they could do the same!

It did resolve eventually, but the only helper was time tbh.

If child minder has a lot of children, it can be hard to ask/prompt.

Totally agree. And not even correct AI information is even more annoying!

@OP YANBU! I'm currently potty training now (we did the Oh Crap method which starts with 3 days and builds.... I'd not be pleased if they were undoing all our hard work by then wearing nappies at nursery!)