Childminder requesting pull ups

[ShyLion]

My daughter (2years, 8months) has just recently potty trained. We started this a while ago but she took some time getting it but is now potty trained and hasn’t worn pull ups for the last 3 weeks with very minimal accidents (2 in 3 weeks). She returned to childminders yesterday following Christmas and had a poo accident in her pants and they have requested she goes back into pulls up while there. Am I overreacting thinking this is dramatic after one accident the first day back and that doing this will just be confusing for my child? She picks her pants every morning and is very aware that those are what she wears now and I worry this will upset her and send her backwards on her toileting journey.
Thank you

It's a difficult one. The childminder is having to leave the other kids to sort your wee one. It takes time to get clean clothes, change child, clean child and redress them .
its not ideal from either point of view, all you can do is discuss it.

I’ve never heard of this at any of the various settings my own children, family ad close friends have attended. Where are you based?
Pull ups over underwear is utterly pointless and actually counter-intuitive. No professional worth their salt would recommend this.
Toilet accidents are not a hygiene risk - they are part and parcel of caring for toddlers.

Ours is fully pee trained, 50-75% poop success every time, so every now and then has an accident in his undies. We agreed with daycare that if he poops his undies they can throw them out like they would a nappy. Offering that might help.

Well my daughter took longer than this, soooo 🤷🏼‍♀️

I’m actually quite surprised by this, and you’re well in your right to say no and that you feel like it could make her regress, she’s been doing so well. You could always ask to wait a week and see how you get on. When we were potty training, it took endless pooed pants home (and in fact me saying should we try going back to nappies) - and the nursery were the ones to say no, we’ve started now, it will just take time, and they were right. This is part of their job, and one the childminder should support, otherwise it’s just prolonging it!

Thank you all for your messages - I almost convinced myself I was being unreasonable but your messages have helped. I spoke with our CM today and expressed my concerns and although understanding I was told it was policy that they needed to have 3 accident free days in the childcare setting (I have never seen this policy until today). As she’s essentially been potty trained for 3 weeks whilst off from daycare they are allowing her to go in pants tomorrow (she only goes 2 days a week) but are asking a return to pull ups next week if she has an accident tomorrow. Our CM is lovely and I do see their side - we’ve never had issues before but I don’t feel pull ups are the answer here. I did mention to my daughter earlier in passing about wearing pull ups in the day for CM and she was very upset. My partner and I have discussed keeping her off daycare for a few weeks to cement the potty training if tomorrow doesn’t go well and then asking to try again with pants.

Thank you again for all your input

Yes I think they're being a bit ott. I get that poo accidents are gross but most childminders and nurseries accept they happen and bag it all up to take home. I had a few poo bags in my time! She's not going to never ever have an accident is she, you can't guarantee that until they've been trained for quite a bit. I'd be trying to push on and keep the consistency of big girl pants.

Good on you for pushing back. Pull ups at this stage seem like a bad idea to me

That’s ridiculous. That would go against all kinds of ofsted guidelines. She can’t dictate that. Usually childminders are the ones encouraging potty training and no pull ups as they can prolong it.
Kids often poo in their pants for a while when starting and for some it can go on a while. Pull ups aren’t the solution unless there is a medical issue. Just don’t send her in them. It also doesn’t make sense if she’s been off for a couple of weeks for her to go on about 3 days.

I agree! Doesn’t sound professional at all

Mine was potty trained at 2 years 2 months within about 5 days however COULD NOT manage pulling pants/ leggings/ tights down alone until about 5 months later as her coordination just wasn’t there. Dress and no pants she could do alone.

I think your dd is doing/ has done really well and the cm is being lazy.

Maybe write on paper your dd’s routine for toilet or even take your DD’s potty there. Remind dd ‘tell Jane when you need xyz’ and tell Jane to remind/ prompt dd if you think it will help.

Definitely don’t buy pull ups or your dd will go backwards with how well she’s done. CM wants pull ups so she can just leave dd I expect.

My son’s nursery asked this. He’d had 2 accidents a week apart.

i refused and reminded them he was 3…. He knows how to use the toilet but sometimes nursery is so much fun he gets distracted.
1 week later no more accidents.

Nothing wrong with a copy/paste imo.

what a ridiculous policy. every child potty trains differently. Accidents are expected and normal.

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The childminder sounds lazy and uneducated around child development. Going backwards is the opposite of what's advised. One accident is nothing.
Id be really concerned sending my child here tbh. What else is she lazy with?

she sounds really engaged with potty training and putting her back in nappies will undermine this!
Your CM should be used to supporting potty training toddlers! And you have made a cracking effort - you aren't asking them to do it all for you like some parents do with childcare

Hi I'm a childminder and would never recommend pull ups because of poo accidents. I'd always discuss any issues with the parents and come to a mutual agreement.
Part of toilet training is accidents and thats how children learn from having accidents, making their own mistakes and making choices.
Hope it gets sorted for you!

What type of childcare setting are you in? Are you a childminder/assistant or in playgroup/daycare/other?

Childminder is ratio of 1 adult to X kids......other settings gave more than one member of staff to assist in cleaning a child/cleaning and sanitising the area the child had the accident, car seat pram etc etc

If I was caring for a child who had ten accidents in a day, my conclusion would be one of a few things ie not trained, underlying condition, sickness, defiance. Ten accidents is not normal for a toilet trained child who doesn't have accidents at home so I would investigate and not take this as something that doesn't merit review

One accident would not merit reverting back to nappies/pull-ups. Get a copy/Ask childminder for a copy of they potty training policy /working in cooperation with parents.hsve a read . Are they following their own policy

Kids can be distracted when back at the childminder having a great time with their friends and get fully engrossed in play and forget/leave it too late or feel the urge to go when they hear someone else say they're going to the toilet. Then they can't hold on when they are fully aware of the urge to go. I think you need more context here as one accident is absolutely not a deal breaker

I've worked in nursery's and we would have never asked this. It can cause a step backwards for the child. We dealt with lots of accidents, it's a part of working in childcare. The childminder just needs to get on with doing her job, which includes supporting your DC to toilet train.

I think children can be very disturbed by a change in routine and I'm not surprised she pooed her pants. I wouldn't be happy to send her in pull ups, it undermines what you are trying to achieve and 1 poo accident isn't enough to conclude that she should go back to wearing nappies.

As a childminder myself, my policy is that patents need to be the one to potty train their own children initially….too many time have parents told me that their child is potty trained when actually they put them in pants the day they started with Me. I’m happy to assist and support with potty training but you need to have it well established at home for a whole week first. It’s not my job to potty training your child for you! Children also need to communicate their need to go, or just go to the toilet…it’s very accessible.

i cannot take a child to the toilet every 30 minutes in the hope of catching a wee or poo on the off chance. This does nothing for your child’s ability to identify when they need to go ans self awareness. I have other children to take care of too and it’s not practical, also if your child say has an accident out and about, I’m then taking all the children with me to change your child also not practical or dignified. I would definitely recommend pull ups whilst out and about away from the setting with regular trips to the loo and reminders.
regression is normal, it happens, you could support your childminder as much and she is trying to support you and your child. It goes both ways.

Exactly that!

it tells me the childminder do not want to mind the child 👀

Shocking! DS (later diagnosed with autism) was really hard to toilet train and stayed in pull-ups at pre-school. We were advised to keep a diary of our efforts before he started reception, and send him in in pants. School were great, he messed every day for the first term or two but then got the hang of it. They were adamant he shouldn't go back to pull-ups.

Obviously there's a difference in age, and needs, but if big school can work with it then surely a childminder could! Well done your DD for doing so well.