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Potty training

Is your child ready for potty training at nursery? Here's the place for all your toilet training questions.

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Original poster

Reception in Sept and still won’t poo on toilet - please tell me this isn’t just us??

31 replies

JamOnTheCurtains85 · 10/06/2025 19:57

Evening all. Bit of a ramble coming, sorry.

DS is 4 and starting Reception in Sept and still absolutely refusing to poo on the toilet. He’ll wee no problem, has done for ages, but every single poo is either in his pull-up or pants (when I try to go cold turkey) or he’ll hold it in and then we’re in for a meltdown later.

He knows when he needs to go, he’ll hide behind the bloody curtains or go upstairs and shut himself in his room, but won’t go near the loo. Tried reward charts, letting him flush, blowing bubbles, books, sitting with him, ignoring it, everything short of performing a tap dance in the bathroom.

HV was useless (“they get there in their own time” — helpful ta). DP reckons Reception will “sort it” but I’m honestly panicking. Do schools actually deal with this? Like I don’t want his teacher to have to clean up crap on day 1, poor woman.

Anyone been here and got through it?? I’m dreading the home visit now.

No idea what else to try.

Thanks if you’ve read this far x

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

PansyPotter84 · 12/06/2025 13:36

Further tip- never go cold turkey in the hope that a poo will come out.

Withholding can cause terrible constipation with the pain and suffering exacerbating poo issues.

Better out than in- even if it’s done in a nappy.

Just please please try the method I outlined above- it really does work!

reversegear · 12/06/2025 13:39

What am I reading, that’s sounds so tricky but what age did he start potty training? That’s a lot of pull ups from 2-4 years old. Your DH sounds like he’s not really helping much and no this shouldn’t be a teachers job at all, I think they will call you or make sure they call DH to collect him.

roses2 · 12/06/2025 13:45

I wouldn't worry about it. DS2 was 3 when he was fully potty trained and 6 when he was poo trained. He'd hold it in at school then come home, find a pull up and go hide somewhere. I left him to it since he never had accidents.

DS1 is age 12 and will never use public toilets to poo. When he goes camping with Scouts he'll hold it in for 2 days.

As long as they are not soiling themselves and they are going regularly I wouldn't worry about it.

TizerorFizz · 12/06/2025 14:38

How on earth does a 6 year old cope at a play date after school, at a school club or on a school trip if they only poo in a pull up? It’s very limiting.

MrsDiamonds · 12/06/2025 14:55

Absolutely agree with the poster who breaks it down into steps.
step one - if he has to hide, hide in the bathroom at least

ElChapo · 12/06/2025 15:03

PansyPotter84 · 11/06/2025 09:29

Hopefully I can offer some constructive advice having had this issue with my older one.

There is a well known method and it worked for us.

When they are confident with wee, take the pull-ups off during the day and have them wear pants.
Tell that that when they need a poo they need to come and ask for a pull-up to do it in (rather than just wearing pull-ups all the time).
When they poo their pull-up, it has to be done in the bathroom and nowhere else.
The pull-up is taken off immediately afterwards, and the poo flushed down the toilet (in their presence).
After a week or so of doing this, ask the child to sit on the toilet or potty (with their pull-up on, still) to do their poo.
Repeat step 4 afterwards.
After a further week or two of this, instead of putting the pull-up on, put the open pull-up into the potty or toilet so that they will poo into it without wearing it. Repeat step 4 afterwards.
Eventually the child will get so used to sitting on the toilet to poo that it won’t matter if there is a pull-up underneath or not.
Job done!

The above worked for us, but I’ve also heard of the following variations:

If step 7 is too big a transition for the child, try cutting a hole in the back of the pull-up before they put it on so that the child can sit on the toilet still wearing the pull-up but the poo goes through it and into the toilet.

If they can’t get past the step of placing the pull-up into the toilet, do so gradually by cutting pieces off the pull-up bit by bit each time until eventually they only need a little bit of pull-up in the toilet to poo on, which can then eventually be replaced by a wad of toilet tissue.

Good luck! I hope this proves
more constructive.

I wish I’d had this info when DS was young. He had trouble going for a poo on the toilet. He was completely dry overnight. Wore pants all the time but had to put a nappy on him to poop. Just could not get him to go in the toilet. He was 4 and just before starting reception he did just get it somehow thankfully. He’s 15 now and will still only poop at home

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