Daughter won't poo on the toilet/potty

[Nic91]

I started potty training my DD at 2.5 years old. She trained with wees no issues and 5 months later still won't poo on toilet/potty. She will only poo in a pull-up or her knickers. My DD is turning 3 this month and starting pre school in September and currently at nursery. I know some do start in pull-ups but would prefer to keep her in knickers even though she isn't fully potty trained yet. Has anyone had a similar experience they can share and what happened? Did it get better? I've tried everything I.e bubbles, chocolate, stickers, poo story etc. I never had this with my son who I potty trained at 3 years old.

Thanks in advance.

My little boy wouldn't poo on the potty at first, so we laid a nappy inside/on top of the potty for him to sit on. He then started pooing in the nappy on top of the potty, and then after a while we just took the nappy away and he was fine with it. Long shot, but possibly worth a go?

Thank you 😊 A good idea and worth a go. Thanks for the suggestion. I've tried most things but not this.

Good luck!

We had this exact issue, my son, who had just turned 3 toilet trained really easy with wee’s, skipped the potty and went straight to the toilet, fab, but WOULD NOT poop on the toilet or potty at all. We tried the ERIC website, the Poo land app, went to the health visitor, tried bribing etc and just could not crack it. He just seemed to get so worked up about pooing on the toilet, to the point he’d hold it in and make himself feel ill. He’d wake up in the night saying his tummy hurt. We were in the same position that he starts school in September so really wanted to crack it, and we found only one thing worked. Please don’t judge me for this, we were at our wits end and it was upsetting him as much as it was us, and I definitely wouldn’t recommend this technique but when he was struggling one day saying his tummy hurt but he was scared to poop, we told him if he held his poo for too long his bum would fall out 💀 he seemed really shocked and was like “will it really?” and we said yep, thats what happens, it’s way less scary to just poop on the toilet. So he did 😂 after a few times of this he stopped being scared about it and we’ve since told him thats not true and he finds it quite funny 🙃

Hi.

Thanks for your post. Not sure my daughter would understand but we've tried everything. Done the poo land story today but nothing works. She is 3 this month, doesn't start school until next September so we've time still. Also, I think once at school they copy and peer pressure etc so tend not to do it anymore. Never had this with my son who's 9 so totally new to me.

I feel your pain, I wouldn’t have been so panicked about it if he didn’t start this September, he’s an August baby so will be 4 then and the youngest in his year. I’ve heard of some schools not even accepting children who aren’t fully potty trained so we were desperate to get past this. It did take him until he was 3.5 to get past the poo issue, even though he was wee trained by 3. If she’s not going until Sept 2026 you’ve got ages yet so try not to worry too much

Mine was exactly the same coming up to 3, she was toilet trained but went and put on a pull up to do a poo. She said she would use the potty when she turned 3 and she did exactly this, just in time for starting pre school a couple of months later. So maybe they're just ready in their own time. She's locked away in her room revising gcses now, Enjoy it all, it goes too quickly.

Been there, got the poo stained tee-shirt. The whole nappy over the potty didn’t work and DC started to stool-hold and gave themselves appalling constipation. So - DC adored fruit, especially passion fruit. A whole day of eating that meant DC couldn’t stool hold any longer. Once DC saw it was perfectly possible to poo in the loo, that was it. Phew!
I feel your pain.

If you look up Eric toilet training it is geared towards specials needs but has some really good ideas.

My ds trained for poos at 5. He would wait until a pull up was available. He started off pooing in a kids bucket then progressed to a toilet after a week and now has no problems. He has no extra needs just scared of the toilet. Even now he's more cautious than most kids

My DD was exactly the same. She’s just turned 4, and we’ve only just started seeing regular use of the potty or toilet for poo. In her case, the issue is a combination of anxiety (from a constipation episode early on when first potty training), stool withholding, sensory aversions to the sight/smell of poo, and discomfort with public toilets.

We didn’t allow her to regress back to pull-ups at nursery, even when she had accidents. She wore her “big girl pants” consistently, and we keep pull-ups strictly for nighttime. Yes, this meant a fair few outfit changes and a lot of laundry, but she got used to the routine and expectations.

You're genuinely doing all the right things, and trust me, nothing seemed to work for my DD either, until that internal switch finally flipped. You’re not alone, and it will get easier.

My DD was the same. I’d put her in an overnight nappy just in case, and that would be full of poo in the mornings (lucky me!)
I read somewhere that blowing bubbles helps. So one day, when I knew she definitely needed to go, I sat her on the loo and got her to blow bubbles while sat there, and it worked! I gave this tip to a few other mums, and it worked every time. Something to do with being unable to clench sphincters while blowing 🤷🏼‍♀️ I’m not clear on the science (obvs) but it worked! Good luck!

Are you sure she isn’t constipated? It’s really common in toddlers/preschoolers and if they end up in an overflow situation it can be easy to miss because they’re still going regularly. If you’re certain that’s not it then what about staying home for a long weekend and going back to naked from the waist down potty training? If there aren’t knickers or a nappy to go in then she might use the toilet instead, especially if you combine it with loads to drink and loads of fresh fruit to make it easy for her. If that doesn’t work then I definitely wouldn’t let her wear pull ups outside of bedtime. Keep her in knickers and drag out changes after an accident to make them as long and boring as possible. If she starts to realise that an accident is an inconvenience that will take time away from playing then it might motivate her to use the loo because she’ll cotton on that it’s quicker. But preschool is still 2.5 months away, that’s a long time when she’s only 3 so I’m sure she’ll crack it by then. Good luck!

She’s 2 and a half!
September’s is still a long way off (compared to her age!)

I was you 7 years ago! My DD (now 10 and pooing grand!) was toilet trained a good 7 months before she would poo on toilet. She would get so upset and refuse so we agreed she would ask for a nappy and poo standing at the toilet. She was constipated when she was about 2 and I think this triggered it. A lot of encouragement and stool softeners given regularly so she couldn’t hold and eventually we got there. This won’t be forever x

That's reassuring, thanks 😊 just frustrating as it has been 5 months now. Never had this issue with my son who I potty trained at 3. No issues and hardly any accidents all in a week or so. I know they're all different and she won't be doing it forever.

Thanks so much for your lovely, reassuring post. I'm sure it'll get easier and she won't be doing it forever. We've been keeping to knickers as you say and pull-up only for bedtime. I think it must just be an embarrassment or fear thing as she is happy to use toilet or potty for wees. I've literally tried everything so out of ideas lol. Just disheartening but she'll get there. Thanks again 😊

My daughter is 3 end of this month but yes still relatively young. Been potty training since 2.5, successful with wees but not poos yet. She starts school September 2026 next year.

Thanks. It feels like forever, doesn't it?!

I'm hoping it'll just click one day as I've tried everything. You name it, I've probably done it 🤣

@Nic91 we had this issue with my daughter, she kept refusing to poo in the toilet.

She asked for a particular toy from
the shops, I did buy the toy but told her she will only be given it if she pooed in the toilet and surprise surprise just like that she did it.

I was so proud 😂 and it was such a relief as nothing else worked xx

I'll try anything, although I have tried most things 😅

Have you asked why she won't use the potty/toilet?
Our DD was scared of seeing it.
She only ever did it once or twice in the potty. Was very distraught. Once we just put the seat on the toilet she was alot more relaxed and realised she didn't need to look at it!

My DD was the same. She still had a pull up on for bed and every night 10 minutes after putting her to bed she’d shout to say she’d had a poo. She grew out of it, took a good 6 months after being potty trained though.
Whats your DD doing at the moment, asking for a pull up in the day or waiting until bedtime?

My daughter is deaf with cochlear implants so her speech is still developing but she has good understanding and very independent. We've tried the put poo in toilet and wave goodbye. She never gets upset just waves and laughs lol. Tried pretty much everything. Now just trying a small toy she likes as an incentive if she poos in potty/toilet. She understands but so far day 1 and pooed in her knickers this morning. On average, she's having 1-2 accidents a day (mostly poos) mastered wees quickly. Run out of ideas! I guess it won't last forever but so frustrating.

Hi,
My daughter is 3 this month. She'll either poo in pull-up (she only wears for bedtime) or her knickers. She has good understanding and very independent. Started potty training at 2.5 and mastered wees quickly with minimal accidents thereafter. I've tried everything! Now trying a toy she wants as an incentive but day 1 of that and she's pooed in her knickers this morning. She will always tell me once she's done. All I can put it down to is a embarrassment/fear phase? My son is 9 and potty trained him at 3 no issues so this is all new to me but I've heard very common.
Thanks.

Hello, may I please ask how you are getting on now? I am facing a similar situation with my daughter. Thanks so much!