Send me some encouragement/positive stories/tips

[Chelswels]

Hello! I just completed five days of potty training and I’m honestly wondering whether I’m doing something wrong or if I just need to be more patient. Monday (first day) was awful and she just peed everywhere but I expected that. Tuesday she went on the potty several times but I had to put her on there every 30 mins so I was bound to catch some in the end. Wednesday she made no attempt to get to the potty most of the day and i had to take her there. But by the end of the day she was going alone to try and go and would dribble wee and quickly run to the potty to finish it off. Thursday was half and half, she would go to the potty but she’d already trailed most of it there so nothing was really done until the last few hours of the day again where she would take herself off to go and try or would start peeing and then run to the potty to finish it. Friday she would pee on the floor and then run to the potty at the end when there was nothing left. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. I didn’t think she’d have mastered it this fast but the progress isn’t even linear she’ll go from being great to not even attempting to get to the potty. I am giving her lots of positive reinforcement and praise and rewards when she goes and when she doesn’t make it or she doesn’t try I calmly bit sternly tell her not to do it on the floor. She fully gets what she needs to do, if I say “where do we go for a wee and a poo?” She’ll say “potty!” And if I say “if you get that funny feeling,stop what you’re doing and ….” She’ll finish “go go go potty”…she even wakes up and says “nappy off, no more nappies!” but then it’s like when she begins peeing she panics and seems to not know what to do so just says “oh no!” And then cries and either attempts to get to the potty or doesn’t. I’ve tried being calm, I’ve tried being stern (not angry but just so she knows we don’t do it on the floor), I’ve tried offering incentives and I’ve tried being relaxed and not saying anything or just gesturing where to go with my hands but it’s just not solid progress if you know what I mean? She gets so excited when she does it right though and wants to go wash her hands and choose a sticker for her potty, it’s just getting her to remember WHEN PEEING that she needs to run to the potty, because sometimes she’ll pick up on it and run and other times she’ll stubbornly say no as she’s peeing on the floor. Any positive encouragement/ advice welcome. I’m trying not to stress her out or get stressy but it’s so hard to stay calm and relaxed when she’s 100% smart enough to do it but just doesn’t

How old is your DD and where are you putting the potty?
With DS1 i originally had the potty in the living room in a clear corner with no other things around it and even then i actually moved the potty close to where he was playing so he would have time to get to the potty in the early stages, then i moved it back and back until it was back in the corner of the living room. Took maybe 2 days of this before he was getting to the potty on time.

@Paintandpots she is 2yr 4mnths, I have the potty in the living room but I move it with her if she moves in to the kitchen and then I also have one upstairs for when she’s playing up there. She does attempt to get there but not in a super hurry and still finds pulling up her dress (she hasn’t been ready to go to trousers yet) difficult before sitting on the potty. She’s fully naked waist down so all she has to do is pull up her dress first.

You need to take her to the potty, it's too early to expect her to initiate herself all the time. Take her hourly.

@Ronan1012 reported

@Fourteenandahalf thanks! I’ll give that a go

@Chelswels Too early! What a waste of time, energy and angst. Just forget about it for several months. She’s not ready! I remember DD1 not getting it at 2 years 8 months. As she was obviously doing well at everything else, I really could not understand it. Also I wasn’t going to put up with the cleaning up either.

I actually mentioned it when she had a developmental check and my GP (who did the checks in those days) said forget it. Don’t talk about it. Use nappies, don’t talk when you change her, and accept she’s not tuned into it yet. GP also explained this was nothing to do with intelligence. It’s just that dc can develop compartmentally. They don’t do everything at the same time. DD was way ahead with language and eventually got a place at Oxford so GP was right.

So I did what he suggested. One week before her 3rd birthday - just did it. Dry at night 1 month later. No mess ever again. Off to nursery completely dry. Potty training doesn’t have to be so dramatic. She’s not ready!

She sounds pretty ready if she's taking herself off for some wees.

She really doesn’t sound ready and it’s so early. It also doesn’t have to be something that happens over a few days. There’s plenty time. I would leave it, maybe just have some nappy off times at home when convenient and watch and wait. However, no talking during nappy changes is a weird suggestion!

We potty trained our son at 2 years 4 months, he was absolutely ready. He took himself off to the same spot to poo, could tell me he’d done a wee in his nappy and had a strong command of language. If you think she’s ready, she could well be.

I found that we were making no progress after the first 2 days and I was feeling disheartened, but a friend had recommended a book called ‘oh crap potty training’ so I read the relevant chapters over night and started fresh the next day. Within the week he’d pretty much nailed it. I really recommend this if you haven’t read it.

Poos were a bit stressful for a while because he’d hold on till the last minute and get increasingly panicked, but we knew it was coming so would just shut him in one room with trousers off and the potty and try to play till he was ready to put himself on the potty, I’d say he was fully potty trained at home (with very occasional accidents) within 10 days but it took him a couple more weeks to get the hang of it at nursery. He was very anxious about using the potty there so would hold on for hours then have several accidents. In end we sent in his potty from home and a reward chart I’d made him, and that made the difference.

We’ve only recently taken away bedtime nappies, when he was 3.5 years.

I would say though, loads of our friends didn’t even think about potty training till much closer to 3, so if you’re finding it hard work and you can’t face it, that’s ok too.

Thanks for the comments everyone!

update: yesterday was a much better day. She actually took herself off to the potty a few times and actually said to me “go on potty?” And I said “of course you can!” And she just went and did it, sometimes with no result, but a few times she did so a wee…she did do two poos on the carpet so that’s going to take a bit longer to get her to understand but I have always felt she was ready and she is now proving that. I was more concerned about whether I was making it more stressful or if there was something I could be doing to encourage constant signs of progress rather than it seeming up and down and random but from what I’ve seen I just need to be more patient and not put too much pressure on her to get it right, give her the freedom to do it herself once I’ve told/shown her how. Thanks everyone for the helpful tips and comments!

Glad you’ve had progress. Key things I think helped us was not asking him if he needed to go all the time. I was stressing him out and he just said no, only to wee a few moments later.
Also giving cartons of juice in the early days so he had extra opportunities to practice. My DS is a bit of a camel so if he missed getting one in the potty, you can be waiting hours and hours for another chance, making it all feel high pressured.

@rainbow231 The suggestion came from my GP. I can say it worked. We just kept away from talking about potty, poo, wee, nappies and everything to do with potty training. My DD could talk a lot by the time we were doing this (in full detailed sentences) and it was a tactic to stop any pressure on both of us. I actually think there’s not much point in dc sitting on a potty doing nothing and then weeing elsewhere 10 mins later. There’s no upsides for anyone.

Parents get into competitive potty training. It ends up being relentless, time wasting and messy. I do think by 3, dc should be trained if possible but at 2 and 4 months most are not potty trained, so why not back off a bit if it’s such a slog. When DD was ready, she actually got it right almost 100%. I mopped up a couple of times but waiting a bit totally paid dividends.

In the end I didn’t have “better days” with DD. She just did it when she was ready. Ditto dd2. What’s the rush at 2.4?

To me it sounds like she doesn't know what it feels like to need to go to the toilet. She's already doing great because she knows when she's weeing, but she needs you to help her learn what it feels like just beforehand. I'd put her in a t-shirt not a dress so you can see her a bit more easily, and watch out for fidgety signals that she's about to wee, then get her to the potty as soon as you see them. That'll help her to associate the feeling with going to the potty, not just the feeling of already having wet legs.

@Ketryne thanks! Yes I think that’s true of my situation too. When I ask her often if she needs to go she says no crossly and looks worried about using it whereas if I just leave it or subtly suggest it might be time to try before we do the next activity then she is happy to go

My two needed totally different approaches, the eldest needed a lot of rewards, prompting and regular toilet trips. The youngest reacted very badly to all of that and just wanted to sneak off quietly to the potty when he thought no one was watching. It very much depends on the child!

Sounds like you are starting to see progress ☺️

I just waited till my twins were age 3, and then they were potty trained in one day with no stress and no accidents.
I read them the book “No More Nappies” twice a day for about 6 months before it, and had potties around the house, so they were familiar with them. And bought them new pants with their favorite characters on them.

@Apollonia1 It’s so much easier doing it that way. DD1 needed to be potty trained for nursery, ideally, so I ended up waiting because we got nowhere earlier. But some people like the weeks of stress it brings. Dd was virtually instant when ready and without nappies at night shortly after. I don’t see the rush at just 4 months after 2.