We've just stopped our second attempt at potty training with 3.2 yr old DD. She is an excellent communicator, fully aware of when she's going, can hold bladder for 4 hours plus routinely. She has been broadly accepting of wearing pants but will not go in a potty or the toilet. She just cannot let go and holds to the point she is beside herself with discomfort (but still won't go). We drew the line after 5 days and when yesterday she only wee'd once in 11 hours (when nursery put a nappy on her). Today I gave her the choice of nappy or pants and the relief on her face made my heart break. She has no interest in bribery whatsoever (never has). I've tried all the tactics (blowing bubbles etc to help her pelvic floor let go) - she spots manipulation a mile off. I've tried to be as relaxed about it as possible, sat with her reading stories etc to keep her calm. She is incredibly strong, stubborn, wilful, mostly in a wonderful way. I am at a total loss.
Would love to hear from others who've gone through the same and reassurance we will get there. Plus any suggestions/ideas. Everything I read is focused on getting them to go in the right place at the right time and suggests bribery as the solution. We have the total opposite problem in that she knows when and where to go, she just won't/can't. Nothing I read feels like it will help in our scenario. I feel like a total failure.