Refuses to poo in the potty

[GinnyBee]

Started training my 28mo boy yesterday, trying for a cold turkey ditch the nappies approach, naked from waist down, mostly following the oh crap method I think. He’s doing fine on wees, mostly still starts wherever but if I catch it early and ask him to go on the potty he does, or if it’s too late I’ll just move him mid-stream and he finishes on the potty. But poos! On the floor. Yesterday I caught him staring to go for his afternoon poo twice, and when I put him on the potty he stopped and wouldn’t go. The second time it happened he cried and struggled saying “no mama, don’t take me! I need to go hide!” I tried explaining that he should poo on the potty, and also asked if he wanted me to put the potty somewhere private so he can still hide, but no. I also tried bribing with chocolate but that didn’t work either. This morning he’s also already done his morning poo on the floor despite us prompting him several times to go on the potty, because we knew he needed to go. Then snuck another one out when my husband agreed to play hide and seek with him (which is 99% of the time his way of saying he needs a poo, so this was stupidity on hubby’s part)

How can I get him to go on the potty? We have a little potty and a toilet seat and I’ve tried both. And what do I do tomorrow when he goes to nursery, do I put him back in nappies or send him in commando or with pants on?

We first introduced the potty earlier this summer more casually, getting him to sit on it a few times a day and he would wee in it every time so we thought we were off to a promising start, but then after a week he didn’t want to anymore so we left it. I’m now worried I’ve left it too late and he’s too “attached” to pooping standing up and hiding 😫

I'd buy some pull ups so he can carry on the wee progress. Poos can take longer.

I thought pull-ups weren’t recommended really as it will confuse the child and also not help at all with the learning when they can’t feel that they’ve had an accident 🤷🏼‍♀️

He’s been in nappy pants for ages anyway though, as I find them easier to put on an active toddler and they stay on better without a vest.

Hi OP, it’s been a few days since your post and wanted to see how you were getting on! We started the formal process yesterday and have had lots of success with wees, but poos not so much. He doesn’t want to poo in the potty at all, I’d say the floor is actually better than holding it in! (Which is what we’re having).

What’s the latest? :)

@eatentoomanygrapes I was just actually coming to update! Or even start a new thread, this board seems a little quiet.

He pooped his clothes all week 🤦🏼‍♀️ he goes to nursery 4 days and I got to bring all of his poops back home to wash (well, not poops but very soiled clothes) and I’d already pretty much decided that I’m not doing another week of that and he’s going back in nappies for nursery. But then yesterday he did TWO poos in the potty! Both times highly supervised - I’d noticed him show signs he needed to go, he was looking for hiding places and I kept following him around with the potty, and if he sat on the potty “too early” he wouldn’t go but when I put him on it when he’d pretty much already started he then did the poo! Like for the second poo he’d sat on the potty literally 1 minute before, done a tiny wee and a fart and even though he sat on it for a little while and I thought he was genuinely trying, the poo wasn’t coming. He then got up, walked out of the room and almost immediately went behind the stair gate at the end of the hallway, back against the wall and whispered “hide” to himself, which is when I got him to sit back down with a YouTube video of a potty song.

So now I’m conflicted! Do I take him to nursery tomorrow commando again with lots of changes of clothes, or practice pantsless at home some more first before ditching the nappies again? My worry is that they won’t be able to keep such a close eye on him like I can at home and his preference still is to go somewhere quiet on his own rather than finding the potty or telling someone.

Skip the potty. It's an extra step you don't need. At his age, straight to toilet. It is very common to be scared about pooing without a nappy on as kids don't like the feeling of something falling out of their body.

So the first step is to just keep his normal underwear on if he's dry now and get him to ask for his nappy back on when he wants a poo.
If his speech and lang are up to speed, he will understand this.

Then, with nappy on, pop him on the loo and have him poo whilst sitting on there.

Obvs he gets a sweetie if successful!

Keep with that until he is comfortable on the loo (put a plastic seat insert on toilet so no fear re falling in)

Keep up the system of a special sweetie each time he poos with nappy on on the loo.

If he asks for nappy on but refuses to sit on loo, be pleased but don't give the special sweetie.

You need to then up the incentive for nappy removal - a new toy or something he really wants. Stay with him and keep it relaxed. Make it all positive for his first nappy less go - "ready to make a splash?!"

Once he has done it once on the loo, that will be him trained - you can then get pants on. This will be a fear thing.

Let him ask for a nappy to poo in. Get the wees under control and work on the poos later.

Ps i'd keep in nappies at nursery this week. You can get the staff to have him ask for a nappy on to poo once he gets it at

Get the book Poo Goes to Pooland. I think you can download it. Worked like magic for my son.

I don’t think he would ask for a nappy to poo in, he doesn’t have a problem going without a nappy on, and I think part of the challenge, at least at nursery, is that he doesn’t want to stop playing. Asking for a nappy would still mean he has to stop.

It’s only been about a week by the sounds of it, he’s doing really well with wees and you’ve had some success with poos. Definitely don’t go back to nappies, or encourage him to ask for a nappy for poos! I totally get that sometimes needs must if you have a distressed child withholding but definitely don’t push that when he hasn’t even asked because it’ll be a much harder habit to break than the accidents he’s currently having at the moment, which are totally normal, because he’s still learning.

I’d send him to nursery in underwear. Go to the supermarket and get a couple of cheap packs. Tell nursery to bin them if he has a poo accident. Obviously I’d wash them at home but bagged up hours later- no thanks, and it saves the more expensive trousers. Also it’ll be a lot gross for staff dealing with an accident contained in pants than potentially all down him in trousers. Warn them of his signs, any usual timings and hope for the best but don’t be discouraged by accidents. Then at home carry on as you are watching him like a hawk, you tube potty song or poo goes to pooland app to get him to sit (whatever works!) and a small reward for a success - it will come with time! Also, nursery won’t be giving out smarties because it’s not fair on the other kids but they should be agreeable to making him a sticker chart if you think he’d go for that.

Having recently done this and similar position the following worked.

Open up a nappy and use it to “line” the potty. Show them and let them poo in the nappy in the potty iyswim. Do the for a bit - reward plenty- then swap nappy for some toilet paper, then remove it.

It worked over the course of a week for us. Major change.

@InTheRainOnATrain thanks. I do really want to put him in pants that can just be binned after poos, but I’m worried they’ll feel too much like a nappy and I’ve seen it advised that going commando with loose trousers first will result in fewer accidents 🫠 on Monday he had pants on and soooooo many accidents, but we’d only had two days butt naked at home at that point so I might give that another go tomorrow. They’ve been pretty good with giving him sweets actually, but I’ve been meaning to get a sticker chart too when he’s past the initial phase and may not need as much bribing.

My oldest pooed in the potty once but was so upset about 'making potty dirty they wouldn't do it again! Youngest never went anywhere near potty and just used loo with a special seat, you may find that works better. Both of mine were a bit older when we started, though

Do they use a potty or loo at nursery? When I potty trained my kids I tried to replicate what was happening at nursery, at home. Mine always wore normal pants when potty training and I accepted it was 2 weeks of hits and misses and lots of changing of clothes! But after that accidents were very occasional.

You need to be consistent and try not to lose patience. Some kids start holding everything in and getting constipated when they feel pressure to use a potty, which you want to avoid as it makes things so much more difficult. As others have said, focus on getting all wees on potty first, the poos will follow.

I think with them wearing pants it feels more uncomfortable and so they are less likely to repeat the behaviour. So I would suggest wearing pants rather than going commando. Boys do seem to have a higher tolerance for the discomfort of soiled pants, and in my experience seem happy to continue to play in in them for longer, so you will need to monitor closely so they don't get a sore bum!

@itshappened i think they have both. The toddler room upstairs, where he is, has at least a potty but might also have a toilet or a toilet-like bigger potty. Downstairs they have toilets for preschoolers and when they are outside which is often almost all day. We also have two potties at home and a toilet seat, and he’s used both. This weekend he has also gone on a big toilet in public with me supporting and has done great! He doesn’t seem phased by any of the different options and uses them just fine with help. Today he even managed a small pebble of poo in the public toilet!

Which brings me to the other point. Yesterday his two potty poos were soft and large-ish. Today’s potty poos have been small and kinda hard, so I’m now worried he’s starting to get constipated. He had also done a morning poo in his overnight nappy, which my husband said was normal so idk.

Well, false alarm on the constipation, thankfully. He ended up doing the rest of that poo in his nappy shortly after we got home and hadn’t got it off him yet as he fell asleep on the way home and took a while to wake up and we snuggled on the sofa, and then he got up and went under the coffee table. So I’m glad he’s not constipated, but slightly annoyed at myself for not acting quickly to get him on the potty.

That's good on the constipation front! but out of interest, why was he wearing a nappy? He may keep holding it in until nappy time if there are times it is available. I think it's better to wear 'big boy' pants all the time and just go with the accidents rather than giving him times where he is still able to do it in a nappy. But sounds like he has made great progress nonetheless!

We went out for lunch and just put it on for insurance. He has had a nappy on this week for a couple of outings and has still gone to the toilets and barely done anything in the nappy. But mid week my husband took him to soft play and we didn’t think weeing on play equipment was very sanitary, same yesterday when I had to go to the shop and I didn’t want him weeing in the trolley seat, and then today when we went to lunch. I know it’s not recommended and most people advise to be really strict about it, but that doesn’t really work for me. If that means it’ll take a little bit longer then that’s just whatever, but I want it to be a fairly comfortable process (as far as is even possible).

Another vote for 'Poo goes to Pooland'. It's like magic, I swear! I read it twice to my DS when he was scared of pooing in the potty/toilet, and the next morning he toddled off and did it of his own accord, and never had a poo accident again.

So many recommendations for that now that I’ll have to try it!

I have to say, Poo goes to Pooland didn’t work for us, but at some point I asked him whether his poos were ready for their swimming lesson (don’t know why it occured to me) and it really helped him and completely solved the problem. Even years later now if he is on the toilet and not really relaxing I ask him if the poos are getting ready in the changing room and it works.

DS refused to even sit on a potty so we went straight to the toilet with a step and seat, I had a fold up seat I could take out with us as well

Coming to update. Have tried reading Poo goes to Pooland a couple of times but he’s not really sat through it, somehow we’ve had him in a very hyped up state when trying to calm down with books. Not sure how much of the story he’s even heard.

But, yesterday he went to nursery with pants on under his trousers for the first time, didn’t do a poo (all day I think?) but came home with laundry from five wee accidents. Today my husband picked him up so I didn’t get the full briefing but he got back wearing the same trousers I put him in this morning! He’d even done a poo! The only change he had was his top that got baked beans all down it 😂 I’m totally amazed. He comes home at 3 from nursery, and kept wearing the same stuff until changing into pyjamas.

Well, after the success of Tuesday we’ve now had three days of pooping his pants again and none in the potty. Today he is yet to poo at all even though I’ve spotted the signs he needs to go a few times already and had him sit on the potty and the toilet, but no poo would come 😫 I’m pretty sure he did genuinely try, but it just wouldn’t come. The last time he really first resisted going on the potty and tried to hide under the coffee table, so I thought it must be close now, but still it didn’t come when I managed to get him out of his hiding spot and on the potty.

This is so frustrating!

You're trying too young. He's not ready. Boys usually train slightly later and he's only just 2 and a third.