Almost 5 year old still not potty trained - positive stories please

[Diggersandunicorns]

My DS is five in two weeks and just finishing up in reception. He has been potty trained for wees for two years now, including dry at night, but he still soils his pants multiple times a week and will never tell us if he needs a poo or proactively go to the toilet for a poo, we have to spot the jigging or just sit him on the loo after meals.

I can’t take it anymore. I have an older child so I’ve been handling pood on clothes for seven years now. I’m so fed up of my hands smelling of poo no matter how much I wash them. Of being sent home from school with a bag of clothes. Of having him come up to me for a cuddle and just stinking of poo. I’m calm with him most of the time but it’s really getting to me. I can’t leave him anywhere as I don’t want other people to deal with it. I’m on the verge of keeping him home tomorrow because he soiled himself twice at school yesterday and there is still more poo to come as he hasn’t pood properly since Sunday and I just can’t face the bag handover from the teacher.

I know he’s constipated. We’ve spoken to Eric, we’ve been to the GP, he’s on Laxido. I’m upping his dose but when we’ve done this before it’s been worse as the poos are so loose he really has no idea he needs to go.

I don’t really want advice… I just want some stories from people in similar situations who have positive outcomes.

You need to contact Eric, the continence charity, my eldest was like this until he was 7, it's caused by long term impaction from constipation and needs long term laxatives and a disimpaction plan from a continence nurse.

It's a medical issue from him withholding, so nothing you have done or not done, you need to see your gp. ( edit, sorry it's early, I see you've already done this step great 👍)

For now put him in pull-ups, it'll make clean up easier, I know you are probably turning away in horror at that but it'll make both your lives easier. You need to continue the laxatives even after it's water, everything needs to get cleared out. It's a very long term solution and there will be a point he looses control because his poop will be water, you need to continue for a while after this to fully empty his bowel, which is stretched.

The above advice sounds great. I have no advice but just wanted to send sympathy.
My son is 7.5 and still not fully dry. He almost constantly stinks of urine and my living room carpet smells too.

Padded potty training pants may help with this, it sounds like he's leaking a bit, the pants are washable but will absorb his leaks and stop his clothes and everything around him smelling.

Why not use old cloth nappies as a first layer?
That way he'd fell it rather than with the normal nappies / pants.

I'd agree with this, join the Movicol Mummies group in Facebook, there's loads of people going through the same thing and lots of useful advice

I would trial dairy exclusion for 3 months. It's the leading cause of constipation issues.

Get some essential oil to rub on your hands when washing them, it will replace the poo smell :-)

What’s your continence nurse said?

We had this when DS was slightly younger, so pre-school not reception. Can’t remember what medication we had but it eventually did the trick. DS used to withhold his poo, then it would hurt to go, so then refused to go and then would have leakage which he had no control over.

I think once he knew it wouldn’t hurt to go life became easier. We even did a poo chart where we marked how often everyone went to the loo to encourage DS to go more than once a week

Luckily the pre-school leader’s daughter had been the same so she was very understanding. It was a trying time though

@savethatkitty I think you will find it is a medical issue so put away your judgy pants

Ok. But don't post on a public forum & not expect honest replies...

🙄 Try harder.

Enlighten me?

@savethatkitty

This could be one reason
eric.org.uk/childrens-bowels/stool-withholding/

@savethatkitty You said you were trying not to judge. Try harder.

I totally get it.

Hear me out. A 5 year old who, presumably will start school soon... if NOT a medical reason, then what...

The school or teacher should potty train the child? Sorry, but I don't think this falls into the role of an educator

I'm just trying to point out, if a 5 year old isn't potty trained, are they really ready to attend school.

Like I said, I get if there is a genuine medical reason, but surely you'd be on top of it before this age.... Food for thought.

Unfortunately medical reasons don’t always fit into school timetables. The OP has said they are working on it.

Schools can’t stop children attending schools because they are not fully toilet trained, for just this reason, it could be a medical reason. Children start school at different levels for many things, no two children will be the same

Been there, OP

For us, DS didn't reliably go to the toilet for a poo without prompting until he was 11
Dreadful time. However when he finally didn't associate going to the loo as painful or worrying it got better very quickly. Constipation for so long as a child can cause long term effects but they all get. What they need to do in the end and so will your DS. It's an isolating and depressing time but things will get better in time. And hopefully sooner than in our case for you!

Compassionate much.

"I totally get it"

Followed by a perfect impression of a total arsehole not getting it.

Good for you.

Wow at some of these comments. My dd is nearly 4 and will only go for a poo in a pull up. I tried taking the pull ups away and she just held it in became constipated and sick and stopped eating. I try everyday to encourage her to use a potty/toilet but she refuses. We started potty training at 2.5 and she cracked pees by 3. She goes to preschool and will only poo at home in a pull up. There's no way I could hold her back from starting preschool purely because of this issue. I'm exasperated by it but have to wait till she is ready I suppose. Eric have said if she asks for a pull up to go in never refuse one. She is now fully night trained which I thought would help encourage her not to ask for a pull up in the day for a poo but nope

It sounds as if you are not following through on the disimpaction and retraining programme. Google the poo nurses and watch the video. Fixing the problem takes twice as long as the problem has existed. There is no quick way to do it unfortunately. I am sorry, it is tough, but it is a physical, psychological and whole family problem and everyone needs to be on board and consistent.

Did you read the OP? He’s at school! For god’s sake read and think for two minutes before rushing in to share your judgy opinion. Jesus

You need to work on disimpaction. Do it now over the holidays if possible. This is not the child's fault, THEY CANNOT HELP IT. And it will be causing them distress too. It's hard but you need to change your mindset and be on the side of your child.

I have been there where you are now.