Almost 5 year old still not potty trained - positive stories please

[Diggersandunicorns]

My DS is five in two weeks and just finishing up in reception. He has been potty trained for wees for two years now, including dry at night, but he still soils his pants multiple times a week and will never tell us if he needs a poo or proactively go to the toilet for a poo, we have to spot the jigging or just sit him on the loo after meals.

I can’t take it anymore. I have an older child so I’ve been handling pood on clothes for seven years now. I’m so fed up of my hands smelling of poo no matter how much I wash them. Of being sent home from school with a bag of clothes. Of having him come up to me for a cuddle and just stinking of poo. I’m calm with him most of the time but it’s really getting to me. I can’t leave him anywhere as I don’t want other people to deal with it. I’m on the verge of keeping him home tomorrow because he soiled himself twice at school yesterday and there is still more poo to come as he hasn’t pood properly since Sunday and I just can’t face the bag handover from the teacher.

I know he’s constipated. We’ve spoken to Eric, we’ve been to the GP, he’s on Laxido. I’m upping his dose but when we’ve done this before it’s been worse as the poos are so loose he really has no idea he needs to go.

I don’t really want advice… I just want some stories from people in similar situations who have positive outcomes.

This. Do the disimpaction programme correctly. If you keep stopping due to loose stools (overflow) and his lack of awareness of needing to go (probable nerve damage), things will just stay the same.

It's such a common issue, it's not worth worrying about too much. Them going, even in a nappy is far better than them withholding.

Have you tried keeping him naked from the waist down? This was the only thing that worked for my daughter, literally naked from the waist down at home with no tv. I watched her like a hawk and when she started hopping and squirming I made her sit on the toilet.

She could only hold it for so long and after two days she had cracked it. There were lots of tears and her screaming but it worked!

My son has just toilet trained at 4y10m. He has a mild physical disability and suspected autism. We're experienced parents and have been trying lots of different ways since before he was 3, with involvement from the HV. I would never expect school to toilet train him but I would expect him to be able to access his education like his non-disabled peers.

I know he’s constipated. We’ve spoken to Eric, we’ve been to the GP, he’s on Laxido. I’m upping his dose but when we’ve done this before it’s been worse as the poos are so loose he really has no idea he needs to go.

I don't know if you have read the replies OP, or if you will come back to this thread (as you did say you don't want advice) but the quote above describes classic impaction with overflow. The video I linked deals with this right at the end. I went through this with one of my DC and it took 2 years to get through it. but we got there in the end by following the disimpaction regimen to the letter. I know I have posted a few times on this thread, but I feel so sorry for you and your son. This issue is fixable, but it isn't quick.

@savethatkitty I’m not sure if your message about school was aimed at me as my first sentence literally says he’s finishing up in reception so he’s done a year at school and hit all his milestones but thanks for the input 👍🏻

@endofthelinefinally thanks for the advice. I’ll watch the video in the morning, back to the thread now.

We had been back to the doctor and were due a check up next week on him but we’ve had to change GPs so it’ll be a few weeks before we can see a new doctor. I hadn’t heard of a continence nurse before, not sure if you or someone else mentioned that, we haven’t been offered contact with one to date though.

Eric has a helpline. You can always ring them

Almost all soiling issues are to do with constipation.

The trigger that tells your brain that you need a poo is poo arriving in your rectum and stretching the muscles. If he has been constipated or witholding then the rectum will already be stretched and there will be no message to the brain that the poo is ready to come out.
That's why once you have cleared the backlog in the bowel with laxatives it can take a while for the rectum to go back to its normal stretchy shape and THEN he will need to learn to respond to the messages from his bowel as the muscles expand to accommodate the poo.

It's a long process but you've made a good start. You can't afford to stop though, or you'll have to start again.