Pooing her pants, tried everything, HELP!

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DD is just over 3 and a half, 4 in August. She potty trained at 2 and a half after showing signs of being ready and it was relatively easy. She’s now been pooing her pants, occasional wees but not often, for about 3 months now with the odd accident before then. It’s like it’s slowly become more regular and it’s almost daily now and has been for weeks. Her baby sister has just turned 1 at the start of this month, we’ve also moved house after Christmas and started her at a new nursery. I’m aware all that change can be a cause and we’ve been so so patient with it and literally tried so much. We’ve ignored it and made no fuss, just cleaned her up and moved on from it, we’ve tried extra praise, we’ve had her choose her own new nice pants to keep clean, she’s chosen a new toilet seat, she’s said she doesn’t like the smell so we’ve let her pick a spray for the bathroom to use when she poos, we’ve got the poo goes to pooland app that she would sit and watch, she’s also got some games on my phone to help her with toilet sits after meals or if she’s not been for a while, we’ve had days where we’ve just watched her and taken her when she shows signs, we’ve tried days leaving it and leaving it up to her, we’ve even tried getting her little sister to sit on the toilet seats to maybe see if that would do anything but nothing consistently works. It’s now at the point where if we don’t instigate a try then she doesn’t even take herself for wees most of the time. Today we’d had enough, we’ve also lost our temper a few times which I feel awful about but today was just enough mentally with it and I’m just burnt out so we’ve put her back in pull ups. She didn’t like it, but we said as soon as she’s ready to take herself to the toilet again she can go back in pants. We just need a break and thought maybe taking the pressure off might help her too. But no, she’s now had every wee in her nappy today too and I just feel it’s now been a huge backwards step. It’s like she’s so engrossed in play that she doesn’t want to stop to go. She’s mentioned not liking pooing too. We thought it might be poo withholding and have taken her to the doctor and she’s not constipated. Other that literal bribery what can we do??? She starts reception in September and I’m so nervous about that if she’s still like this my DH has even mentioned holding her back because of it but she’s so smart and ahead in every aspect of the early learning stages that I don’t want to have to do that. Heeeeelp!

Actual school or just nursery?

Literal bribery was the only.thing that worked for my DS!

To add: I bought a load of small presents worth not that much but things he liked (toy cars etc) and wrapped them all. Put them in a big bowl next to the loo and said there was a present for every poo.

Incidentally I discovered he hated the potty as it was so uncomfortable and so he got on much better with those seats you pop over the loo.
Anyway he was delighted with "present for a poo" and used to come and look at everyone who went to the toilet and declare they deserved presents for poos too if they'd done one too!
Of course I then had to wean him off presents but it did the trick

@giddy90 i mean actual school reception. Nursery are fab and give her as much of their attention as is reasonable to expect and clean her up but I just don’t know if schools would even do that?

and thanks @Anameisaname this will probably be our plan B if starting again with bare bum and potty doesn’t work 😂🫠

She will not be left in pooey pants! Talk to school beforehand so they know it is an issue and send in a separate bag with wipes, nappy bags, pants and clothes every day - same as at nursery. They will not clean her up unless an intimate care plan is put in place (this is something which could be discussed if need be) but will guide her through cleaning herself up and getting into change of clothes - as long as they are aware she has done a poo. That could be her telling, another commenting, staff observing body language clues or the simple fact that she (and chairs she has sat on) smells of poo. Some schools try saying they will need to call a parent to change the child, but I'm pretty sure the ERIC website has something on that - worth looking at.

For what it's worth, dd was Y2 before we dared stopping sending in wipes and pants (in mitigation, she does have diagnosed constipation issues and regular meds to help.) We never had to go in ourselves, and she did finally crack it - no more pooey pants!!!! Sending you strength for now, though - who would have thought it could be so soul-destroying?!

Fecal impaction

www.thepoonurses.uk/disimpaction.php

Watch this post. Could it be this?

www.dgt.nhs.uk/services/a-z-services/childhood-constipation-service

@Lancrelady80 ah thank you so much! This has settled some anxiety for sure. My DH is so scared she will get bullied too and I just feel awful knowing she’s going to be one of the youngest (august baby) and struggling and expected to do so much. Good to know they do have to deal with this in schools sometimes! Thank you!

@smithson999 I’ve just watched that thank you! It’s so hard to tell because yesterday after buying the potty and being bare bum for the day she did stop and say she needed a poo and had no accidents, so to me that doesn’t sound like constipation or impaction but the consistency of what’s in her pants does sometimes sound like it