Pooing her pants, tried everything, HELP!

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DD is just over 3 and a half, 4 in August. She potty trained at 2 and a half after showing signs of being ready and it was relatively easy. She’s now been pooing her pants, occasional wees but not often, for about 3 months now with the odd accident before then. It’s like it’s slowly become more regular and it’s almost daily now and has been for weeks. Her baby sister has just turned 1 at the start of this month, we’ve also moved house after Christmas and started her at a new nursery. I’m aware all that change can be a cause and we’ve been so so patient with it and literally tried so much. We’ve ignored it and made no fuss, just cleaned her up and moved on from it, we’ve tried extra praise, we’ve had her choose her own new nice pants to keep clean, she’s chosen a new toilet seat, she’s said she doesn’t like the smell so we’ve let her pick a spray for the bathroom to use when she poos, we’ve got the poo goes to pooland app that she would sit and watch, she’s also got some games on my phone to help her with toilet sits after meals or if she’s not been for a while, we’ve had days where we’ve just watched her and taken her when she shows signs, we’ve tried days leaving it and leaving it up to her, we’ve even tried getting her little sister to sit on the toilet seats to maybe see if that would do anything but nothing consistently works. It’s now at the point where if we don’t instigate a try then she doesn’t even take herself for wees most of the time. Today we’d had enough, we’ve also lost our temper a few times which I feel awful about but today was just enough mentally with it and I’m just burnt out so we’ve put her back in pull ups. She didn’t like it, but we said as soon as she’s ready to take herself to the toilet again she can go back in pants. We just need a break and thought maybe taking the pressure off might help her too. But no, she’s now had every wee in her nappy today too and I just feel it’s now been a huge backwards step. It’s like she’s so engrossed in play that she doesn’t want to stop to go. She’s mentioned not liking pooing too. We thought it might be poo withholding and have taken her to the doctor and she’s not constipated. Other that literal bribery what can we do??? She starts reception in September and I’m so nervous about that if she’s still like this my DH has even mentioned holding her back because of it but she’s so smart and ahead in every aspect of the early learning stages that I don’t want to have to do that. Heeeeelp!

When my child 3 kept pooping her pants only thing that stopped it was when we told her she was wearing special leggings and everyone would be able to see her poo.

I'm curious as to why you haven't tried 'literal bribery'. A chocolate button for a poo in the loo? Or a treat lucky dip bag with little presents wrapped up like bubble mix, little toys, etc.

We’ve literally had accidents where the poo has seeped through to her leggings so everyone has and it didn’t change anything 🫠 nice to know we’re not alone though!

Our 4 year old had a terrible poo regression which lasted for months and months. Like you we were tearing our hair out, panicking they'd be pooing themselves in reception! In the end it did just get better in time though. We brought back the traditional star chart and used presents they really cared about getting (when they reached a certain number of stars), which helped, but was by no means a magic solution. You do just need to just keep going. You have my sympathy - it is all so frustrating when you are in the middle of it. It will pass.

@Lovelyview When she started having occasional accidents at her old nursery they tried a sticker chart with her and it made things worse, she would also act out with her toys scenarios where her toys wouldn’t get stickers because they didn’t go to the toilet and would get angry and sad with them. We asked her how it all made her feel and she said “not good” so we’ve kind of avoided reward charts or continued rewards because of this. Its not that we’re against giving something, its when she doesn’t get something when she doesn’t do it that’s caused her issues before

@StaringAtTheWater thank you for the solidarity! It’s always a comfort! I’ve literally just written out another reply as to why we’ve steered away from rewards but honestly by this point what have we got to lose!

Isn’t that the point of rewarding though? She doesn’t like not getting the reward so will try harder to get it. Not getting the reward is not supposed to be a good feeling.

If the wees are going well, can you let her deal with those herself and take her to the toilet after each meal to sit for the poos? A poo should happen 10 minutes after she finishes eating a meal.

@BananaSpanner well yes but for some reason she got worse and would have more accidents. So we nipped it in the bud and have been reluctant to go back there!

Stay home for a few days. Keep her bottom half bare and a potty with her by her toys. Encourage her to go every hour. Pants give them security as it’s routine from being younger and in nappies.

This obviously won’t work for everyone but has worked for us. With DS I think once he got used to being ‘clean’ he liked it. Although now he does love being naked 🤣 not sure if that’s a down side from the potty training!

@Waffleson yeah that’s kind of what we had been doing but it’s at the point now where if we don’t ask her if she needs to go when she’s doing a little jiggle then she doesn’t really instigate it herself until she’s let a bit of wee out

@TrafficPoster thats not a bad idea actually. It’s basically what we did to potty train her to start with but we’ve got rid of the potty’s now during the house move so i guess I hadn’t considered getting another one! But might try this as if starting again and go from there. Thank you 🙏🏼

The only thing that worked for my daughter who has a poo aversion was to keep her naked from the waist down at home. I didn’t leave the house for 3 days and watched her like a hawk. She held it until it was literally coming out of her but she sat on the toilet. We never had any issues after that.

Do consider constipation. It can masquerade as faecal incontinence and it presses on the bladder which causes problems there as well. My daughter goes every day, but is still constipated and needs movicol daily otherwise everything backs up. If in doubt, pop along to your GP. They should be able to palpate her tummy just to check.

Can you speak to your HV or GP they may be able to refer you in case there is an underlying issue.
Star charts and rewards don't always work.
My DD refused to do a poo in the loo or potty until she was almost 5. - tried everything. She was dry day and night from 2
She used pull up nappies and managed it herself but just wouldn't use the toilet- if we took away the nappy she was constipated for a week- so was advised to give back pull up pants.
Eventually she did it by herself - just decided to do it and did it!
She was diagnosed with autism as a teenager.
Anyway all I'm saying is I know reward charts and praise ( or telling off) do not work for every child!
You will get through this , try not to stress .

@AperolWhore yes your the second to suggest this and I might try make some time I can do this as if starting from scratch! Thank you 🙏🏼
@Antagonishy we did take her to the doctors to check for this but they had a feel of her tummy and said she wasn’t. But definitely not afraid to take her back again if need be! Thank you!
@Runnerduck34 oh god that must have been so frustrating! Thank you for the solidarity! Also good to know that putting a pull up back on her today might not have been the worst thing to do! But thank you, I’ll try not to! Easier said than done though 🫠

Another vote for constipation - my child is also on movicol.

His initial signs were accidents and refusing to poo on toilet - we worked out that he didn’t like to poo sitting down. It’s more common than you think, offer a toilet step than allows her to be in a squatting position on the toilet.

My sons constipation couldn’t be felt in his tummy as it was impacting further down.

Bribery is fine! Learning to use the toilet can be tricky.
I think it's ok to reward children for this.
DD was very resistant. I offered to get her a scooter once she got the hang of it.
Constipation from holding on can be really unhelpful as it makes going more painful, so they hold, it gets more painful and then you get leakage and a reduced sensation of needing to use the toilet.

If you're sure there's no medical background (constipation with overflow issues is the most likely) and it's just behavioural (i.e can't be bothered to stop playing), then this is how we dealt with it:
No shouting or fuss, just a calm removal to the bathroom from the playroom / TV when the accident happens.
Child removes soiled clothing (with assistance if necessary to avoid further mess) and has a shower. Keep the temp lukewarm (not cold, just cool enough to be mildly unpleasant). Once dry and in clean clothes, then they help take soiled clothing to the washer and load it up.
This stopped both of mine pretty quickly as they soon realised that the time it took them to clean up was significantly longer than if they'd stopped playing and just used the loo.
(Mine were 3.5 - 4 years when we did this, I wouldn't do it with a younger toddler).

When mine was 6 he went through a stage of pooing his pants pretty much daily for a few months. Eventually we bought him a load of new pants that he chose and said that if he pooed in them they would be going in the bin as it wasn't good for the washing machine to constantly be washing pooey clothes. I only had to follow through with that once. Though actually that was his swimming costume. We went to a park with water, sand etc so he wore his swim shorts and then pooed in them. I put them in the bin in the park toilets and we went home. I didn't get cross but I was firm that they were going in the bin and he was very upset. Worked a treat though and the issue immediately resolved. He's now a teenager and doesn't remember pooing his pants constantly! I was very sure with him that it was a behaviour/reaction to events in his life causing the issue and not a medical problem.

I agree could be constipation! When she has the poo accidents in her knickers are they loose/soft or a normal firm stool?

my daughter was exactly the same - potty trained perfectly lead by herself at age 2, she was dry day and night quickly and then randomly age 3.5 started having poo accidents and it is so so stressful. We were going through 5-7 pairs of knickers a day!! Problem is they sense and pick up on your stress as well and it becomes a bigger cycle. My DD was constipated and the accidents she was having was the overflow of poop seeping around the impaction. The Laxido/Movicol helped resolve and she is on 1 sachet a day as maintenance.

The ERIC website is very helpful 👍🏻

Does it?! Why didn't anyone tell me that! Thank you I'm going to try with my little one

My Youngest is 3 and 10 months, since Christmas she too has been having only Poo accidents despite being potty trained for a Year! We tried everything and so did nursery but could not stop it from happening. In the end the only thing that worked was taking her off to sit on the toilet every hour to "try for a Poo" - I would sit on the floor opposite her and wait.
She would never go but it would drive her mad that I would interrupt her playing, having lunch, or an activity etc.. to "try for a Poo". We did it every day for a few weeks that she got so fed up and started to eventually go at a time that suited her. If any of that makes sense! Good luck OP, you're not alone!

Thanks everyone I’ve just caught up with replies if not read yet! I’ll definitely keep constipation in mind! For those who’s asked (sorry if TMI) but her accidents are mixed, sometimes just a smudge as if she’s not successfully held it all in, sometimes dry and powdery, sometimes soft and sometimes not a lot and sometimes loads! We’re getting all sorts. We’re also going to go get some more potty’s tomorrow to try her from scratch with a bare bum and potty’s again!

Actually I’ve got a quick question for anyone who reads this reply who’s had a kid do this in schools, how do they respond to this? I’m so worried she will be one of the youngest in her year and will just get left in dirty pants if she does have an accident! How do they handle these things?