How do you know when they are ready?

[Summermeadowflowers]

DS is 2 years and 10 months. Most of his friends are toilet trained and I have to admit I’m feeling pressured.

But he just doesn’t seem remotely interested. He won’t tell you if he needs to see or poo and while he’ll sit on the potty for ages he never does anything on it. Tried putting him in pants and that didn’t work!

I am a bit worried because it feels like without his cooperation well never get anywhere and he isn’t famed for being cooperative!

He will start to tell you when he does a poo or wee. Honestly don't feel pressured. It's much better for them to be ready than not otherwise you are fighting a losing battle and they end up getting confused. My eldest potty trained at about 3yo quite easily & my youngest was 3.5. My youngest was dry at night by the time she was 4 & my eldest was closer to 6. Don't be peer pressured it's counter productive.

They're ready when they know they need a poo. Sometimes they'll tell you, but they might just take themselves off somewhere to do it (under a table/behind a curtain etc). If he has no idea that he's doing a poo then don't even try yet. Just wait.

He does know when he’s had a poo - he doesn’t always tell me but sometimes he does. Not sure about wees, though!

We have just potty trained DS who is 2 years 10 months and it's gone ok - we had quite a lot of accidents to start with but now they are rare. He never told us he needed to wee or both poo but would take himself off to poo. How he tells us he needs the loo but I would say it has taken a month to get to this point - after a few weeks of us asking him every time he became squirmy (which was the sign). He has learnt what the feeling means and learnt to tell us. What really helped was being at nursery with other kids who were using the toilet and with friends whose kids were potty trained. And just talking about it loads. Letting him choose his own pants and talking about the process. And he never liked the potty so getting one of those step up seats for the toilet.

It's needing a poo that he needs to know, not done a poo. It's too late to get the potty when you've done a poo! He needs to know the feeling of it coming.

True, that’s a good point. I suppose it’s the wees more than poos - just feels like we’re a long way off potty training being a possibility.

Both my DC toilet trained at 2 and a half; I’d put them on the potty when we got dressed and before a bath and then it seemed that once they’d done a wee on there (more by luck of timing than anything) and got lots and lots of praise they seemed to understand better. Then I just found a long weekend with no plans, did a build up about big boy pants etc then put them in pants and put them on the potty every 45 mins or so. One of them got it quicker than the other but still within 2 weeks was largely toilet trained. There was some reluctance with one so I did smarties as a reward for sitting on the potty which then naturally stopped as it became routine. Nursery did stickers if you don’t want to treat with chocolate

I don’t think he’d care about stickers - problem with using chocolate as bribery is that he just goes on about the chocolate without seeming to connect it with the action!

He’ll sit on the potty for ages but won’t actually do anything.

I would never force it like PP said! It'll come when they're ready. Don't feel pressured or anything like that as they all get there in their own time. My second is 2 1/2 and she is nowhere near ready.

Going against the grain here - I'm sure he's ready. It's something you need to teach him. You wouldn't expect to be able to hand him a bike and say ok cycle. Or a book and expect him to read? So sitting him on a potty is the same. You have to teach him. There are various books for both you and picture books for him. We have Pirate Pete's Potty. Assuming he is chatting enough to have a conversation with (I know my 2.5yr old would be but appreciate they're all different) just explain to him nappies are for babies so no more nappies, pees and poos in the potty. And mean it. Nappies are gone and no putting one on to go to the park/shops/whatever. Have him naked (or half naked, bit cold for naked now) and the first pee might be on the floor but just grab him and stick him on the potty. Praise etc. Until you tell him to identify that feeling of peeing and what action to take he's not going to know.

I potty trained my two at 23m and 21m. Surprisingly the younger one was a million times easier. First two days there was a fair bit of clean up but by the evening of the second day it somehow clicked and he's never looked back. Took a wee bit longer with my daughter but again we're talking a week or so not months.

When I tried having him in big boy pants he just treated them like a nappy, just weed in them.

This is why it’s so hard to know, though. I worry if I leave it until he’s ‘ready’ he’ll be seven at this rate but equally I don’t want to keep stopping and starting.

I agree with @anothernameanotherproblem you have to teach them. We put DS in pants and for 3 days he just weed in them. We kept taking him to the toilet and eventually he got the hang of it. I think if you want it to happen now you need to teach, otherwise as others have suggested you can wait. I just didn't want another year in nappies as I have another baby and I was sick of changing two lots of nappies!

Have a read of the Oh Crap book. You can get the pdf for free online. No pants for ages. No bottoms at all for the first few days and then introduce loose trousers but no pants underneath until they're reliable. He's spent his entire life feeling something against his bum and peeing into it. He feels the pants, assumes it's the same as a nappy and pees.

He can do it! And you can do it! You'll both be so proud of yourselves when he aces it

Imo they are ready when they can communicate enough with you to say the words wee and poo, but they don’t need to be telling you before they do it at all - that is what you need to teach them
to do.

I used Oh crap and trained mine at 18 months (DS) and 21 months (DD - I was waiting for better weather) and it took a few days both times and they didn’t have accidents afterwards. (On here people always claim that kids trained early have multiple accidents - absolutely not the case for mine).

DD is nearly 3 now and some of her friends aren’t trained and it’s actually much harder because they have a lot more free will, get much more involved in their games so less willing to break off, less keen to please parents, so definitely don’t leave it much longer.

I should say I didn’t night train at all - just waited until the nappy was dry in the morning, which was 4 for DS and 2.5 for DD. Neither have ever wet the bed either.

Before I opened the thread, from the title my answer was going to be 'when they are 2'. Neither of mine showed any particular signs, I just tried because 20-30 years ago most were trained around 20-26 months so I thought I would try. Both trained within a few days, certainly less than a week. Loads of accidents on days 1 and 2. I think we make it into a much bigger deal than it needs to be nowadays - so many people asked what method I was using. I just put pants on instead of nappies and took them to the toilet every hour. I don't think I could sit down and read a whole book on potty training!

Honestly i’d say don’t worry OP. My DS just turned 3 and isn’t ready yet. He also has a speech delay and doesn’t tell me when he’s done a poo or wee. He will do a stand up wee in a potty after bath, but that’s it. We are also expecting our second child next month, i’m already huge and i’ll be having a section, i’m just not mobile enough to handle it right now and I’ve heard of several of my friends’ kids having regressions in potty training if they have a big life change. So we’ll try it in a few months gradually.

I believe I took a while as a kid. They’ll be fine in the end, don’t worry. My ultimate aim is potty trained before school.

I haven’t actually heard of any child say ‘ I’m ready to use the toilet now’.
I just trained Ds a week after his 2nd birthday, I figured he was 2, and I would try. He was dry day and night within a week.
Hes 3.5 now, and I have to say he would be a nightmare if I waited until now. Now he’s old enough to argue back or decide not to do something. At 2 he couldn’t even talk, so I just took him to toilet and reminded him.
I think most books say it’s easier at 2.5 than 3.5 due to this

I am not confident about oh crap. I think he’d just wee on the floor!

He wouldn’t tell me he needed a wee though. I fear we may be in that ‘nightmare’ phase!

Neither of mine showed any ‘signs’ that people are talking about we just tried and it clicked. Ds was 2.2years and it took a week and he was dry day time, he wore night nappies for another 6months. Dd was tried at 2.4 hrs and she never wore a nappy day or night as she refused using the potty clicked within a few days but we got there.

it’s just a case of trial and error to find out what works. We went straight to pants( I think nappy pants are a waste of money as they think they are wearing a nappy) plenty of praise and patience as there will be accidents along the way. We picked a few days we were at home and had the potty out and sat on it every hour.

I work in early years and it’s unbelievable how many able children are still in nappies at 4 Because their parents are waiting for these magical signs. none of my friends children showed any signs we just all tried it , some it worked and some tried again the next month,

Yes, he will! But you watch him and grab him as he starts to pee and stick him on the potty. He'll soon catch on, promise. There were lol be a few painful days (start of day 2 seemed especially bad) but then he'll get it and it'll be great. If your expectation is no pees on the floor then I think you might need to adjust your expectations.

I don’t think he would @anothernameanotherproblem . He went through a phase of deliberately doing it so worried he’d treat as a game. It’s the element of compliance really. He won’t tell me when out and about and won’t wee on it at home (though will sit on the thing for ages.)

peeing on the floor is fine as an accident but not long term!

Neither of mine told me when they needed we just timed it that they sat on the potty every hour for the first few days, after that first pee in the potty they began associating the potty with doing the toilet. Yes it’s trial and error, yes there are accidents on the floor , yes you feel like giving up after cleaning the 4th pee on the floor within a few hours, but as soon as they start peeing sit them on the potty, give plenty praise .

I actually thought potty training would be harder than it was. It’s amazing how quickly it clicks.

We didn’t wait till DS was “ready” or showing signs, we did it when we thought he’d be capable of learning to do it. (just after he turned 2).

It’s not realistic to have him in a nappy and expect him not to use it - he’s been doing it since the day he was born. It’s muscle memory and mostly automatic. So until you take the nappy away it’s not fair to expect him to learn to do something different. It would be like giving him cake every day and then suddenly giving him the cake and a piece of bread but saying he can only eat the bread.

Yes my DS did wee on the floor a few times, but that’s what he needed to notice “this is the sensation of weeing”. It’s a very short phase though.

I used the oh crap method. It recommends no pants for a couple of days as it’s too similar to the feeling of a nappy, which is the association that needs to be broken. Just have a potty nearby, watch him like a hawk and get him on to it.

Good luck, I know it’s difficult, but I don’t think it will get easier if you wait longer or stop and start.

And yes I didn’t expect Ds to tell
me when he needed to go, he couldn’t talk at 24 months. I just took him regularly until it was a habit ie on waking, before we went out, before lunch etc.. then eventually could ask if he needed and he could nod or say no.
Even at nursery, all children are simply taken at regular intervals. So most aren’t actually saying, they just go every 2 hrs or whatever