4 yo not potty trained

[Sunshineclouds11]

Hi

My sons 4, starting school in Sep and still in nappies.

I have tried everything. Nothing has/is working.
Reward charts, sweets, toys as an incentive just don't batter an eye lid.

I think it may be more a sensory thing. I feel his nappy is his safety blanket, whenever I take it off, in the hope to keep it off he screams and won't settle until it's back on.
I've tried putting underwear on, he just rips them off, underwear under nappy, not having it.

He knows what the toilet is for, will sit on it with a nappy in, pretend to wee/poo, flush the toilet, wash his hands after. We do praise him for this and try each time to take the nappy off but it causes WW3.

I've looked in ERIC website but not sure what else I can do!

Any advise please! My goal is to get him on the toilet for starting in Sep!
(School are fine if this isn't the case)

Yeah he asks to be changed when he's wet and poo'd.

Sorry you have probably tried this but have you read books about potty training? Pirate Pete etc? Or watched any shows together about it? Bing probably has one.

We did that for a couple of weeks leading up to potty training, then introduced the idea e.g tomorrow we are going to buy some pants like pirate Pete and my son seemed to understand what was required in theory even though it took a couple of weeks to get the hang of it in practice.

I have unfortunately.

I know this sounds so alien and I get it but he has had afew struggles in the past and still has some in regards to his learning etc I have honestly tried so hard.

I'm going to be strong with the no nappies and not give in

Yes, 4 year olds will pick up on him still being in nappies. If he is in them when he starts school, he may well stop soon enough when he realises it's not the done thing. They may well call him a baby or similar. At 4 he is old enough to understand and I worry it may cause long term medical problems if he doesn't learn to control his bladder properly.

You have probably tried this, but take him shopping to choose his own pants! No matter what he chooses go for it, it might work!

Dd was 4.5. We had to go cold turkey days, I bought reusable pants in nice designs and then sheer bribery ... what's his favourite thing? Dd it was mr men books (at the time) they were a couple of pounds so she got a coin each time and each Saturday she would go and choose new book.

The first couple of days it's easier to have nothing on (stay at home, I admit easier for girls in dresses) then introduce the underwear with some protection. I potty trained my both at the same time, they are 2 years apart! Dd1 is autistic. Nighttime we used pull ups until 8 and she took meds from 6 as accidents were frequent

There are lots of mums with experience of potty training children with SN on the SN board. We all did it differently but it might help to ask there.

No personal experience but if you think there are additional needs at play I'd be reluctant to go cold turkey and distress him like that.

Would you try swimming nappies? They'll feel more like nappies than pants from a sensory pov, but won't hold the wee so once he learns that he may be more willing to try the toilet or potty?

Thanks, I have posted on there but no responses as of yet

Nothing works as an incentive sadly!

How did she take it going cold Turkey?

I know, it's the screaming and upsetness that always pulls me back in.

I do have swim nappies in so can try

We have managed two wee's on the toilet, no accidents as of yet and no nappies🤞🏽
No going back now he's doing great

WELL DONE! What a brilliant start. To be honest ds just suddenly got it and then we were fine. I’m so pleased for you @Sunshineclouds11

I think this is what happened, it's just clicked.
He would always sit on the toilet just nothing would ever happen.

So pleased for him💙

Sorry to post on an old thread but I was just wondering how it went in the end @Sunshineclouds11 ? Did your DS get potty trained in time for September/school?

My DS turned 3 in Jan. We also have suspected speech delay and possible ASD - we are currently on multiple waiting lists for assessment so nothing official yet. My Health Visitor also referred me to ERIC.

I tried to potty train him at 2.5, he was having none of it at all. Now I'm trying again and doing the cold turkey approach as I'm so so worried he won't be potty trained for school.

I know he's got a while as he doesn't start til Sept 2025 but at the moment it just feels like it's never going to happen 🤦🏼‍♀️

@Lottie917 he cracked it!
And he only had 1 accident!
He was well confident with it for starting school.

I can't say how or why other than nappies off.

Not cruel but aware of differences. I remember my eldest daughter at 3 talking about a fellow child who had just turned 3 years old who was still in nappies. All the other children in the 3 yr old room at nursery were toilet trained and she just didn’t understand why he was still in nappies. She asked me about it a couple of times and then accepted it.

The same with my youngest child at school nursery but she can’t accept it. She keeps telling me that ‘Jack’ is a baby. ‘Jack’ has significant SEN so wearing nappies is not the only difference. No matter how many times I tell
her that everyone is different and learn at different rates she’s convinced he is much younger than his age due to the nappies.

Well done!