I hate this | Mumsnet

Fritilleries · 2022-02-18T15:34:15+00:00

I'm so fucking done with it all. I hate potty training. I've screamed at my toddler because they have pooed and it's ended up on my jeans and hands because of the mess. I've screamed and sworn and shut him in his room. Can't cope with it anymore.

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ofwarren · 18/02/2022 15:53

You screamed at a toddler and locked him in his room because he pooed? That's awful.
He's obviously not ready to potty train and you screaming at him and locking him in his room is going to give him a complex and make the situation even more complicated.

My son is six next week and still has issues going to the toilet. He's under the hospital with bowel issues and still poos in his pants. I wouldn't dream at screaming at him for it.

HelpMeHiveMind · 18/02/2022 15:57

Surely this is a troll post? I get being done with it all and feeling fed up, but screaming swearing and shutting your child in their room for getting potty training "wrong" sounds tantamount to abuse, sorry...

sadpapercourtesan · 18/02/2022 16:00

How old is he, OP? It may be that he just isn't physically ready yet. Boys are often later, and readiness has much more to do with physical maturity than how much effort you put into training.

You've lost your rag - you need to calm yourself down properly. Have a cup of tea and do some deep breathing. Then you need to go and cuddle your son and reassure him that he has done nothing wrong, and apologise to him for the way you treated him. We all fuck up sometimes, but it's really important that you don't leave him with the impression that this is his fault for doing a poo. He's only little and you've probably frightened him quite badly.

WaitingToExhale · 18/02/2022 16:01

You need to take a step back. Why on earth are you screaming at your toddler for learning something that is completely foreign to him?! It is an extremely stressful time. I started too early
with my son. We were both getting frustrated so he went back into pull ups for 3 more months and when we started again, he got it! Don't traumatise your kid by yelling at him. Shit happens 😉 You can do this! 👍🏼

Pinkflipflop85 · 18/02/2022 16:02

I hope this is a wind up because that behaviour is inexcusable.

If it isn't a wind up then you really need to seek some support.

Doesn't sound like toddler is ready to potty train yet so stop and wait until ready. Especially if this is the reaction you are having towards him.

Original poster

Fritilleries · 18/02/2022 16:04

I am really struggling. I'm trying to be honest and seek help. I can't cope with his inability to poo. I don't have anyone nearby who can help and HV is useless. I'm just so tired.

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Mischance · 18/02/2022 16:05

You certainly need to put a stop to any potty training now for at the very least 2 months. This little chap has a lot to get over.

Have you got PMT at the moment?

Mischance · 18/02/2022 16:06

How old is he?

ofwarren · 18/02/2022 16:06

@Fritilleries

I am really struggling. I'm trying to be honest and seek help. I can't cope with his inability to poo. I don't have anyone nearby who can help and HV is useless. I'm just so tired.

What do you mean by his inability to poo? Does he poo in a nappy?

Original poster

Fritilleries · 18/02/2022 16:07

No. I'm just completely overwhelmed. I can hear him playing quite happily so I'm sure he isn't completely scarred for life. He is fine at nursery but whenever he is at home he just hides nd poi's whenever I'm doing something like going to the loo or making myself a cuppa or even just having five minutes to myself

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musicmadnessnumber57806 · 18/02/2022 16:08

I hear you with being frustrated but you must be careful he doesn't think that pooing is a naughty thing to do. He might end up holding it in and having health issues.

If he poos in his nappy happily have you tried putting him on the loo/potty with his nappy on, so he starts to get an association?

How long have you been potty training for?

Shmithecat2 · 18/02/2022 16:10

Echoing other's questions - how old is he?

Original poster

Fritilleries · 18/02/2022 16:12

@musicmadnessnumber57806

I hear you with being frustrated but you must be careful he doesn't think that pooing is a naughty thing to do. He might end up holding it in and having health issues.

If he poos in his nappy happily have you tried putting him on the loo/potty with his nappy on, so he starts to get an association?

How long have you been potty training for?

I feel complete crap. I don't know why it triggers me so much. He's 3.5. Been wearing pants for a month now and pooes/wees at nursery and at home he will wee on the potty but for some bloody reason he won't poo on the potty. He'll hide somewhere when I'm distracted and poo himself and then say he needs a nappy. I know I've lost my temper. I don't have anyone else at home with me.

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Hugasauras · 18/02/2022 16:13

Go find him, tell him you are sorry and give him a cuddle.

Original poster

Fritilleries · 18/02/2022 16:17

@Hugasauras

Go find him, tell him you are sorry and give him a cuddle.

I've done that. I asked him what makes pooing tricky and he says he doesn't like it. He's playing with his duplo with Bluey on in the background. Thanks for talking to me. I just feel really lonely.

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Mischance · 18/02/2022 16:17

I have lots of sympathy - and we all lose our rag now and again. Boys can be quite slow with all this. Are you saying her uses the toilet to poo at nursery but not at home?

It is all a challenge, but I am sure you know that shouting at him and getting cross is not the way to go. I don't think you need anyone to tell you that. He is building up a negative association about pooing at home which will not help.

Might be worth looking at this link - they have a helpline: www.eric.org.uk/pages/category/potty-training

Original poster

Fritilleries · 18/02/2022 16:20

[quote Mischance]I have lots of sympathy - and we all lose our rag now and again. Boys can be quite slow with all this. Are you saying her uses the toilet to poo at nursery but not at home?

It is all a challenge, but I am sure you know that shouting at him and getting cross is not the way to go. I don't think you need anyone to tell you that. He is building up a negative association about pooing at home which will not help.

Might be worth looking at this link - they have a helpline: www.eric.org.uk/pages/category/potty-training[/quote]
He poos and wees at nursery and wees at home. It's just pooing he isn't keen on. Thanks for the link. I'll investigate. I think I'll have to pop back to my GP as don't think I'm coping well with parenthood.

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Mwnci123 · 18/02/2022 16:21

Will he ask for the potty/ toilet if he doesn't have pants on op? Mine is a similar age and is pretty unreliable about it, but fine if she is bottom half naked.
I have found it very frustrating a times as well, but they will get the hang of it. It's great that he's doing it at nursery- you could always ask them for some tips?
Good that you've apologised and given him a cuddle.

millymae · 18/02/2022 16:21

I hear you OP but you really shouldn’t be shouting and screaming at him, no matter the smelly mess..
How old is he and how is he with wees. Is he a random pooer or do you have some idea when one might be coming.
Tell us this and you may get more help.
Mine are well past it now, but my sisters over 3 year old has just cracked it, Lots of pooing in pants on the way but he suddenly cottoned onto to the fact that poos needed to be done in the toilet or potty and if they were he’d get a treat.

Original poster

Fritilleries · 18/02/2022 16:28

@millymae

I hear you OP but you really shouldn’t be shouting and screaming at him, no matter the smelly mess.. How old is he and how is he with wees. Is he a random pooer or do you have some idea when one might be coming. Tell us this and you may get more help. Mine are well past it now, but my sisters over 3 year old has just cracked it, Lots of pooing in pants on the way but he suddenly cottoned onto to the fact that poos needed to be done in the toilet or potty and if they were he’d get a treat.

I've already mentioned a few times already that he is 3.5. He poos and wees at nursery but only wees at home. He poos in his pants. He gets stickers. He gets a spoonful of honey at nursery and home when he does a poo in a potty so it's not like we aren't implementing a clear routine/reward.

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zorbazorbs · 18/02/2022 16:30

Does he not tell you he needs to poop because whenever he has done it at home you shout at him hence why he hides because he's scared of doing it and your reaction

Mischance · 18/02/2022 16:31

Please do not think you are failing as a parent - this is just o0ne aspect of the job that you are finding so hard - and we all would - it IS hard when you know they know what to do but just do not do it. There will be a reason - but he is too small to express that.

I hope the link helps - try the helpline - at least it will be a sympathetic and knowledgeable listener for you. Someone who knows what they are talking about - and will be familiar with this situation.

Just to make you my littlest is much younger than the first two and they were entranced with the potty training. They devised a plan whereby they would give her a jelly tot every time she performed in the right place .... one for a wee and two for a poo. Canny wee lass worked out that if she rationed how much poo she did each time, she got more jelly tots!!

Heartofglass12345 · 18/02/2022 16:33

Have you spoken to the nursery to see exactly what they do? Eg do they ask him if he needs to go, or does he tell them/ go by himself? Could you encourage him to use the toilet instead of the potty? Rewards for when he tells you he needs a poo? Can he tell you why he is doing it in his pants?

It is tricky, my son was taking ages to toilet train and it turned out he was autistic, I still feel guilty for getting angry with him now and he's 8.

Original poster

Fritilleries · 18/02/2022 16:34

@Mischance

Please do not think you are failing as a parent - this is just o0ne aspect of the job that you are finding so hard - and we all would - it IS hard when you know they know what to do but just do not do it. There will be a reason - but he is too small to express that.

I hope the link helps - try the helpline - at least it will be a sympathetic and knowledgeable listener for you. Someone who knows what they are talking about - and will be familiar with this situation.

Just to make you my littlest is much younger than the first two and they were entranced with the potty training. They devised a plan whereby they would give her a jelly tot every time she performed in the right place .... one for a wee and two for a poo. Canny wee lass worked out that if she rationed how much poo she did each time, she got more jelly tots!!

That's made me laugh. Thanks. He gets honey, here. He's actually in the lounge and has been non stop chattering away about something to do with birds in trees and ninjas. Something to do with PJ masks. I need a poo whisperer. I'm just a bit shit at dealing with shit.

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Original poster

Fritilleries · 18/02/2022 16:37

@Heartofglass12345

Have you spoken to the nursery to see exactly what they do? Eg do they ask him if he needs to go, or does he tell them/ go by himself? Could you encourage him to use the toilet instead of the potty? Rewards for when he tells you he needs a poo? Can he tell you why he is doing it in his pants?

It is tricky, my son was taking ages to toilet train and it turned out he was autistic, I still feel guilty for getting angry with him now and he's 8.

He has a toilet seat thingy which he uses. He's up there at the minute having a wee. And now he's flushed. Sorry all for being terrible. I appreciate it's horrible. I'm trying my best. That's why I put him in his room so I could deescalate myself. When I got pregnant I never envisaged myself being so crap at this.

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