Potty training non verbal 3 year old

[Ted0301]

Evening everyone, my DD is 3.5 yo, I’ve tried her on the potty a few times over the past couple of months and she’s done both wee and poo, but I think it’s me who doesn’t dare go for it full on because she can’t talk and tell me when she needs to go. Do I just go for it and be persistent or wait a bit longer? She’s starting nursery in a few weeks time too xx

Use a visual aid like a symbol card or picture she can point to.

I would wait, does she have additional needs?

We are in the process of this now with our 3.5 year old too. He also doesn't really speak (although expresses in other ways)

Has your daughter shown readyness? So long period of dry nappies, dry over night for instance? We just started putting him onto the potty with his snack and tv for encouragement and then praised massively when ever he weed. We are still finding poo a challenge as he doesn't want to do it in the potty but apparently this is common.

We have had some regression especially in the holiday out of childcare because he always did so well with potty with her. This summer we just decided to go for it with the oh crap method. we had a few days of accidents but ultimately this was a good consequence for him to see and after a week he was leak free and has remained so for the last week. We are also seeing him be more consistent with night dryness although he still wears a nappy to bed.

He still doesn't tell us when he needs to go so we just put it out regularly (every 2 hours was a sweet spot). Recently he has started to refuse the potty but we are hoping this is because he knows he doesn't need to go yet so we have been slowly stretching out the time. He can manage 12 hours overnight so why not longer then 3 hours or four.

Honestly you can only go for it and give it a few days. We have resorted to bribery and also refusing what he wants if he doesn't do it (e.g. no tv until he sits) I have found making it all no big deal helps. if he refuses i just say ok and then try again 10 minutes later by casually putting it out and asking him to sit, sometimes he has forgotten and he ll just do it.

Our next aim is to sort out the pooing. Im planning on buying some cool stickers as a reward and hopefully that will encourage him to be less nervous about going in the potty.

Makaton signs are your friend here

Or a photo of the toilet/potty that is accessible so they can get the picture when they want to go

@IHateCoronavirus we have the flash cards but she only points to it after she’s done something if I ask her which she’s done.

@User5827372728 not that we know of yet…. She’s on the waiting list for an autism Assesment. She’s under SALT etc.

@Morningstar66 oh brilliant we have a reward chart but I think I’m going to start afresh and get a new one and new stickers. We praise when she’s done something and when she’s sat on the potty but done nothing we say it’s ok we can try again soon.
It’s so hard and there’s no help or advice from anyone HV didn’t know what to suggest.

I’ve had to make a profile after seeing these posts, it makes me feel so less alone!
I’ve got a 3.8 year old little boy who is non verbal and I just started potty training last week.

We have carpets and like a crazy person j put puppy training pads all over and put him in briefs on the first day and just put him on the potty for 5 mins every 30 mins. The first three days were awful, but it’s getting better and he’s peeing every hour or so now.

We use the sign for potty but even though he knows and understands the sign, he’s only done it a handful of times in context so I imagine we’ll be just putting him on the loo on a schedule for some time. We do have a potty communication board but he prefers sign.

I’ve never met any other non verbal children and it feels so surprising to see these posts.

My heart goes out to you;I unfortunately have no advice;my DS is quite severely autistic and it took a long time to toilet train him;he's only been out of night time pull ups since May when he turned 12 and decided he didn't want to wear them anymore.

Are you in touch with your health visitor?;there is help available for toilet training with additional needs children;I was sent on a course on toilet training.

My now 29 year old was non verbal (and still has poor speech due to CP), so we used Makaton signs. I used the sign for toilet too, before I went which seemed to help reinforce the idea that you were signalling the need to go, not just remarking on the fact that you'd just been. This might help?

When ppl say non verbal are u meaning no words at all?

My son is 3.5 also and not potty trained either but he has lots of single words just not 2 together. Does that count as non verbal?

@shapes1 my dd has no words at all. X

@Salpeg what about u?

@Morningstar66 and u?

My DS aged 3.5 is non verbal too, OP. It’s really tough. His understanding isn’t good either so wouldn’t understand a reward chart.
He’s cracked it in this summer and I’ve been so proud. We were very persistent. It was tough, I just sat him on the toilet every 30 mins for the first few days and said very clearly WEE WEE.
Kept him naked bottom half. If he started to wee sat him straight on the toilet and said WEE WEE.
He has now been dry for 3 weeks!

@shapes1 no, that isn’t non-verbal. Sounds like they have a speech delay but non-verbal means no words.

@Salpeg I always try her on her potty and she mostly does wee’s, (will do poo if I catch her in time when I know she’s about to do one) we have flash cards and afterwards I ask her which she had done; which she usually gets right.
She’s starting school nursery next week, so I think I may wait until she is fully settled then start potty training properly. My concern is that because she can’t speak she won’t be able to tell the teacher she needs to go and the teacher won’t have the time to take her every 30 mins or so.
Please feel free to message me about anything as I also haven’t met any other non verbal children too :(

@thenewduchessofhastings I’ve asked HV before but she wasn’t very helpful and didn’t know what to suggest 🤦🏼‍♀️

No words at all unfortunately. He was born at 24 weeks and his vocal cords were damaged beyond repair during heart surgery and he was deaf for over a year. He works so hard on his signs and boards but I long to hear a word from him.

My DD turned four in August and has a speech delay, (potential ASD) whilst she does use single words, she’s starting to use more sentences only recently. We cracked potty training about three months ago, after starting in December 2020 with introducing it to her. It took a long time and there were days I felt like giving up but the big turn around was when we ditched the nappies for good, it was confusing her why she was in a nappy at nursery but not at home etc. She tells us when she needs to go now but it was tough going so you’re not alone

My DD although not non verbal had very few words at 3 years old but nursery wanted her trained before she started. She also was diagnosed by SALT as having mild understanding issues.

I was recommended the oh crap method and it worked well as in the beginning you look for signs and bring them to the potty before the child progresses to recognising the signs themselves.

We actually cracked it sooner than I thought & she's had very few accidents & none at nursery.

Things that worked for us

• used a seat rather than the potty as she was a big 3 year old
• reward chart with stickers. I bought one from Amazon. Loads on there but I bought a really simple one with only 4 areas for reward, sat on potty, did a wee, did a poo, washed hands. Others have maybe 8 things and I felt it was too much & would confuse things
• chocolate button for a poo. I did wonder how I would stop this but one day she forgot and never asked again. She didn't really get chocolate so it was a big incentive to do it

Hope some of this helps & best of luck

I’ve decided to carry on with private nursery because the school nurseries around us wouldn’t accept him without being potty trained.
His current nursery have been happy to take him every thirty minutes but my sons the same, if you don’t notice his cues or take him he’ll have accidents and I agree a teacher wouldn’t be able to.
I hope your little girl enjoys nursery and is happy there.

Honestly it feels incredible to talk to someone who is in the same position, I feel so hopeless sometimes.

@Salpeg I’ve kept my son in private nursery for the exact same reason.
My son is 4 in December so starts school next year which is making me extremely anxious.

@Salpeg my dd was in a private nursery but she was mainly with younger children, I agonised for a long time what to do but though school nursery would help bring her on more. She’s on the waiting list for an autism Assesment. She is only going to be doing 3 hours a day at nursery so I’ll see how she gets on with settling in first. Her school are ok with her not being potty trained, thankfully. X

@RussianSpy101 aww wow that’s amazing! She understands the reward chart but I think because I haven’t been persistent she’s not interested in getting a sticker sometimes when she’s done something. So I think I just need to start a fresh and get a new one with new stickers and other incentives. I’ve just bought her a seat for the toilet, as she’s hyper mobile so she’s very wary when things move or are unstable, but I’ve finally found one that’s solid and doesn’t move around.

@RussianSpy101 and @Ted0301
My son will start school in 2022 too and I thought if I could send him to school nursery then it’d help me decide if he would be ok at mainstream school or whether he needs a SEN school. So that’s the good thing about ted0301 daughter getting that experience! My anxiety is getting worse as he’s getting older because it feels like I won’t be able to protect him in our little bubble, so I completely understand how you feel.

@Ted0301 that’s good, I really hope it works for her! My son wouldn’t entertain the potty or a seat at all so he has gone straight to the toilet.
Does she have a favourite character that you could get stickers for? My son loves hulk so I probably could’ve tried that.

@Salpeg do you have any integrated resources in your county? Basically a mainstream school with a special “hub” or unit on-site. They all have different specialisms. The idea is that they can spend some time in their mainstream class, if possible but use the IR if not. They tend to have a high staff to pupil ratio too.
We’ve found one for our son with a 10 place IR for autism so hopefully he will get in there.

@Salpeg I understand your anxiety I was the same making the decision about whether to send her to school nursery or keep her at the private one, but the private nursery and school have both been fantastic and I’ve spoke to the school at length about my concerns, I’ve spoke to her SALT too who also sees a child at the school she is going to and has reassured me too. But it has put my mind at rest a little but I still have lots of anxiety for her. Like you say you just want to protect them x