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3 year old refuses to give up nappies
31

brewingno2 · 28/01/2021 10:05

Please someone give me a bloody tip

So far we've tried a potty she choose, toilet seat trainer seats. Rewards charts. Clapping signing dancing when she did 1 wee.

Honestly loosing the plot a bit! I've only got 5 months till my baby is born and if possible need her out of nappies. She doesn't seem to know when she's going to wee. When I leave her nappy off she always complains for one and then holds her wee till she does a big one on the floor.
It's been a year and half of trying, at a loss!
Buying a small toilet one today in hope it works but not feeling hopeful
Most of my friends kids aren't in nappies anymore and they are younger! Feeling a bit embarrassed like I've failed somehow

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OverTheRainbow88 · 28/01/2021 10:08

Don’t compare to others and don’t worry, she’ll get it in her own time.

I tried with my DS at 3 and it just didn’t work out so we stopped then tried again at 3.6 and he got it in a week and hasn’t had an accident.

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MissBaskinIfYoureNasty · 28/01/2021 10:08

Snap! Following because its driving me crazy and I am out of ideas. I have managed to potty train his two older siblings so I should be able to do it but this kid is the most stubborn little thing.

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shouldistop · 28/01/2021 10:10

The thing that worked for us was putting ds on the toilet every 30-60 mins for a while and praising when he did a pee.

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brewingno2 · 28/01/2021 10:11

Thank you ladies

Yeah I have honestly made a miniature stubborn mini me Confused

I'm thinking I might have to bribe her with chocolate ffs! But that's not exactly the best idea is it ha

I'm hoping because the mini toilet is there height there's no ideas squatting or climbing up it will help will definitely update!

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ShesMadeATwatOfMePam · 28/01/2021 10:12

Mine was 3.5 before he got it reliably. She will get there in her own time.

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brewingno2 · 28/01/2021 10:12

@shouldistop

The thing that worked for us was putting ds on the toilet every 30-60 mins for a while and praising when he did a pee.

I do need to start this again, have been slack because I get hypermesis

Apparently there is a singing toilet you can buy GrinHmm
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Itsabloodyeuphonium · 28/01/2021 10:12

It’s been a year and a half?! Honestly I’d do everyone a favour and stick with pull-ups for a month or two. You possibly started too early and now she’s got potty training fatigue.

Maybe as a first step try to get her to tell you when she’s done a wee/poo in her pull-ups?

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HitchFlix · 28/01/2021 10:14

Take the pressure off for a couple of months then try again. Is she just three or closer to four?

You can't force this. They all get it when they're ready. Leave the potty in the bathroom, follow her lead and drop any agenda.

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fishonabicycle · 28/01/2021 10:14

A year and a half of trying! You were trying to potty train an 18 month old? That was silly. Forget it for a couple of months, then try again. Bribery with chocolate buttons is fine!

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foodtoorder · 28/01/2021 10:17

I think you perhaps started the process too early but sounds like she does know a bit now if she is able to hold it so long.
Make sure the potty/toilet seat is talked about and part of her day.

With 2 of my children I made sure we had a week at home (easy now ofcourse) and picked a day to start the process. No turning back.
First couple of days sitting on the potty/toilet every 20-30 mins. Then gradually increased time through out the week. It is hard work and you will get accidents but if she is over 3 and has no delays or development concerns will pick it up.
Make sure she has "big girl pants" maybe that she has chosen or could get excited about wearing. Assure her she can have a nappy on at bedtime (conquer day times first) and follow through with every thing and talk her through it.

Most importantly is not to stress about it at all. It won't help you or her.

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YouCantBeSadHoldingACupcake · 28/01/2021 10:17

Honestly give her and yourself a break. If she isn't aware when she needs a wee she just isn't ready. I really recommend the potty training in one week method when she is ready, but until then it really isn't worth stressing over.

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merryhollybright · 28/01/2021 10:18

I don't understand the obsession with getting an older child out of nappies before a baby is born.
It's a hell of a lot easier changing two sets of nappies to having a child who can't use the potty properly and having to clear up the accidents.
Not to guilt trip but don't forget it's been a weird year for children and that on top of a new sibling is probably going to be quite unsettling. Just leave them be, they will get it when they're ready.

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pigsDOfly · 28/01/2021 10:19

You haven't failed and you have no need to be embarrassed. She'll get it when she gets it.

Stop trying for a bit. Completely ignore the potties and loo seats, and anyone who thinks she 'should' be potty trained by now, and come back to it in a couple of months; take the pressure of both of you.

She will get it, just in her own time; if she can't do it at the moment, she can't.

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Porcupineintherough · 28/01/2021 10:19

Haha, was just coming on to ask if youd tried bribing her with sweets. This is of course terribly unhealthy and she'll end up w no teeth/obese/with an eating disorder but I used to get a lot of cooperation for a jelly tot.

If you do want to go the way of bad parenting then start by taking her to the loo/potty every hour "to make room" any success then gets a sweet. Any accidents, minimal attention "oh dear" and get her changed. Once this is working you can leave longer gaps be visits and encourage her to tell you if she needs the loo.

Whatever you do though, dial down the pressure/emotion around the whole issue. Act nonchalant (you will need to act). But it wouldnt be terrible to put her back in nappies for a couple of months then try again.

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lazylump72 · 28/01/2021 10:24

I found a musical potty worked wonders OP! and pull ups or big girl proper pants seemed to help as she knew and understood being wet and dry...I feel for you ..x

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Seeline · 28/01/2021 10:31

Just stop - she is obviously not ready! Stop stressing the pair of you and making into something major for your DD.

My DS was 3.6 before he got it. We'd tried a couple of times before - just for a week at a time and it obviously wasn't working. I too wanted it done before DC2 arrived, but it wasn't going to happen. So we waited until he'd got used to having the baby, then made the point that the baby needed nappies, and he was a big boy so didn't. HE got it within the week.

If she doesn't even know when she needs a wee she really isn't ready - it's not fair on her.

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DimidDavilby · 28/01/2021 10:31

Just do it? Consistency is key. No pullups, lots of praise for success. It will be a messy weekend and then it's done.

It's very strange imo to keep a child in nappies who is capable of using the toilet just because they aren't perfect at it straight away?

And to pp who mentioned it, in my experience it is perfectly possible to train an 18 month old and would have been normal 40 years ago.

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Wnikat · 28/01/2021 10:33

I bribed my first with chocolate buttons and it worked a treat. After a couple of weeks I phased the buttons out. Some kids need an incentive!

Also can you do a week of commando as per Oh Crap Potty Training?

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dotoallasyouwouldbedoneby · 28/01/2021 10:34

Do not get into a battle of wills about it. She will get there in her own time.
The myth about potty training 18m olds according to my own Mum just means that you 'train yourself to catch it'.

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Waakyeandredred · 28/01/2021 10:42

I could have written your post! Stressing about this with my 2 year old would keep me up at night, I was sooooop frustrated. When I look back, I cant believe how stressed I was.

My 2 best tips would be to not show your stress (incredibly hard I know) and get rid of the nappies completely and be prepared for accidents and to literally put her on the toilet at the moment you see she is about to wee. I would say if youre doing this for a few days/weeks she will get it.

My son got it after 2 weeks but even then had accidents in between. Looking back he probably wasn't ready where as now (he is still 2) he has more control of his wee and poo and can verbalise that he wants to go. So now 3 months on i would say he fully has it!! Finally!

If she still hasn't got in to the hang of it after a couple of weeks without the nappy, maybe take some time off and come back to potty training in a few months

I can totally empathise with you though, this was probably harder than anything I faced when he was a baby!!

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Waakyeandredred · 28/01/2021 10:44

I should add that at one point I left a jar of biscuits in the toilet too!! I was desperate!

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Waakyeandredred · 28/01/2021 10:49

My friend's baby was potty trained before her 2nd birthday as are many others. I dont think 18 months is too early but it was too early for my child.

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OverTheRainbow88 · 28/01/2021 11:05

@Waakyeandredred

If it takes 3 months it’s clearly too early as is months of accidents, not nice for anyone. It’s not a race to see who can be nappy free the fastest.

Lying awake stressed about a 2 year old wearing nappies, that isn’t right

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Waakyeandredred · 28/01/2021 11:11

@OverTheRainbow88

Some toddlers may get it before 3 months and that's great for them. It has taken 3 months for us to go out without nappies and to not wee during the night and to get the hang of poos. He was able to wee pretty much straight away but pooing I felt needed a whole new approach. I know some toddlers can do both with no fuss but mine didn't.

In my opinion lying I've laid awake stressing about a lot less when it comes to my child, thats just part of being a parent.

I totally agree with you, it is not a race at all. I did say that if the OP tries and things stil aren't progressing she should take a few months off.

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emmathedilemma · 28/01/2021 11:19

I would take a step back and leave it for a couple of months, it could be a battle of wills now. Leave her knickers in the drawer so she knows they're an option and maybe every few days give her the option of wearing them when she gets dressed. Also leave the potty out in the bathroom so it's there if she wants to be a "big girl" or go to the toilet when you do. Maybe suggest she tries to go on it before getting in the bath at night but don't force it if she doesn't want to.

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