How To Successfully Potty Train

[kmoreilly]

Preamble
Sorry for the length. I try to cover everything as I find that the more people understand the issue, the easier it is to address.

Core Issues
Toilet training is a very stressful time for your child. You are trying to reverse a skill that was taught to your child from birth. As a result, for your child, it is a reverse to what s/he knows, and if forced on him/her, s/he will reject it. Voiding need already exists from birth - it is something that we have taught our children to ignore for our own convenience and social acceptability. Even a new born will fuss for attention and help when s/he needs to void. Most ignore this, and via praise prior and post the event, tell our children to just wet and mess on themselves. Recall the phases "Who's a gooood baby. Did you make a present for mommy" "Is my little precious all wet" "Let mommy/daddy get rid of that nasty..." This is called treat training which is a slightly advanced form of Pavlovian training - pairing a stimulus with a conditioned response = interaction/praise from/with you for wetting/soiling one self. This becomes autonomic - something done without direct conscious control... and is what you are trying now to reverse.

Everything that your child knows is based on prior learning - and the order your child learnt these is based on his/her choice. However, diaper usage is with it since birth - the nurse etc., at birth, cleaned your child and placed it in a diaper. One of the first skills your child learnt was to ignore its voiding needs and just void. You reinforced this training. Everything else your child learnt is after this. Your child's ability to stand, talk, walk etc. is based on the bulk between his/her legs - the feeling that has been with him/her since birth - and you are trying to remove that from him/her.

Really, what we do to our children is a form of child abuse - teach them to void into a diaper, and then when we want, torment them to undo all that training. Aren't we lucky that most of us don't remember our own toilet training... and how would a psychiatrist deal with that one? Let’s teach our own children in a way that they won't need psychiatric help when we are finished?

We can do it the easy way with the help of our little angels.... or the hard way. If you are reading this, I can assume that you tried, and are realizing how strong and stubborn your little angel can be! Do not blame him/her.... we created this problem ourselves and s/he does not understand. So, the easy way is to get your little angel to do all the hard work. That doesn't mean that from now own, you will never have to change a wet / messy diaper.... it means that from now on, the number of wet / messy diapers will get less and less, if done correct.... OR, if done wrong, the messy diapers will get fuller and fuller - which means messy clothes etc. and a cranky household.

Question & Answers
Q. During the transition from diapers to pants, your child will get scared and run back to a time where s/he feels comfortable. Does your child know this?
A. No.

Q. Can your child look for your help?
A. Yes, but there is a catch.

Note: When a child is in a situation that they don't understand, they get stressed. If your child can communicate this so you can understand, the stress maybe alleviated. If not, the stress grows to a full blown tantrum. The child, following the tantrum, will regress back to a time that s/he can understand. This regression is common, and a form of self-comfort to the child.

Q. Can either of you help your child in this?
A. No. You don't have the key information to help your child. See next question & answer.

Q. Can you remember your transition from diapers?
A. No, most people can't remember. As a result, all you can do is comfort and offer your child support - but you are doing that already.

Stress, It's Issues, and How to Avoid It
Potty Training has to be done in steps to allow your child to make the transition in such a way as not to create stress.

Note, I said 'create' stress, and not add to stress. This should never be a stressful time for either of you. If you’re trying to toilet train due to some goal / milestone / time schedule, this will put you under pressure, and will stress you. Your child will pick up on this, see it as a change to what s/he is used to, and regress.

As a result, you both will fail and have to attempt this at a later stage. This has to be a natural calm transition, not a rush cause X preschool / Y school / Z crèche will not accept my angel if s/he wears diapers or my child is older than 3 etc. and still in diapers! As I told you already, it is your child that chooses when to conquer what skill, not you / I / your mother / father / some doctor or supposedly child care expert!

Stressors and Lies
...from an elder / entitled / etc.
"In my day..."
In the elder’s day, medical science was not as advanced. We were not aware of the reasons for the behaviour of children. Most babies wore cloth diapers, toilets were holes in the ground and plastic wasn't as available. That means that a baby, with a wet / soiled diaper leaked, and therefore very rarely was in a wet / soiled diaper for very long. It was the French that decided to use a white cloth nappe - French word for tablecloth - that was anglicized to become nappy. The American term diaper came from the old French diapre which means clothed. As a result, the correct phrase would be one diaper a baby with a nappy. Prior to diapers / nappies, children wore nothing below their waist and often would be naked. It was royalty etc. that decided to hide infant genitalia with a table cloth etc.

...from an entitled / someone trying to belittle you etc.
"There must be something wrong with your child - my child was toiled trained at x months..."
As previously identified, children reach milestones in their own time and in their own order. It is not unusual for one of a twin to be able to run around, but not be able to talk while the other is constantly talking but still won’t stand / walk. Similar exists with diaper / toilet usage as compared with any other milestone. It is just we tend to over associate diaper usage with baby behaviour more than any other actions. Look at hand to eye coordination, for example, you / your partner when drunk. It is not the first time you / your partner got drunk. Some drunk people wet/soil themselves while awake/asleep. Your child has stopped soiling its diaper while asleep, and will wait till its awake to soil. You/your partner blame the alcohol - but you / your partner have experience being drunk so by rights, you should have learnt. This is a key point - the reason you/ your partner did not learn was that it is not a skill that either of you think you need - to have fine muscle control while under the influence of alcohol. Your child has already made that call in relation to diaper / toilet usage, so why criticize him/her. Your job is to give your child the options. S/he will make the correct choice given the time.

...from a crèche / child care facility / business etc.
"All entrants must be potty trained"
This is to reduce their costs. A staff bathroom is a legal requirement in a business. A diaper changing station is not. It takes time, and staff away from the core business to change a diaper. It depends on the country the ratio of care-workers to children, and normally it is in the 1:8 ratio = one career to eight children. However, if one career is in a one to one engagement with a child - like changing a diaper etc. - the business needs to employ extra staff to handle this. As a result, this rule is for their profit, not for your child's care / interest.
Secondly, as previously identified, a child will regress when placed in an unfamiliar environment. This means that your rushing to get your angel toilet trained to suit this business' profit margin will end up with you being called to take an over stressed scared wet and messy child home to be cleaned. When this happens, is it the child's fault / or yours? Who is going to cover the weeks / months and maybe years of counselling that might be required to get your child back to the level s/he was before you exposed him/her to this level of abuse?

...from misreading of medical newsletters etc.
"The average age for toilet training is 27 months"
This is a quote from the statistics of John Hopkins Medicine. When one reads the full article, one can see the phrase Children develop at different rates. This is key here, but its value and actual meaning is hidden within the report. What John Hopkins Medicine is trying to identify, poorly in my opinion, is that everyone is different and everyone is unique.
Secondly, what is being hidden is the source data from these statistics. It is true that since John Hopkins Medicine records began, 1830s to date, approximately 200 years, 12 million were born, and in that 12 million, the average age for toilet training is 27 months.
What is not identified is that the toilet training age has been increasing since 1930s.

Year | Training Age
1930 12m (1 year)
1960 18m (1y 6m)
1990 30m (2y 6m)

2000 40m (3y 4m)
2010 48m (4y)
2020 52m (4y6m)

These are the average for that year, but is still does not mean that your child should fit into that average. It is more likely that your child will not. back to the phrase Children develop at different rates. added to that everyone in the world is different and unique, as is your angel. In some areas, 5 - 15 year olds are still in diapers.

Actual Training Steps
The steps will mean more wet / messy diapers / pull-ups - so in reality, nothing much has changed - but it will by the decision of your child. Your child will look for more 'you and her/him' time during this. You may see it as him/her deliberately wetting / soiling his pull-up so s/he can get the extra time it takes to clean up. Do not worry about that - it is his/her inner self trying to revert to what s/he knows. As I stated, this will take your time as well as your child's. Day-care workers etc. usually can't do this as they really don't know your child and his/her whims and/or subtle signals.

Step 1 Day 1, week 1
After breakfast, introduce your child to a potty and tell him/her of its use. "This is a potty." "This is where we put all our wees and poos" "Mammy does not put wees and poo into a nappy(diaper)" "Mammy uses the potty" "Daddy does not..." etc... and then show your child what to do when then need to, by mock sitting on the potty. Invite your child to do same.

Let your child become familiar with it - keep it in the play room and a second one in the bathroom. You want your child to be comfortable with this new toy / chair. S/he might sit on it (with his/her diaper on) to mimic you / your partner when you / your partner go to the bathroom. This is normal behaviour.

Your child will, occasionally, sit on the potty if s/he remembers before wetting / soiling his/her diaper. make nothing of it nor even mention it while changing your child's diaper later.

Step 2 Day 3 Week 1
After breakfast, introduce your child to pull-ups. Leave 2-3 of them in the playroom with him/her, for him/her to get used to the feel of them / the characters etc. This is to show your child the new underwear / pull-ups etc. and get comfortable with them. It is better for your child to be without clothes at this time, but still wearing his/her diaper.

"These are your new underwear, which will allow you to pull them down when you want to use the potty" and hand him/her a pair. S/he might try and put one on over his/her diaper. Again, this is ok. You can ask him/her, “Can mammy help?”, but let it be your child's idea to put it on, not yours.

Step 3 Day 5, Week 1
After breakfast, change him/her into the pull-ups. Remind your child of the potty, and its purpose. At this stage, your child should have got used to the pull-ups, and may have put one on over his/her diaper a few times and/or sat on the potty chair while wetting/soiling his/her diaper. If s/he has, in that process, pulled it down before sitting on the potty, good. If not, do not worry. It is a learning stage.

Result A
If your child is successful in using the potty, s/he will go looking for you / calling you to tell you to get your help. Give praise, but no rewards despite how much you want to. This means that your child stays in pull-ups even at nap-time / bed-time.
If, during nap-time, your child soils the pull-up, go back to Step 2 with your child back in diapers for the next 3 days. This means that your child is holding his/her poo = constipation, and is not ready for training, so give him/her another 3 days. This is not your child's lack of control, it is due to your child force holding its poo so not to soil itself, and when it falls asleep, it relaxes and soils itself. Your child had stopped soiling its diaper during its sleep usually by 6-9 months old.
Take the pressure of him/her, diaper him/her and restart Step 2 in 3 days.

Result B
If your child just continues to wet / mess the pull-up. just change the pull-up. Do not comment re the potty etc., just change him/her as if everything is totally normal. Do this until his/her morning / afternoon nap when you will change him/her back into diapers. Don't worry if your child has not yet mastered training. S/he does not have the focus as yet, and needs time. Reintroduce him/her to pull-ups via Step 3 and leave him/her in diapers for 3 days.

This process is repeated until your child is confident to use the potty on his/her own. Do not worry about times of regression. These will happen. Your child will pick up the skills very quickly when they make up their minds to do this - and will almost magically become clean and dry day and night.

I identify ways of failure, but the failure might not be noticed now. When a child feels that they are trying to impress you, and this happens all the time, they may try and hold wee and poo so as to gain your approval – this means that your child has picked up on your need to keep its pants clean and dry. Toilet training is not not voiding, it is reacting to the internal body signals and voiding in a toilet following these signals.
Holding causes constipation and reverse pressure on the kidneys. As a result, s/he may have transitioned from diapers to underwear, but is somewhat weeping during the day /night - OR even worse, has over strengthened bladder / bowel sphincters. This causes long time issues - in males, it can cause impotence, and females, complications in pregnancy / childbirth.

Potty training is in itself, not complicated, but we need to realize that it is not us training our children... it is us giving our children all the tools so that they can learn and react themselves.

Okay so this is totally opposite to oh crap, most stuff I've read does not advocate training in pull ups. How do I know this is a good idea or it works?

Rubyroost,
This works cause I have trained 5 of my own kids, and 4 neighbor kids after wasting months trying the bare-bottom and the cloth training pant version. The idea of letting your child run naked in the garden does not give the feedback to the child - s/he just wets / soils, and then laughs and runs away.

The 'pull-ups' concept does not work on its own - i.e. transferring the child from nappies to pull-ups and then reminding the child every 30mins / hour to use the potty. The child just associates pull-ups as nappies. Most nappy manufacturers worked this out a few years ago and started to create the pull-up nappies to really cause issues in toilet training.

Everyone,
to fully understand the transition from diapers, one should understand the processes involved.

Bladder Control
From birth, kidneys filter the blood and place urine into the bladder. The bladder, apart from being a muscular bag, has two muscles called internal and external sphincters. In a baby, both are relaxed and slightly open. When urine enters the bladder, the internal sphincter closes. When the bladder fills, stretch sensors on the bladder wall send signals to the brain of the need to void. The brain processes this and the baby fusses for attention. Also, the external sphincter closes while the internal sphincter opens. If this fussing is ignored, the external sphincter relaxes while the bladder contracts… and the baby voids.
After a while, the brain causes a bypass and the baby stops fussing from the stretch signals from the bladder and the external sphincter just opens.
Shock, stress, fear, cold or heat in the area, which males are more susceptible to the heat change, causes the bladder to contract.
As the baby gets older, the delay between the stretch signal and the external sphincter opening gets longer. This is because the internal sphincter gets stronger. As a result, the stretch sensors on the bladder creates a more intense signal to the brain, but since the baby has got used to opening its external sphincter with any pressure, the baby voids without really getting the key information.
Toilet Training Readiness
As the child gets older, this causes the bladder to grow in volume. As a result, the amount voided is in larger quantities. This is key, since the child is learning to use its sphincters and the process changes to closing its internal and external sphincters. This is where the training and response works, and where the reflex wetting fails.
When the child is aware of its need to void (via stretch sensors), it closes its external sphincter. This allows the bladder to begin to stretch. As a result, every time it fills its bladder, the bladder stretches a little bit while the child makes its way to a potty and pulls down its pants. Please note this process as it helps the child also gain night-time control where the process of reminding a child to use a potty every 30 minutes or placing a child on a potty every 30 minutes does not allow the bladder to stretch – the child just contracts its bladder and voids without the sensation of need to void, and without the bladder getting the opportunity to stretch. As a result, one thinks (incorrectly) that the child is toilet trained during the day, but not at night where the fact is that the child is going to the toilet on a time schedule during the day and managing to void without reacting to the sensation of needing to void.
Bowel Control
Bowel Control is not about bowel control – as every child will get the same sensation in the bladder due to the stretch sensors when their bowel are full due to poo creating pressure on their bladder. Bowel control is also about learning cause and effect. A young baby doesn’t associate the filling of its diaper with the prior feeling of fullness and the pushing it did to remove the fullness. All it notices is that it feels uncomfortable, and will cry for attention after it fills its diaper. An older child will tell you before and after it fills its diaper. Some hide behind something before they fill their diaper. This means that the child is aware of its need to poo before it fills its diaper. It also knows from very young, that it is supposed to push and fill its diaper. Now comes the complication – we want the child to go to a potty, sit down and do this instead of hiding in the corner etc. and filling its diaper. To get the child to do this, the child must be comfortable with the potty. That is why one introduces the child to the potty and lets the child get comfortable with it. The concept of letting the child run around naked and/or reminding the child every so often to sit on the potty is contradictory to the way the child already knows.

Conclusion
Bladder control is about learning and responding to the stretch sensors on ones bladder. Overnight control is about the level of a hormone that reabsorbs the water within ones kidneys AND the size of ones bladder. Bowel control already exists. All that is needed is the concept of sitting down on the potty.

Reminding a child every so often becomes a habit where the child sits on a potty by rote. Some of the time, the child will void due to the autonomic voiding process described above, and some of the time the child will not. Since the child is voiding autonomically, overnight, the child will continue this process.

Process Described Above
This works by
1- Getting the child to be comfortable with the potty while still in a diaper, where they still wet/soil the diaper, so when they feel the urge to void, they go to the potty and sit on same while wetting/soiling their diaper.
2 - Getting the child to be comfortable with pull-ups, where the child when they feel the urge to void, will go to the potty, pull down the pull-ups, and still void in their diaper, and then pull up the pull-ups.
3- Removing the diaper, and leaving the pull-up, so when they get the urge to void, they follow what is not habit by going to the potty, pulling down their pull-up, voiding, and then pulling up their pull-up.

The hand washing etc can also be taught as a game even before one removes the diaper.

As a result, the bladder expands, and the child can cope with overnight bladder control while still wearing pull-ups incase of accidents.

...continued

This process of toilet training can be taught to any child as soon as they can walk. All one does is provide a potty, and get the child to sit on same (while still wearing a diaper) when it feels the need to void. Some of the time, the child will get up and sit on the potty before it messes its diaper, and some of the time it will not. The child will get used to sitting on the potty instead of hiding behind something while it fills its diaper. It will also get used to sitting on the potty before it wets its diaper.
The second step is teaching the child to pull down its pants before it sits on the potty.

The third step is removing the diaper altogether. As a result, the child will, when it feels the need to void, will go to the potty, pull down its pull-ups, and void in the potty. Any mistakes etc, will be caught by the diaper, when the child is not fully aware of its needs, and the pull-up when it is more aware.

This means that you are not teaching you child like Pavlov's dog, to when you say the word POTTY, or when s/he sits on a potty, to force void, and when s/he is not on the potty, to hold on so tight as to cause constipation as well as other complications. Most children will wet and mess as soon as they fall asleep due to relaxation of their sphinters following Pavlovian training.

Despite what is practiced worldwide, repetitive training fails - we only believe it works. If you don't believe me, with your left hand, pick up a pen. That was done autonomically. Now, pick up the pen again but focus on each muscle movement naming each before moving. Repeat that how many times as you wish focusing on each muscle movement and try and make it smooth. You never will make it smooth unless you trust your own ability to do the task.
Repetitive training fails, self trust succeeds.

Thanks for the useful information here. Can I ask what is your agenda as you only seem to post about toilet training yet hve trained all your own?

@rubyroost,
I came across this site and the issues related to toilet training while searching the web doing trying to validate the information in a document that came across my desk. I also thought that I could offer assistance since based on what I thought every person knew. Reading the response tells me that the key elements in relation to raising children is being encumbered by both false advertising and corporate greed.

The document I refer to identified a number of issues which include

• The number of children entering school system (5/6 years and older) that are still in nappies are increasing.
• Of those that are not in nappies, their bladder / bowel control is weak and need almost constant interaction from an aid to bring them to a bathroom at regular intervals.
• It is not until age 10 on average, do children get the focus from uninterrupted sleep, which is adversely affecting their education standards.
• Any difficulty, and teachers are more often having to deal with children up to and including 14/15 year old with wet pants.
• Today, the number of 10 year olds that cannot last the duration of a single class (45 minutes) is astonishing.
• The number of 18-25 year old that have some form of bladder leakage, and from bladder capacity checks, it is found that most have only 60% of the capacity they should have.

These are all issues in relation to toilet training and how one is taught to control ones bladder, and the associated stress endured on the inevitable failures. Bladder control is a relatively simple process, and is in effect from birth. - details of same I described in a prior post. However, the forcing a child to a potty every so often AND the pant less concept is defeating the natural ability to stretch ones bladder, which is a prime need so to be able to not void for a morning/ afternoon of classes. The average person should void no more than six times daily unless they are increasing their fluid intake. Remove the morning and evening, that is four over a 12-14 hour day, which should be shortly after meals. If one doubles this for a child with a shorter day, the child should easily be able to hold for 2-3 hours. That is the duration of morning / afternoon classes and today, most can't, and it is the result of both the training methodology and the pull on type of nappies. Pull-on nappies confuse the child with the training pants / underwear, and the child's young mind forgets the subtle difference especially that the pull-ons are now using the same characters as the child would find on underwear.

Now I'm confused, you said that the no pants doesn't work, but neither do pull ups. I thought you were advocating pull ups originally?

@Rubyroost,

sorry for the confusion....

Pull-Up Issue / Confusion
Pull-up type nappies (Pampers / Huggies trade name 'nappy pants') do not work is the child has being wearing nappy-pants since nappy sizes 3 / 4. If the child has been wearing the tape-on type, then the pull-up type nappies types do work.

If you are in the situation that your child has not being wearing the tape on nappies, then chose a different brand of pull-up like Huggies training pants etc.

No Pant Issue / Confusion
This type of training does not work. All it does is remove the nappy from the child and allow him/her to wet/mess on the ground / floor / carpet.

Underwear / cloth training pant issue
Wet / soiled cloth is a shock to the child after the event. Possible results
1 - the child will react strongly to avoid the shock = closing all sphincters which creates constipation and nap time / overnight soiling with no gain in training.
2 - the child will regress to a time it felt secure
3 - tantrums and stress to both
4 - due to low absorbancy of cloth, a messy training pant tends to create severe nappy rash.

^The ideal training pant is an absorbent pant that is more like underwear in the child's eyes than the nappies that the child is used to wearing, that the child can pull up and down like regular underwear and that is also absorbent enough to catch the accidents without creating nappy rash. You may need to buy one pack of the pull-up training pants in a size that fits over his nappy at first.

For my children, during training, the Huggies pull-up training pant was used as opposed to tape on nappies. For your son, it depends on what he was wearing as the nappy - was it nappy-pants (similar to Pampers / Huggies) or was it a tape-on nappy.^

Thanks for this. He's in a tape on nappy. He has gone on his potty with the no pants on method. He's better in the morning. In the afternoon and evening, he's less amenable and more tired. He has been telling us when he wants to go. He told his dad today he needed weewee, but he actually needed a pooh and felt uncomfortable on the potty and so he did not go until we put him in his nappy for naptime. He also seems to be holding his wees in like he dies not want to go on potty, but does not seem totally adverse to potty. Today he didn't want to be on potty even though he said he needed the toilet, but when I took him inside and the potty he had a hissy fit saying weeweewee, like he wanted to be on potty!
It does seem like there's a power struggle going on, so not sure what to do here. I'm very tired as he is having power struggles over everything else at the moment too, perhaps the wrong time to introduce this when he's going through that phase. I think I might try again in the morning. See how he goes and perhaps try your pull up idea after a bit of a rest.

@Rubyroost,

leave him in taped nappies and let him make the choice to go to the potty or not, without you reminding him, to go to the potty to wee / poo. During the change, praise him for going to the potty (when he does it). When he doesn't don't mention the potty.

In a few days, leave him in the taped on nappy, but get pull-up training pants that fit over the nappy and place them on him. When he goes to the potty (on his own), tell him to pull down his pants (the pull-up) and again praise him during the nappy change. If he ignores the potty and just wets / soils the nappy, just change him as usual without the praise. He will get into the habit of, before he needs to go, getting up and going to the potty, pulling down the pull-ups and then sitting and voiding while on the potty. At that stage, you can leave him in the pull-ups on their own where you can teach him the next bit - washing hands and wiping butt.

You will find that even before he converts to the pull-ups during the day he will be dry at night.

The fact that he is ignoring this in the afternoon is telling me that he is expending a lot of energy holding his muscles closed rather than reacting to the need to void. As a result, he is too tired to hold them closed in the afternoon and voids as he relaxes. I suspect that you tried to teach him by reminding him every so often using 'big boys keep nappy clean' or a similar phrase. Don't worry, he is in the middle of getting it, he just needs to believe in himself rather than rely on you for the signals.

@kmoreilly Thank you for spending the time to reply. I haven't used any phrase with him. I've just said when you need a wee wee what do you need to do and he either says wee wee, potty or yes I do in reply. I havent mentioned about not going in nappy. Also what if he shows no interest on going on his potty with his nappy on? Should I still move to nappy pants? Also what is the reason to put these on top of the nappy? I took his nappy off at bedtime today and he said wee wee and went over to his potty. Pretended to wee and then took the insert off to be emptied. 😂I think he doesn't realise he has not emptied his bladder!!

@rubyroost,
Your son is thinking that he is weeing, following your instructions - that is why when you suggest potty to him, he goes over to the potty. To him, this is a game.

Please realize what tells him that he needs to wee is the stretch sensor on the bladder, he is not recognizing that signal at the moment. That is ok, his bladder needs to stretch a little bit.

He does recognize the feeling in his bowel, and before you started toilet training, he would hide before he filled his nappy. What you want him to do is go and sit on the potty before he fills his nappy, in the first step, and in the second step, go pull down his training pants before he sits on the potty to fill his nappy. When you have him doing that, you can change him into just the pull-up training pants instead of the taped on diaper - you will have successfully trained him to poo in the potty and can give him praise for that.

Since he will be focused on the praise, he will be more focused on the signals of his bladder and will react to that, and if he has any accidents, he is still in training pants to cope with it.

In relation to the question - what if he shows no interest in sitting on the potty with his nappy on - to him, this is a game that gets him interaction from you as opposed to him hiding and then telling you he filled his nappy, so he will continue to sit on the potty even to fill his nappy.

In relation to him taking the insert off to be emptied, that seems to me to be a goal seeking event. Did anyone give him a reward for 'performing?' other than praise for following the steps?

Process Clarification
1- get the child to acknowledge the potty and, instead of hiding when they fill their nappy, sit on the potty to do same. The child is already reacting to the need to fill its nappy, and has been doing this since shortly after he learnt to walk.
2- add to step one by getting the child to pull down its pants before it sits on the potty to fill its nappy, and then pull up its pants.
3- remove the nappy leaving only the pull-up pants on, and the child will follow the learnt behavior of going to potty, pulling down pull-ups, pooing in the potty, and then pulling up its pants.

Rereading the steps, do you understand the reason for the pull-up training pants over the nappy - to teach your child to pull down the pants before he sits on the potty.

@kmoreilly I think he was helping. He likes to help. He usually gets his nappy stuff out for changing and sometimes does this for his little brotger. He also takes his used nappies to the bin so it's a usual thing for him I guess.

@Rubyroost,
I'd agree. Some children learn early that they can get the interaction with another by helping.

In relation to the training, I'd leave it off for a few days (by hiding the potty) - that is unless is says wee wee / potty and actually does wee instead of just pretending. Otherwise, he is going to get bored of this game which will make this 'game' a more difficult time for you.

@kmoreilly personally I think toddlers have an innate drive to help, just like they do to learn.
I've held off with the training for a while, not really sure where to go from now. He went in to his bedroom for a pooh today and now my partner thinks I've made him embarrassed about poohing as I tried to train him too early.

@rubyroost
He is not overly embarrassed about filling his nappy. Every child, as soon as they become mobile, tend to hide to do same. They think that by hiding, they are in full control of what they are doing. It is part of growing up. just give him the week or so, and he will start again interacting, broadcasting his need to wet / soil before the action.

@kmoreilly before now (two weeks ago) he was poohing right in front of us! Then he got into a habit of poohing when he went into his room for quiet time ( he dropped his nap so would end up playing instead). Thing is he's never been vocal about needing a wee or pooh. He's got his nappy, wipes etc ready for a change before but that was normally after he'd done it, though I think he did this once before. I don't really know what to do in terms of training. He's coming up to 2 1/2 very soon and we are due to get new carpets so I was really hoping to get started soon. At the same time, I don't want to push it if he's not ready. I think I've found this the most stressful thing about parenting!

@rubyroost,
It seems that your son has decided not to potty train at the moment, and I suggest that you leave him for a while OR, apply step 1 and 2

^insert from earlier post
Process Clarification
1- get the child to acknowledge the potty and, instead of hiding when they fill their nappy, sit on the potty to do same. The child is already reacting to the need to fill its nappy, and has been doing this since shortly after he learnt to walk.
2- add to step one by getting the child to pull down its pants before it sits on the potty to fill its nappy, and then pull up its pants.^

This might be frustrating trying to get him to recognize his need to wee, so it might be a better idea to wait a while until he is ready.

In relation to the carpets, in the play room that he is normally in, why not remove the old carpet for the time being and leave the bare wooden floor - which makes it easier to wipe up messes, and replace the carpet at a later stage when he is potty trained?

I'd love to see your source on the average toilet training age in 2020 being 4.5years

@SomeoneElseEntirelyNow Yes I did look at those stats and think they were quite questionable. I do think the average must be closer to 3 years though.

@kmoreilly can you link to those figures please?

@SomeoneElseEntirelyNow

The figures :-

Year | Training Age
1930 12m (1 year)
1960 18m (1y 6m)
1990 30m (2y 6m)
2000 40m (3y 4m)
2010 48m (4y)

are from simple web searches. The 2020 figure is from an internal report given to me (which I can't publish the full report here) which I tend to believe considering that companies do not spend money manufacturing product without a known demand - and for the last 5-15 years, nappy manufacturers have increased the size of their product to include up to size 7 and 8 in taped on nappies, and pull-up nappies to ages 15/16 years of age.

On top of this, it is getting more prevalent that from entry to 4th / 5th class primary school children are attending school wearing some form of protection.

Could you send me the links? The google search i just did turned up with the average age being 27 months (dated 2018).

To be fair I've just ordered a book from the 'UK expert' I also read an article from her and she did quote similar ages to @kmoreilly. I'll try and find the article and post @SomeoneElseEntirelyNow