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Any 3yr olds not yet potty trained?? I am so fed up!
37

peanutandpumkin · 05/05/2020 15:25

Hello,

Just what the title says, i am a bit curious to see if we are tiny minority and all other kids have clicked before 3?

Thats what I feel like!! I am so fed up! Bit of a rant coming on sorry

Ive tried when he was 2.5 yrs old during the summer i figured it would be easier.. he didnt get it, went running around couldnt care if he soiled himself, happily sit in a dirty nappy and have fun 😐 i thought i'd clear this before I had my daughter 3 months ago! Well no 🙄 i didnt

Picked it up after he turned 3. Bare bottom first couple days, I watched him like a hawk even with baby around hubby off sick in bed i carried on.. i went on then reflected on what happened... i didnt realise its been 25 days ive been at it and observed this:

He goes poo on the potty no problem there (yes naked, pants on, NO potty when nappy on)
He maybe 2/3 went wee without prompting, involved telling me and he'll try hold it but still have minor accidents.. rest ALL wees on the sofa, floor, prompted on potty half fighting me
Rewards worked for 2/3 days but then hiw many chocolates can i give, also he got bored with stickers!

When i finally broke and put a nappy on him it was the worst day, ONLY accidents that too dribble wees, big wees everywhere! At one time I literally could sit for couple minutes before ye did another big wee 😭 hubby saw this and couldnt believe he was weeing so much (how much can he possibly drink? Lol) I realised then:

He may not have the right bladder control yet
He wasnt recognising need to wee at all, just that 2/3 times he told me
He is not crying or upset. Hes just fighting me, stubborn and no interest!

I gave up and tried again a month later from 2 days ago.. its like he started where I left him 😕

I dont think hes doing it on purpose, i am not sure.. sometimes i think hes getting BORED of being upset about an accident.. 😑

The good things are
He now know exactly thw whole potty train (sit on potty, wee/poo, wipe, wash hands etc) we practised it several times, he can do it only needs help wiping.. he can independently pull his pull-ups, pants off(i thought he didnt, but to my surprise he once went in like that when i calmly told to go wee if you want to wee)
Even though the 25 days was a disaster, something stuck on him so he remembers the whole process he just needs to be interested or bothered to do it..

Now where are we? Yes, still not interested happily sit in poo or wee no problem 😭
Hubby suggested he was premature and had his milesstones pretty late and just got chatty from lock down so he might be late in this too! I see his point but i really dont know what to do.. we have tried rewards,books, everything!

Also hubby thinks "maybe one day he'll get up and ask for potty to wee just like he SOMETIMES do for poo"

I dont know. Honestly 😕

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Poochnewbie · 05/05/2020 15:34

My little boy is almost 3 and a half and has just potty trained in the last few weeks. Prior to this, he just really wasn’t ready. He would not be in the same room as a potty and got really distressed at not having a nappy on.
One day he just decided he would try pants. He had accidents the first few days but then just clicked and we’ve had well over a week now with no accidents. He’s totally independent in his potty use and is even dry at night. It’s like all of a sudden he was ready and could handle it.

Your little one might be the same. He maybe is just not ready yet. I was getting so worried and frustrated, especially about starting pre-school but I should just have relaxed.

Step back from it and see if in a month or two he initiates anything. Honestly, he will do it eventually. He won’t be in nappies at 15.

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Mammyofasuperbaby · 05/05/2020 15:35

My son is nearly 4 and is one month into potty training and it isn't going that well. Some days he's fine and others its point blank refusal and constant accidents.
He was also premature but also has suspected autism, ADHD and dyspraxia. He didn't start talking till he was nearly 3 and frankly his speech is terrible even now.
We waited till he was showing us signs of being ready, mostly not wanting his nappy changed. There is no point pushing him as he just regresses and its back to square -10.
I'd suggest asking your HV for advice but whatever you do once you start do not put a nappy back on (unless for bed) as it confuses them and makes potty training take longer

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Myfriendanxiety · 05/05/2020 15:37

I’m not sure I’m reading this right- but are you saying it’s been 25 days of constant accidents? If so put the nappy on and wait a few months.

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FusionChefGeoff · 05/05/2020 15:38

3 is still really early don't panic!!

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BrooHaHa · 05/05/2020 15:42

I don't think you're supposed to put a nappy on at all when potty training? Bare or commando or training pants, but no nappies. They've spent their entire lives soiling nappies and waiting to be changed, why would that suddenly alter?

We did the 'Oh crap, potty training' thing. I wouldn't say it was a magic bullet, but we're in the fourth week now and there's definite progress- mostly DD says when she wants a wee or poo and takes herself to the potty, pulls her pants down with prompting and goes. There were no massive signs of readiness before we started. Might be worth a read?

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MrsOrMiss · 05/05/2020 15:43

I understand your frustration, but he's only 3. If you've been trying for over 3 weeks and he's still not 'trained', then put the nappy back on and leave it for a couple of months. He's just not ready right now.
My oldest son wasn't trained til he was over 4, my DS2, it was his 3rd birthday. The other DC were all over the ages.
It'll come, just not right now. Be kind to both of you.

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MyBlueMoonbeam · 05/05/2020 15:47

Another who waited til 4 - my son "got it" within a week day & night - boys just take a bit longer sometimes 🤷‍♀️

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Bumsmet · 05/05/2020 15:52

My DS will be 4 in September. Last summer we had about 2 weeks in pants and being relatively accident free. Then he had a stomach bug followed by the arrival of his baby sibling and it all just went wrong. I had a c section and couldn’t deal with it anymore. And then it was winter so we put it on hold.

I thought lockdown would be a good time to try again. I persuaded him to put pants on, but he took them off after 5 minutes and insisted on wearing baby pants (nappy). He won’t go anywhere near a potty or the toilet, he just screams.

I‘m sorry for everyone else going through this but glad we’re not the only ones!

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ForeverBubblegum · 05/05/2020 15:52

DS is 3 and a half and we have been trying to potty training since a week into lockdown (as well as several previous attempts since he was two). It is not going well.

Even getting him to try on the toilet takes a considerable amount of cajoling and bribery. We get most poos in because I spot his poo face, and can usually get him there on time, but he just wees wherever and doesn't seem bothered.

I've given up on the no pants method after a few days of constant accidents. Now I've put him back into some old cloth nappies with minimal absorbent fillers, so it can hold one wee, but feels wet. Also asking him to go, but it's turning into a battle.

I have previously been trying to leave it until he's ready but I don't think I can leave it much longer because

A - he starts school nursery class in September

And B - He's big for his age, and size 6+ are getting a bit small

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TheVanguardSix · 05/05/2020 16:01

Get a soft trainer seat that fits on top of your actual toilet (plus a decent stepping stool your little one can use to climb up onto the toilet on). My kids really didn't do well with the little potty that you put on the floor. They did much better when I actually put a trainer seat on the real toilet.

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BrooHaHa · 05/05/2020 16:13

Also, it does sound like he's making progress, so I wouldn't personally give up now. I'd also stop with the bribery. Much of the resistance you get is when you're putting too much pressure on them and getting too stressy about it. He'll get it, don't worry.

If you're going through hell, keep going.

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Blueroses99 · 05/05/2020 16:19

I’m relieved to find this thread with others in the same position. DD has just turned 3 and is not interested in the potty or padded toilet seat. Bare bum time doesn’t work as she screams for a nappy or tries to put one on herself (we’ve been using nappy pants for some time). I think she is so stubborn, it’s not going to work until she is ready but I was also worrying about leaving it late.

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BrooHaHa · 05/05/2020 16:36

@Blueroses99 have you bought any potty training guides? There's a lead-in thing you can do for preparing to say goodbye to the nappies. I've only read one guide but I imagine most would contain some element of that. In the Oh crap! one, you put the potties etc away entirely for a couple of weeks before you begin, and you plant the idea subtly before you start the process. Don't know about other versions. One word of warning is that I don't agree with everything the book said but I did find the troubleshooting very helpful. It may also make you panic a bit because the book says the best time to train is 20-30 months, but by the Amazon reviews, many people have had success with it when training their three year olds.

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BenScalesIsAGod · 05/05/2020 16:39

I would personally leave it and try again later. Mine was over 3 but got it in under a week for wees (reliable) and a bit longer for poos. He doesn’t sound ready to me x

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BenScalesIsAGod · 05/05/2020 16:40

How Prem was he?

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HeyBlaby · 05/05/2020 16:42

I tried several times with my son between 2.5 and 3.5, he clearly wasn't ready. At 3 years 10 months he finally just got it when we tried again. We had a few accidents but after about a week was dry and 4 weeks dry overnight! I worried so much needlessly, they're all just different.

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DreamingofSunshine · 05/05/2020 16:47

This is reassuring to read. DS is 2.10, we tried potty training last week and it didn't go well. All the children I know of his age are potty trained. I don't want to force it and make it into a huge issue. The oh crap book just makes me feel like a bad parent for not doing it before 2.5.

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Blueroses99 · 05/05/2020 16:48

@BrooHaHa I have a Princess Polly book that was recommended but I can try to find Oh Crap, sounds like it might be interesting to read.

@benscalesisagod I know you weren’t asking me, but my DD was also prem. She was born at 24 weeks. It’s always been difficult to work out what she is going to do when. She has speech delays and may be autistic.

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2beautifulbabs · 05/05/2020 17:06

I am struggling with my DS he's only Recently turned 3 but we have issues he's non verbal currently awaiting speech and language and assessment we have tried during lockdown but he just doesn't get it.
He's happy to run around in wet pants or the training pull up pants just doesn't seem to get it.
He will sit on the potty but only for a few seconds before he becomes distressed by it so we've given up again.
I'm worried he will be like this for years 😬

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BenScalesIsAGod · 05/05/2020 17:08

24 weeks is really early and I would have thought development may be much more unpredictable if born this premature.

I think it depends how stressed you both get with accidents etc. I preferred to wait x

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peanutandpumkin · 05/05/2020 17:44

Hi,

Thanks all, so glad i started this post!

@Myfriendanxiety yes 25 days of training! Initial week he was bare bottom, nothing on he got the hang of poo and tell me "mummy its coming" or "i need to poo poo".. disaster for wees! He weed maybe 2/3 times without prompting! The thing is... we NEVER got past the frequent accidents

😑 i know hes understood, its just hes not telling me or going on his own or giving me a verbal signal that ye needs to go after this many days! So i think he may not be ready even if it means hes got progress on poo

@BrooHaHa, he wasnt in nappies or pullups at all during training (except for nights) the factvthat he doesnt care is something I noticed after i gave up and put pullups on him... when i took a break he initiated couple poos without us telling him which was great. But atvthe same time random poos hes ok with sitting in his pullups 🤷🏽‍♀️

He was 8 weeks prem @Blueroses99 I feel for you, your little girl might take some time I guess but I really dont know! Some says it does affect some says it doesnt

We have one potty that he uses and toilet seats on both toilet even those he can use and used.. all accessible by stepstools and everything..

Why I feel he may not be ready through and through are those accidents!! He understands threats (DH once threatened to take away his trucks andvthat worked a treat!) although i dont like using it but at this point i dont know

Thanks everyone and i do think he'll get it, its just soo disheartening to put the nappy back on.. i just couldnt take it, baby, my stitches, him needing attention all of it! I am having much better energy now and more organised with the baby so I might give it another shot(if he's ready too and not fight me with an attitude!)

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peanutandpumkin · 05/05/2020 17:51

BTW,

This may feel like a huge failure on parenting part but its not, it really isnt! Nor is it lazy parenting defo not!

They are just not ready! If none of the parents of older kids don't remember how they PTd their little ones I do think its a process of "getting it" rather than all the tantrums and tears! I quit because if he isnt getting it and not ready I wont clean up, then feed baby then entertain toddler then exhausted to cant catch a train of thought! 😢

I keep telling 👆🏽 to myself and by putting it out here, I do hope someone out there feels better and feel positive that they will get it one day

On a funny note, it is reassuring to see adults NOT in nappies 😂

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Myfriendanxiety · 05/05/2020 18:14

Have you tried not prompting at all? A potty somewhere very easily accessible that he uses himself and a small reward every time there is a wee in it? Take all the stress and conversation out of it. If he wees on the floor/in pants just say “wee wee goes in the potty” and clean up quickly. At over 3 he is old enough not to need to tell you he needs a wee, just to go and do it himself.

My 3.5 year old has no promoting at all to use the toilet. He just goes himself and has been like that since I trained him at 2.5. He took a week to get it which is longer than some but I found taking all the fuss and conversation out of it helped hugely. Poo took around 3/4 months to really crack.

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BrooHaHa · 05/05/2020 19:45

Agree with not prompting too much. It's easy to over prompt, leading to resistance. We've made potty a routine thing that we do before meal times or any long sitting, before nap or bed and before leaving the house. If she looks like she needs the potty, l'll just say, 'remember, the potty is there if you need it'. And if she says no, even before a routine point, I just leave it (but we don't leave the house if she doesn't want to go, we go on the garden instead so that there's potty access available-lockdown is brilliant for this). If she has a pee accident, we clean it up together and I just say, 'Remember, pee pee goes in the potty.' If you've got tears and tantrums it's highly likely you're putting too much pressure on him/over-prompting.

I think it probably does take slightly longer for most people at a younger age, but the cost to the environment of hanging on that extra year with disposables so it's a bit easier was too much for my conscience. I suppose if you're exclusively using reusable ones it's less of an issue. Also, some kids get tricker to train as they get older due to increasing stubbornness- I've seen a few trained by school TAs because their parents were still getting refusal at home.

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BlueBooby · 05/05/2020 19:53

My dd wouldn't take to potty training at all. She held everything in for hours rather than use it. She had very few accidents but I was more worried about what that holding in was doing to her bladder and bowels so I put her in pull ups. When she turned four, she started to use the toilet. I remember feeling so stressed when she was 2/3 and I felt like she was the only child her age who didn't use a potty, but I needn't have worried.

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