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Potty training

Is your child ready for potty training at nursery? Here's the place for all your toilet training questions.

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Original poster

Comments about my DC and nappies

45 replies

Wetnappies · 03/10/2019 20:08

I mentioned to my mum yesterday about how I can't believe I've got to hand in DD2's school application in a few months when she's just turned 3 in Aug. She used the opportunity to say how "worried" she is that she might be in nappies still. And will the school accept her if she is... I said that that was an overreaction and that it's nearly a whole year until she starts and I'm sure she'll get to grips with it soon.

She then added "Well DD1 is still in nappies at night and I just worry about them." I asked what is she worried about? She said she's worried about me being judged. She was offended when I said that I feel like she's the only one judging me; especially when no one probably knows that DD1 is in pull ups at night but her because it's not something that pops up in convo with others!

AIBU to feel really annoyed about her comments.

Just because my siblings and I were all out of nappies completely by age 3 doesn't mean that that is the norm and anything longer is "worrying" right?

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Original poster

Wetnappies · 03/10/2019 20:08

Sorry should have added DD1 is 4.5.

OP posts:

Yakadee · 04/10/2019 14:54

I've only just started potty training my son and he'll be 4 in March. I've had a few different people make comments and someone even gasped when I mentioned a month ago that he wasn't! 🙄

Try not to take it to heart, the only thing that matters is that you do it when the time is right. Every child is different. My son is the last of all my friends kids / nieces / nephews etc to start but he just wasn't interested.

For me, I'd have rather waited until he was ready before trying to force something he doesn't understand. I imagine it would only set them up for failure anyway.

I'm not worried x

Original poster

Wetnappies · 05/10/2019 21:31

Thank you Yakadee

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Teachermaths · 05/10/2019 21:35

The night time thing is fine.

An NT 3yo who isn't potty trained should really be on their way to trying. There's a culture of "waiting til the child is ready" now. The disposable nappies you must get through is a big environmental cost.

Read the "oh crap" book and get on with it. My LO is not yet 3 and the majority of his peers are potty trained including plenty just turned 2.

Shittiestdayinalongtime · 05/10/2019 21:39

The night time isn't an issue, no one will know, and our oldest child wasn't dry at night until she was around 5. However, at this age, it's reasonable for her to be dry during the day.

pinkcardi · 05/10/2019 21:45

I think 3 is getting to be late, it's later than anyone I know (except those with special needs). Surely at 3 most children have the language and physical control to potty train.

My July born DC is 3 and has been dry since just over 2, and through the night since 2.5. My eldest was dry by 2.5 because she had to be for her pre-school, but not through the night until 4.

It's called 'training' because sometimes you have to encourage, it doesn't always just naturally happen.

Wildorchidz · 05/10/2019 21:48

Have you started to toilet train her?

Yakadee · 06/10/2019 08:19

@Wetnappies - I just wanted to say that you shouldn't feel pressured by any comments you get. I did give my son a helping hand in the end as wanted to make sure he was ready. We tried putting pants on underneath his nappy so that he could feel wet as nappies are so absorbent. It was in no time at all that he started telling me he had had a wee so we started.

Karwomannghia · 06/10/2019 08:26

I left dd till she was 2y11m because she didn’t really seem to know when she was going to wee at nappy off time. But I went for it and watched her like a hawk and got her on it every time she weed (she wees a lot) and she cracked it in a couple of days. She’d didn’t start the process I did. You just have to get on with it.

cocomelon23 · 06/10/2019 08:33

Have you tried potty training? 3 is quite late to start.

ChildminderMum · 06/10/2019 08:37

Have you tried getting them both out of nappies yet?

whatthehek · 06/10/2019 08:38

My son has not long turned 3, he wasn't ready to even entertain the idea of a potty until now. He's not fully potty trained yet but we are getting there. He's only recently started to get control of his wee rather than just continuously weeing without thinking. I found that was when to start.

My eldest was 2. He went straight to the toilet in about two weeks, hated the idea of a potty so we never used one.

Every child is different. As long as they are fully trained by the time they start proper school at the age of 4 then I wouldn't stress. You can't be sending them to school in nappies.

insancerre · 06/10/2019 08:43

3 is quite late to be still in nappies
Is there a reason why she’s still in nappies?

BlingLoving · 06/10/2019 08:57

The comments about night time nappies never cease to irritate me. Ugh the time dryness is biological (controlled by a hormone) and has nothing to do with training. The child is asleep - they cannot be trained to recognise the need to wake up when bladder is full. If a child is still in night nappies after the age of 7 or 8 it may mean the hormone is not there and doctors will do something. But tell your mother to educate herself on night nappies (and I speak as someone whose children both were dry at night by age 3 or slightly after. But I consider that good luck, nothing else).

Not being trained at 3 is a bit late I would say and in a few friends who have waited this long I have seen a few problems in that the child is resistant. But it's certainly not the end of the world.

ChildminderMum · 06/10/2019 09:09

Bling - but on the flipside, I think a lot of parents just assume now that children will be in night nappies til 5, 6, 7 and never give them a chance!
With my children once they were potty trained in the day we tackled nights and had a week or so of accidents and waking in the night then they were sleeping through.
Fine if you've given it a good go and the child can't control it, then it's obvious they're not developmentally ready, but honestly I have met parents of school age children who have never even tried getting rid of night nappies.

Bucatini · 06/10/2019 09:12

Your mum is from a different generation and they did tend to potty train earlier.

Having said that, 3 yrs 2 months is late compared to most kids. Is there a reason why you're leaving it?

The night time thing is nothing to worry about.

CherryPavlova · 06/10/2019 09:13

Your mother is right.

Sparrowlegs248 · 06/10/2019 09:17

I think it is quite late, and the "waiting til theyre ready" idea is bit odd. I worried I was too late with ds 1 but he cracked it in a few days at 2 yrs 8 months. Ds2 will be around the same for for convenience really, we were away a lot of the simmer so I'm waiting til October half term. The "oh crap" book is excellent.

Zebrasinpyjamas · 06/10/2019 09:18

I think it's fine. Yes you will need to crack it before school starts but it's a long time away. Also at that age they can get it in a day or two. My 2 DC were a month either side of 3 when they decided to go for it. I'd spent time talking about it and 'practicing' doing wees at nighttime after the bath etc. Some children might need a bit more vigorous encouragement to start the process though so if think about when your deadline for that is, IE at XXX we will properly start regardless.
My 5 yo is still in night time pull ups as are (I'd guess from casual comments by their parents) probably about a third of his friends but no-one really knows. It doesn't matter to me and I'm not worried about it.

Original poster

Wetnappies · 06/10/2019 09:19

Sorry all, I should have made it clear that I am trying to potty train her. It's just not clicking yet. Same with DD1 at night time.

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BeanBag7 · 06/10/2019 09:22

I probably would somewhat judge someone whose (neurotypical) child was still in nappies over the age of 3, especially if they had never even tried to potty train them. I wouldn't say anything but internally it would make me think.

Have you tried to potty train her? The whole "are they ready" thing is hard to tell until you actually try. When I trained my daughter she didn't meet many of the online criteria for being "ready" but she was trained in about a week.

Bucatini · 06/10/2019 09:22

How are you trying? Maybe time to go cold turkey (assuming you're not currently doing this) and ditch the nappies completely. You may have a few days with lots of accidents but then you should start to see progress.

Fizzypoo · 06/10/2019 09:22

I agree that your mother is right.

Why would you not have sorted this earlier? Get on with potty training your DC.

AllFourOfThem · 06/10/2019 09:29

I wouldn’t judge you. Some children are quicker at some things that others.

My mother used to make very similar comments about DD1 as she was out of nappies the year before she started school (also a summer born child). Once they get it, they do understand very quickly and you still have the best part of a year to get there.

Nighttime is due to a hormone that you can’t rush. My DD2 has just started to refuse to wear nappies overnight (she is still two) and I know it will involve accidents because she is not ready but I’m following her lead. DD1 in contrast was almost four when she stopped having a nighttime nappy and we’ve had a few accidents in the night since.

TabbyMumz · 06/10/2019 09:34

At 3, mine got free hours in the nursery part of the school from the first September after they were 3. School expected them to all be going to the toilet by then.

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