I can lead the 3 year old to the toilet but I can’t make him wee! Help!

[Playitagainsam]

DS is 3 yrs 3 months, and had shown zero interest in potty training but we had to get started as he’s starting pre-school soon. I knew it was not going to go well as he’s super stubborn, and unfortunately I was right! We’re 2 weeks in now. He’ll sit on the loo quite happily a few times a day but nothing will come out. He had initially started to get very upset when he needed a poo and screamed that he wanted to do it in his nappy. He got pretty hysterical so we let him and were advised to keep doing this as he basically just started to hold it all in and get constipated if we didn’t. He then started getting really upset and panicky if he was sat on the loo and he had the feeling that a wee was coming. So now we’re at the stage where he is basically asking for a nappy to poo in, but holding in his wee to do it at the same time. The nappy is off in a minute or so then he’s happy to get back into pants. During the day, this is probably happening 2 or 3 times, and he rarely has any other accidents outside of this, he can go hours in between each time. We can get him to sit on the loo when he needs to go, but it’s like he either can’t or won’t wee. He’s not been upset about it over the last few days which is why I think we need to just carry on, and also he clearly has control over his wee and poo - but how the heck do I get him to do it on the loo and not in his nappy? I have tried every different type of bribery going, he’s just not bothered - or if it’s something he is bothered about, he still can’t seem to do it! Cold turkey on the nappies also isn’t an option if we don’t want some serious constipation and/or poo trauma. He also won’t sit on the loo in his nappy without getting upset.
Tonight we sat him on the loo twice when he needed to go, nothing happened. As soon as he was off and his bedtime nappy was on he said ‘i’m doing a wee!’ and he bloody was! So he knows when he’s doing it and he can control it, so why the flip can’t he/won’t he do it on the loo? Have I just totally screwed up by training him too late? But then he has been a stubborn little devil since the day he was born so i’m not confident it would have made any difference doing it earlier.
Sorry for the long post, if anyone has any advice or similar experiences i’d be very grateful!

Can anyone help? Please don’t say it’s just me .

Buy him something special, hang it up in the bathroom, let him know it is for when he is a big boy and uses the loo..
Then don't mention it again.
Just leave it where he can see it but not reach it...
Don't try to make the nappies a fight point, just put them on as he asks for one...
Keep making the big boy toy swing when you walk past,, so he knows it is there, do not mention it, if he asks can he open it, says when your a big boy... It's a reward for no using nappies...
Remember don't fight him, pants all day and nappy when he wants to go, this way he has learnt bladder control... One day he will get feed up of a nappy and just use the loo... Takes about a week.

Mine much like to wee standing up and aiming at something in the bowl.

Ah thanks mummy2017, I really appreciate the response. He seems fairly immune to bribery and incentives, we got him a toy he wanted but even that doesn’t seem to have an effect. But you could be right about putting it somewhere visible and then not getting into a discussion about it, i’ll definitely try that. It all went pear shaped tonight as he obviously needed a wee and was sat on the loo for ages, but just said ‘i’ll just wait for my bedtime nappy’, refused to do it on the loo and I got really cross at him. Terrible parenting!

No advice but I also have a 3 yr old potty refuser.
Stubborn as fuck. Will happily sit on the toilet then wee on the floor.
Only thing that has kind of worked is a portable urinal that looks like a frog. He's used it once without much prompting.

isthistoonosy thanks for the suggestion- I did wonder about trying that but given that we’ve barely even managed a wee in the loo I wondered if it would be too soon. Gotta be worth a go though!

Cute Frog Boys Potty Toilet Trainning for Boys Pee Trainer Bathroom Children Uninal with Whirling Target (Green) www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B01ANK3U9Y/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_HsfHBb8035BPS?tag=mumsnetforum-21

Bookvan oh thank god it’s not just me. I swear this boy is going to break me! He has never once even put his bum on a potty, flatly refused. Will sit on the loo sometimes, not that it bloody matters where he sits since nothing comes out as soon as the nappy is off. Only upside is that my sofa is not covered in piss.

After yesterday's success in the frog, I've had 2 puddles on the floor, 1 on a pile of clean washing and poo in trousers.
Bribery and rewards don't work. Peer pressure doesn't work. He starts school in a year and I'm sure he'll still be in nappies then.

Excellent, thanks Bookvan I have ordered one of those! Anything is worth a go.

Yes I have the same fear. People keep saying ‘he won’t still be pooing in nappies when he’s 20’ - i’m not bloody worried about when he’s 29, i’m worried about when he’s 4 or 5! The odd thing is he’s not having any ‘accidents’ in between requesting a nappy which he does a few times a day. No wet pants or puddles. So to the outside world it could look like we have it sorted, except that it’s all still going in nappies so nothing has changed, he just wears pants in between. Urgh.

Just some ideas which helped us:
Could you try a fancy potty, like a Paw Patrol design or something? Little matching stool to climb onto? Might make him more inclined to use it.
Maybe get a toy potty and get him to show one of his favorite toys how to use it.
Have you used the loo in front of him while he sits on the potty?
Chocolate works a treat on our DC! Surely no child is immune to chocolate bribes!?

Totally get you don't want a sofa drenched in piss lol but would you leave the nappy off completely, so he has to sit in his soiled kecks? Explain to him the nappies are gone and it's now the toilet, just cold turkey approach. Sounds like he's holding it because he knows the nappy is still an option. Maybe you need to just take it away?

Good luck, you must be tearing your hair out but he'll get there, he won't be walking down the aisle in nappies

How long have you been trying to toilet train yours Bookvan?

Oh sorry just saw your last post - forget my aisle comment!!! For what it's worth my nephew took forever on potty training but it did click when he was coming up to 5 (and before starting school).

shirleyschmidt the chocolate bribery was literally the only strategy I had - it worked like a treat on his sister! But honestly, this boy couldn’t give a flying feck. There is literally nothing that seems to be able to incentivise him, nor any threat that bothers him enough! We originally went cold turkey on the nappies but he then just refused to go, got hysterical about going on the loo and then got constipated! So we were advised to let him poo in the nappy if he wanted to. Problem is he now just holds on and waits to wee in it too, and goes 2-3 times a day! I am sorely tempted to go cold turkey again as I feel like he’s playing us like a fiddle, but i’m sure the result would be the same!

My DS was very similar, would hold it in until a nappy was on. One day when he was crying for a nappy I decided enough was enough, he wasn’t getting a nappy on, and so had no option but to poo in the potty - he was so proud of himself after it (as was I), we haven’t looked back since.

Haha yes sorry, I know it’s a very well meant comment!

Oh pancakepoop, really?! I think he’d just hold it all in again. His sister had years of poo trouble after getting constipated as a 2 year old, and so i’m paranoid about it happening again.

I've been trying on and off for about 8 months. I try for a few days, no luck so leave it for a coupke months.
I have 2 older girls who both got potty training in a week at 2 years old! He's also immune to bribery. He got a chocolate biscuit, hugs, kisses, tons of praise when he weed in the frog, but just spent today weeing all over the house and putting the potty on his head.

One friend's strategy was feed child lots of squash, sit on potty to watch favourite TV/video, wait. Idea being to get them relaxed and distracted. Basically they need to go accidentally on the potty the first time, then they know what it feels like and are more likely to be able to do it again on purpose.
Re needing to poo in nappy another strategy to try is creeping up on it. Will he poo wearing nappy but sitting on potty? How about with nappy loosened? Nappy put down on the bottom of the potty? etc.

Ha oh Bookvan i’m sorry but the potty on the head bit did make me laugh!
catkind he refused to ever go on a potty, will sit on the loo but that’s it. I did manage to get him to wee in his nappy whilst sat on the loo earlier but that’s all we’ve achieved! He refused to poo sitting down on the loo even with a nappy on. I agree though, it might have to be a very gradual thing!

Made me laugh too 😂 probably not the best reaction but when he's running round naked with a potty on his head....

He sounds intelligent if he is immune to bribes and able to plan and wait for his preferred option (the nappy). Had you thought of the strategy where you sit down with him and explain that he’s getting big and big children need to use toilets not potties. Brainstorm a list of ideas together with no comment (ie he can include ‘wear nappies forever’ or similar) and write them down so he can see. Then you each get to cross off ones that definitely don’t work and hopefully you’ll be left with a strategy that he’s had input into and therefore is already ‘bought into’. It may do nothing but it won’t hurt or cost anything to try....

*toilets not nappies!

It sounds to me like he's actually developed good bladder control, because he's waiting for a nappy to do a wee (and poo.) So he knows when he needs to go, he's just choosing not to. I'm always a bit wary of parenting books but I know lots of people rave about the "Oh Crap" book, which I think recommends starting training between 2-2.5, because leaving it too late can result in a higher level of choice and stubbornness which is hard to reverse.

I'd be tempted to try going cold turkey again, to be honest. Nursery will of course be supportive in his toilet training too, but it would be good to get him out of nappies before he starts school.