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Potty training

Is your child ready for potty training at nursery? Here's the place for all your toilet training questions.

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Original poster

Day 7 - he can't recognise the need to go!

30 replies

Italianbride · 16/08/2015 07:48

We are on day 7 of potty training DS (2.10) and I don't know whether to carry on or not! He is fine at using the potty or toilet when prompted but does really not understand the urge to wee so doesn't tell me and just had an accident (this morning all over the rocking horse!).

Does this understanding kick in at some point? Do I persevere or stop and start again another time?? He is so keen to be in big boy pants but I can't see how we are progressing after a week.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Buttercup27 · 16/08/2015 07:51

If he isn't able to recognise the urge to go, he isn't ready. Hold off for a few months and try again.

LynetteScavo · 16/08/2015 08:12

At 2.10 he should be ready. If you stop now and start again later he still won't recognise the need to go.

I would take off the big boy pants altogether and just have shorts. Give lost of praise/reward when he does use the potty/loo. He should then choose to use it initially for the praise but then because he's recognising the need.

Buttercup27 · 16/08/2015 08:16

My ds didn't recognise the urge until he was 3.6. At this point it took 3 days until he was dry day and night.

Lagoonablue · 16/08/2015 08:19

Well bite the bullet and put up with the accidents and he will get it eventually or put it on hold for now and try again in a few months. There is nothing wrong with taking a break. I did this and on second attempt DS 'got it ' almost immediately. It's a developmental issue. You can't force it.

captainproton · 16/08/2015 08:22

Please ignore Lynette, not all kids are ready by 2.10. Don't be one of those parents who fall into the trap of thinking that their child should be trained by now, and spend weeks and months basically managing a series of mini accidents. It's great your child knows how to use the toilet/potty. It will help when the time comes. Personally I would wait until they show signs of being aware of them needing a wee/poo etc.

What is the rush? Save yourself a whole load of bother.

Fflightattendant · 16/08/2015 08:23

He's clearly not ready. It is indeed a developmental thing and you can't rush it - there are sometimes said to be four stages.

Recognises when it's happened
Recognises when it's happening
Recognises when it's about to happen
Recognises when it's going to happen in time to get to the toilet or potty.

You can't make their neural pathways grow quicker

None of my boys has been ready until around 3 to 3 and a half. When they are as PP said, it's very quick indeed...no training, rewards, whatever required.

Original poster

Italianbride · 16/08/2015 08:27

Thank you for those of you who have made me feel better about potentially stopping and trying again at a later date. At the moment it does feel like managing accidents rather than actually training but I wasn't sure if I was giving up too early.

OP posts:

Zeitgeistic · 16/08/2015 08:37

In my experience OP, when they're ready it should click very quickly. Potty training mine took about 4 days each. DD2 only ever had one accident. Why spend weeks dealing with puddles of wee because you feel you 'should' persevere when he clearly isn't quite ready yet? Try again in a few weeks.

LynetteScavo · 16/08/2015 09:09

I agree it should click very quickly when they're ready. But also he should be ready at 2.10, but if your DS genuinely isn't then properly leave it until you know he knows when he needs to go. So many people seem to try once every couple off this then after a week give up only to try later.

I'm of the going for it when you know they are ready, and not looking back school. For what it's worth I never rewarded any of my own children just praised but know it does help with other children I've potty trained.

Gunpowder · 16/08/2015 09:15

DD is only just potty trained at 2.10 and AFAIK girls are usually ready before boys. She has been 'nearly ready' for about 6 months. We tried lots of times but she had accidents so we stopped. This time she decided for herself, announced she wasn't wearing nappies any more, and we have had no accidents at home/when she's out with me. So much easier to wait.

Gunpowder · 16/08/2015 09:16

She still has occasional accident at nursery, I think it's more exciting there than at home.

Fflightattendant · 16/08/2015 09:48

Lynette with all due respect, where are you getting this 'should' element from?

I think it's fairly clear that a lot of people's children aren't ready at the age you specify.

Original poster

Italianbride · 16/08/2015 09:57

It may well be that he 'should' be ready but he quite clearly isn't. I'm with those posters who have encouraged me not to rush it. It honestly feels like a weight has lifted now I've decided to stop.

OP posts:

LynetteScavo · 16/08/2015 10:13

Fflightattendant - just years of experience, although I do take your point that it's clear on MN lots of peoples children aren't ready.

OP, I'm glad you've decided to stop for now, as it's clearly what you feel is right your your DS.

The point I was trying to make, but made it badly was not to stop start stop start, just wait until he's ready then go for it. I wrongly presumed you felt your DS was completely ready last week, but I obviously got that wrong, sorry.

Original poster

Italianbride · 16/08/2015 14:08

I guess my question is then how do I know when he's truly ready? Will he tell me? When do things move from prompting him to go all the time rather than him recognising the signs and asking for the toilet??

OP posts:

Satsunday · 17/08/2015 12:06

I am having the same issue and would love to know he answer to your last questions italian as they are the same ones I have. My 2.5 year old DD knows that wees go in the potty, she totally gets it. She also knows when she is having an accident and calls me. But she has only once got herself to the potty in time (although I felt that was a real breakthrough). We are only on day 5 but already have had two wees on the floor and none anywhere near the potty. I don't want to stop just yet though - has anyone persevered and found it got better fairly quickly?

She doesn't seem to know how to consciously wee herself, she always seems surprised by it. Does that mean she isn't ready? Yet she found some nappies and threw them away herself this morning so she seems to want rid of them.

uppereastsidemom · 17/08/2015 17:58

I was just about to post about this as am getting quite tired of the daily wees on the floor (we are 2 and a half weeks in). DD is 2.7 and will wee when prompted; she will also occasionally say she has to do a wee and let us bring her to the potty / loo and wee / poo successfully. She has, a couple of times gone to the potty herself without prompting, but not for a week or so .

Because she has done it, I'm pretty sure she is developmentally ready and is capable of using the potty unprompted, but am more inclined to think that she might just be a bit lazy about it as she knows we will remind her all of the time? i'm trying to, in the nicest possible way and without upsetting her, show her that accidents aren't on, and get her involved in the clean up etc, but gosh it is getting tiring! Is it just a matter of seeing it out? This is our second go so I'm not planning to stop.

Satsunday · 17/08/2015 18:38

I can't imagine 2 and a half weeks of this! Hoping someone comes along with advice as I think we're in a similar position and my dd is the same age as yours too.

Are you giving her treats? I've given so many treats I think she's almost bored of them!

daisydalrymple · 17/08/2015 19:26

Hi, something I did with ds1 was sit him on the potty whilst he was watching his favourite programme one day. I'm sure this will be really frowned upon but it did help. - we were being pressurised by nursery at the time, and as he was dc1, I naively believed the 'he should be ready' malarkey. Another thing that helped was just letting them runaround in the garden in the summer sans nappy.

Had ds1 not been in nursery I probably would have stopped and retried later on.

Dc3 is only 9 months, so a while away yet, but I shall take the not ready until they're ready to heart! - we certainly found that with night time, ds1 was 5 before he was out of pull ups and Dd was 4.

I was surrounded by mums telling me their dcs just 'got' nights within a couple of weeks of days being dry. Only reading up on here I realised it's perfectly normal for dry nights to take longer for some children.

daisydalrymple · 17/08/2015 19:27

Oh and we did keep a potty upstairs and downstairs, and with the running around in the garden, also took the potty out.

Satsunday · 17/08/2015 19:33

Thanks daisy. Although unfortunately I'm already using the TV, iPad, and giving her chocolate even just for sitting on the potty. All of which do work but it's only when she then stands up that she goes (all over the floor). I'm worried that I've run out of incentives!

I think I will leave it for a month but having tried so hard now has just made me more nervous for next time as I don't have anything else to my sleeve to make it exciting for her!

daisydalrymple · 17/08/2015 19:41

Have you done the new fancy knickers bit? A set of her absolutely favourite characters / fairies / whatever she really likes... And a few packs of basic white plain ones. So after an accident white ones go on, faves on if they get to the toilet.

(I read that on here I think, don't think i used it myself, but if you want to take a break from it, it might be nice to start with a special shopping trip for knickers when you think she might be ready again, even if you don't go for the plain white ones).

Gunpowder · 17/08/2015 20:53

Yes some horrendously naff 'Frozen' knickers from Mothercare worked for us, actually.

daisydalrymple · 17/08/2015 21:29

Can't believe the words naff and frozen can appear in the same sentence ....

Satsunday · 17/08/2015 21:44

Talking of pants, in my desperation to find more answers, I've just read about an approach which suggests no pants or anything on the bottom half at all indoors....for 3 months. It kind of makes sense as the only time she's taken herself to the potty is when she had no pants on. It says they can confuse pants and trousers etc with being in a nappy. What does everyone think?! So tempted to try it tomorrow just to avoid giving up before we've tried for a week. Something has to change as out of all 5 days so far, today was the most unsuccessful.

....I could always buy some Frozen pants for myself instead

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