The problem with potties...???

[phoebemum]

Hi all, firstly I apologise for jumping on here for advice when a few of you clearly know and support each other through troubled times. I have to admit I have always been a very relaxed parent and taken everything in my stride, I thought I didn't need any help but...

Scenario: I'm really stuck. My daughter - 20 mo - has been saying 'poo' every time she does a wee/poo for the past two months. At the same time she tugs at her nappy and starts to strip trousers etc off. I thought, 'Great! She's ready to be potty trained earyl!' Was I wrong?!

Plan a - pottys: She HATES sitting on any form of potty, she will sit for litterally 2 seconds, shake her head, say 'No', and get off.

Plan b - toilet: see above

Plan c - take other advice: Mother in law recommends her technique. So I stick my daughter in just grown-up pants and leggings all day long because 'She will hate the feeling of being wet, which will make her want the potty'. My daughter clearly has no bladder control as she weed every ten minutes (yes, I had to wash and dry a LOT of pants and leggings that day. It upset her every time she did (and she is NOT a crier), then she got doubly distressed when I followed up by sitting her on the flippin potty again.

Plan d - give up for a while: Gave up for a week as frankly I didn't have an unfried nerve left in my body. Now she's started telling me BEFORE she does a wee or poo but still refuses so sit on toilet or potty...AND get this, gets upset when she ends up doing it in her nappy instead and says, 'Oh dear'.

What the heck do I do?!!! I honestly feel way in too deep with this one.

I am going to leave this with you wise people and go grace other threads with my words of wisdom on simpler matters...hopefully the karma wiill have a good return of advice for me....never again will I be a cocky 'It just comes naturally' mother. Hmpf. :-(

Bump - have a 22 month old that has been telling me since 15 months about wees and poos, on the odd occasion does manage to make it to the potty, generally wees on the floor, in secret on the sofa, or waits to go in nappy especially for poos which she has never done on the potty yet. Have left her with nappy off, doesn't like to sit on potty to go same as your DD reminding her parrot fashion still wees on floor or sofa as soon as I leave room or back turned. Stick her in knickers and she thinks its a nappy and wees anyway. Tried talking about older cousins using potty and mummy and daddy, she talks about it then still wees on floor!!! Only thing positive I have noticed is that the more I have been leaving her nappy off entirely the longer she is going between wees, but she often holds off until I put a nappy on to go outside then fills it within seconds of it being on.

ZhenXiang THANK YOU!! For the first time I have been able to physically laugh out loud about the situation (literally sat here grinning). No solution but I am so glad someone else is having this mind boggling problem... and it's comforting that you have also tried the same things but to no avail... let's hope somone is out there who has conquered this issue an can share their pearls of wisdom.

Leave it. Go back to nappies, leave potties in downstairs rooms and revisit the problem in a few months. Trust me. Not ready . my DS was 3 and we left it as long as possible, then he was done and dusted in a week. No accidents etc. DD was 2. On her second birthday she took her nappy off and decided herself. FWIW neither of mine told me while in nappies that they were weeing or pooing. She then kept taking her nappy off at night and was dry at night about a week later. The disadvantage of potties I found was the helpful little darlings try to empty them themselves. Wee etc everywhere!

My son hated the potty. I bribed him with chocolate. It worked. Gradually I reduced the number of buttons I gave him untill he would do it just for a clap and a well done.

lol Strumpypumpy - great visual of upturned potties of wee! But thanks for the advice... leaving it for a while sounds a lot less stressful. Will deffo consider it providing no other tips come up! Thanks! x

Hahahahaaaaaa tutu100! You mums are great, really lifeted my spirits I tell you! Bribery works for so many other child related issues, I can't think why I hadn't used this technique yet!

MyLifeIsChaotic - that looks AMAZING! I'm going to order one of those now - if nothing else it will look cool in her play house!! I had wondered about the low potty thing versus the big scary toilet. Maybe you have a point.

We did jelly sweets - it worked.
Also we got a 'potty' book from a charity shop with Dora the Explorer using the toilet. Once she saw Dora did it and got a sweet she was away. Trained well enough to hold on until we could get to school toilets on the school run (30 min walk) within 4 days.

I'd leave it for now.
all she is telling you is that she is aware of doing it, doesn't mean she is ready to go in the potty.
IME, it took him months to get used to the idea

I honestly don't think your DD is ready for potty training just yet. You said yourself that you think she has no bladder control so IMO you are going to be potty training for a long, stressful time if you persevere now.

It's not just physical capability of recognising the need to wee and being able to hold it long enough to get to a potty. It's also being ready and willing to go on the potty.

I would go back to nappies for now and play games with her dolls/teddies getting them to go for a wee etc. Maybe buy a few potty training story books and make it sound fun. Let her watch you go to the loo so she nows it's nothing to fear and all part of being a big girl etc.

The Mumsnet guide to potty training is really very good : www.mumsnet.com/toddlers/potty-training#Potty_training_boot_camp_

Ah ha some success this morning - new tactic:

Curtains closed
Pull down own knickers
Pretend to sit and wee on potty
DD then leaps on to potty as soon as I get up and sits for a full five minutes

I am thinking my DD doesn't equate the potty to the toilet that she knows that everyone else wees and poos on. Mind you I did by her the ducky fun potty here that looks like a duck and plays a song when she wees so maybe she was looking at it more like a toy and not like the toilet. Maybe I should have gone with this one instead. I call the toilet a potty to when I am talking to her as MIL (mum of 5 and grandmother to 13) says that helps them understand the link between potty and toilet.

Like Mobly I also let her pretend with her dolls/teddies too.

Morning all, wel firstly, thanks so much for all your advice - there has been a lot going on here since I signed off last night!

I have realised that perhaps little one just isn't ready yet (Strumpypumpy and Exhausted2011), but, I have also realised I need to approach the whole issue from a different angle. I have ordered one of the all singing all dancing mini toilet thingys (thanks MyLifeIsChaotic and ZhenXiang). When it arrives I am going to introduce her to it properly and sit her dolls and teddies on it, then as things progress I shall lay in wait, armed with choccy buttons and potty books (a la Mobly ilovedjasondonovan and tutu100)... Thanks so much ladies, I feel like I have more of a plan now - but the plan is a fun, friendly, non stressful game that little one will love. And if she doesn't take to it straight away, so what? She will eventually right!

ZhenXiang big congrats on the progress, it sounds loike just since you wrote last night there has been a massive milestone reached - a full five minutes sat on the potty is amazing (I'm hoping for a similar comittment from mine soon)! ....P.S. Well done for remembering to close the curtains before you embarked on your demonstration of potty equipment!!

Can I just say, please don't take offence, but it shouldn't really be this hard.
It's not easy, but even if the potty is just mentioned more and more, and offered, they will get used to the idea.
Making it fun is a great idea to get her involved and interested, but don't kill yourself!

IMO weeing every ten minutes is a sign that she is not ready. Would you like to go to the loo every ten minutes? Thought not! In a couple of months or so she will start to go less often and it will be easier on all of you. I have held of potty training my DS2 because of this, although he has been telling me about wees etc for months. It is a stressful time but as exhausted says, not that hard. With DS1 it was pretty straightforward at 2.5 whereas I have seen other people struggling for ages with their younger DC, and wee everywhere - which is something I am avoiding at all costs.

My advice is to leave full on potty training for a while but as she clearly has some idea about what is going on have a potty upstairs and downstairs in an obvious place. Before her bath and when you get her up in the morning leave her with her nappy off for a while and if you are at home doing nothing much have some nappy off time downstairs too with the potty in full view, expect little (in my experience the main thing a bit of nappy off time teaches them is to hang on until the nappy is back on - a good learning tool as it's helpful if they start going longer between wees, no way do you want to start potty training if it's 10 mins between wees - needs to be more like a couple of hours). Buy some of the various potty story books that you read to them telling them what to do (all mine were addicted to reading those books over and over for AGES before we started potty training, the more graphic the better, preferably with pictures of poos and wees on the floor for everyone to laugh at!). After a while you might start getting the odd wee or poo in the potty (cue lots of chocolate buttons, clapping and calling daddy to share the good news), only THEN would I go for full on potty training with no more nappies and full time pants.

With DD2 we started this process at around 20 months and I then potty trained her at 22 months.

I started this with DS (who turned 2 last week) a few weeks ago and on Saturday did a wee in the potty when I got him up in the morning and then ran off to do one before his bath so on Sunday we started launched full on potty training (Oh joy.... day 4 - about 90% there on wees but poo rate more like 25%... arrrgggg!!)

Well done! It's a weight lifted when you go back to the drawing board. They're all different and next week, month or year could be it! I met up with friends today. In the group of children two would be 3 in June and my DD 3 at the end of April. DD potty trained for a year now, one girl since Oct last year and the other 3 year old girl still in a nappy. All different! But they generally don't start school without picking it up, so don't worry. And the longer you leave it the quicker the process. Good luck!