Encouragement for parents of reluctant potty trainers

[builder]

Just posting this because it might help people be more relaxed about their children if they are late to use a potty.

My dd2 has been very continent for months. Dry at night since before 2. Able to hang on from about 2.5. However, she was very reluctant to sit on a potty or toilet and until Sunday (aged over 3.5) she has insisted on having a nappy put on when she needs a wee or poo.

Since 3.3 she has used the little toilets at nursery and last week she was staying with a friend and used their toilet.

Finally, on Sunday she nonchalently said that she was going to use her potty.

So, having been relatively relaxed about the slow progress we've now 'got there'. It just takes courage to ignore all those who can't understand why you're humouring a small child.

Katie - yes if she is showing an interest then go for it! And very few NT children are not at least day time potty trained before they go to school

I think DS(3.3) is now trained! No accidents since Friday morning! Not only that but we are trying him without nappies at night as well as he seems to be dry during the night. We just needed to encourage him to wee before bed and wee when he gets up in the morning and he has now being doing that.

So don't give up hope!

thumbs up from me too my DS is 3 now potty training is proving to be a challenge started a month ago i work fulltime and have the childminders word that shes doing her part and getting sick and tired of peoples comments oh still in nappies are we andnursery wont take him ` gggggrrrrrr how frustrasting is that , oh maybe im trying too hard

Chubba - that is absolute rubbish about the nursery! DS is in nursery and they were brilliant with him. There is still another couple of children who are also still in nappies, only slightly younger than him!

Oh this thread is JUST what I needed. DD has shown an interest in pottys and toilets from early age. (2.9) but just picks and chooses when she'll go on and have a try. She REALLY wants to wear pants as she has a little friends her age who is now potty trained and has seen her using the toilet but when I have offered her to try it, asked her to have a go at a wee/poo before bath, or left the potty out to see if she'll sit on it when she wants to we've had mixed success. She hides behind the sofa to poo in nappy and denies she's dirty.

We've tried various different techniques and tried to stay relaxed about it but DH keeps pushing me to try again with her. (We have a 10 week old and Ive flatly refused to try while we have a newborn) but now the baby is a lot more settled and contented he's decided we should try again. Spurred on by the fact that she had a small wee on toilet at nursery the other morning and came home with a star sticker on. (Nursery staff had stuck a load of advice leaflets in her day bag as a subtle hint too) But she is so picky about when and where I feel that she doesn't really WANT to do it yet and I don't want to keep pushing her.
I'm worried DH's pushing will cause even more problems in future.

Am I right to hold off a while and let her ask me again to try? I'm sooo confused about the whole thing. I have a friend who potty trained her son at 2YO and she recalled to me this morning that she spent 4 weeks training him and he was going through 5 or 6 changes of clothes and pants daily and was always having accidents - I was surprised that she kept it going that long, to me that seems pushy? or am I being niave?

I'm joining this non-judgey thread just by virtue of the fact that we're trying to do DS1 at the moment and he's 3.1! First day was fab - dry most of the day. Today, he just isn't bothered about getting wet, gets irritated by us plonking him on the loo if he doesn't think he needs to go, and I'm wondering if I should have waited for him to ask to train. He liikes his big pants though, so going to pull-ups might be hard...

Another one here who started this weekend - weather was nice for it at least - but isn't having a lot of joy.
DS1 (2.11) had been fairly happy to sit on the potty and had done a few poos on it, we had a go at training in oct but it didn't work out, DS2 was born in jan and now he's 12 weeks and the weather is warming up it seemed like a good idea to have another go.
The bad signs are most of the time he's refusing to go anywhere near the potty and denying he needs a wee even when he's hopping up and down with his legs crossed.
The good signs are that he's able to hold on really well (about 4 hours at one point today), the leg crossing etc shows he can feel he needs to go and when he has done a wee or poo he asks to have new trousers immediately.
I am losing heart a bit that he's not done a single thing in the potty since we started properly. I want him to want to do it, rather than it just be me making him, but also feel going back to nappies now would be even more confusing. I think I'm probably going to give it a week and then see how we're getting on. tetty 4 weeks does sound a bit extreme but sometimes I wish I had just persevered when we tried before. It's all much harder with DS2 to juggle as well!

Reshape - that's how we started with DS, so we put him back into nappies for a few days and then tried again. I think we had 2 false starts before he finally started really coming on board with it.

Pelvic - again we had similar issues with DS refusing to even sit on the potty, and the same advice applies!

Don't feel pressured if it takes a little longer to get there, they will get it eventually!

DS is now fully potty trained at 3.3, very rare for him to have an accident he even goes on the big toilets when we are out and about! 2 months ago I was despairing of him ever potty training!

I am trying with dd2 (2.3) at the mo. She is very interested in sitting on the toilet (and sometimes even does something!) and wearing big girl pants, probably because she sees her big sister doing it.

Today was to be the first day and she did manage a little wee on the potty, got lots of praise and chocolate and a sticker, but after 5 accidents in the next hour, which she found very upsetting even though I said "never mind" etc., she INSISTED I put her nappy back on.

I know everyone says once you start don't go back, but surely its better to take it at her pace than make it something she is stressed about?

'I know everyone says once you start don't go back, but surely its better to take it at her pace than make it something she is stressed about?'

I agree with this and I can assure you this is the tack we took with DS, and it worked. The first couple of times we tried potty training, I was getting stressed and so was DS! Sometimes you just need a few days break.

We've finally had some success! Days 1 and 2 DS didn't use the potty once and I was starting to wonder if anything was ever going to happen, this morning nothing in potty, this afternoon 2 wees and 1 poo (which DS looked at and pointed out "a poo and a little bit of wee too") in the potty and just 1 accident.

I think if they're really and truly ready then not going back is probably sensible but if they aren't ready getting everyone stressed isn't going to make it happen. This time has been very different to our first attempt, when he would sit in a puddle happily playing and have several accidents in a short space of time. This time the big differences have been the length of time he could hold on for and being bothered by accidents.

Yey, PelvicFloor!

IN the beginning DS didn't care about being wet, and not even about being dirty, he was notorious for doing stealth poos in his nappy!

Hooray! Day 5, and finally DS1 seems to be getting it about controlling muscles and asking to go. Annoyingly, I was out when it happened, but he told DH he needed a pee and then held it in long enough to get to the loo!

He's certainly holding it in longer overall, now we've stopped taking him to the potty. We are just reminding him it's there now, as constantly taking him was really getting on his wick.

I started this thread and have something to add...

the dd concerned now uses the toilet (with small seat) as well as the potty!

she is now almost 4.

I have never been allowed to see her use either facility; it always goes on with great secrecy but I'm allowed to help her turn on the taps and wipe her bottom if she's not getting it clean.

The moral is probably never to make a big thing of it!

Builder, Reshape - yey!! See you are getting there :)

Lol at Builder's dd peeing in private, now does she extend the same courtesy to you as my DS always insists on coming with me when I need to go!

Builder - thanks for starting the thread, it's definitely helped feeling like I'm not alone this week!
Only 1 accident today but only 3 wees altogether and no poo so not as good as it sounds. Now I'm worried DS is dehydrated so I'm trying to get him to drink more. I feel like I've spent all day hassling him about everything going in and coming out!
I think I've started to piss him off so my resolution is to go on at him about it less even if it means more accidents.

hurrah for this thread! However judged you feel in the UK, it seems to be worse in Australia - they do aim to have their DC potty trained by 2 here. Although it seems to be relaxing as well - I have a few friends whose DC haven't managed it until around the 3 mark, so I don't feel such a freak with DS (who is now 3.4) not being out of nappies yet.

We have tried him in big boy pants a couple of times but he just hasn't yet got the hang of when he needs to wee - he'll happily do poo in the big toilet, rather than the potty (he tells me when he needs to) and he'll happily do a wee in the potty when he's asked to - but if he doesn't wear a nappy he wees randomly without realising until it's too late. :(

He went out in a nappy this morning, with DH. He came back just in swim trunks - which he'd been wearing with his cousins while playing in the lake - but he had an obvious wee patch as well, so I asked him if he wanted to go to the potty but he said no, he'd weed on grandma's steps (outdoor ones). Because DH has no clue about checking up on him, and he doesn't know when it's going to happen. I asked him if he wanted some clean pants or a nappy and he asked for a nappy.

He's so nearly there but just not quite...

Oh thank god my DS 3.9 yo is normal! Have had him in pants full time (apart from when he had the runs and he was in pull ups - I just couldn't put him through that!) since start of Feb. He still has at least 2 accidents a day - never asks to go - but is quite happy to be taken to the toilet and usually pees quite happily. He will poo in the potty after lunch but doesnt say he needs - its just a case of good timing. I am so glad that I'm not alone in the world of toilet training - I was beginning to think there was something physically wrong with him. To be honest I just don't think he is that bothered about it yet..will keep going with it though and thanks for the encouraging posts!

I'm not sure what DS is up to now, tues and wed he seemed to have very nearly cracked it (only 1 accident each day) and since then everything has gone pear shaped with accidents all over the place! He knows it's coming because he does generally go off by himself, does it and then shout that he needs clean trousers. So annoying!
If he hadn't done so well for 2 days I'd be tempted to give up but having come this far and had some good days it seems crazy to go backwards.
It shows that it's a question of won't not can't but I don't know how I can make him want to...

I too have suffered with this social pressure to have kids out of nappies at 3 or sooner. My DS (after a few attempts) finally used the big toilet at his grandma's. HATED the potty with a passion and never sat on it. We have the odd accident and he still withholds his poo's and tells me he wants to poo in his pants, so whatever......he'll get there one day and i cant be bothered to worry about it anymore. Do what is right for you and your kids. Although i am now suffering with him telling me every 5 mins he needs a wee! Never ending drama really. Also nursery were pleased i managed to toilet train him but now pressuring me to get him to stand up which he wont do... like i say, 1 drama after another. smile and go with the flow!

I finally took nappies off DS a month before his 4th birthday. Attempts before that had been unsuccessful but I was worried about the fact that he starts school in Sept so took the nappies away entirely in Jan. The first 8 weeks we had constant accidents. Then he started to cotton on to the idea of wee's in the potty - by the end of March there were no more weeing accidents and he has taught himself to wee standing up without getting it on the floor or seat. A couple of weeks ago he took himself off to poo on the toilet and now he has no accidents at all.

I was fairly relaxed about it as his sister was nearly 4 by the time she got it. I didn't even attempt with him until he was 3 then tried for a week at a time every 2 months. Because he was coming up to 4 I said enough is enough so maybe he could have done it earlier if I had more patience. Either way he is there now so it doesn't matter :)

I thought he would start school still having accidents, I was certain he would never catch on as he is so stubborn and wilful. Thankfully I was wrong

Anyone who criticises others over potty training is a complete wanker.

Hi mumface, i have read on another thread that you have a copy of poo goes to pooland, i've been trying to get it everywhere to can't seem to get hold of a copy, could you please send one to me to tracy at mteaser dot wanadoo dot co dot uk, if you still have it.
Many Thanks

Poo goes to Pooland

I'm so glDmthis thread is here. I have a 2.6 yr old DS1 who is really quite anti potty training. I have attempted it twice and more recently done things like have him wear pants from nursery but he isn't bothered about having anwet or dirty nappy on. I think he isn't ready even though he is highly verbal. He tells me he cannot feel when he needs a wee or poo and that he doesn't need a Potty since he has a nappy.
I'm going to forget about it and try again in a couple of weeks.

Ive just been reading through this thread. as others have said it offers a lot of reassurance. My ds is 3 and a month and we ve been training for about 9 weeks with pants. Weve tried all the incentives he's my 3rd child I was sure he was ready and we started out fine but in the last 3 weeks he's been holding himself all day at nursery (the max one day last week at home was 9 hours!!). He just will not sit of his own accord on potty or the toilet so he just wets himself or poos in his pants He doesnt seem to mind being wet or pooey. Just now I managed to transfer him to the potty and while I was putting his dirty stuff in the sink, he put his hands over his bottom, managed to get poo in his hands _ rub it over his legs hands and tummy, the floor the edge of the sofa ... AAAAAArgh! I tried to stay calm and informed him that we dont do that with poo and its not for playing with. Im sure its an attention thing - that's the first child Ive had do that. He's going back into nappies for a while. Neither of us are ready! My cup of tea isnt strong enough!!!

I'm hoping DS will suddenly decide he's ready soon. He refuses to wear pants (even the ones with Lightning McQueen on) or pull-ups, hates the potty and toilet, has no desire to be a 'big boy' and isn't bothered that all his friends are potty trained.