Trained at home - but not at Pre-school

[DratMrsCarkeek]

Please help with stressed out newbie....

My DS is 3.6. Started potty training at the October half-term, as both pre-school staff and I thought he was ready, (going up to toilet and taking nappy off to sit on toilet, at home and pre-school)

Six weeks later,(and a lot of puddles) he would wee in the potty if he had nothing on bottom half. Still wet/soiled himself at pre-school, as obviously couldn't cavort about half-naked there. I started getting calls from pre-school saying he had wet himself and was crying and distressed. He had previously gone to the toilets with them to have nappy changed, and would sit on toilet quite happily. Not any more!

I jacked it in for a while to give him a break. I didn't want to put him off pre-school and he had started crying in his sleep, saying "Don't want the toilet, mummy".
So we tried again at Christmas, and now he will, most of the time, take his trousers and pants down, run to find his potties. Or goes on the toilet.

But not at pre-school. He just wets/soils and says nothing. (He wets at other people's houses, but does actually say he's wet.) Pre-school are trying to find a solution, they have tried stickers, star charts, picture of favourite toy stuck by toilet...It's like he's never been trained at all

We tried huggies pull-ups last week, but he started wetting at home again, so I really don't want to continue. Put him back into pants today, told them, (kindly, don't want to upset anyone) and got a phone call to say they'd changed him twice already (t'was early )and if he did it again I'd have to come in and change him.

They are lovely people, all kind, caring. I really feel for them because they have to stop to change him, clean him (and the floor)and it takes them away from the other children.

Any notions of what's going on in his head? Ring any bells? Or will it just take time? If you got this far and still reading, I thank you.....

Hi drat

Just wanted to say I sympathise, it sounds hard, I suppose it's one of those things, potty training, like sleeping through the night: some children 'get it' very quickly, for others it's a process to learn & takes ages...

not sure what to advise as I'm a complete newbie with potty training too- just starting the process with my 2.5 year old DS & it's not going well so far at all!- but wanted to bump this so that others more experienced can advise you...

Hi Maria,

Thanks for the reply, makes me feel a bit better! The worst of it is, he's my 2nd DC, I have a DD aged 5 (going on 25) so I've been through this hell that is PT before. Although it was never this hard with her, in retrospect.

I feel foolish because although I did anticipate him having accidents for ages, I went into the 11 day break (counting weekends either side) thinking by the time he returned to pre-school, he'd be there or thereabouts. Hah! Children - the great leveller.

What's going on with yours, then?

Hi again Maria

Just seen on your thread what's going on with yours!

Hi again Drat,

DS (who is 2.5) is making some progress a week into potty training. We too had some problems with nursery (my son goes to nursery 3 days a week) but there too he managed after 2 difficult days to do quite a few wees in toilet. So I'm encouraged.

We've gone cold turkey (for the moment) & that seems to help so far...

I think generally though, from what they told us at the nursery, that boys take much longer to potty train than girls, even when they're completely ready. And second, that lots of children have trouble at nursery/playschool, even when they're doing ok at home... So that puts things into perspective!

Sorry didn't reply yesterday, my DH hogged the laptop all night. I've had a busy daytime all this week, so haven't been near. Bah.

I had a giddy moment on Thursday when I picked up DS and he was wearing the same trousers he'd gone in with, and no carrier bag of wet things. he said "Mummy, I did wee and poo on the toilet!" Cue much mad excitement from me, hardly damped when staff member explained they'd taken him along to the toilets and he'd obliged. Clearly, it was "due" and if they hadn't, he'd have wet and soiled himself, but it was still a result and I made much of him.

Glad to see your little fella's making good progress!

I have seen quite a few posts on a similar vein and there's a lot of truth in what they said to you at nursery. I guess it's all just going to take time. Sigh.

Hi - my DS is perfectly toilet rained (famous last words) but doesn't like pre-school and doesn't talk to the teachers. So I just ask them to take him to the toilet about half way through the session (3hrs) for a "try". So far so good and he quite likes "doing a wee wee at school for my teacher"! Good luck

Hello, Witsend, thanks very much for replying.
Glad your DS is getting there!

With my DS, the problem is the poor teachers ask him if he needs to go and he always says no. Then wets himself 5 minutes later. They try just taking him and he refuses to have a go, then wets himself 5 minutes later. (Although, I have to say today has been quite good, as he has done two wees for them, so we are making progress)

We will have to draw a curtain over the Poo Incident that had me hurrying up to school with spare shoes today though - too painful.

My DS says no too - but they still just take him and usually he "produces" something!

That's good - I'm keeping my fingers crossed that mine will, without knowing, mysteriously start copying yours.

hi, i completely sympathise with your situation DD2 is 3.8 and is pretty much dry at home in the day, only the very occaisonal accident, maybe an extra one if shes running around like a mad thing with granddad paul (hes a menace and gets the older kids hyper!). but at preschool, where she is 5 days a week as i work she can have anything from 1 accident to 6 (today). every now and again, i would say every few months or so she will have a dry day or two at school.

we have tried everything from reward charts, taking her to the toilet and making her sit there every 30mins, ignoring it, huge rewards, rewards that build up, even telling her off (sort of, well reminding her sternly how important it is).

one thing that did help a little, which had her go from 4/5 accidents a day (at preschool) to 1 maybe 2 was giving her treatment for threadworm, i didnt know that she had it, but i figured it was worth a try as i knew it had no other side effects (and i asked the dr if it was ok without actually seeing the threadworm in the poo). obviously its a bit of a weird thinng to try, but it worked for us.

im giving up hope here, i have preschool in my ear every time i see the manager and i get called in for meetings and im not sure what to suggest to them, as she barely even does it when at home with me.

we are going away for the weekend to a funeral and then to the in-laws, so after talking with DD2 i have told her she can have pull ups for the weekend, but she must still goto the toilet, and on monday she has to start a fresh.

i have spoken to the dr once, but she refussed to refer her to a specialist, then i spoke to the health visitor and she said i had grounds for specialist referral so now i have to go back to the GP, only every time i try and call to make an appointment its engaged for over an hour!!

sorry, that was a bt of a ramble! but i do sympathise with your situation!

sorry forgot to mention i have been potty trainning DD2 since she turned 2!

Hello, kt, I've name-changed...

I feel your pain. Six accidents in one day cripes. Did they have enough dry clothes? I feel a tad guilty as DS has actually [whisper] been dry these last two days, although I haven't found out yet whether he's been going to the toilet or just hasn't needed to go, inexplicably. I don't want to jinx anything...

I have a feeling of dread and heartsink every time someone says "Can we just have a word with you?" when I bring DS in to school. I have also run out of things to suggest.

I've tried just about every approach apart from sticker charts, reward charts. He wouldn't have been bothered. They tried it in pre-school, to no effect. But I'm glad they did try anyway.

I hate ringing our group practise doctors for the same reason - ring on the dot of 8.30 am when they open and it's engaged solidly then until about 9 am, then they say "Sorry, all the morning appointments are gone. If you'd like to make an appointment for afternoon surgery ring up at 1.30 pm. No, you can't make an appointment now." If it isn't an appointment for my DCs I don't want to bother.

I hope you get an appointment (and some answers maybe?) soon.

ktWiltshire I seem to remember (through the thickening fog) my own DD taking her own sweet time over it too. I don't recall what age we started at all, as her GP seemed determined to start her for me, buying her a potty (before I had) and giving her pants to wear rather than a nappy in the paddling pool (of course the nappy swelled up like a balloon and off it came. I think her nudity was bothering grandpa, he perhaps felt more comfortable with her covered up). But I don't think she was ready then and it made training a very protracted, drawn out affair.