What punishments should I use, I just have no idea now

[TriplePachyderm]

dd2 is still wet
tests cqame back to say no infection

she was dry a while back the day that my mate said he'd give her a quid to stay dry

then the next coupe of days shes wet and I asked why she was dry when she was offered a pound for being dry but not now and she said well thats cause you said you would give me a pound

she doesn'[t seem to care

I dont know what punishments to use

help me
she does not need anymore reason to be teased at school

If I were you I would speak to her school and ask to be refered to a school counsellor. There is not quick fix to this.

positive she is doing on purpose

she didn't wet herself when she was going to get a quid for staying fry for the day

and then the next day she was wet (yes I know we should nhave continued with the incentice but I cant afford a quid a day and it was my mate that tried it off the cuff to try and help me) and when asked she said well you didn't offer me a quid

And please don't say you're shit. You're doing your level best in a horrible unfair situation which is all anyone can ask of you.

Just because she is doing it on purpose doesnt make it a punishable thing. A 5 and a half year old behaving like this needs a lot of attention and help.

she is havbng play therapy (had to fight for that)

or should I say she has the three sessions they will give, just waitnig to hear what they think

she may get more

she cant have counselling or one to one with a'somebody' to work through stuff

'shes only 5, she doesn't need that'

appartently!

Im jhaving a seriously hideous anger day

I'm sorry

I think it has to do with being due on

just started to see a pattern in the last few months, due on in the next week I think

everything is making me so angry today

Going back to school might nip it in the bud, break the cycle (and give you a welcome break)

Does she do it in front of other adults or friends or just for you? What would happen say if a friend or another relative expressed amazement to her?

It could be anything, we don't know. Nobody is saying it is your fault. Children are odd little creatures and it is difficult to fathom what is going on in theier heads! But there is a reason and it is not because she doesn't care or want to be dry.

Don't think of it as being anything other than a problem which you have to solve together-if nec with specialist help. Lots of children still have problems with wetting at this age. It is NOT a reflection on your parenting skills.

She can have childline counselling over the phone, you can phone with her if you want.

she has a pasta jar a of now

just taken ahuge deep breath and cuddled her and explained that she needs to stay dry till bedtime to get a piece of pasta and when she has ten she will choose a little toy

I've started her with 6 pieces

I've explained to her that she will lose a piece if she wets and she mustt change and put her wet stuff in the wash

she seems very excited

What about taking her to the toilet every hour in conjunction with that? And I'm happy to send her a wee prize in the post for a certain amount of dry days if you think that would help - my two love getting post! Extreme measures etc. And chocolate for you, of course. Fingers crossed your day gets better.

TriplePachyderm, I'm really sorry for your loss.

Speaking honestly, and without wanting to cause offence, the thing that's staring me in the face on this thread is your attitude.

'White hot rage' because your 5yr old wets herself? You need to calm down and get a grip. The only thing that will help your DD is changing your reaction to her wetting herself.

In the grand scheme of things, wetting herself is inconvenient, but she's not hurting anyone is she?

All you can do is follow the potty training advice mentioned on here. Ignore accidents. Reward successes. If she is doing it on purpose, she will get bored.

I think a visit to the GP would be a good idea. Understandably, you sound extremely stressed, they can help. That's if they're not already, I don't know your situation.

You sound much calmer on your last post :)

oh silly me
i just need to get a grip

Thought you might take offence, but genuinely, that wasn't the intention of my op.

Oh well, good luck anyway.

That sounds really positive TP.

I think you've had really sound advice on here, and well done on fighting for the play therapy. Fingers crossed that helps.

I'm finding this book, written by a play therapist, but for parents to use, helpful. But it's not that accessibly written. His key points are that children challenge us with their behaviour when they are feeling isolated or powerless, and the way to help with that is to work on connecting with them and manufacturing situations where you put them in control.

It sounds like you have just done both of those things (cuddle then pasta jar). So big gold star for you .

His recommended technique when you have a problem is to call a meeting on the sofa - which can be done by you or dc - only rule is that you both have to turn up. Then you try to solve the problem together.

TP, not sure where Supercherry's coming from as I get pretty hot rage, especially with PMT, and I don't have your situation to cope with.

It's not going to help anybody ignoring your feelings anyways. Sounds to me like you're doing your best to manage them, getting support here.

thanks super
sorry but I did post and esplain that the rage was completely out of kilter and probably due time of the month
Im aware that its an over reaction to a 5 year old wetting
but that doesn't make it real

and I think at 5 years still wetting like a training 3 year old might make quite alot of peope abit bloody angry

you know its not once or tice it 3 or 5,6 times a day

'doesn't make it not real'

Explaining myself further, 'I'm going to rip my fucking hair out'- to me the op sounds more than normally stressed. I was only concerned. Really didn't want to add to her stresses.

Sorry op. :)

yep way more than normally stressed
not entitely sure how to get a grip of it
its scary

main reason I post the things I feel, ugly or no,t to get them out there
helps a bit

Nice apology Supercherry .

It's hard to get things into perspective when you have to deal with things alone day in day out.

Try and take a step back- think it's just wet clothes- that's all. It's bloody annoying but I'm not going to react.

When we overreact to stuff I think it can be due to stressed I just thought maybe a trip to the GPs for a chat might help you?

And yeah, you are definitely, undoubtedly, doing the best thing by getting it all out on here.

Slightly different but DD is going through a phase of being stressed about needing the toilet - although she actually doesn't but was always asking whether there were toilets wherever we were going and then asking to go every ten mins just in case.

Spoke to school nurse who suggested I bought her some tena lady to put in her knickers as a peace of mind thing - maybe this would help in terms of not soaking her clothes and mininising the mess that you have to deal with? This then lessens the impact of her wetting as she just then has to change the pad maybe?