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Potty training

Is your child ready for potty training at nursery? Here's the place for all your toilet training questions.

Original poster

What punishments should I use, I just have no idea now

52 replies

TriplePachyderm · 27/08/2010 17:36

dd2 is still wet
tests cqame back to say no infection

she was dry a while back the day that my mate said he'd give her a quid to stay dry

then the next coupe of days shes wet and I asked why she was dry when she was offered a pound for being dry but not now and she said well thats cause you said you would give me a pound

she doesn'[t seem to care

I dont know what punishments to use

help me
she does not need anymore reason to be teased at school

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Original poster
TriplePachyderm · 27/08/2010 17:37

pleeeeease

OP posts:
YunoYurbubson · 27/08/2010 17:39

How old is she?

I doubt that punishment is the way to go.

sorrento56 · 27/08/2010 17:41

How old is she?

Punishments linked to potty training is wrong imho.

Ladymuck · 27/08/2010 17:42

How old is she?

It sounds as if she would respond to bribes, which is usually the way to start with toddlers, but if she is at school then presumably we're not at toddler stage?

Original poster
TriplePachyderm · 27/08/2010 18:53

she is 5 and a half

she has never been dry

she says it cause she doesn't want to stop what she is doing

we tried a reward chart, we tried ignoring

what else can I do

honestly she doesn't need anything else that people can tease her about
I'm really worried

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onimolap · 27/08/2010 19:02

I doubt punishment would work at any age.

Is it wetting, or wetting and soiling?

Presumably she's going in to Yr1 (or equivalent). Did she go to reception, and was she wetting in school?

I may have read this all wrong, but has she had any other issues with school?

elliemental · 27/08/2010 19:14

i think you need to be consistent about whatever approach and try for a long time.

is there any medical problem? Or is it psychological (stress can cause this)
or has she been diagniosed with anything like Oppositional Defiance disorder?

If no to the above, Could this be attention seeking?

Do you lose your temper with her when she wets herself?
I'd suggest not acknowledging it, just silently handing her dry pants and telling her to go up and sort herself out.

Combine this with a reward to aim for at the end of the day/week/whatever.

This could be staying up a bit later, getting a storytime just with you/stickers - doesn;t have to be money. Or give points(Pasta) which can be collected for some treat?

I don't wish to upset you, but did she do this before last year?

elliemental · 27/08/2010 19:15

I think punsihment is not going to work, and may compound her defiance to be honest.

Original poster
TriplePachyderm · 27/08/2010 19:43

there is nothing wrong with her apart form the myriad of things that comes with losing her dad

its not soiling aswell

she didn't do it at preschool
she has been to school two days now and hasn't done it at school just at home

I do get angry now, Im' at the end of my tether

before I just asked her to change, try the loo and put her wet stuff in the wash

for about a year.... nothing

gecko has copied her twice now and she has been dry day and night for 19 months now.

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Original poster
TriplePachyderm · 27/08/2010 20:05

please spell it out for me
i dont know what to do

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KickButtowski · 27/08/2010 20:15

Well, I would suggest that you try the bribes again, and make it really obvious and visible that she will benefit:

Glass jar in her bedroom, each day she stays dry you put in a counter / piece of dried pasta / whatever ...... each day she has an accident then you remove one. When the jar is full she gets a big present / day out / whatever.

And start her off with a few counters in there because you trust her and know she is going to do this etc.

And as much as is humanly possible try not to react in anyway to the accidents if she persists.

onimolap · 27/08/2010 20:29

I was pretty useless at training mine, and DS2 was still having frequent accidents at this age.

Firstly - it will all be ok one day.

Secondly - bribes might work. You can dress this up as a rewards system, but do think of something that you're happy to keep affording long term (as this could take some weeks). And do be consistent.

Thirdly - teach her to wash, change into dry pants and put all wet clothes into the laundry basket herself. You'll still be feeding the machine far too often, but it might not feel as if you're endlessly clearing up.

Fourthly - ignore it as much as you can. Sounds like a tall order (and I can remember absolutely despairing somedays). But she really will grow out of it.

If she starts wetting at school, then you will need to co-ordinate a daytime approach with her teachers; and if it really is intractable then ask your GP fir a referral to an enuresis clinic.

Good luck

Original poster
TriplePachyderm · 28/08/2010 10:03

shes only been up two hours, wet already

didn't even bother telling me till I asled

I'm going to rip my fucking hair out

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Scootergrrrl · 28/08/2010 10:09

Does she understand it will make her very sore and uncomfortable to sit around in wet pants? Are you up to using the toddler approach of just removing the wet clothes, handing over dry ones and leaving her to get redressed, all in silence?
Or what about asking her straight out if she's doing this because she misses her dad so much? It must be so hard for all of you especially around this 12 month anniversary (I'm right in thinking its around that time aren't I ?)
What happens when she's not with you? Sorry for all the questions but am really trying to think how to help!

Original poster
TriplePachyderm · 28/08/2010 10:12

she disn't wet at preschool, five morning a weks

its benn forever and haven't seen any difference(doing it more ) since her dad died

I'm going to sort out a pasta jar but I just dont think it will work

she has to change her clothes try the toilet, out the wet stuff in the wash and sit on the stairs at the mo

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Original poster
TriplePachyderm · 28/08/2010 10:16

white hot rage making me unable to type

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Scootergrrrl · 28/08/2010 10:18

Presumably she doesn't wet at preschool because she is aware of what they would think? Maybe get the teachers there involved marking the days she can stay dry at home so if she can go in after a dry weekend or evening, she can go with her favourite teacher and put a star on a little secret chart somewhere no one else can see? What is she like at night?

pointydog · 28/08/2010 10:21

Seems as though she's doing it for attention and it has now become a routine.

i don't think punishment will work as it equates with getting attention from you.

I'd calmly talk through the cleaning up routine with her (get her to change, put wet clothes in a poly bag then in the laundry basket, she doesn't need to tell you about it) and ignore it.

Original poster
TriplePachyderm · 28/08/2010 10:23

she has just sarted school on thursday

she is in a primary two composite class

I could ask I guess but I dont think they will be too chuffed with that as she should be dry by now shouldn't she

I will ask, I'm just so fucking angry about it
and see no clear way to move forward

she just doesn'y care

when I started putting her on the stairs aswell as asking her change and try the loo
she said but mum why have you changed it I didn't mind getting changed and trying to toilet but I dont like sitting on the stairs

as in she would just wet herself cuase she dodn;t mind changing!!!!!

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Original poster
TriplePachyderm · 28/08/2010 10:24

she woulnd't change unless I told her to

she will just stay in wet trousers, repeatedly wetting them till bedtime

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rainbowinthesky · 28/08/2010 10:24

I know it is making you very angry but there is a reason for a child this age to be doing this and you need to get to the bottom of this rather than punishing the symptom.

Scootergrrrl · 28/08/2010 10:28

I'm sure school will just want to help, especially if they know about her dad, and its not as if they are having to deal with any wetting, is it? Or maybe you could tell DD that you are going to speak to her teachers if this carries on and see what she makes of that?? It normally works as a sanction in our house!

trockodile · 28/08/2010 10:28

I know it is hard but please try to come at it from another point of view. No child wants to be wet and punishing is not the answer. My son has had times in the past of wetting after being dry for a while (usually when DH (army) is away) and I stayed resolutely positive, reassured him that everyone has accidents and the grown up way is to deal with it and he must always tell me. We then discussed trying to think ahead, to go to the loo before going out to play or watch a movie etc. some children just don't have such a good warning system, they are rarely doing it on purpose.

You have all had a huge amount happening in the last while, it would be odd not to have problems. You will get through it (my sister lost her husband 3 years ago this week in an accident. They are still struggling but getting there slowly.) Please just try to think of it as a problem for you and your dd to solve together not something she is doing to annoy you.

Original poster
TriplePachyderm · 28/08/2010 10:28

ok so its her dad
how do I sort that

or its cause I'm shit
I'm trying to sort that

it aint changing anything

they still dont listen
she still wets

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pointydog · 28/08/2010 10:28

Are you able to offer her some positive attention? You could say that if you didn't have all this extra washing to do, you could start a dvd day with your daughter (or whatever you like). So, one day or evening a week you rent a dvd and watch it together.

Or, if you didn't have all that washing to do, you'd have time to show her how to help you make tea one evening.

Something that's manageable and reasonably enjoyable for you.