When does it get better? Forceps, episiotomy & third degree tear

[CSmumtobe]

I had my baby a month ago. It was a forceps delivery and I had an episiotomy and third degree tear. I’m still taking paracetamol/ibroprofen 4 times a day to keep pain under control. I can’t really sit unless I am on lots of pillows on my side, and even so I can’t do it for long. When I stand/walk I still have a very heavy feeling between my legs, kinda of like there is a ball up in there.
My husband is back at work and I’ve had to ask my mum to come and stay to help me because I don’t feel capable of taking care of my baby and myself all on my own as I’m still in so much discomfort, but it’s causing issues in my relationship with my husband as he understands I’m not ok but finds it too much to have my mum around all the time.
I went to the GP a week ago, she specialises in women’s health and she examined me (outside and inside my vagina and anus) and said everything looks fine and is healing well, told me to do Kegel exercises 20-30 times a day and that the heavy feeling should feel a lot better in a couple of weeks.
I guess I just wanted to hear from other people in the same boat how long it took you to feel better? Feel like I can’t do anything or leave the house other than to walk around the block. When did the pain go? When were you able to sit down more normally? When did the heavy feeling go?
Thank you in advance.

I’m so sorry you’re struggling. I had pretty much identical birth experience when I had m my daughter last year, with the addition of a second tear upwards (the joys of childbirth) but I have to admit I’m not sure I have any advice for you because I’m really surprised that you are still suffering so much a month on, I’m glad you’ve been checked but it may be worth getting a second opinion just to make sure everything is okay?

I’m not sure if maybe I was just lucky but I would say after the first 2/3 days I didn’t need any pain relief for my episiotomy or either of my tears. Not that I felt back to normal after 3 days of course but certainly I wouldn’t say it was painful (and I am rubbish with pain so this isn’t me being brave, I really just didn’t have any pain after this point), I’d say days 3-10 I still did feel bruised and a bit uncomfortable but I was able to sit and lie down comfortably, I was up and out the house every day after the 3rd day and didn’t feel like that was painful or worrying, I was taking care of baby etc. After day 10 I would say I was pretty much fully back to normal, I was still bleeding and obviously my body was healing but I didn’t really have any pain after that point and sitting/walking etc was no issue. I do remember feeling that heavy feel you’re talking about but I only remember really feeling that when I was in the hospital sort of in the immediate day or two after birth, I don’t remember it lasting any longer than that.

I did then get some discomfort from the tears & episiotomy scar when we started being intimate again but other than that it’s never really caused me any bother. I’m really sorry you’re having such a tough time, can you contact the hospital you gave birth at and ask to be checked there as you have concerns?

I had a very similar birth experience and was on constant painkillers for a month afterwards. It seemed to get better after that and could wean myself off painkillers so hopefully you should start to feel better soon.

My username says it all.

You perhaps need an internal scan to check if you're healing okay and to understand what's going on. I had a 2nd degree tear and it was really sore for I'd say 7 days or so. A friend had to return for a scan for what she'd been told was a 2nd degree tear but a scan showed it was in fact a 3rd, and she needed physio and was given something to insert to help get the strength back using exercises. Definitely go back, either via GP or health visitor? You shouldn't still be suffering this much. Poor you, sending get well wishes and hope you feel better soon 💐

I broke my toe at 7 weeks, and had been lots better for a short period before that.

If it’s in your budget, can highly recommend specialist women’s health physio assessment. Was game changing for me in quality of life.

For the discomfort, try lying on your back with you bum against the wall and legs up it and deep breathing. Can bring a lot of relief as it relieves the pressure. Bed is a good place for it.

Also, consider whether you’re anaemic. That makes everything worse.

Definitely, definitely don’t get constipated. Any hint that direction, get on laxido.

I’m sorry you had such a rough time. My first birth was very similar. I can’t remember now how long I was on painkillers for - I think I was mostly off them by one month. However, I had the heavy feeling for a loooong time afterwards. It did slowly improve, so I could walk further and further without it happening. But it was probably pretty much a year before it stopped. I say this not to worry you but to give you hope that things can improve even quite a way down the line.

i had a forceps delivery 22 and a half years ago and my best advice is to see a women’s health physio if you can afford it. Prioritise it even if it’s a struggle.

I didn’t do that and regret it so much.

I’d say you’d benefit from a course of antibiotics

I was just like you - a BM felt like I was passing glass - utter agony

I won’t go into depth except to say I still have issues and the medical community are no help at all

I can barely walk more than 30 mins!

I had forceps and episiotomy and I had painkillers for a few days, then discomfort for a couple of weeks. My episiotomy split open a bit but not enough to get restitched.
I would say that don't let anyone tell you to be in continuous pain where you are struggling to care for your child is normal. Keep going back to the GP if it's not feeling better.
A colleague's daughter had to have her episiotomy redone at 10w because it wasn't right and no one took her seriously. I would also try see a private women's physio if you can

Poor you, this sounds awful.

I had forceps, episiotomy and second degree tear, felt much improved by 6 weeks and not so different to usual down there by about 8 weeks.

I'd recommend pelvic floor physio too for the feeling of heaviness and just generally for your recovery. This is standard in France for example. Could you still be referred/self refer to postnatal physio? Highly recommend private women's health physio if not/in addition

Really hope you feel better soon

No direct advice per se. I had second degree tears and stitching with my first. The pain from that got better after 2 weeks but it was quite unpleasant until then. With my second I had a prolapse, and awful heavy feeling and that took a few months and some physio to get itself sorted more or less. Your experience sounds much worse so I expect is taking longer to heal.

Perhaps go back to the Dr, another one maybe, for a second opinion. They ought to be able to give you a better idea of expected healing time.

Hope that you are feeling much better soon.

After my first birth I had a similar experience and couldn't walk or sit comfortably for 6 weeks. Took a couple courses antibiotics as an infection was delaying the healing and once I was taking the right antibiotic things got much better...
Definitely keep talking to GP as you don't start healing properly until all infections are cleared up.
I had a little repair done surgically after 8 months as it had healed a bit "tight"
.. that was a straightforward recovery, not infections and was sooo much easier.
Good luck!

After my forceps delivery I was on naproxyn for approx 6 weeks. Couldn't sit, had to lie on my side for the first weeks. Walking any significant distance would be very painful for 6 weeks or so. Pleased to say it all resolved, probably still felt it when sitting on a hard surface around 6 months but it had all but gone by then. Was gently sexually active again around 8 weeks with no issues.

I’m so sorry you’re going through this - I had an almost identical birth in January (3b tear)
Please know that a third degree tear is a lot more serious than a second so I’m not surprised you’re feeling this way because I couldn’t sit for longer than 30 minutes until 8 to 10 weeks pp.
I got recurrent infections from about that time and had to have 4 courses of antibiotics so if you’re still in lots of pain at around 2 or 3 months get swabbed.
I’m 4 months pp things are a lot better. That heaviness has improved and I can sit without pain - hallelujah.
it was at least 10 weeks before I could walk longer than half an hour without pain.
I still get some internal pain now after longer walks (I’m not doing high impact yet) and I’m still careful doing BMs (laxido helps - don’t bother with lactose it’s shit).
I know the misery of feeding when you just can’t get comfy and of just feeling so injured down there … it’s horrid … but it has and will improve. I’m not issue free but I’m doing my kegels and will prob invest in pelvic floor physio around 6 months.
feel free to message me if you like.
wishing you the best xxx

@FFOXGLOVE this makes me feel a bit better, like my healing is not ‘behind’ - thank you. How did you know you had infections? Also did you have the heavy feeling too or just pain?

@Dinosaurus86 thank you appreciate your reply. When would you say you could go about your day reasonably normalish though in regards to the heavy feeling do you remember? And what did you do to make the heavy feeling get better/go away please? The GP told me to do kegels 20-30 times a day, and I have been referred to a specialist perineal clinic to be assessed by a physio and doc when I am over 12 weeks postpartum. Just wondering if there’s something else I should be doing!
Also did you find out what the heavy feeling was? Terrified it’s some sort of prolapse but doctor didn’t mention that. Sorry for all the questions.

I had the ventouse and a 2nd degree tear and I remember it took about 4 months to feel “normal”.
I couldn’t sit/walk comfortably until then really.
I didn’t enjoy sex until around 9 months after baby was born.
I’m 31 weeks pregnant now and absolutely dreading labour again.
Good luck in your healing OP 💛

I think it took about 6-8 weeks for me to feel better after natural breech birth they threw the whole kitchen sink at. Even years later I still get occasional pain / heaviness along the scar.

I agree Womens physio definitely helps. I’d give it another couple of weeks and book in if no improvement.

I lived from one pain killer to the next for 6 weeks after my first baby was born. I didn’t want to know how many stitches in case it made me feel worse ( this was from bad tearing). Apparently it was like doing patchwork according to the doctor who fixed me. But… it did heal well and left no long term issues. And birth number 2 was fine.
sending good wishes for quick healing.

Hi OP sorry you went through this its a tough time along with caring for a newborn 💐

I had the same and it took a good couple of months to feel better with it and its still very early days for you I was advised to lie on my side on the bed with nothing on to get air to it to aid healing for a period every day, I took regular pain relief and I also used a spray called 'spritz for bits' made by a midwife available on amazon to promote healing and you can get like a Sanitary towel to put in freezer and put in pants

I was also referred to a woman's health physio (ask your GP to refer you) which really helped me especially as I was suffering with incontinence both ways and they are experts in it and really was a game changer. The physio found I also had a prolapsed bladder and they gave me advice and exercises for I was also then referred to colorectal consultant who I saw about maybe having surgery but because of having the physio my symptoms were controlled

I also went back to GP early on as mine was so painful and turned out I had an infection so definitely go back again if still doesn't feel right and get stronger pain relief if needed. It's a big thing to recover from and it takes time definitely took a long time to recover but I went on to have a second (they are 2 yr age gap) and was advised to have a C section by consultant to avoid further tearing (also because mine affected my rectum)

It's a really big thing to recover from I'm glad your mum is helping you and your husband needs to understand what you are going through and you will need time, wishing you a speedy recovery and congratulations on your baby

@Pinkychilla thank you so much, that’s really helpful. I’m glad you were ok and went on the have a second thats lovely.
Husband does understand really but think we’re all just getting frustrated.
How many weeks were you when you saw the physio? I’m in the UK and they booked me an appointment in what they call the perineal clinic with a physio and doc for 4 July which is after the 12 weeks pp. GP did refer me to physio when I went there last week but then they called me from the clinic and said the physio wouldn’t want to see me before that appointment as they want to make sure it’s all healed and examine it then.
I don’t think I have incontinence (just perhaps with gas?) but I can’t feel that I need a wee properly/as before, can only tell when I stand up and I get this further feeling of pressure but no normal feeling of needing to go which is strange. Need to keep reminding myself to get up and check.

I think it was 16 weeks before I could feel vaguely normal. Just massive internal bruising and healing took a long time. Walking more than to the end of the street was really hard and sitting to feed required a lot of pillows.

I'm sorry, it's shit. It does get better but it takes time and the nerve endings all need to regrow so sensation takes ages to return. Same as a CS section scar, it feels odd for ages.

It's great that your mum can support you, your husband will either have to step up or deal with it. I would manage his expectations that it's going to be September before you will be able to sit, pee and do some level of normal activity so your mum is going to be a regular visitor for the foreseeable unless you can both figure out how he can do a lot more

Sex might be even longer.

I did focus on diet and nutrition. There's a strong link with some foods and healing/collagen repair etc. It's also coming into summer so fresh fruit, green veg and light protein meals gets easier. If you treat your nutrition as part of your recovery it will also help motivate you away from the carbs that look oh so attractive when you've had next to no sleep !

Do keep hassling the medics if you don't feel right. I ended up with 2 Fenton's procedures afterwards to correct where I had been incorrectly sewn up after a double episiotomy.

Looking back, I guess I was in a normal-ish routine by about 3-4 months pp - but still working around some discomfort. I remember feeling really envious of other mums with tiny babies power walking with them in a sling. I did eventually get DS into a sling but never managed to walk very far with him as he was too big by the time I could manage it!

For me, iirc, the heaviness suddenly got a lot better once my period started again (around 10/11 months pp), so perhaps there was a hormonal element too. I was just told to do pelvic floor exercises etc and was apparently healing fine at follow-up scan etc. I do still get the odd twinge but am mostly ok now - with my younger daughter I chose to have a c section!

Julie Baird (ourfitfamilylife) on insta and her programme are amazing - pelvic floor and core exercises by breathing rather than clenching which is more gentle and more effective.

LaurenOhayon is also great, quite woo but sometimes you need a bit of woo to help you get on your way with releasing tension in pelvic floor after the physical (and mental) of what we’ve prob all on this thread been through. Meditation (yes yes I know, like you have time for that). It all ties in with the breathing and the ability of the pelvic floor to stay quite tense - normal kegels don’t necessarily tie in with releasing that (all ties in with things like The Body Keeps the Score)

Lastly I was going to recommend the consultant who was amazing to me and revised my crap episiotomy but I can see she is currently under investigation by the BMA, so that’s no good!

If It helps you, UCLH wouldn’t do my revision surgery for six months to allow for complete healing. You could probably do thw first couple of weeks of Julie Baird’s better body after baby programme as it’s really focussed on connecting with your core and floor, but please please take it easy, I know it feels so hard and you want to ‘bounce back’ but take it super super slow and easy. And no running!

I think what’s harder post babies is realising that you are on a personal journey and compare yourself only with yourself last week/last month and not with anyone super lucky who had an uncomplicated birth and is now out climbing mountains or similar.