When does it get better? Forceps, episiotomy & third degree tear

[CSmumtobe]

I had my baby a month ago. It was a forceps delivery and I had an episiotomy and third degree tear. I’m still taking paracetamol/ibroprofen 4 times a day to keep pain under control. I can’t really sit unless I am on lots of pillows on my side, and even so I can’t do it for long. When I stand/walk I still have a very heavy feeling between my legs, kinda of like there is a ball up in there.
My husband is back at work and I’ve had to ask my mum to come and stay to help me because I don’t feel capable of taking care of my baby and myself all on my own as I’m still in so much discomfort, but it’s causing issues in my relationship with my husband as he understands I’m not ok but finds it too much to have my mum around all the time.
I went to the GP a week ago, she specialises in women’s health and she examined me (outside and inside my vagina and anus) and said everything looks fine and is healing well, told me to do Kegel exercises 20-30 times a day and that the heavy feeling should feel a lot better in a couple of weeks.
I guess I just wanted to hear from other people in the same boat how long it took you to feel better? Feel like I can’t do anything or leave the house other than to walk around the block. When did the pain go? When were you able to sit down more normally? When did the heavy feeling go?
Thank you in advance.

Simple Pilates move that should not damage you is simply lying on your back with your knees bent and gently doing pelvic tilts. With your feet on the seat of a chair if that’s more comfy.

Stay strong, you are in the thick of it, it is all so hard esp if this is a first baby. At six weeks the baby stuff will start to seem more manageable (a friend memorably described it as being in a tunnel then coming out) then by three months you should feel much better. Are you breastfeeding? I was a committed breast feeder but feedback from consultant/registrar was that it did slow vaginal ‘snap back’ a bit (though great foe uterus) - to do with hormones.

@TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams thank you for replying that’s really helpful.
I just wanted to say that my husband does all he can, but he is at work from 6am-6pm and drives for a living so I will not allow him to be up in the night and risk an accident. It’s also driving me up the walls having someone else staying all the time to be fair as helpful as it is so I understand how he feels.
16 weeks would be start of Aug for me which somehow makes me feel a bit better as I read September and could have cried ha.
Did you have just pain or the heavy feeling too?

Right, didn't want to read and run - I had a forceps birth with episiotomy about 6 months ago, and really struggled (to the extent that I was unable to have sex) for the first 3 months. For the first few weeks I was barely able to walk any distance at all, and it turned out that I'd been battling away with quite a severe infection in the wound. If you're still struggling, I would recommend going to your GP and insisting they do a swab of the episiotomy/tear site, as this was what I had to do in order to be prescribed the correct antibiotics. But yes, episiotomies are not talked about enough in terms of how debilitating they can be. (Apologies if someone else has already suggested this - I'm terrible for skim reading!)

@Dinosaurus86 thank you again for replying that’s really helpful.
Were you breastfeeding? I’ve given up so maybe will get my period sooner and that’ll help.
I know what you mean, I’m so jealous when I see people walking around with their baby and I’m still stuck in the house with her struggling to do anything 😔
At 3-4 months was the heaviness bareable then you mean? Did it slowly just get better up to 10 months and then it was suddenly better? Just trying to work out how it may feel/progress - at the moment it feels like all my insides will fall out 😅

@ThatGumYouLike thank you for replying. Were you struggling to walk due to pain or did you also have that heavy feeling I was talking about?
Did you have any symptoms of this infection?
thanks again!

@Exitpursuedbygeese thank you for replying I may try that movement for strengthening muscles once I feel a bit better I’m not sure I could handle it at the moment.
Im not breastfeeding I pumped a bit but gave up so have been slowing decreasing how much I get out to dry it off slowly and am hoping to be done in the next day or two so who knows fulling stopping may help.
Makes me feel hopeful what you said though so thank you.

Oh lovely this was me 16 months ago. I must admit I was never in too much pain generally but really do relate to the feeling of heaviness and that something is going to fall out! Get yourself seen by a private physio at 8 weeks if you have the means. My experience of the perineal clinic / nhs physio wasn’t the best. Heaviness can be a symptom of prolapse so I really do recommend you see a women’s health physio, if you’re in the north west I can recommend a fab one. My heaviness feeling did subside around 4 weeks pp but I was careful not to do too much too soon. Take care xxx

Yes, it was mainly due to pain to be honest, but along with that there was a generally heavy feeling similar to what you described. However, that could easily have been normal after effects combined with the infection, so please don't worry! I would say the pain was the only symptom, maybe a little bit of discharge (sorry TMI!!)

Yes I’d say it slowly improved, in that I could walk gradually longer distances before it felt too much. And then I had a sudden jump in improvement when my period returned (I was breastfeeding, yes), which may have been coincidental or not!

I didn’t have as much damage as you and I still took at least 3 months to feel healed.
Your DH needs to deal with his issues with your mum. It’s not going to be for ever.

I have episiotomy and 2nd degree cut, but I agree with others that it’s surprising you are still in so much pain. I was in agony without painkillers for the first week, but by the end of the second week was much better. I would expect that after a month to feel much better than you are, that must be so tough! Agree about going back and getting a second opinion for sure!

I had terrible pain post a similar birth and it turned out to be an undiagnosed UTI from the catheter, which didn’t have other typical UTI symptoms. I must have had it for over a month before I clocked. Can you ask the GP to dip your urine just in case? Mine also prescribed me naproxen to manage the pain which helped a lot more than paracetomal and ibuprofen.

@Mellous thank you for replying. I actually think the pain is better today but that heavy feeling is still there. It’s weird as I didn’t have it to start with, but either I was too numb and swollen to feel it or I overdid it at some point and made it worse not sure.
I’m happy to pay for a private physio (unfortunately I live in the south west) but nhs told me a physio wouldn’t look to examine me before the 12 weeks so it’s all healed, so I’m just worried I shouldn’t get someone else to check before then in case it does it any damage - excuse the ignorance but what did the private physio actually do when you went there? And did you turn out to have a prolapse of any sorts?
Thank you xx

@Smartiepants79 thank you. It’s not just him, it drives me insane too to need the extra help to be honest.

I’m glad the pain is feeling better today! Have a look for mummy mot in your area. You can go 6-8 weeks pp for one privately. My nhs appointment also wasn’t until around 3 months pp but I needed to be seen sooner so I knew exactly what was going on down there. A private physio will do a full examination, assess your pelvic floor muscles and give you exercises to do. They will assess for prolapse or any other pelvic floor muscle injuries.

ive recovered really well on the whole. I do have a very mild prolapse (stage one) which my physio says isn’t really classed as prolapse, but normal movement of the front wall and to be expected in a 36 year old who has had two babies (my first was c section - oh how I wished I’d had another cs!). My pelvic floor strength is great and I really have no issues. I still struggle mentally as I found the whole thing traumatic and upsetting but I’m getting there and you will too xx

DD is 12.5 now so I'll be honest and say that thankfully it is somewhat lost in the mists of time. The simplest way to explain it is that my insides just felt massively swollen and sore. Beaten up with a baseball bat levels. Pain on exercise like a basic walk of more than half a mile with a pram.

There's another way to look at it in that your newborn child has a lovely opportunity to also bond with your mother and for her to regain the parenting skills that we all get rusty on when we are not regularly changing and burping a small baby. That sort of relationship will be a gift should you need medical treatment, when you go back to work, should you want a night away. So while you might not feel remotely up to it, there is an opportunity to go out for a drink or a meal with your husband and also give your mum an empty house to watch what she likes on the TV for a bit.

@TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams thank you for replying again, appreciate it. Gives me hope that you sort of forgot about it a bit, that’s a good sign.
Oh mentally I feel more than up for going out, but I can barely sit down unless propped on lots of cushions which means sitting in a restaurant or a car to get to it would have me in tears. Just have to have patience I suppose.
thanks again for all your replies. x

Hey, I’ve got a thread about my horrendous tear if you care for some light reading 😩🙈 I couldn’t sit for literal months , I really recommend something called a ‘valley cushion’ had to pay for it myself but really worth it to be able to actually sit down.
I was in so much pain for months! My husband had to be off for 12 weeks with me as I could barely look after myself let alone my son! Honestly keep your mum at yours as long as you can, your husband needs to understand how much pain you are in & how it is to sustain a severe tear. If you want to about anything please msg me 😊 xx

Hi all. Pain and heavy feeling was getting better, I was told at my 6 week check up that it was all healing well. At 7 weeks I shuffled on the sofa and felt a sharp pain, and it’s been hurting in that place ever since. GP felt it and said it was a small fissure of half a cm adjacent to my tear. She spoke with an obstetrician on the phone and told me to take codeine and wait for my 12 week appointment at the perennial clinic as they wouldn't restitch and wouldn’t do anything else until then. I’ve upped my paracetamol and ibroprofen again but don’t want to take codeine as it constipates me.
It’s been two weeks since this happened and sometimes it feels better sometimes it feels like I catch it a bit when I move and it hurts the same again.
I spoke with a friend who is doctor abroad and she said it could be a crease from the scar tissue and not a fissure but obviously she didn’t feel it so that’s worth what it’s worth.
Has anything like this happened to anyone? Did the fissure heal on its own?