Butchered episiotomy

[Mumofonexo]

Hi all, I’m over a year postpartum I had a forceps delivery, episiotomy and third degree tear. I can’t find any real life pictures of what an episiotomy looks like when healed only diagrams. I don’t think mine was done correctly hence why I tore so badly. Can someone please take a look and tell me if you think it’s been botched? No doctor will admit fault.

Apart from one lovely person.. I just wanted to say thank you to everyone else for being kind and understanding. You only get one body and something that might not affect you will affect someone else. Just a reminder to be kind you don’t know what someone else is going through x

Looking ahead - when you hit perimenopause you may find the scar starts being painful or opening again slightly. You want to keep on top of this so ask for local oestrogen cream at the first hint and keep using it.

Oooh thank you for the tip 🩷
my gp was really kind and actually advised I start hrt when the time comes because of the tear but I will definitely ask for the cream if needed too x

Oh I see, it's supposed to be at a 45 degree angle or something isn't it. I hope your meeting is helpful and you get some answers.

Yeah I’ve added a better picture mine went in a c shape? And doesn’t seem to look like it was done correctly. If it wasn’t done correctly it does make me angry that the forceps delivery wasn’t carried out properly and I might not have torn so severely. I know it’s all ifs and buts but it has affected so much of my life now. Thank you 🩷 I just hope they take it seriously x

Hi OP nothing really to add but wanted to say you’re not alone.

I know there’s a sort of unwritten rule that mums should just accept these things and be grateful for our babies but I’ve really struggled to accept how different things look and feel after my episiotomy. Mine took ages and ages to heal and is still tender at times and aesthetics wise I also feel disfigured and have lost a lot of confidence. I am waiting to see someone about the scarring but if I’m honest I think the biggest issue in my case is the mental impact of a difficult birth and recovery.

So you have my sympathy and I really hope your upcoming appointments are helpful.

Hey lovely I’m so sorry you are having a tough time too! Yes that’s exactly how i feel! it’s really knocked my confidence. I worry if me and my husband split up who would want me now as I feel deformed. I know as a society people are very judgmental and I feel like I’m damaged goods now.
yes we are mums but we are still a person with feelings 🩷

sending you a massive hug! Completely get how you feel x

I feel too traumatised to have another baby.
I am so sorry for what you are going through. If you would really like another baby insist on a c section.

Because I was treated so badly by the staff it’s made me not trust anyone now 🥺 even with having a c section I worry about someone messing it up. One doctor said he would cut my bladder if I had a c section. It’s awful how a lack of communication and not caring just changes everything x

I'm a bit confused by a lot of the replies here as I had a forceps delivery, 3b tear and episiotomy 20months ago and I can't actually see any of the scaring (I'm going to look tonight now!) but I thought everything would be internal so if you can see it I'd say there's a problem! I am totally back to normal "down there" no problems or differences to pre baby. I had a full check at the 6 months mark back at the hospital to check the 3b tear and advise on future births, did you have that?

I think the problem is from reading some comments is the stitches came undone so it’s left me with more scar tissue? Honestly if you can’t see anything that’s amazing and I’m super jealous! I had a 6 month checkup and not much was mentioned when I asked about the scar tissue I was just told to keep massaging it. Although no scar tissue can be felt internally which is odd?

I think you have to work out what exactly the issue is, is the actual scar painful and making your life hell or is it the look of it or is it when you look at it it reminds you of your traumatic birth?

I have a lot scarring from an accident and so to me it doesn't look bad at all and especially as it doesn't show. Scarring improves greatly with massage but you need to do it for a long time and use a specific scar therapy gel. A year on isn't that long and there is plenty of time for it to heal more and improve.

Sounds like maybe you could do with some counselling to help you move forward.

Hey unfortunately both! It pulls and causes pain and I hate how it looks. But I’m not sure if anything can be done?

Sorry to hear you had an accident.

I've been worried about using different things down there as I don’t want to get thrush.

I agree with you but I’m not sure how to go about counselling x

I think you should see your GP about both counselling and to be referred back for a check up.you might have a long wait so keep up the massage in the meantime. Good luck x

Interesting, I was never told to massage the scar or anything but they did say at my check up it had heeled very well luckily and there was almost no visible join. They said they would be perfectly happy for me to birth vaginally again but reading all these has certainly made me question risking opening it up again. Did you have a birth debrief/birth reflections? I did birth reflections which helped with the mental aspect of my birth.

It’s so wild that we all get different after care. It’s such a postcode lottery. I’m so happy for you honestly you must of had an amazing surgeon. I’ve seen two colorectal surgeons and had an endo anal scan and a c section has been recommended due to the scar tissue. If you can get a scan I’d recommend one and it didn’t hurt 🥰

I'm having a debrief in a few weeks to go through everything as I just need to get all the frustrations off my chest x

I had an endo anal scan at my 6 months check up. I think that was what it was for. It definitely is a postcode lottery and I didn't appreciate at the time how good my surgeon was (the midwife did tell me she was brilliant but at the time I thought she was just trying to put me at ease)

Just need to clarify that whilst I can see you’ve got a scar (which is completely understandable considering) I absolutely don’t think you’re deformed or damaged goods. I just know it can feel that way when your body has changed especially when you’re dealing with birth trauma and other bits.

I warned the nurse doing my smear test about the episiotomy damage and she said she’d not have noticed had I not said. Its helped me accept it’s probably nowhere near as bad as I think it is but on bad days it still feels like a huge deal to me! Just make sure you explore ways to help with managing the scar itself as it’s uncomfortable and your feelings about it.

Honestly you are so sweet and lovely! Thank you 🩷

Bless you 🥺 I totally get that! I always feel like Im apologetic to people that have to look at it. It seems like you had a lovely nurse too!

Im definitely going to get some bio oil on it to see if that helps and ask for counselling as I do want another baby but I’m just so scared about something going wrong with a c section.

I hope you continue to heal and improve x

@NapTrappedAgain
also do you feel like this has affected your relationship? I feel like my husband is now avoiding me 😢 we have only been intimate once in over a year.

Rather than bio oil look for scar therapy gel containing silicone. Loads on Amazon .

Presumably they were trying to get the baby out alive and actually minimise the birth trauma. I doubt it was done for shits and giggles.

That said, you were the patient t and if you wanted an unsafe delivery you should have been allowed to carry on as you were. The baby only becomes a patient once it’s out.

And both coming out of the experience alive is the best minimum you can expect because of procedures like this which help the mother deliver safely.

Yes but if you are going to perform a procedure on someone you should at least explain what your intentions are don’t lie that you won’t cut someone’s genitalia.

If she had explained that forceps carry a risk of severe tears, prolapse and I will need an episiotomy I would have demand the c section as that was the next step if the forceps didn’t work anyway.

A c section is a massive operation and carries lots of issues as well OP.

I have white scar tissue too (also forceps). It hurt for a long long time. Now it just feels rigid and numb.