Day 6 with newborn - can’t stop crying

[dune2003]

My DD was born a week ago and over the past few days I can’t stop crying.

I’m struggling to BF with her not latching and now have mastitis in both breasts. Midwives are encouraging me to persevere but I want to give it up for my own mental health and the wellbeing of my baby, who I fear is not feeding enough from BF. One moment I want to continue, the next I want to quit BF.

I'm recovering from an episiotomy and anaemic from postpartum blood loss which is not helping.

Ive cried about 4 times today, mainly about the guilt of giving up BF so early on and not persevering. I’m considering to speak to a GP about how to dry my milk up while having mastitis and feel like a rubbish person for purposely drying up my baby’s natural food supply.

Because I’m so sad and withdrawn my husband is doing everything for the baby which I feel even more guilty about and worry I’m not bonding with the baby.

is it normal to feel this down and crying 6 days in? Could this be the start of PND?

This is so normal. I am very fortunate to never have experienced much mental distress in my life but the first 10 days or so post baby I honestly felt so overwhelmed and distressed it's hard to describe. In my case by about 2 weeks I felt abit better again and no longer crying everyday. If it does last longer than 2 weeks then do get support for PND.
Re breastfeeding - it depends how important it is to you but I promise it WILL get easier if you can stick at it, it gets easier each week but by 8 weeks it'll probably feel natural (I know right now 8 weeks sounds like forever though). If you can afford it try to get help from a lactation consultant or breastfeeding support group, they will be much more helpful than midwives (in my experience). Really hope you feel better soon, I do remember how this felt but honestly it all gets easier. Just try to take each day at a time or even each hour. Sending love

I promise you it’s normal, I cried so much when I first had my baby and then I’d feel guilty for crying in case she could sense my sadness, which made me cry more! Don’t feel guilty about feeding, yes breastfeeding is great but not at the detriment to your mental health. Do what is best for you and baby - if that means a bottle then so be it. Be gentle with yourself, it will get easier x

Poor love, it is tough! My DS is 7 days old and I too struggle with breastfeeding, I seem to not have enough supply (my midwife thinks the same), plus my son might have tongue tie. It almost sent me over the edge thinking that I don’t provide enough food for my son. What helped me was to start pumping and then feed this to him, plus top up with Formular as necessary. While I’d love to fully breastfeed and I’m still trying to increase my supply, knowing that my boy gets enough food by feeding what I’ve pumped and topping up with Formular makes me more calm and relaxed. Maybe you could try that?

Would finances allow for a home visit from an IBCLC? I think I paid about £150 in London. It totally saved me. They will be either be able to help you get feeding established or to stop if that's what's best for you.

Don't worry about giving up breastfeeding if it's not working for you. You've done amazingly well already and her gut has a good lining now. You don't need to torture yourself to be a good mum. As long as your baby is fed she'll be fine and she will thrive better with a happy, well mother.

The baby blues are absolutely horrific. I can remember just lying on the bed feeling like my world had ended and just wanting to be on my own with my baby instead of having family around. It can honestly feel completely overwhelming and all encompassing.

If it lasts much longer I would speak to your GP, the fact that you are recognising that you feel like this is really positive but it's so important to get help as soon as possible if you carry on feeling like this.

I had PND with my second and once I got help for it I was so much better but it took me a while to realise that was what was happening I thought I was just overwhelmed with having two.

With regards to breastfeeding the most important thing is that your baby is fed and has a mother who is not in agony trying to feed them whilst they are in a lot of pain and absolutely miserable. Please don't worry about stopping breastfeeding. If you did a line up any child or adult you would in no way be able to tell the difference which were breastfed and which were not.

Speak to your DH and family about how you're feeling. You aren't alone and I hope you are feeling better really soon.

Sending big hugs, OP. Day 5 is totally normal for baby blues to hit and its very common to feel sad. I sat and wept on the sofa whilst my DM gave me a big cuddle! Just keep an eye on if it continues past about 10days and then maybe have a chat to GP or HV about PND if you are worried. I've had PND with both my babies and it presented very differently to the weepy baby blues.

If breastfeeding is important to you, I'd strongly recommend getting an IBCLC to come to your house before giving up. They are the absolute experts in breastfeeding - more so than midwives - and are worth the money. You can find one here: https://lcgb.org/find-an-ibclc/

Congrats on your new baby 💐

I cried every day for the first 10 days and I had a much easier time of it than you’re having. It is very normal.
Breastfeeding really does take time but if it’s causing you distress then your baby will be much better off with formula and a mum who has the headspace to bond with them.
Stop being so hard on yourself. You have grown and birthed a whole new human, it’s a pretty big deal and you’re amazing.

I remember on days 5-6 crying and crying over everything. Hilariously (in hindsight) a Samaritans charity collector came to the door which I answered in floods of tears. He couldn’t get away fast enough.

No PND, just very short term baby blues.

obviously keep talking to medical staff, but also eat well and rest as much as you can and hopefully it passes very soon. If not, support for PND exists.

Just wanted to send love and say that feeling like this is totally normal- I found the first two weeks the hardest of my life, to be honest. Mixed in with guilt that I should be happy because my baby was healthy. Don’t underestimate the impact hormones have on your mind at this time!

It will lift. And you’ll look back on this phase and think ‘Jesus, that was tough’ and you’ll see how much of a warrior you are for getting through it.

I'm so sorry you're having such a terrible time. The Day 5/6 hormones were rough for me. This too will pass!

On the breastfeeding: Have you reached out to a specialist lactation consultant? Can you get midwife back to see if there is tongue tie? Presume you've done all the YouTube videos of how to get baby to latch well etc?

I remember this well. On around day six my breasts were in so much pain from breastfeeding and were also engorged. I remember crying inconsolably in the shower while trying to massage them for relief.

I also had supply concerns so we combo fed, I kept going and after about 6-8 weeks DC was mostly breastfed but I always kept an evening bottle so DC dad could feed them too. If you feel you want to stop with the breastfeeding, please just do so, baby will be absolutely fine.

its really tough OP, I was also recovering from forceps birth and infected episiotomy and had never felt worse in my life. Let yourself cry if you feel overwhelmed, let your partner support you and keep an eye on how you are feeling over the next few weeks.

if you can, try getting out of the house for a short walk, just yourself. I found that really helped me in those early days.

Very very normal. It's part exhaustion and part hormone crash. Give in to it, and let everyone help as much as they can.

Yes breastfeeding is great but remember that both baby and you are learning something neither of you have done before. Stop putting pressure on yourself to get it right when you're days in. You'll get there

Oh love honestly in the first few weeks after giving birth my hormones were a MESS. Feeding hurt so much, my life was unrecognisable,was so tired. I felt bleak. I preserved with the feeding mainly because I was too lazy to contemplate the logistics of prepping bottles at all hours, sterilising, carrying the milk out with me etc. For me I liked just having the goods on me and being able to feed the baby. But it took a good 6-8 weeks for us to find a rhythm and that seriously tested my resolve with blocked ducts, mastitis etc. I can totally see why people would opt to ff or combi feed. At the end of the day you have to make the choice which works for you. Fed is best. Don't let the guilts get to you!

Remember theres a midwife/HV team out there if you're struggling with all the emotions. Or maybe look for new parent support groups in your area. Sometimes hearing that it wasn't just me actually seemed to help.

It’s really healthy that you’re seeking advice and help. Maybe a chat with your GP would be helpful.

If you don’t want to continue bf, don’t! I had to stop when I had infected mastitis in both breasts with our second when he was 7 weeks old and was pumping and throwing away pints of blood tainted milk each day. The relief to both of us was enormous. We bonded over bottle feeds (as did dad).

Don't feel guilty of you feel you can't continue to breast feed. I found the first couple of weeks with my daughter truly horrendous, largely because I was adamant I was going to breast feed and was being made to feel guilty by everyone when I suggested that I was going to stop. I had mastitis and my nipples were very badly cracked and I Cohn's feeding absolute torture. Then I looked down one day and saw blood in my daughter's mouth from my nipple, warmed up a bottle for her, never tried to breast feed again, and enjoyed every minute from then on. I think it's really important to do what is going to make you feel most relaxed, and if that means bottle feeding and no more stress, your baby will pick up on that and be much more content.

OP I will echo what everyone else has said about it just being a time for big emotions.

I want to add, giving up on breastfeeding (also about 10 days in...) was the best thing I ever did. I started to enjoy motherhood. It was a huge weight off my shoulders and I never looked back. Only wish I did it sooner.

Oh bless you! IT’S NORMAL.

The start of bf is horrible.

The first couple of weeks can be awful 💐💐💐

Now, I am glad I persevered and bf came good. But it was awful at first. So I’m hesitant to say oh stop, because I really wanted to and I’m glad I gritted my teeth and carried on. But honestly you can do either and it is such a tiny part of what parenting is! I barely remember it all now and they certainly don’t.

I felt completely mad on day 5. Totally and completely mad. I remember wishing I could just run away. I did go and stand outside the house because I couldn't stand being screamed at or feeding from raw nipples any longer.

I gave up breastfeeding on day 11 when we were admitted for failure to thrive. He wasn't getting enough milk and I was a mess with cracked nipples and the beginning of mastitis. It gradually got better after that.

Oh love, do you have a manual or electric breast pump to help ease the pressure when your breasts are engorged? For me that was essential when starting breastfeeding and really reduced the bowling ball boob pain. Plus silver nipple cups if your nipples are painful. Support with getting a good latch will help or there is good information on la leche league website. The emotions are insane after having a baby, the hormonal shift is greater than the menopause and at a more intense speed. You’re amazing, hang on and look after yourself it will get better and you are exactly the mum your baby needs x

It's the hormones and normal to cry. Cry! It's natural. For me and my friends, sister, who all exclusively BF'd, breastfeeding was a long haul exercise. Established by week 6 really, and only then the easiest and cheapest, sustainable thing in the world but a super hard grind with lots of crying to begin with. I was super glad in the end but think of it as a marathon. Because your body or the baby is not a switch you can flick, it's an organic process and prior to having no baby, we're not used to things taking so much time to establish and click into place. I wander if you can take magnesium to help you be more at piece. Magnesium washes out of we are super stressed. I take this but unsure of you can take it when breastfeeding amzn.eu/d/hszFQaN

Ah you poor love. I've never ever been depressed but after having both my babies I cried every day for a while. Soooo many emotions flying around! Took be around 8 weeks both times to feel better. If you can afford a lactation consultant, get one. Also follow Olivia Hinge on Instagram. All the love to you.

I cried a lot during the first week or two with my 2nd baby, I was combination feeding, hormones were all over the place which is normal. My 1st baby I cried for about a year and had PND. Please look after yourself and speak to the health visitor or GP if you feel this way after a few weeks. With regards to the breastfeeding do what is best for you, if that means introducing some formula then go for it.

My first baby I cried every day for a year. Also struggled with breastfeeding and had an infected episiotomy. We were admitted for her failing to thrive on the breast. I foolishly soldiered on for months combined feeding but really I should have just stopped. Some women are more sensitive to all the hormones. When I had my second I just breastfed for a week. I was a lot better mentally. Breastfeeding is lovely when it works but if it doesn’t it can be really damaging to new mums mental health.

Same here for both of mine. As for breastfeeding, it is hard work but its so worth it as it does get better. Have you considered mixed feeding?
I find baby latching really poorly if too hungry and upset, you could give a bit of formula to take the edge of the hunger and try on the breast again?

However, regardless which feeding method, your baby is very loved by you. I know that guilt but remember to not be so hard on yourself x

I remember this quote i read somewhere - something along the lines that in class, a teacher will not be able to tell who was formula or breastfed but the one who was loved.