Day 6 with newborn - can’t stop crying

[dune2003]

My DD was born a week ago and over the past few days I can’t stop crying.

I’m struggling to BF with her not latching and now have mastitis in both breasts. Midwives are encouraging me to persevere but I want to give it up for my own mental health and the wellbeing of my baby, who I fear is not feeding enough from BF. One moment I want to continue, the next I want to quit BF.

I'm recovering from an episiotomy and anaemic from postpartum blood loss which is not helping.

Ive cried about 4 times today, mainly about the guilt of giving up BF so early on and not persevering. I’m considering to speak to a GP about how to dry my milk up while having mastitis and feel like a rubbish person for purposely drying up my baby’s natural food supply.

Because I’m so sad and withdrawn my husband is doing everything for the baby which I feel even more guilty about and worry I’m not bonding with the baby.

is it normal to feel this down and crying 6 days in? Could this be the start of PND?

Totally this. You are a GOOD mother making sure your kid is fed and healthy. And you can have support too. You don’t need to do it all yourself especially as you have had a difficult birth.

I was you.
The second I switched to bottle feeding life improved.
The only thing I wrote on my birth plan with no 2 was that I was not breastfeeding.

"I've cried about 4 times today, mainly about the guilt of giving up BF so early on and not persevering." You should NEVER feel any guilt for this! There are millions of children, who were never breastfed and they are happy and flourishing.My niece( now 25), was formula fed- healthy with a great job. So just stop this self-blaming and do what is more suitable for you!

I've just had my 3rd and she's 3 weeks now. It's so normal to feel like this. Have you got antibiotics for the mastitis? That alone can make you feel awful without the recovery from labour. I thought I would be a pro at breast feeding 3rd time round but up until 2 weeks it's been awful and I've had sore bleeding nipples and so engorged. My friend recommended cabbage leaves and they were surprisingly soothing! My baby had an awful latch and I watched a load of you tube videos on different positions which really helped if you do want to continue. For the mastitis (whether you want to continue breast feeding or not) try holding a shower on or a warm bath and massaging and expressing a little. It's helped me before and just alleviates the pressure a bit.

Recovering from labour and episiotomy try epsom salts and lavender and tea tree oil in the bath and a peri bottle with warm water and tea tree when you wee. I also found it really good to soak gauze in witch hazel and pop on top of a pad (I've had 2nd degree tears every time)

It does get better but keep talking about how you're feeling. Good luck x

Oh OP hang in there it will get better but it's so so hard t the beginning it's just about survival most days.
Your doing amazing with trying to BF in the first place so do not best yourself up for exploring other options. I will say this with BF it is tough in first week or so but it does get easier and you will find it easier as time goes on. But only you know how much you can endure so don't feel guilty if you need to re consider. Have you considered expressing/ pumping your milk then bottle feeding baby along side trying to BF occasionally to keep baby's latch up. Or express fully. Consider these options before formula.
Your tired, yours body's battered inside and out and this is when your at your most vulnerable so be kind to yourself. Let dh help as much as he can and take all offers of help from whoever asks. Reach out for food rota ,you need to eat well to feel well. Look into support from your local hv team ( they have avenues they don't advertise enough often so ask!) Seek local support through gp, local groups, etc. All the best OP just remember your one amazing mum for caring this much and your are doing your best thats all that matters here ❤️

Buy a breast pump and try feeding her with a bottle.

You’ll feel less guilty because she’ll still be getting milk, you won’t get so frustrated with trying to latch and you’ll ease your mastitis.

You are full of emotions and hormones right now, so you could be having a case of the baby blues.
If it carries on for a couple more weeks then perhaps it’s worth seeing your GP about PND.

It’s normal love. First 2 weeks is crazy hormones, sleep deprivation, recovery and emotions. If you are all alive you are doing brilliantly.

It’s difficult to advise of on BF as lots of women who stop feel they weren’t encouraged enough. Personally with number 1 I wish I’d stopped but I didn’t because of guilt. My best advice is to try to think back to how strongly you felt before the birth, if you weren’t bothered either way then there’s nothing wrong with stopping. If you felt really strongly that you wanted to do it then maybe give it a bit longer. it feels like the biggest decision in the world right now but in a year or so you really won’t think about it x

Crying in the first few weeks is so normal, you’ve got a massive hormone shift, you are sleep deprived and recovering physically.

Ive had 4 children and breastfed them all, with my first I should have stopped sooner for my mental health, I saw it as my duty to continue at whatever detriment to my own wellbeing. Just take it day by day, after 2 weeks or so it does all usually click but don’t break yourself getting to that point. Even if you give baby the odd bottle to just give yourself a break, I got a cheap wearable pump from Amazon which meant my supply wasn’t effected and it wasn’t a chore for me if I needed dh to give baby a bottle so I didn’t feel like keeping them alive was my sole responsibility.

Send your husband out for some formula you can get new born kits with bottled and sterile teats. Take your self to bed and hand baby to husband. I did the whole lactation consultant, tounge tie cut, syringe feeding, pumping, nipple shields the works none of it worked just made me ill, exhausted and stressed.

I cried inconsolably for weeks after my first baby was born and I seem to recall it really kicking in at around days 5 or 6. The Baby Blues really is a thing, and it's a real bugger.

Don't worry if you need to stop breastfeeding. Don't guilt trip yourself. You've already done very well there. I managed 4 days before jacking it in because it just didn't work for me.

Speak to your GP and/or midwife if you are really struggling. They have seen it all before and will watch that it doesn't continue and tip over into PND. Also, get as much help as you can from close family and friends. Sometimes just having some adult company can help a lot and be enough to save your sanity.

Personally, I would say that I was through the worst of it after about another month (my mother came to stay with me for two of those weeks, which really helped). Fingers crossed for you too.

Tell us where you are and someone will recommend a local lactation consultant to help you. You’re in the thick of it now as bf can be really tough at the start. No problem to use some formula in the interim til you get it sorted - if you decide to continue with bf. Basically how you’re feeling is very normal and it will soon get easier whatever you decide to do.

It's so normal, I remember wandering around the house just wailing 😭 You're absolutely exhausted, your body is a mess, your whole life as you knew it has changed, but do you know what, you can do it and you're going to be absolutely fine.

This too will pass, there is no shame in switching to bottle feeding, keep an eye on the crying and seek help if you goes past 'just' baby blues.

The best advice I ever got as a new mum was from a lovely health visitor who said "for God's sake just switch to formula". I had got myself into such a state and was juggling pumping and mastitis. Her words allowed me to release the guilt. You won't even think about how you fed your baby in a short few years time. What you will think about is how you bonded and enjoyed the precious early days. Mental health trumps everything. All the best x

This is very normal. I had similar issues breastfeeding and I tried to push through (even though I promised myself before I gave birth that I would stop if it wasn’t working). Mastitis is the worst, honestly I don’t think I’ve ever felt that sick and in pain! Try to be kind to yourself!!! Maybe have your baby checked for tongue tie / aby issues which may be causing the BF issues. If you want to switch to formula then do, honestly -look after you as happy mum is happy baby. If you want to carry on BF then know it does get easier as time goes on. But you need to do what’s best for you too.

Like everyone else has said, this is so normal! The midwives warned me that day 3 I would suddenly feel like the world had ended and they were absolutely right! Knowing that everyone feels this way doesn't really make it any easier in the moment though.

How did you feel about breastfeeding before your baby arrived? I, too, had a horrendous time with feeding in the first couple of weeks. It hurt so much and I sobbed every time my baby latched. She also kept struggling with her latch and I was so worried she wasn't getting enough milk. If breastfeeding was something you felt you really wanted to do, I really recommend pumping in the meantime, at least for a few feeds a day, to keep your milk supply up and your baby fed. Then, I'm the meantime, work with the GP and midwives to heal the mastitis, and seek a breastfeeding support group or lactation consultant. I used an online support group following an evidence based method (happy to share via PM if you wish). The pumping in the meantime gave me a break from the constant pain and awful feelings around every feeding time.

If, however, you didn't feel strongly about breastfeeding then there is absolutely nothing to feel bad about by switching your baby to formula. Your baby will still be nourished and fed and healthy and happy. It's so important to explore your own thoughts and feelings on feeding and make the decision that's best for you and your family.

Postpartum is such a vulnerable time as you adjust to this massive life change while also physically healing your body from the traumatic experience of birth. You will get through this

Wow, thank you so much for all your kind and reassuring words. It’s a relief to know this is normal and hopefully will pass. But I’ll definitely seek help if the feelings persist.

Baby was exclusively on formula all yesterday and I feel slightly better knowing she’s contented and fed and not anxious and dreading trying to feed her.

GP did give me antibiotics so feels like the mastitis has eased, they’re both now terribly engorged. I always told myself when pregnant that I’d give BF a go for a couple of weeks and if it wasn’t for me I’d give it up. Now she’s born though I feel a bit more precious about persisting with it, especially after so many people say it will get better with time and worth it in the end. Not sure it’s worth the detriment to my mental health, especially when husband goes back to work.

I have breast implants and was planning on exclusively pumping so at least she got my milk, but now even reluctant to do that after reading some posts about mothers rupturing their implant from pumping. The engorgement is so bad it feels like I’ve got two massive rocks for implants and can only sleep on my back.

I naively thought BF would be easy, but like lots of you said, a fed baby is a happy baby. ❤️

Congrats on your baby. And as so many posters already said....this is normal! I had forceps birth and ripped to bits - so feel your pain! Take it day by day - and if bf doesn't work then that's ok! I had to give up as it was mentally draining with a reflux baby. Do whatever helps YOU to recover. Happy mum means happy baby. You've got this'll

Giving my DS some formula saved the breastfeeding. He was so hungry and frantic. We carried on successfully mix-feeding for months.

Bravo! Happy mother = happy child and happy husband!

On day 6 pp my baby had lost almost 12 per cent of their body weight. He also had a tongue tie. I felt terrible about the weight loss. I didn’t cry, although I wanted to. I saw it as a problem that needed to be solved. I ate and drank properly and watched lots of videos and saw lots of breastfeeding supporters for advice. I worked really hard to feed him to build my supply - stayed up all night to do it, night after night. He regained his weight by 10 days and is now a chunk. Breastfeeding is not easy, it takes a lot of hard work and mental fortitude in the early days. I really really wanted to breastfeed, so I persevered and it worked out. If you don’t, that’s totally fine - we’re lucky to live in a world where formula exists. You don’t have to do it. But if you want to do it, reach out to your local breastfeeding support team for help.