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Postnatal health

As with all health-related issues, please seek advice from a RL health professional if you're worried about anything.

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Original poster

Midwife menace.

32 replies

CanIHaveAHolidayPlease · 06/10/2021 17:44

Long story short.... baby born Sunday and has been in intensive care since. (Not life threatening)
I was discharged from hospital but naturally spend as much time there as humanly possible.

Community Midwife (random Midwife, never met her before) rings my mobile today whilst I'm visiting new baby at the hospital and informs me that my home visits begin tomorrow so I will need to wait at home 9am -5pm for her to arrive. She is fully aware of our situation as she has my notes available. I asked her if an allocated time slot / appointment system is available to which she replies no. I am to wait in the house for up to 8 hours for her to turn up, the reason being "we have to check up on your health."

Now somebody tell me if I am being a hormonal diva... is this unreasonable? Would I be a complete diva to refuse to wait in all day? She may even arrive early, who knows? I want to spend every minute possible with my sick child.
I understand that it's her job and I could probably do with the support at the moment and that she has other patients to get to etc but quite frankly I don't want to sit twiddling my thumbs waiting for when it's convenient for her to show up!

I'm thinking of ringing her at 10am tomorrow morning to inform her I'll be going out.

I cannot see rationally at the moment so am aware I may sound like a complete nut job
Thanks

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

piscis · 06/10/2021 17:51

I think it is ridiculous given your circumstances, at least she should tell you between what times she is going to visit, say 10:00-12:00...without telling you an specific time. At least she should know in the morning if she is visiting am or pm. Ridiculous

theseriousmoonlight · 06/10/2021 17:52

You're not a nut job (although your hormones might be making you feel like one!) You're a mother who wants to spend time with her sick baby.

The midwife may have your notes available but might not have checked them. I'd ring and speak to them (or leave a message with them) in the morning explaining why you would prefer to see your baby in icu rather than spend the day waiting in your house.

I was in a similar situation with dd1 and my community midwives were able to work around me and my visits to nicu.

KaptainKaveman · 06/10/2021 17:52

I agree, ridiculous!

Canyoureallymakemethin · 06/10/2021 17:53

My grandson was on nicu for some time when he was born and all the midwife checks were done in the hospital.

Is is not right for her to expect you to be away from baby that long.

I would check with the hospital.

TyrannosaurusRights · 06/10/2021 17:54

Just say no.

If you ask in neonatal they may be able to arrange for one of the hospital midwives to do whatever checks are needed if they’re quiet while you’re visiting your baby.

Wnikat · 06/10/2021 17:54

Can’t she come to the hospital?

PricklesTheHedgehog · 06/10/2021 18:04

It's an unreasonable system. You could ask if the hospital can offer a midwife check. But they probably won't.

Congratulations on your new baby! Hope you bring them home soon.

burritofan · 06/10/2021 18:06

You’re not a hormonal diva. Be with your baby. Message her and say you want the check to be done at the hospital – it’s in the community, after all.

eurochick · 06/10/2021 18:12

Did you actually explain the situation? It's quite likely she hadn't read your notes before calling.

But it is obviously unreasonable to expect you to wait in all day.

GinIronic · 06/10/2021 18:14

The MW is being a jobsworth. Message her to say you are going to see your baby. If your health is so important, a MW can see you at the hospital. Engagement with the MW is optional and not compulsory.

ComDummings · 06/10/2021 18:20

That is awful! If she is not helpful (by giving you a time slot) I would be complaining to PALS about this.

grey12 · 06/10/2021 18:21

I would let her know what the visiting hours at the hospital are and say you'll be at home otherwise

lalalapurple · 06/10/2021 18:22

Of course it's unreasonable. I'd phone/leave a message and say you'll be at the hospital with your baby.

Crimblecrumble1990 · 06/10/2021 18:22

It's bonkers she would ask you to do that. Speak to the hospital - I was in a similar situation and they arranged for a midwife to come and fetch me from the NICU and check me over in a spare room. I never saw my community midwife.

Wigglegiggle0520 · 06/10/2021 18:23

I had the same OP. Sad to see nothing has changed.
She tried to imply I was refusing post natal care. Clearly I wasn’t, just prioritising my very sick premature baby.
I saw triage at the hospital for post natal care. They were disgusted and told me to make a complaint.

Toddlerteaplease · 06/10/2021 18:24

Could you ask the nurses on the NICU to arrange with a hospital midwife to check you out. It's what we go if we have newly delivered mums in hospital with their baby.

Dspx · 06/10/2021 18:25

That is ridiculous. When I had my little one I called the office at 8.30 and asked where I was on the list and they were able to give me a rough time. That might be an option for you ? X

Inthesameboatatmo · 06/10/2021 18:26

When my son was in nicu all my midwife checks were done in the hospital

FTEngineerM · 06/10/2021 18:27

Just don’t be there.. no drama, they’ll see you bc at hospital if it’s that important

Sunshinegirl82 · 06/10/2021 18:27

Congratulations on your baby OP, I hope they are home with you really soon.

I would speak to the NICU team and explain - they might be able to arrange something at the hospital for you. You could also just call the postnatal ward and explain, again they might be able to offer an alternative.

When I was worried that DS2 was jaundiced my CMW said she would rejig her list and come to us first to check him so I can't see why they can't do something similar in the circumstances.

FusciasBright21 · 06/10/2021 18:29

No need to go to PALS after one phone call just phone in the morning and let them know when you'll be leaving for NICU. They could do a check over the phone/arrange for it to be done in hospital. It's for your benefit not the midwives, particularly if you had a CS or issues such as raised BP. If you don't look after yourself you could end up being readmitted and potentially away from baby. You'll probably get a nicer midwife next time you phone anyway

Fieldings15 · 06/10/2021 18:30

When I was in a similar situation I was able to be checked at the hospital (after I'd been discharged) so definitely see if that's an option. Totally understandable to want to be with your baby. Hope they are allowed home soon xx

MissBPotter · 06/10/2021 18:32

I would just say no also. In my experience they do precisely nothing anyway, just ask you a few questions, which could be done on the phone. I mentioned that I was unsure how I was healing and they didn’t check me, just told me to ring the outpatients if I got even more concerned! Totally pointless and in your situation there is no way this is right.

Also, they didn’t even turn up on the first day they were supposed to for me, so I called at 6pm and they arrived the next day. That would be awful if that happened to you!!

Fupoffyagrasshole · 06/10/2021 18:45

Absolutely not ! Go Be with your child

Babyiwantabump · 06/10/2021 18:47

Sorry if this has already been said but you should be able to arrange for checks to be performed at the hospital and are absolutely in your right to refuse to wait at home . Go to the labour ward triage or even post natal ward and they should be able to arrange something!

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